I was hungry, it was dark, and I didn’t want takeout. That meant I had to go to the grocery store. After a day spent puttering around my apartment like a crazy person, I dressed and ventured out reluctantly. My mind could have spent forever recycling the same problems and fruitless solutions, but my stomach was a lot less patient. The only thing I had in my barren cupboard was cat food, and I wasn’t ready to stoop that low.

“Lucas! Lucas, wait for me!”

I froze mid-step in the lobby of my building. I know that voice. I’ll always know that voice. A moment later, a familiar face appeared next to me.

“Victoria what are you doing here?”

Victoria didn’t look her usual, polished self. Not remotely. Her makeup was smeared, and her nose was red. There was a tissue clutched in her left hand. She’d obviously been crying.

Because of me and Rae? Had she been crying over me?

“Lucas, I’m sorry for ambushing you like this. I just really need to talk to you.” Her voice shook, and her green eyes were wide and bloodshot.

I stared at her in disbelief. “Victoria? How long have you been waiting down here?”

“A while.” She looked down at her combat-booted feet. She stuffed her hands into the pockets of the fashionable pair of pink denim overalls she was wearing. A stray thought flickered through my mind that Rae wouldn’t be caught dead in those overalls. I beat it into submission. Rae was gone.

I wondered vaguely how long Victoria had been waiting in the lobby that she wasn’t willing to share. An hour? Two? Since she texted me before Rae left? That was around noon. It was now nearly seven p.m. My mind resisted my attempts to make sense of the situation.

“Why didn’t you come upstairs and knock on the door?” I asked her.

It wasn’t like she didn’t know where I lived. She’d lived there too, not that long ago. We’d picked it out together, during much happier times. She used to love it there.

Victoria’s bloodshot green eyes blinked, and then narrowed. “I didn’t know if Rae was there with you… I didn’t want to interrupt anything and I wanted to talk to you alone.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. So, I said nothing. Victoria frowned. Jealousy and dislike were clear on her face. I’d realized long ago that Victoria was the jealous type. She didn’t even like it when waitresses smiled at me in restaurants (and had gone off on women who hit on me before in fairly spectacular fashion once or twice). But what had once been vaguely charming and cute to me now felt cloying and obnoxious. I wasn’t her personal property. She had thrown me away. Rae also wasn’t her rival. There was no competition. And it wasn’t just because Rae was gone, either.

There was a time when I wouldn’t have considered this moment anything less than a total victory. But now, I felt… nothing. I looked at Victoria and felt absolutely fucking nothing. The emptiness in me was painless, but vast. I could imagine a tumbleweed slowly working its way across a huge, empty desert in my heart. It was too desolate on that barren landscape for any emotion to take hold. Certainly not the elation and love I ought to be feeling.

“I got your text,” I finally told Victoria. She stared at me like she was waiting for me to say something else, but I didn’t know what to say. There was nothing to say. This morning my entire life imploded. I didn’t want to use something so seismic as the double wounds of Azure Group and Rae to explain why I hadn’t returned her text for a lunch date. Besides, I wasn’t sure if returning her text was still something I wanted to do.

“I miss you, Lucas. I… I think that you and I should give it another shot. I still want you.” The words tumbled out of her mouth like she was tripping over them.

God, how many times had I dreamed of her saying that? At least a thousand times. So why did I feel nothing?

The moment stretched. It became awkward. We stared at each other across a gulf of unspoken pain and misplaced expectations. This wasn’t how I expected this to be.

The only thing I could think about was the first time she’d cheated on me. Well, it was the first time I knew that she’d cheated on me. It probably hadn’t been the actual first time. The feeling of shock and pain was palpable, even now. I may not be able to feel new things now that my heart was a lifeless desert, but I could remember them.

