The funeral went off smoothly and by noon we were standing in the graveyard while security kept the photographers at bay so we could have some peace as the last words were said over Grandma's coffin.

It was covered in red roses—her favorite flowers. The bouquets and baskets from the funeral home were set all around the head of the grave, almost like a garden. I didn't really believe that she was up there looking down on us, but I still took comfort from knowing that people cared enough to make sure her leaving us was as covered in beautiful things as her life had been.

Well, that's what I told myself.

Eventually the service ended and we began drifting away in clumps and pairs, back to cars, down rows of graves to visit others who had already passed, to catch up with people we hadn't seen in ages.

The only person I wanted to catch up with was Lew, but I didn't think he'd want to talk to me. What would I say anyway?

There was a bench off to one side, almost hidden in among a clump of blue-tinged spruce trees at the end of the path. I slipped away, grateful for the quiet, and closed my eyes in the cool shade of the trees. It was going to be different going forward.

I wasn't certain how long I sat there—not very, I thought. The soft crunch of footsteps on gravel made me frown irritably. And then I heard Lew say, "I wasn't going to come. But I wasn't going to let you take this last chance from me either."

My eyes snapped open and I found him standing at the end of the bench in a newer, darker suit, hands jammed in his pockets. His eyes were red, and I could see the salt tracks of some recent tears. "Thanks for coming," I mumbled and looked away. I expected he'd leave then, having had his revenge or whatever this was, but I guessed he wasn't finished with me yet because he crossed the two feet between him and the bench and sat down at the far end.

"I loved her too, you know," he said, a hint of defiance in his voice.

"I never said you didn't."

He was quiet for a moment, then he sighed. "No, I don't suppose you did." He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, hands clasped tightly together. "She was really proud of you. Right up until the end."

"She called me," I said softly. "Week before last. Asked me to come home and see her. I was still filming and trying to close a deal on a part, a make-or-break part for me. She was so good about it." I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "I wish I'd known."

"You never know for sure," he said softly and then I heard the rustle of cloth as he moved closer and his hand was on my shoulder. "Death is a strange thing."

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice gone throaty and liquidy as I fought back a full-on bawling session. I was apologizing to her and, I realized, I was apologizing to him.

He put his arm around me and let me hide my face against the shoulder of his suit jacket. "She understood, you know. She told me, just the day before she went, how proud she was of you. How you were following in her footsteps and not making all the mistakes she'd made. She missed you, yes, but she would have been unhappy if you'd given up a big film role to come visit her. She was always, right up to the end, an actress, heart and soul."

Tentatively, afraid he'd push me away, I put my arm around his waist and just held on, breathing his scent, listening to the steady beat of his heart until his own calm helped me bring my emotions into a little better order.

When I lifted my head, he was ready with a slightly crumpled tissue and handed it to me. "Wipe your eyes. You look like shit. Maddie'd have a canary if she saw that."

I did as I was told and only then realized that I'd left a damp patch on the lapel of his suit. "Sorry."

He glanced down at it and shrugged. "It's okay. She deserves a few tears." His own eyes were still red and my heart gave a tiny lurch realizing that he'd lost someone important to him as well, that it wasn't just me and my family. His arm was still around me and I didn't know why I thought it was a good idea, but I tilted toward him, my eyes fixed on his mouth.

He leaned away and put a hand up between us, and the arm around my back disappeared. "Sympathy doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you. You have no right to make that assumption." The sharp snap of anger was back in his voice and I realized I'd blown it. Again.

Fuck, could I get any stupider?

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that," I admitted. "I guess I just miss you."

He made a noise that might have been a snarl and stood up. I thought for a second he might say something; I hoped he would, I sure as hell didn't know what to say now. But instead he just closed his eyes and made a gesture with his hands like he was telling someone to calm down. Probably himself. "I'm going to leave," he said, proving me right, "before I say something we'll both regret."

I could only watch him go for about three steps before I had to stop him. "Lew! Wait!"

He paused but didn't look back. "There isn't anything to say. I know I don't stack up beside those Hollywood types. I'm not blond, I don't have big boobs or muscled arms or a chiseled jaw. I'm just me. And I'm fine being me. I can't be Hollywood for you."

"I don't want Hollywood." I scrambled to put all my thoughts together in a brain that just didn’t seem to want to work, but I was discovering that absolute terror was a pretty darn good motivator. "And blonds really aren't my type. Big muscled guys either. Makes me feel like a midget."

"I remember the blonde you were all over the night you dumped me," he said in a quiet, dangerous voice. "On the TV. She seemed like your type then."

