Chapter 18
Carolyn’s eyes snapped open to the sound of Jocelyn’s crying. She pulled back the covers and half fell, half slid out of the bed. Her feet hit the ground hard. She turned fast to look at Gabe. Her thump had been loud enough to wake him. But he still slept soundly. He’d been so good about getting up with the baby, helping her take care of everything. He needed his sleep, too.
Carolyn crept into the baby’s room and picked up her crying daughter. She sat in the glider, and the crying stopped immediately once Jocelyn knew what was coming. She sucked away happily while Carolyn gazed down at her. So much had changed in the last few days.
They had this new little life to care for. Obviously, she was the biggest change. Instead of just focusing on each other, Carolyn and Gabe now took turns changing and rocking Jocelyn. They bathed her together, which had been fun if not messy. He brought her to Carolyn on many occasions for feeding. Gabe had become the perfect father and boyfriend. Not that he wasn’t great before, but now he was unbelievable.
Since the season had ended, he now had plenty of time off. They all even had a break from training, though he still liked to workout a few times a week. No sense in getting totally out of shape, he’d told her. He had gotten many calls from the media to do interviews, photoshoots, endorsements. He did once or two, but said the rest would wait a few weeks. He wanted to give them all of his attention right now.
And he did. Aside from his workouts and daily bear run, he was with her 100%. He cooked and cleaned and did the grocery shopping. Whatever she needed, he did. It was almost too much for her to handle. He was too perfect. The thought kept coming to her mind that he might be doing all of this for nothing. The second he found out it wasn’t his baby, he’d be gone and she’d be alone. It kept her up at nights. It filled her stomach with anxiety.
The envelope sat on the kitchen table like a death sentence to their happy life. She had called Kenny to tell him the baby was born and ask him to come and give his cheek swab. He would be there later that day. She had debated sending Gabe out with the baby just to avoid any further unpleasantness when he came, but Gabe refused to leave her alone with Kenny. She hoped there wouldn’t be a fight and that Kenny wouldn’t try to claim that Jocelyn looked like him, or worse, that he’d try to hurt her or take her. Everyone agreed, even her mother who had finally come to visit, and Gabe’s parents, that Jocelyn looked just like her. But Jocelyn’s father’s appearance was not easily detected. Carolyn had even taken a photo of Kenny and a photo of Gabe and one night when Gabe was sleeping, compared the two to the sleeping Jocelyn. But she wasn’t able to tell. All she knew was that when the results came back, things would either be even more perfect, or her world would collapse.
She’d prepared for either eventuality. If Jocelyn was Gabe’s, they’d likely be married, move into a huge house, and she’d be the wife of the biggest bear shifter football player in the league. They’d be rich, Gabe had said. And from the size of his first paycheck, which would arrive in the mail any day now, he was right. That was the life she wanted desperately. A life with him by her side.
But, if the worst happened and she was Kenny’s, Carolyn decided that she would move home with her mom. It was closer to Sam than she liked, and it was much too far away from Gabe. But it was far from Kenny, too. She guessed she would have to give him some sort of custody or visitation and she knew she’d need a good lawyer. She would make him pay child support, of course, and since he was also a pro ball player, it should be enough for her to live on without having to work and put Jocelyn in daycare. It would be a help to her mother, too, if she could pick up most of the household bills.
But that was not the life she wanted. Not at all. She loved Gabe, and had felt like she was living in a bubble of pure joy the last days. But bubbles were fragile and easily burst. She prayed every night that the results would say Gabe was the father. She cried to God to forgive her of her mistake and for causing this mess in the first place. But Gabe felt like a blessing, and she hoped God had sent him to her for a reason—that he would be the one.
When Jocelyn had finished eating and Carolyn had put her to her shoulder to burp her, she set her back down in the crib and watched her drift off to sleep for a few minutes before returning to bed.
She slipped between her sheets, curling up close to Gabe, and it felt like only minutes passed before she was woken again by Jocelyn’s screams. By now it was morning, though. Gabe stretched and got out of bed.
“I’ll get her,” he said. A minute later, he came into the room with the baby and sat in bed while Carolyn fed her.
They got up and started their day. This routine was still new to them, but had become increasingly familiar. Gabe went to make breakfast while Carolyn got Jocelyn settled in her bouncy seat in the living room while she folded yesterday’s laundry.
The breakfast dishes were in the sink and Jocelyn had just drifted into a nap when there was a knock at the door. They exchanged glances. It had to be Kenny.
