“Where did this come from?” Hilary asks when she finishes reading the letter I just handed over.

“It’s been coming. Now I’ve finished uni, it’s time to move on,” I say in the hope she believes me.

I got up bright and early this morning so I could beat everyone else in. I didn’t want to see anyone. I wanted to do this and get out—preferably without having to see or even have Lucas’ name mentioned. The girls said yesterday that he wasn’t there, so I was hopeful.

“We’re really going to miss you, Lilly.” Hilary says before giving me a hug. I feel myself tear up but I refuse to get emotional because that will lead to questions. I don’t need questions.

I feel like I’m at a complete loose end when I walk out of the hotel I’ve worked at for the last two and a half years. I may not know what I’m going to do now, but I do know that it needs to not be working there, where I have constant reminders of Lucas and risk running into him. Handing my notice in with immediate effect wasn’t a decision that took too long to make.

I walked out of that place with my head held high. I might not feel all that brave inside, but I wasn’t going to let anyone see that Lucas Dalton had broken me. I’m stronger and prouder than that. I’m a Morrison.

I walk down the street from the hotel and order myself a decaf tea and a Danish pastry. The smell of coffee, like always, settles my nerves about what I just did. I find myself a seat in the back corner where I have little chance of anyone spotting me and pull my phone out. I send a group text to Imogen and Eve to meet me here after their shift. When I saw them yesterday I had no clue I was going to leave, so now I think I owe them an explanation. And I’m sure they’ll have a load more questions to fire at me.

Deciding it’s probably about time to learn about this pregnancy thing, I pull up the app store on my phone. I remember Connie and Molly showing me one they had that tracked the baby’s progress, and it looked pretty helpful.

I find what I want and download it before putting all my details in.

I sit and look at the phone as it loads, and when an image appears of a baby, I have to fight the urge to puke. This is so surreal.

I look through everything I can find and by the time I’m finished, my tea is stone cold, but I have a bit more of a clue as to what’s going on inside my body. I roughly know what size they should be and how developed they are, along with all the really exciting things I should be expecting from my body. Nausea, headaches, bleeding gums, a change in sexual desire—well, that happened from the moment I got up close and personal to Lucas. I can only hope that it will decrease again now he’s gone, because I’m going to have an issue otherwise.

I feel the first waves of excitement about my pregnancy begin to bubble up as I sit and look at the app. So much so I decide to spend the rest of the morning while the girls are at work embracing it. I quickly eat my pastry and order another decaf tea to go before wandering down into town and looking around every shop that has either maternity or baby stuff in.

I buy myself some maternity leggings and a couple of tops but I don’t go crazy. Reading the app, it looks like my little tadpoles are going to do some serious growing in the next few weeks so I think another shopping trip will be in order before long. I’m achingly aware of my financial situation though, so I’m hoping I may be able to borrow some stuff from Molly or Connie to make it a little easier. Just thinking about how much stuff the babies are going to need brings me out in a sweat, especially as I’ve just jacked in my only source of income. I ask myself for the millionth time what I’m doing, but just like all the other times, I don’t have an answer.

I check the time on my phone and notice that Imogen and Eve should be finishing soon, so I grab my bags from the counter and begin walking back to the coffee shop. I stop at a cash point along the way to see how dire my situation is. I punch in my code and go to the balance area of the screen. I brace myself for how pathetic the amount is going to be, but when the figure appears my eyes nearly pop out of my head.

“What on earth?”

I cancel the transaction and pull my card out before marching inside the bank.

“Hi,” I say in a rush when I get greeted by the assistant behind the glass screen. “I think there’s been some error made on my account. I just checked my balance and it’s got over twenty thousand pounds in it. I was expecting a couple of thousand at best.”

“Okay, let’s have a look. Pop your card into the machine.” I do as I’m told and wait while she clicks around on her computer. “No, that seems to be correct, Miss Morrison. A payment was made into your account from an L Dalton about an hour ago, with a reference of babies.” I lean forward with my elbow on the small counter and put my face in my hands. “Are you okay, Madam?” the assistant asks.

I lift my eyes and look at her though my fingers as I think about my answer. “Yes, I’m fine,” is what I go for in the end as I pull my card out and walk away.

I don’t know why I’m so shocked really. I almost feel stupid for not expecting something like this. Lucas isn’t a horrible person. He wouldn’t allow me to struggle. His presence would be much better than his money, mind you. She said the money only went in an hour ago, so I’m presuming he already knows about my resignation.

