I was waiting at the gate in the Austin airport when I realized that I hadn’t told Annie and Kyle I was leaving early. I called Annie with trembling fingers.

“Hi Rae. What’s up?”

“I’ve fucked up big time.” That wasn’t at all what I meant to say, but it just came out my mouth of its own volition.

“Hold on,” Annie said. I heard some rustling before she spoke again. “I just went outside so we’d have some privacy. Are you doing ok?”

I’d reached my breaking point. “Not really.” I hated that I was having this conversation in an airport, surrounded by strangers. I could feel people looking at me, and I got up and walked to the bathroom. My eyes burned. “I think I fell in love with our client. And now he hates me.” A hot tear tore through my carefully applied mascara. I felt it sliding down my face.

“Oh, Rae. It’s going to be ok.” Annie’s voice was comforting. My head was painful and pounding. I locked myself in a bathroom stall and the tears started falling the moment I was alone.

“No. It’s not going to be ok at all. I guess I should tell you that I told Lucas what Azure Group is going to do. I don’t even know if he’ll show up to the closing tomorrow.” My voice came out in shuddering gasps.

“Rae, the deal doesn’t matter.” She paused for a moment. “You fell in love with him? With Lucas? It wasn’t just a fling?”

I nodded, although of course she couldn’t see it. “Yes. It was all supposed to be a lie, but I’m a bad liar. It didn’t stay pretend for very long.”

You never wanted it to be pretend. You always wanted it to be real.

“What do you mean Rae? Why was it supposed to be pretend?”

There was no point in lying to Annie now. “Lucas and I had a deal. Not the deal with Azure Group. Our own deal. I was going to pretend to be his girlfriend, so he could win his ex-girlfriend back. In exchange, he would make everything easy on us and sell for a good price. But then everything spun out of control, and his ex is a rockstar and Azure Group is evil and now I’m in love with him, but he still wants his ex.”

God, it sounded like a stupid story. I really should have seen this coming.

“Wow,” Annie said after a second to digest everything. “Oh Rae, I’m so sorry. I can tell you’re really upset.”

“It’s all my fault,” I told her. I was seriously ugly crying now. “I really shouldn’t have even considered Lucas’ offer. Who pretends to be someone’s girlfriend? That’s really crazy, right? I just wanted to finally get ahead at Azure Group. I knew that if I made this deal work that Cliff wouldn’t be my boss anymore and he’s just such a dick and then I was in love with Lucas and he seemed like he was in love with me…” I trained off, choking back tears. “He’s not though. He’s not in love with me. He still loves her.”

“Oh, no. Its ok Rae,” Annie was saying. “It’s all going to be ok.”

I swallowed hard and tried to regain my composure. This was not how I expected this call to go with Annie. “I’m sorry to unload all this on you. It’s so unprofessional.”

I could almost see her shaking her head at me. “We’re friends, Rae. You don’t have to be professional with me.”

“I’m just so embarrassed by all of this,” I admitted.

“Remember that time I got food poisoning in Iowa and you came to my hotel room and fed me Gatorade through a straw while I was sitting on the toilet?”

I paused. “Yeah.” Poor Annie. She’d eaten some really sketchy Indian food and it did not agree with her at all. We’d ended up in an urgent care facility at three in the morning. Half the restaurant was in there with us. I’d never been so glad to dislike curry.

“That was unprofessional and embarrassing.” Her giggle came through the phone and it was just enough to make my lips curl up into a smile. “Look, I’m glad you told me. It’s not good to keep things like that bottled up inside.”

“I’m so good at keeping things bottled though.” It was like my superpower. I was so good at not complaining that I’d really screwed myself over this time.

“Until you boil over and explode.”

“Yeah.”

“Would you mind if I asked a couple of questions?” Annie’s voice was careful. She probably didn’t want me to start sobbing again.

“Feel free,” I told her. I wasn’t exactly surprised that she’d be confused. I hadn’t explained the situation very well.

“So, Lucas wanted you to pretend to be his girlfriend to get his ex back?”

“Yes.”

“But you two ended up sleeping together instead?”

I sighed. “Right again.”

“And you’re in love with him?”

“I think so, yes.”

If it wasn’t love that I was feeling, I didn’t know what it was. I’d never felt so turned inside out.

“Is Lucas in love with you?”

I wish.

“He’s in love with his ex. He said that he cared about me too, but I don’t think he realizes how hung up on her he is. He’s clearly still in love with her.”