“I’ll get it,” Gabe said.
She expected to see Kenny walk into the living room, but instead, she heard Gabe gasp.
“Sam?” he said.
Her head snapped up. Sam was standing in their apartment, staring at her. He looked at the floor, where Jocelyn was napping on a soft blanket.
“What are you doing here?” Carolyn asked, getting to her feet.
“Came to see you and… the baby.”
“Well, you saw us, now go.”
Gabe stood off to the side, arms crossed, ready to fight if need be. She looked to him, pleading with her eyes for help.
Sam stood there, staring at the baby. “I could be a good father,” he whispered.
She took a step closer to Jocelyn, but Gabe was faster. He scooped the sleeping baby into his arms and stepped back. “Not to this baby, you won’t.”
“Sam, please. Just sign the papers so we can be divorced.”
“Why, so you can marry him?” Sam pointed an accusing finger at Gabe.
Carolyn shrugged. “Maybe some day.”
“You’re not wearing a ring. Why are you in such a hurry?”
“I want to move on. Our marriage ended a long time ago. There’s no reason to delay things.”
“You might change your mind. You don’t know. Maybe you won’t like being the little wife to a ball player. He’ll be gone all the time, leaving you with this baby all alone. Is that what you want?”
She nodded. “It is, actually. I’d rather be with Gabe, even if he’s traveling a lot. It’s over with us, Sam. Why can’t you understand that? Let me go.”
Sam tightened his jaw. He looked from Carolyn to Gabe and back. “I’ll be at the motel down the street for the night. But I’m leaving at 10 a.m. You have until then to meet me, then I’m gone forever. I won’t take you back next time, Care. I swear.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “10 a.m. Got it.” Better to let him think she was actually considering it for even a second, than to tell him she’d be relieved when it was 10:01 and he was out of the city.
He turned to leave, but stopped with his hand on the doorknob. “I love you. I just want what’s best for you.”
“I know. Thank you. Bye, Sam.”
“Bye.”
He left and Gabe went to lock the door behind him, using one arm while still cradling Jocelyn in the other.
“I was ready to jump down the fire escape with her if he was going to try to take her,” Gabe said.
“I don’t think he would do that. He wants me, not the baby necessarily. Me and the baby, I guess.”
Gabe wrapped one arm around her and pulled her in so they were in a three-way hug. “Do you think he’ll cause any trouble?”
“I don’t know.” Her voice wavered. “If he’s sober, no, but if he’s drinking? He might do everything he can to destroy my life. I love what we have here, Gabe. I wish he’d just sign the papers already instead of just being there, looming in the background like this beast that could strike at any moment.”
“Me too.” He kissed the top of her head. “And Kenny will be coming any moment. Seems like everyone is trying to tear our family apart.”
“Yeah, it’s all my fault.”
“Don’t say that. We all make bad choices.”
“But mine are affecting us all. I hate it. I hate what I’m doing to you. I know how this must be hurting you because it’s hurting me. I can’t even breathe sometimes, wondering what will happen. If Sam will come and try to pull some legal crap, if Kenny…” She didn’t even want to say the words. Thinking Jocelyn might be Kenny’s was bad enough, twisted her stomach enough. Saying the words right now would make it too real.
“We’ll get through it. I don’t know how, but we’ll figure out a way. I won’t stop until I know we’re all safe and together.”
Carolyn reached up on her toes to kiss him. Then she whispered, “I can’t wait until the six weeks are over. I want you so bad.”
He was instantly hard, but then there was another knock on the door. He growled. “I want you, too,” he said quietly. “So bad.”
She reached down and squeezed him and he moaned. She gave him a half smile. “Better go get the door.”
She took Jocelyn from his arms and he paused before unlocking the door. “Who is it?”
“Kenny.”
He opened the door a crack, then more once he was sure only Kenny stood outside. Who knew if Sam would hang around, lurking.
Kenny stepped inside and stared at Carolyn, wide eyed. “Is that her?”
She nodded.
He inched closer, like he was afraid of her. “Can I hold her?”
Carolyn shifted uncomfortably, but figured it couldn’t do much harm. Gabe had closed the door and stood by it, so it wasn’t like he could take the baby and run off with her.
She handed the baby to him. He reached out clumsily and didn’t support her head enough. Jocelyn woke and started crying.