I find myself an empty bench outside the bank, pull my phone from my bag and dial his number. Just like all the other times, it goes straight to voicemail. Red smoke descends around me as his voice enters my brain.

“Lucas,” I bark, sounding very unlike me, “you’d better ring me back when you get this. I’m outside the bank. What the hell do you think you’re playing at? You don’t get to just throw money at me in an attempt to clear your conscience. Money will not solve any of this. If you don’t want anything to do with me and your babies, then that’s fine, but at least have the decency to show your face and tell me in person. You don’t get to buy me off, Lucas. You are just as much to blame for this situation as I am, so stop running away.” I end the call with a sharp stab to my screen. I lower my hand and see that it’s shaking. I’m so angry with him. How dare he treat me like this?

I’ve calmed down slightly when I get back to the coffee shop. I’m late though, so Imogen and Eve are already sat at a table with my tea. I plonk myself down in the seat and hold the mug in the palms of my hands, letting the heat soothe me.

“What’s happened now, and why have you jacked your job in?”

I explain to Imogen and Eve the best I can, but it’s hard when I really have no idea myself what I’m doing. They both look concerned, but don’t question my decision.

* * *

I pull into my space outside our building just as an ambulance pulls in. My nosiness gets the better of me and I sit and wait to see what’s going on. When I see paramedics wheel my elderly upstairs neighbour out of the back, I rush out of the car. Shelia has lived upstairs forever. I thought it had been quiet the last few days. I guess this explains it. As they turn the wheelchair around, I see that she has a cast on her leg.

“Lilly, my dear, how are you?” she asks with a smile as I rush over.

“I’m fine, what have you done?

“Oh, I slipped in the bathroom a few days ago and broke my damn ankle. On the plus side though, I’ve had a lovely young nurse looking after me,” she says with a wink that makes me smile.

Shelia and her husband never had any kids. She’s been alone since he died a few years ago. Taylor and I try to stop in and see her every now and then. I feel awful that I got swept away by Lucas and haven’t managed to see her.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to come up and help get you settled in. Perhaps I can bake something for you?”

“That would be lovely, dear.”

I’m thrilled she says yes, because it means I’ll have something to focus on for the next few hours.

The second I step into her flat, I realise that she might need a little more doing than just a pot of tea and a cake. The shock on my face must be evident as I look around, because Sheila cringes before saying, “Things have got a little on top of me recently.”

I just about manage not to say, you’re telling me. Instead I go with, “We can get it sorted in no time.”

I spend the afternoon making some space in her living room so she can sit comfortably before blitzing the kitchen. It’s a health hazard. By the time I’ve finished, every surface is gleaming and I’m brave enough to grab some ingredients from my flat and make Shelia her favourite lemon drizzle cake.

“You really didn’t need to do all of this. I would have got to it.”

“Shelia, you have a broken ankle,” I point out in case she’s forgotten already. “Plus, I’m more than happy to help. I actually needed the distraction.”

“Oh,” she says, prompting me to spill.

“It’s a long story and you look like you need to have an early night,” I say in the hope getting out of talking about it any more today. “I’ll come back in the morning to finish the living room if that’s okay with you.”

“Don’t you have your job at the hotel?”

“Uh…no, I actually handed my notice in. I’m free.”

“Only if you’re sure. I don’t want to take up your time.”

“I’m more than happy, Shelia.”

After helping her to her bed, I leave her to it and head back downstairs. I see a parcel sitting in the middle of the sofa the second I walk in. It’s wrapped perfectly and has Taylor’s name written all over it with its pink and blue ribbons hanging from it. I carefully open it open and I almost cry with relief when I see an entire box of my favourite Teapigs tea bags staring back at me. The only difference to my usual order is that every single one in here is decaf. I make myself a quick pasta dish for dinner, seeing as Taylor is nowhere to be seen, before falling into my bed with a mug of rhubarb and ginger tea and a pregnancy magazine I picked up earlier.

* * *

I know I’ve been putting it off, but I convinced myself that talking to Mum and Dad could wait until this morning. I thought I’d go around a couple of hours before everyone usually appears for Sunday dinner and tell them everything. That way, they’ll have all the details before I tell everyone else at dinner.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” Taylor asks from his slobbed out position on the sofa. It’s obvious from here that he’s still nursing last night’s hangover.