“So, what are you going to do now?”

“I’m going home. I’m about to get on the plane. That was, um, actually the reason that I was calling in the first place.” Way back when I wasn’t a weeping, emotional mess.

“To tell me you were going home?”

“Yeah.”

“Rae, I think you should consider that Lucas might be as confused as you are.” Annie’s voice was careful.

“Maybe, but he’s better off without me. I kept the truth about Azure Group from him. I told him, but probably much too late. I betrayed him.” My heart hurt.

“No, you didn’t. You did your job. You two were doing business together.”

“I hate my job.”

I heard Annie laugh in the background. “I know the feeling.”

“I just want to go home and sleep for a week.” I pinched the bridge of my nose but it did nothing to help my headache.

“So, go home and sleep for a week. The world will work itself out.”

“Hey Annie?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a really good friend. Thanks for listening to my meltdown.”

“What else are friends for?”

It was raining cats and dogs in New York. My flight was delayed by the bad weather, and we circled high above the clouds for hours. I wished I could just fly up above the tempest that was raging in me. Instead, I was trapped inside the roiling storm.

Rationally, I knew that Lucas would do what he would do. He was a smart man. Hell, he was a genuine, certified genius. If he couldn’t figure this situation out, I knew I had no chance of it. The entire problem was out of my hands now. I wished I could put it out of my mind, too, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d said to him.

I hadn’t pulled any punches in that elevator. Lucas probably thought I was cruel now, and not worth the effort. Maybe I deserved to be hated for everything I’d done. But I thought Victoria did too. It bothered me a lot that I’d all but pushed them back together. He deserved so much more than either of us. He deserved someone good and pure and worthy of him.

If he wanted to, Lucas could easily cost me my job now. It would be a petty revenge, and an unequal one, but I wouldn’t blame him one bit if he called up McKenzie and told her every word of what I told him. I could only imagine that he had a few choice words for her, too. The truth was, I really didn’t care if I got fired. Besides, they couldn’t fire me. I quit.

While the plane was waiting to land, I emailed my letter of resignation to Azure Group. I’d thought that I wanted to be in charge of the acquisitions team, but I clearly wasn’t cut out for it. I was too soft. Lucas had given me a gift, in a fucked up, perverse way. He’d given me the gift of clarity, and with it, I was going to get the hell out of Azure Group while I still had half a soul to lose. I wouldn’t let them turn me into the type of person who fucks over innocent business owners like Lucas for the almighty dollar and feels nothing. At least I felt like shit. That must mean I still had some conscience left.

McKenzie could shove my promotion up her snotty ass. It simply wasn’t worth it to me. I told her as much in my rambling resignation letter.

… Nothing about this deal was made in good faith, and I resent that I was made into your pawn. I know that I can’t stop you from doing anything, but I can choose not to be a part of your organization anymore. I’ve shared your plan to scrap the Notable Match code with Stevenson. It was a hard thing to do since I’ve always been loyal to my employers, but it was the right thing to do and I can’t regret it. Please don’t take your anger out on Annie or Kyle, as they were not involved...

I copied Kyle and Annie on the message and hit send with a trembling finger and a generous sip of overpriced airplane gin. It didn’t make me feel better to tell McKenzie to go to hell. There was no righteous victory to be found for me anymore. I was complicit in the scheme to rob Lucas of the success he’d earned. His app deserved to be famous.

The one thing I could tell myself was that at least he’d have his money. I’d gone through the final closing documents and upped the purchase price by ten percent—back up to market price. Since the arrangement I’d made with Lucas was now null and void, it seemed only fair. Azure Group had agreed to the initial figure, so they could hardly complain. It made me feel the tiniest bit better to ensure that Lucas would at least be compensated properly.

The closing was at nine a.m. on Monday morning. Given that I’d emailed on a Sunday night, there was really no way for anyone to do a thing. Azure Group had already signed their side of the deal. All that was needed was for Lucas to show up and sign his side to release the funds sitting in escrow. Simultaneously, the source code and backups would be uploaded automatically from Lucas’ servers to Azure Group, giving them formal possession of what they already considered their property.

A light tap on my shoulder pulled me out of imaginings of the closing. A flight attendant was at my shoulder. She frowned at me like she’d been attempting to get my attention for some time. “Please put your tray table up, Miss. And power down your laptop as well. We’ll finally be landing soon.”

I nodded numbly. “Sorry.”

We began our descent into the storm.