Oh, fuck. That would explain the bonfire. "She was—not an escort. I was sort of set up with her by my agent. To make me look more legitimate. I think she did some modelling. I had to pay her that night."

"I hope you at least got laid." Lew's voice was still tight, but not quite as angry as it had been before.

"Not a bit," I said with as cheerful a tone as I could manage. "She dumped me out of her car about five blocks down after the premier."

"Oh." Lew glanced back at me over his shoulder, his expression doubtful and more than a little cynical. "She wasn't the only one though."

"No." I wasn't going to lie to him. Not now, when I thought, maybe... he might be listening? "No, she wasn't." I licked my lips and cleared a throat gone suddenly dry. "Look, I let them get into my head, tell me things that weren’t really true." And the biggest shame. "I let them convince me that you were going to hold me back."

Lew whirled and pushed me and I stumbled against one of the trees, half falling, half sliding down the trunk. "You fucking bastard," he hissed. “You ever-loving bastard. Do you even have a clue just how big a bastard you are?”

He stood over me, fierce as any alpha, and I nodded dumbly. He was right. Lew was always right. It had been the central tenet of our relationship, and one of our biggest in-jokes too.

"What are you laughing about?" he asked suspiciously.

The corner of my mouth twitched again. "I was thinking you were right. That you were always right. Even when you weren't, and then you'd just make yourself right." If he couldn't twist your brain up with his logic, he'd fight for his right to always be... well, right. And win too.

Now the other side of my mouth was twitching. Man, what I wouldn't give to see Lew again on one of his rampages.

His eyes widened. For a second I thought I was going to get one, but he only crossed his arms over his chest again and looked baffled. "You do remember I'm mad at you, right?"

I nodded. "You are the most infuriating omega in the world, and it didn't matter who I was with out there, because none of them held a candle to you."

He lifted his chin warily. "Even the blonds?"

Carefully, because I didn't want to startle him, I used the tree to pull myself to my feet. "I'm more into brunets," I confessed.

His eyes narrowed. "Don't even think about it. You dumped me, remember?"

I nodded. "Stupid, wasn't I?" I held my breath and waited. I could grovel some more if I needed to.

"You were," he said slowly. "I'm not going to go out with you again."

"If I promise that I'm less stupid now?"

"Are you?"

But I saw his lip quiver and I could tell he was working hard not to smile. As quick as he’d blow up on you, his temper always cooled pretty soon after. And he had a fantastic sense of humor. I’d used it to get myself out of trouble with him any number of times. "Just a little. I can't promise not to be stupid still, but I learned a few things."

The humor disappeared and he stood there staring at me without saying a word. My heart beat a million times while I waited and at the same time, it was like the world stood still, like one of those tableau scenes in the movies.

Sadly, he shook his head. "I don't trust you, though, Mike. How can I? You were my first and only. You promised to be my husband. I was pricing wedding venues and sampling cake. And then you dumped me. Over the phone. While I was wearing your engagement ring." There was no humor now, just a hurt that stretched all the way to his bones and back five years.

"So there's no chance at all?"

He threw his hands up in the air and turned away. "What do you expect? That you'd come home and I'd just fall into your arms? That you could just apologize and that would wipe out five years of that old gossip getting trotted out every time I tried to do anything with my life? There isn't an alpha in this town that doesn't treat me like dirt, because either I'm crazy or I'm easy." He turned back around. "I'm neither."

"I never thought you were." I looked down at the ground and kicked at a stone half-buried in the dirt by my feet. "I know it's my fault. I'm sorry I didn't come home earlier." Understanding bloomed in my brain and I jerked my head up, staring at him open-mouthed. "I just realized something."

"Good. It can go with me realizing this is a waste of time." He turned to leave and I lunged forward to grab his arm.

"No, wait!"

He shook me off and threw a wild punch at me, which I’d been half-expecting so I ducked and his fist flew over my head. I was starting to regret my earlier wish to see Lew go ballistic again—it wasn't as funny as I remembered.

"Lew!" I grabbed him and pulled him into my arms and we swayed wildly in place before we overbalanced and landed on the ground.

Lew was on his feet almost immediately, storming away up the path. "Don't you touch me!"

I stopped in the middle of the path, only now seeing the eyes turning our way. If I didn't want to make him the center of attention again, I had to let him go.

And watch all my happiness go with him. Because the thing I'd realized had been that my reason for not coming home was that I'd been afraid to face him.

And now that I'd faced him, I was terrified to leave without him.