“No, I’m fine. I think it’s best I do this alone. They’re going to be mad that I didn’t tell them before now; I don’t need to rub their noses in it that they were almost the last ones to find out.”

“I guess. Well, if you change your mind, ring me and I’ll be there,” he offers.

“I will. Thank you.” I walk over to him and place a kiss on his cheek. “Go and shower; you stink,” I tell him before walking over to the front door and sliding my flip-flops on.

“Love you, too,” he calls after me.

I pull the door open but I’m too busy rummaging inside my handbag for my car keys to pay much attention, so when I bump up against another person, I jump out of my skin.

“Ahh,” I shout in panic.

“I’m so sorry,” a soft female voice says in response as she puts her hands on my shoulders to steady me.

“What’s wrong?” Taylor says, rushing to the door.

I look up to see a familiar sophisticated face looking back at me.

“Nothing, it’s fine. Taylor, this is Elaine, Lucas’ mum. Elaine, this is Taylor, my practically naked flat mate. Please ignore him; he’s trying to sleep off his hangover.” Taylor gives me a scowl and disappears back inside. Elaine doesn’t look away quick enough and I catch her checking out his backside. I smile and raise an eyebrow at her.

“What?” she asks innocently. “Don’t tell me you haven’t,” she adds with a laugh.

I make a non-committal noise in response, because she’s not wrong, Taylor does have a good body. I think if he hadn’t decided to be a photographer, he would have been just as good the other side of the camera.

Elaine shakes her head before looking serious. “I’m so sorry to just turn up like this, but I thought…well, I don’t know what I thought, but…”

“It’s okay, Elaine. Shall we go and get a coffee?” I ask.

Thankfully, when we get to the car park, she offers to drive. I slide into her brand new Mercedes, grateful that she isn’t doing the same with my rust bucket.

Once we’ve got drinks and found a table, Elaine starts talking. I mean, it’s pretty obvious why she’s here, but I did presume she knew more than she obviously does.

“What’s happened, Lilly? No one can get hold of Lucas. We have no idea where he is. We’ve called all our hotels but no one has seen him. He’s not at his house. Sylvie hasn’t seen sight nor sound of him. We’ve been so worried after what happened the other night, and then Christopher found out you’d handed your notice in with immediate effect, and I just didn’t know what to think.”

I let out a huge breath before I just go for it. “I’m pregnant, Elaine. That’s why I passed out. I had no idea, I didn’t even think I could have kids, but apparently, a miracle happened. I haven’t seen Lucas since we got a taxi back from the hospital. I left him outside having a cigarette.” I don’t miss the way she curls her lip in disgust at that. “I’ve not seen or heard from him since. Apart from a large deposit of money into my bank account that I’m not too happy about.”

“Oh my goodness, congratulations, Lilly,” she says, her eyes shining with tears. “I’m going to be a grandmother?”

I nod at her question and grab her hand that’s resting on the table. “It’s twins,” I admit. Her chin drops open in shock at the same time a tear drops from her eye.

“Oh, I never thought I’d ever be a grandmother,” she says, sniffling as she rummages around in her bag for a tissue. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I just didn’t see this coming.”

“It’s okay. Trust me, I know it’s a shock.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” she says looking completely blindsided. “It would explain Lucas’ disappearance, though. How much has he told you about his past?”

“Not a lot. I know you and Christopher adopted him and that his life before was awful. He told me he lived in London for a while, but that it wasn’t a good time in his life. That’s about it, really.”

“That’s more than I expected. He’s been really trying to let you in, Lilly.” I know she’s right; I could see him trying and fighting the urge to keep everything hidden.

“I won’t break his trust in me by telling you everything. I probably already said too much that day on the phone. Lucas is right—he had an awful childhood and because of that, he always swore he never wanted a family of his own. He’s always had a fear that he would end up like his mum and he would never want to submit anyone to that kind of life. I can only imagine what’s going on in his head right now.”

I let that information sink in before saying anything. None of it’s a surprise; it’s pretty much what I expected, but to hear it said aloud hits me deep. “So you haven’t heard anything from him?”

“No, nothing. I’ve been ringing every day. I wanted to know you were alright.”

We chat for a long time. She gives a little more information about Lucas, but nothing that I hadn’t already guessed, before she tells me about how her and Christopher could never conceive which is why they jumped at the chance of adopting Lucas went they found him.

