Chapter 14
The knock at my door pulls me from my thoughts. Confirming who Chance really is has thrown my world off kilter. I think a small part of me always knew and that’s why I’ve been so angry at him. I’m not surprised I didn’t recognize him right away. It’s been twenty years. But my heart somehow knew before I did.
I open the door slowly. I know who’ll be standing there. I don’t even need to check. He looks up from the floor and locks eyes with me. How did I not recognize those green eyes? That dark hair and that smolder should have been burned into my brain.
“Kitty Kat.” His voice cracks. I’m transported back to that cold house I never thought I would get out of. His hands cup my cheeks and he stares right into my soul. “How didn’t I know?”
I tense. I’m not ready for this. All the abuse, all the heartbreak, all the fear could come crashing back in a second. “I can’t talk about this. I never expected to find you.”
“We need to talk about this.” His hands shake slightly as he takes mine and leads me to the couch. “I don’t know why I’m nervous.”
“Chance, it’s no big deal. It’s awesome to see you and know you’ve done so well. You grew up pretty nicely.” I try to laugh but it’s forced.
“It’s a huge deal. You have no idea what you meant to me back then. You were the first person in all the years I’d been there that I cared about. I fucked up so badly and they threw me away. I deserved it. But I thought about you every day for so long. I hoped you were ok and that you were safe. I couldn’t protect you if I wasn’t there.”
His eyes shine with compassion. It’s a look I’ve never seen from him. He’s completely relaxed and open. I take a deep breath, trying to will my tears away. I can’t cry. Not now. “It wasn’t your job to protect me. That should have been my father’s job and he failed. I was angry for so many years but it was never your fault. Lorenzo made me see that before he left. You were a kid, Chance. We both were.”
“Kid or not, I should never have put you in the position of getting caught with me in your room. It was selfish but I just wanted to be with you. I knew how Old Man Smith was. He ripped me a new one all the way to town and then left me at a gas station before the sun was even up.” He stares out the hotel room window.
“I’m so sorry.” Come on, tears. Don’t fall now. I can’t look weak. “I was there another week, then they sent me to live with another family in El Monte. It wasn’t much better but the heat worked.”
“I looked for you. I left the system before I was eighteen. I called the case manager and asked about you. She checked the records she could but I didn’t know your last name. There had been about sixty kids placed with the Smiths in the years we were there. She told me there was a K Stallworth listed but when I tried to find her, it was just a dead end.”
I freeze hearing my old name. “That was me. I had my name legally changed so my father couldn’t find me.”
The silence is comforting. We both sit staring out my window. The sound of his even breathing has me relaxed. On those cold nights, I would snuggle into his chest and his breathing would be what made me forget, even just for a night. I had seen my father kill my mother in a drunken rage. When he saw me, he ran. I called for help and laid with my mom listening to the siren getting closer and closer. Her blood saturated our kitchen floor and I was covered in it. I screamed when the officer pulled me away from her body. I knew she was gone. I’d been staring into her lifeless eyes for what felt like hours. I thought maybe if she could just hear me, she’d come back to me.
That night, I was taken to the Smith’s house. Mrs. Smith washed the blood off my body and threw my clothes away. I cried for hours in my cold room, alone and scared. Chance was only eleven but he came into my room to comfort me. He crawled into my bed and just held me. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t ask any questions. Before dawn, he eased out from under me and went back into his room.
“You were everything. I wouldn’t have survived it without you.” Before I even realize it, I’m crying.
“I felt the same way about you. I didn’t have anyone when I first ended up in foster care. I knew how lonely that was. When I heard you crying, I couldn’t stay away.” He takes my hand. “Shit, I was so in love with you.”
I giggle and he laughs. “You were eleven.”
“Didn’t matter. It was as real as anything I’d ever felt.” He stares at our hands, still joined together. “Aside from Della, you’re the only woman I think I’ve ever loved.”
I think for a minute and then I laugh. “Aside from Enzo, you’re the only man I’ve ever loved. And you know I’m not a believer.”
“We’re a sad pair.” He moves to the bed and lies down. When he gets comfortable, he pats his chest and holds his arms out. “Come here.”
“I don’t think I should.” My heart is beating out of my chest.
“Kat, I just want to hold you. Nothing else.”
I move slowly and sit on the edge of the bed. I swear he can hear my heartbeat. I kick off my shoes and curl into his side. When my head finds his chest, my whole body relaxes. It’s like coming home. I want to sob. I want to hold him and never let go.
“Think we can stop hating each other now, Princess? Seeing as how we love each other and all.” I can feel his shoulders move as he chuckles.
“Think you can stop calling me Princess now?” His arms wrap around me and hold me tightly. He can call me anything he wants if it means I get to feel safe like this again.
“I just called you that in case I forgot your name.”
I hit him in the chest and he laughs even harder. “Do you call all your women that?”
“Every last one of them.” He nuzzles the top of my head.
“Someday, I’m going to ask you about all the women.” It really is a mystery to me. How someone so popular, always surrounded by people, could need constant reassurance and companionship is beyond me.
“Someday, I’ll answer you. But not tonight. Tonight, I’d like to close my eyes like we used to and listen to you breathe as I fall asleep.”
“Goodnight, Chance.” I sigh as I take a deep breath for the first time in forever.
“Goodnight, Princess.” He laughs and I growl at him.
Maybe I can let the past go. Maybe he can help me heal after all the years of blaming him for leaving me alone. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, the world will seem just a little brighter.