Betrayal is a memorable thing. I felt inadequate and small. Stupid and gullible. Transparent and paper thin. The pain lingered on and on, even after we fought, and I forgave her and tried to move on. It felt like someone had tied an incredibly heavy weight to my ankle and I was doomed to drag that pain of knowing she’d strayed around forever. No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape it. The idea that she might be causing that pain to someone else made my stomach cramp with physical discomfort.

“Did you break up with Kane?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

Her lips parted. It wasn’t what she expected me to say. “I will.” Her alto voice was strong and convincing. She probably believed it, too. But I knew better. She always sounded that way when she told me she’d never cheat again.

“Does he know where you are right now?”

Was he waiting in her bed? Or by the phone? Was he worried about her while she was barking up my tree?

She shook her head. “Jason’s at a gig. I had to talk to you. Lucas, please, talk to me.” She paused. “I can’t keep pretending like I’m happy for you and Rae. You’re meant to be with me, not her.”

“Do you love me, Victoria?” In my new, desert-like state, I could be direct.

“Yes.” She raised her chin up and stared me in the eye. “I love you. And I know that you still love me.” Her green eyes held no deceit that I could find. She was telling me the truth as she knew it.

I’d loved her. Now that I was a desert, I could view in hindsight what had not been clear to me when I was too lost in the thick of my emotions. I’d loved her. I’d loved her so much it was still not possible to quantify. But it was also past tense. I was no longer in love with Victoria.

I stared down at my feet. “I’m sorry Victoria. I can’t do this.” I didn’t want to see her face when I said it, but I couldn’t resist. I looked up to see disbelief on Victoria’s face. She shook her head.

“Why? Because of that girl? Rae?” She sneered.

That girl?

I resisted the impulse to roll my eyes at Victoria or snap at her. She was too vulnerable to make fun of, even though she’d laughed at my pain enough times. I wouldn’t stoop to her level. I wasn’t a cruel person, and I wouldn’t let her turn me into one.

“No Victoria. It’s not because of Rae. We aren’t together anymore, and trust me, our relationship was never what you thought. This is because of me.”

Once upon a time, Victoria and I had been right for each other. Victoria had been vivacious, fun, and creative. Back then, she’d been more empathetic and less narcissistic. She’d healed me when I was in a very dark and desolate place emotionally. I’d given her the structure and pragmatism she needed to grow and reach her potential. Our time together had been good for a long time. It was full of chemical excitement and hormonal overload. We’d been young. The problem was that we grew up. We grew into strangers that had nothing in common. I wanted to make it work, but she’d ultimately had the right idea. Not all love is meant to last. Now, for the first time, I was willing to accept that Victoria and I were done.

Wendy had told me that I needed to fight for true love. Fight for my soulmate. Fight for my happy ending. All of Wendy’s advice had been good, but none of it was about Victoria.

But Victoria was still attractive. I couldn’t deny it and wouldn’t ever try. Even now, with her mascara smeared underneath her eyes like war paint and her skin blotchy and red from crying, she was prettier than most women on their best day. Most women, however, weren’t Rae.

When I first met Rae, all I could think about was how much I wished she were Victoria. Now that I was finally face to face with Victoria again, and she was swearing that she still loved me, all I could think about was how much I wished she were Rae.

You’re the biggest fucking moron that has ever walked the earth, my heart whispered. You let Rae walk away from you. And for what?

“Where’s Kane’s gig tonight?” I asked her.

She frowned. “Houston. Why? Lucas, we need to talk. We were meant to be together.” She put a hand on my arm. “Let me convince you. You know that I can convince you.” Her voice had turned into that throaty purr that always turned me on. It did nothing for me now.

I shook my head at her. “No. I don’t want to be convinced. Look, I gotta go,” I told Victoria. “I’m sorry you waited so long for nothing.”

My words had more meanings than one. She’d waited too long to decide she wanted me. In the meantime, I’d fallen out of love with her. I was in love with someone else. Someone who really was right for me. It was time for me to take some action. I might not be able to save my company, but there was a chance that I could make Rae mine. And if it worked, I’d have Victoria to thank for it.