By the time there’s a break in our conversation, I realise that I’m late for dinner at my parents’. Elaine drives me back to the flat so a can jump in my car and head over there. Before I leave, she gives me a huge hug and hands me a business card with her contact deals on, telling me she wants to be involved as much as I would like her to be. She also promises to be in touch if she hears anything from Lucas, and I promise to do the same. When we part, there are tears filling our eyes.

I sit in my car for a few minutes as I try to pull myself back together enough to face all my family. I realise I’m going to have to put off telling my parents until later, because I can’t face doing in front of everyone.

“Lilly, there you are,” my mum says as I walk into their packed dining room.

Everyone is here today, so Mum has had to add a fold away table to the end of our usual dining table and dragged in some of the garden chairs for everyone to sit on. All eyes turn to me at Mum’s words, and I swallow down the sudden rush of emotion that being surrounded by my family brings on.

I walk towards my empty seat, pausing on the way to give Lois a kiss on the cheek. She gives me a smile and starts shouting, “Li Li,” at the top of her voice.

“Are you okay? You look tired,” Mum whispers to me when I take my seat next to her.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I say, trying to sound as convincing as possible. “I’m starving,” I add to try to distract her. I’m not lying though—the smell had my stomach rumbling the second I walked in the house.

“Lilly, do you want wine?” Dad asks when he gets to my glass.

“No thank you, I went out with Taylor last night and had plenty,” I say, in the hope it will be enough to stop them questioning my refusal.

“Emma?” he asks.

“No thanks, Dad. Actually, before we start eating, Ruben and I have something we would like to tell you all.”

All eyes snap to Emma. I glance at Mum to see a ginormous smile on her face; she knows as well as I do what’s coming next. We all wait anxiously for her to spit it out.

“You’re going to be grandparents,” she says, looking between Mum and Dad. “To twins, obviously!”

Mum gets up with such force her chair goes flying back as she launches herself at my sister, while Dad sits there with a bemused look on his face. Okay, so when I said everyone knew what was coming, apparently that didn’t include Dad, bless him.

“Everyone says their congratulations before questions start getting fired towards both Emma and Ruben.

“I’m nearly thirteen weeks so due beginning of November, but it’s more likely to be October with it being twins.”

I get lost in my own head as she continues to answer all the questions in the exact same way I could right now. I feel bad as she talks excitedly about her pregnancy, like I’m going to be taking something away from her when I announce mine. This is obviously something she and Ruben planned for and are so excited about, and here I am having an accident, an amazing one, but still an accident, and I’m going to take some of her limelight. I know she won’t hold it against me in any way, but I already feel like I make her life that little bit harder by how much I look like Hannah. I don’t need to do this to her as well.

“Sorry, I just need to pop to the loo,” I say quietly in case anyone actually notices my disappearance. I give Emma a hug as I pass and Ruben a shoulder squeeze in congratulations.

I sit down on the closed toilet lid and put my head in my hands. I lose track of how long I sit there, totally lost in my thoughts. When I’m back with it, I realise I need to get a grip if I want to get through the next few hours without having a meltdown. This would be so much easier if Dec was here, I think as I splash cold water on my face.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Mum asks again when I sit back down.

“Hangover,” I mutter in response and it appeases her for now because she turns back to Emma.

The next few hours are a blur of talking pregnancy, babies, childbirth and everything else that comes along with that stage of your life. I listen to some of it, especially Molly’s giving birth story, because I have no clue about any of that. I’ve not even seen One Born Every Minute. I make a note to record it next time it’s on.

Eventually, Emma starts yawning so Ruben takes her home, Lois starts grumbling so Molly and Ryan say their goodbyes to get her home to bed, and I’m left with my mum and dad. It’s now or never.

“Hey, do you need help with that?” I ask them as walk into the kitchen.

“That would be great,” Mum responds, “Dad’s running a training course tomorrow in Birmingham. He’s going to the hotel tonight so he can be prepared for the morning.”

“Off you go and sort your stuff out then,” I say to Dad as I take the tea towel from his hands and usher him out of the kitchen.

I don’t want him to feel like I can’t talk to him or don’t want him here, but I am a little relieved I’m going to be able to tell Mum everything alone.