“Geez, Kenny. Don’t you know how to hold a baby? You have to support their heads.” Carolyn took her back and bounced her until she quieted again. This time, she made him put his arms into a cradle that she placed Jocelyn carefully into. She hovered, ready to catch her if he should drop her.
“I got it,” he snapped.
He was probably embarrassed. He should be. The nerve of him, demanding to come over like this.
“Umm,” Kenny said. His face twisted in disgust.
“What?” Carolyn asked.
“She smells.”
Carolyn rolled her eyes and sniffed Jocelyn’s bottom. Yup. She needed a new diaper.
“I got it.” Gabe took her from Kenny, as much an expert in handling her as he was in handling the ball on the field.
He took her to the changing table shoved against the wall. They really needed a place with more room. Carolyn watched with a smile as Gabe peeled off her old diaper. It was full of poo and the room stunk with it. But Gabe made silly faces at the baby, like he always did, making her wiggle and make happy gurgling noises as he tickled her.
He wrapped the diaper up and Carolyn took it from him, then shoved it into the Diaper Genie. The smell seemed to vanish. That thing really was magic.
She noticed Kenny watching Gabe, who was now smearing a white cream on her bottom before leaning down to blow raspberries on her tummy. She reacted with another little gurgle sound. When she learned how to laugh, this would make her crack up, surely.
Gabe finished and redressed her, then held her on his shoulder, like he’d done this for years. “You want to hold her again?”
Kenny shook his head. “So, how are things?”
“Good,” Carolyn said.
“Is she sleeping all night and everything?”
Carolyn made an incredulous face. “No. Babies usually don’t do that for several weeks or months.”
“Oh.” Kenny looked down at his hands.
“Did you even bother to read a single book on babies?” Gabe asked. “A blog article? Something?”
“Hey man, it’s been busy getting ready for the big game and all.”
“Right. Yet somehow, I found time to read four books about pregnancy, birth, and babies.”
Kenny’s eyes narrowed. “I can learn. It can’t be that hard.”
“You think?”
Gabe handed the baby to him. He took her and got her settled, but still looked uncomfortable holding her.
“You can change the next diaper,” Gabe said. “Or maybe give her a bath, or get up in the middle of the night with her to rock her back to sleep.”
“I would do all that. Carolyn can come stay with me and I’ll do all that.”
“Not a chance,” she said.
“My place is much bigger.” Kenny made a disgusted face as he looked around.
“We’re looking for a new place.” Though it had been going much slower than she thought it would. She suspected that maybe Gabe either consciously or subconsciously was waiting to make sure she was his before he bought a big family house. If it was going to be just him, he would’t need all the room a growing family would.
“When will we find out if she’s mine?” Kenny asked.
Gabe stiffened. Carolyn went to get the envelope. She took out the pieces and read the directions one more time. She did not want to mess this up.
She first swabbed her own mouth, dropping the cotton swab into the baggie marked with her name and zipping it closed. Then, she did Gabe’s and Kenny’s and finally, Jocelyn’s. She tucked everything back into the envelope and sealed it up.
“I’ll send it tomorrow,” she said. “Just takes a few weeks and we’ll know.”
“And then what? You’ll move in with me?” Kenny asked.
“No. Then nothing. Then you’ll know and that’s it.”
“You’ll have to let me see her.”
“I guess we’ll let the lawyers figure that all out,” Gabe said. “I think you’ve stayed long enough.” He reached forward and took the baby back from him.
Kenny glared at him before turning and shutting the door too hard behind him.
Carolyn shook her head. “I must’ve been really drunk when I slept with him. He’s a nightmare.”
“I think he’s gotten worse.”
Carolyn walked over to Gabe and put her hand back on his crotch. His hard-on had faded, but he shifted at her touch.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he said.
“Who said I won’t finish it? Just because we can’t have sex doesn’t mean we can’t do other things.”
She unzipped his jeans and pulled his erection free.
“Wait,” he said. He placed Jocelyn in her bouncy chair, then turned her so she wasn’t facing them.
“I don’t think she’ll have any idea what’s going on,” Carolyn said. She took him into her mouth.
“Maybe not, but still.” He moaned and let one hand fall to her head, resting there gently. “You’re so good at that.”
She worked him up and down, squeezing and stroking his base as she sucked and licked. He groaned loader until he emptied himself into her mouth. She swallowed and stood to kiss him.
“You’re the best,” he said.
“Not compared to you.”