I sighed deeply and dropped all my stuff on the dining room table in my apartment, the horrible day washing over me.

I hated how low everything had me feeling, all I wanted to do was crash into bed to just sleep it off. I wanted to forget all about Derek, and the fact that I’d shut him out forever. I wanted this horrible funk to blow over so I could finally start moving on in the way I should’ve done all those years ago.

Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

I groaned loudly as my phone blasted out, dragging me right back into the present moment. It seemed that life hadn’t quite got the message that I wanted to shut it all down quite yet, and it was insisting on interfering with me anyway.

“Hey, Max,” I answered, unable to keep the glumness from my tone. “You alright?” I was expecting an onslaught about what I’d messaged him before. Either that or he was going to reel off the engagement details that I had, to be fair, asked for.

“Gio, you have to get over here now,” he gushed instead. “I need you, and he needs you.”

“Wait, what?” This had me sitting up straighter, panic bolting through my system. This sounded like an emergency to me. I felt much more awake now, knowing that my friend needed me.

“Calm down, Max, tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s Derek.”

Fuck, despite the fact that I’d told him I didn’t want to know any more, the fact that he was in trouble amped up the terror.

“He went to see his parents. He’s a mess.”

“What? Why?”

Something wasn’t fully adding up here. I couldn’t quite fit all the jigsaw pieces to clip together.

“What happened?”

“Just come over here.”

With that, the dial tone rang out, leaving me confused and alone with my thoughts. I slid the phone away from my ear while I considered the implications of all of that.

This wasn’t a ruse. I didn’t think my friend would ever do that to me, which left me with a choice. Did I put my friendship and past with Derek over what I had with him right now? After all, we were good together when things were good, we did have a wonderful bond. Could I really just ignore all of that just because I was mad at him?

I remembered all the times he’d been good to me, like when I was struggling with the prospects of my exams and future. I was scared that it’d all fall apart, that I’d fail and be stuck. Of course, what I didn’t realize at the time was that I was totally focusing on the wrong thing, but still… Derek was good to me. He held me close, he whispered comforting things, and he let me moan for hours and hours on end.

Didn’t he deserve someone to talk to now that he was having some issues of his own?

Maybe it would hurt, maybe my heart would bleed just that little bit more, but it would be worth it.

“Fuck,” I muttered to myself while I grabbed my car keys, accepting defeat willingly.

“Don’t be a dick, Gio.”

I had to go. I needed to see what was wrong. It was the right thing to do. And now that I’d made my decision, powerful adrenaline was racing through me, driving me forward, taking me right back toward the person I vowed never to waste time on again…

* * *

I shoved the door to Max’s apartment open without bothering to knock, such was the state I felt in when I got there. On the drive over my mind continually dreamt up the most horrific possibilities going, so by the time I actually saw Derek with a bruise surrounding his eye, it was a shocking relief.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” I panted breathlessly regardless. I didn’t like the thought of him being hurt, even if it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. “What happened?”

Derek didn’t say anything for a moment, but his eyes welled up and I could see the emotion getting the better of him. Whatever had gone on with his parents, it had to be truly terrible.

“His dad hit him,” Max slid into the room and eyed me seriously.

“What? Why?” I had only met Derek’s dad once, and it was only for a brief second, but he seemed like a nice enough man — certainly not the type to hit his own son.

“Because I’m gay,” Derek finally spat out wryly. “That’s what it comes down to. He hates who I am, and that led to this.”

I raced over to Derek’s side and gently stroked my finger down his cheek. He flinched a little, but grabbed onto my wrist before I could pull away. He seemed to like my touch, even if it wasn’t good for him.

“I went over there to see them, to confront him for the way they reacted to me coming out all those years ago. Their reaction was so bad, so hurtful that I ran away to join the army the next day. Purely because I couldn’t see any other way out.”

I fell silently back into the nearest chair as I finally got something of an explanation from this hurt I felt all those years ago.

It wasn’t what I expected at all.

I thought he planned it in advance, and that he didn’t want to tell me about it, but now… it seemed like everything was different.

“I didn’t want to go, and now I can see that it was the wrong choice to make, but I was young and scared.” He sighed loudly and dropped his hand from mine. “I guess I figured that a part of what I needed to do while I was here was put all of that behind me. I wanted to speak to them, to put everything in the past, but it didn’t quite work that way.”

“What happened?” This was too much. I had no idea what any of this was like; I’d been accepted with open arms. I guess I never considered what it might be like to be anything else.

“Dad didn’t want to let me in. Maybe he was right. Maybe he knew exactly which way this was going to go. Mom did. Well sort of, she agreed to hear me out anyway.”

I felt guilty, sick that I hadn’t been around for any of this.

“So we tried talking. I really did do my best to get everything out in the way that I wanted to, but I got too emotional. I kept shouting because I’d lost my temper, and well… and…”

At that moment he burst into tears, so I grabbed his head to hold it comfortingly against my chest. Everything was stirred up inside of me, and not in the way that I was expecting. My heart went out to Derek. I wanted to help him in any way that I could, but I just wasn’t sure how.

“Then Dad hit me, just to shut me up.” He eventually pulled back to stare into my eyes. “He wouldn’t even listen to me. I was making some good points, and he just didn’t want to know.”

“I’m sorry,” I rasped sadly, shaking my head in dismay. “I’m sorry that happened to you. It sucks.”

“I’ll never go back there again,” he insisted angrily. “Never. They’ve blown their chance with me forever.”

“Okay.” I glanced helplessly up at Max, who shrugged his shoulders with the same sense of hopelessness.

“Okay, well if that’s your decision then there’s nothing else that can be done.”

I gulped and nodded, desperately trying to find the right words to make all of this alright again.

“So, what we should do is take your mind off of it. Why don’t we… go out for some drinks, or something?”

“Yeah… yeah okay.” Derek gave me a weak smile.

“Yeah, that sounds nice. I’ll just go and clean myself up.”

As he walked from the room, with his shoulders hunched forward, I turned to Max in shock. “That was insane, wasn’t it? Don’t you think we should… report his father, or something?”

“I already suggested that, and he doesn’t want it. He just wants to forget that it ever happened.” Max looked as defeated by this situation as I did.

“I’m sorry for calling you. I know that wasn’t what you wanted, but he staggered in and he asked for you.” He patted me on the arm, giving me a look that showed me how much he understood what I was going through. “But at least you now know why he left.”

“I do.” I nodded slowly while I thought that through. I did now know the truth, but I wasn’t sure how I should feel about that.

“I do know that, but does it make it any better?” I still wasn’t going to find it easy to move on, I still felt like I was all jumbled and twisted up, like nothing made any real sense.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter. We’ll go out and have some fun, forget all about our problems and go from there.”

Max gave me a look, and opened his mouth to speak with regret. “I don’t think me and Bryant should come out with you tonight. I think what Derek needs is to spend some time with you. If we’re there we’ll only be in the way.”

“And what about what I need?” I wasn’t totally sure that I was mentally equipped for a night out with just Derek. Not after everything that we’d been through. I was already overwhelmed and we hadn’t even left yet!

“I think it’s what you need,” he replied honestly. “I think you both have a lot that needs to be said, don’t you?”

He was right. Of course, there always would be a lot that needed to be said between us, however hard that would be.