“Ring me when you get there,” Mum says, giving Dad a kiss when he has his small case in his hand, ready to leave.

“I will. See you tomorrow. Bye love,” he shouts over to me.

“Good luck.”

“Right, angel. You’re hovering; I’m guessing you have something you need to talk about.” I look up at her from my seat on the sofa and I can’t hold back my emotions any longer. My bottom lip starts to wobble and tears run down my cheeks. “Oh, it’s okay,” Mum says as she wraps me up in a hug.

“I don’t know where to start,” I admit when I pull back.

“The beginning, angel.”

“You’re going to be so mad because there’s stuff I haven’t told you.”

“Stop stalling and just tell me. I’ll make my mind up then.”

“Okay. You remember I had a boyfriend last year?” Mum nods so I keep going. “Well…he was amazing at first. I thought he was too good to be true, and he was. He had been brought up by his grandparents and they both died a month or so apart. Jake didn’t take it very well. He started drinking to begin with but it wasn’t long before he started playing with drugs. I should have ended it, I know I should, but I felt guilty even thinking about it when he was hurting already. The more he drank and did drugs, the more unlike himself he became. He started getting angry at the smallest things, and jealous and paranoid that I was cheating on him.

“One night last summer, I’d been out with friends for some drinks. One of Taylor’s friends walked me home. We said goodbye at the entrance but Jake obviously didn’t see that. I hadn’t been in the flat long before he started knocking at the front door. When I opened it, he was angrier than I’d ever seen him. He started accusing me of sleeping around. He threw me down the stairs and knocked me out,” my mum’s hand comes up to cover her mouth as she sucks in a huge gasp of air at my words. “And then he stabbed me.”

“Oh my goodness,” she says in a rush and pulls me to her. She squeezes me within an inch of my life. I’m just about to complain that I can’t breathe when she lets go.

“Dec knew something was going on, and thankfully when he phoned I was able to answer. Anyway, he got an ambulance and…”

“And he never told us about this?”

“Don’t be mad at him. I told him not to tell you. I begged him.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve already been through so much with Hannah, I couldn’t do it to you.”

“Oh, Lilly, angel. Please don’t ever think that. Please don’t hide something this serious from us because of that. You’re my baby, I want to be there to help you.” I can see her getting more upset so I apologise and continue with my story.

“We told you that I had the flu while I recovered. I had to have surgery because of the blood loss but the stab wound was so low that the surgery caused adhesions that they said would make my chances of having kids even lower than before. Basically impossible.

“I got a promotion at work.” I can see Mum’s confusion at my sudden change of direction but I don’t give her time to question me because now I’m this far in I need to keep going. “I got given the King’s suite to clean.” I don’t need to explain farther than that because I’ve told Mum about it in the past. “I started the day Connie had Noah, and Lucas, the King, found me a bit of an emotional wreck on his sofa. Well, one thing led to another, and we sort of started dating—”

“You started dating your boss? The one that no one likes?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. He’s actually not that bad outside work.”

“Well, I should hope not.”

“Anyway, he took me to a charity action last weekend, but we didn’t even make it to dinner because I passed out—”

“Oh my God, you’re pregnant!”

My chin drops. “How do you know that?”

“Because that’s exactly how I found out I was expecting you and Declan. I was in a supermarket buying bread and the next thing I knew I was on the floor with shop assistants staring down at me.”

I smile at her, a little relieved I wasn’t in a supermarket when it happened. “Yeah, I’m pregnant.”

“With twins, by any chance?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my goodness, what a day. How far along? When can we meet…Lucas, was it?” she fires all these questions at me to the extent that I don’t know what to answer first.

“I’m pretty much the same as Emma. Thirteen weeks and due beginning of November. And as for Lucas, well, there’s my next problem. He’s done a runner. Basically, he found out about me being pregnant and I haven’t seen or heard from him since, other than a deposit of money into my account.”

“What a…” Mum pauses for the appropriate name, “idiot.” I almost laugh. Yes, idiot is one way to describe him.

“I’ve quit my job because I can’t work there anymore. I can’t just run into him. I don’t really know what I’m going to do though. Taylor has landed himself a job in London and I’m never going to get one now. Oh, and the reason I was late is because Lucas’ mum was at my front door when I went to leave. She hasn’t heard from him either and is worried.”

“Wow, Lilly. That is a lot of information to take on all of a sudden. I don’t know where to start.”