I woke up the next morning feeling sort of hungover after a night spent alternately bawling my eyes out and then passing out exhausted. But worse than that, I also woke up with the entire conversation with Mike playing out in my head and in the clear light of morning, I realized I’d missed an entire piece of it.

A really important piece.

I was afraid I was too weak, he’d said. And he’d been worried about losing me to someone else because he was less successful, less rich, less well known than other people he’d met in L.A. I didn’t know who he’d met out there—he’d always seemed so confident to me, I’d never even dreamed that there might be someone who could make him feel like less.

If I’d just listened when he was talking, instead of letting myself get all wrapped up in my emotions…

I tossed the bedclothes off and threw on the first things that I put my hands on, then bolted up the stairs. I needed to talk to him, to find out exactly what it was he’d been trying to say to me last night. I had to know whether I’d been right then, or if I was right now.

The house was empty, thankfully. I didn't want anyone trying to talk me out of this. Mom was so done with Mike after last night and I wasn't sure it was going to be either easy or straightforward to convince her it was me that had made the mistake. So I went with a strategy that had worked well for me in the past—I'd just go ahead with my plan and beg forgiveness after. I didn't even stop to eat, just jumped into the car and drove to Mike's parents' house, chewing my lip until I tasted blood and hoping that Mike hadn't given up on me and gone back to L.A. early.

It felt like deja-vu. I knocked on the door and Mike's dad answered again. "Lew?" he said, surprised.

I nodded. "Mike's still here?"

"He's in bed. What happened between you two last night? I've never seen him like this."

"I thought I was listening to him, but I wasn't. Can I come in?"

"Do you want me to go get him up?"

Oh. "Do you mind if I do it myself?" I made a face to hide the fact that I was on the edge of bursting into tears again, this time with relief. "If I'm going to have to grovel, I kind of don't want an audience."

He laughed then, a real laugh. "Don't grovel too much, you're still more the sinned against than the sinner. Go on, then. I'll be out on the deck having my coffee if you need me."

"Thank you," I said with a serious amount of emotion and slipped past him and down the hallway to Mike's bedroom.

I stopped in the doorway and just looked at him without thinking about our history for probably the first time since he'd come home. The dark hair and broad shoulders, the slim hips and the high arch of the soles of his feet. He'd put on muscle and I chewed my lip again so I wouldn't just put my hands on it to find out what it felt like. I didn't have that right. Yet. Hopefully he'd give it back to me again after I'd apologized.

"Hey, Mike." I touched his shoulder with the tips of my fingers and gave him a little shake. "Wake up." Up close, I could smell that particular sourness in his sweat that meant he'd been drinking. Which meant that he’d been real upset when he got home last night.

Which also meant that waking him up wasn't probably a good plan for having a reasonable conversation.

I could go away and come back later...

Or... I could do the most absolutely stupid thing in the world and kick off my shoes, then crawl under the sheets and nap with him until he woke up on his own. Maybe he'd be so surprised he'd forget to be mad at me and I could apologize for ignoring him last night.

My skin remembered lying in bed with him, or on a blanket in the park while we enjoyed our last few days together before he moved away. He’d hold me like we’d never be separated, like he’d fight for me before he’d lose me.

Only he’d been the one to let me go. And now that he was reaching for me again, I was afraid to reach back. And afraid not to, as well.

What a mess.

His arm curled around my waist like it hadn't been five years since the last time we'd laid down together. I pressed my back against his chest and felt him bury his nose in my hair. He took deep breath and sighed and then his whole body went limp with contentment. I snuggled into him and pulled his arm tighter around me, then let my eyes drift closed on a dream of a future that could, maybe, hold many more mornings like this.