Chapter 13

 Chris

I’m exhausted as I turn down Maple Lane, a dirt road on the edge of town heading off into the woods.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Janelle was racing through my mind and there was nothing I could do about it. There still isn’t. But right now I have things to do. I have to go see this house my father left me, and that’s where I’m headed right now.

The road may be dirt, but it’s in relatively good condition.

Why can’t it be sunny out?!

I tried to fall asleep to the sound of the rain last night. It always helped when I was a boy. I loved sleeping next to an open window and listening to the sound of the wind and the rain, sipping the cool air through my nose before drifting off to sleep. But last night that didn’t happen.

That damn Janelle!

I’ve never had a girl twist me up like this so bad. I wanted to grab her last night and ravage her. It was almost impossible to keep my hands off her.

Finally, the road opens up onto the property and gives me something to take my mind off her. I almost can’t believe it when I see it.

The house is beautiful. It’s not enormous, but I already knew it wouldn’t be. It’s set in the middle of a field that desperately needs mowing, and there’s even a large oak tree with a tire swing beside a small red barn.

It’s rustic, but there’s something charming about it.

My father’s house…and now it’s mine.

I know why he bought it. He wanted me to have an “insurance policy” just in case that football thing didn’t work out. It was hard sometimes keeping my eye on the prize with that level of skepticism from pops, but being a little older now I can understand.

You want what’s best for your kids, and just seeing that boy at Janelle’s house has got me twisted. What if he is mine? What then? It seems Janelle has her mind made up about me, but if he’s my boy I want to provide for him, and this house would be a great place to raise a child.

My party house on the other side of town wouldn’t do. Too many crazy chicks and bros know the address. They’d have no respect for my privacy or my family. But this place? This could work out well.

I can picture living here with Janelle and my son – if he is my son. I can just tell by the way she was with him that she’s a good mother. Women like that are hard to find. Women like Janelle are hard to find. Finding another girl like her…well now that would be impossible.

I park the car in front of the barn and hop out to get a better look at the place. It really is amazing. There’s just something peaceful about the place. You can’t hear any of the sounds of town out here, and we’re so far out that there aren’t going to be any cars, and even then there’s the private driveway to get out here. It’s like its own little world out here.

I walk across the front yard up to the steps of the porch. It’s not a wrap-around but it’s roomy. Pulling the keys from my pocket, I open the front door and step inside.

Somehow, the place instantly feels like home to me. I was expecting to feel like a stranger in a foreign country, but even with the lights off, the dust and the smell of a house that really needs to be aired out, something about the place just feels right.

I go through the house and turn all the lights on. Some of the bulbs work, some don’t. The house opens into a staircase leading to the second floor. On the right a living room and a smaller sitting room to the left. A kitchen straight down the hall and a small dining room beside it.

There’s a bedroom on the back right corner of the first floor that overlooks the enormous backyard before it reaches the shadows of the trees beyond, and upstairs three more bedrooms and a bathroom.

My mind runs away with me as I start to picture Janelle and myself living here. I can’t even believe I’m thinking things like this about a girl I’ve been with once and haven’t seen in two years, but you can’t control things like that, can you?

My father may have been a distant man, but it’s times like this that I really appreciate him and how he cared for me. To leave something like this for me…

I don’t know why it took me so long to come here. I dealt with the estate, the realtors, the bank and all that, but I just couldn’t bring myself down here. It was just too much. It’s like touching a piece of my father that I never was able to touch when he was alive.

I can feel myself getting emotional and my mind instantly goes to Janelle and all the things I wanted to say to her. She must be working tonight. I’m going to go by and see her. I’m going to apologize and tell her how I feel about her. There’s no telling how she’s going to react. But if I keep going on like this much longer I’m going to explode.

I have to tell her.

* * *

I pull up to the diner and realize I don’t even know what I’m going to do or say, but instead of sitting there and debating forever, I just get out and march right up to the front door. My heart’s pounding as I step inside and look around.

I don’t see her, but that doesn’t mean she’s not here. I’m so fired up I walk straight for the door to the kitchen. But before I can reach it, it swings open and Janelle’s friend Carla, her arms full of plates, comes barging out.

“Excuse me, honey,” she says quickly, as though I was any other customer. But as she passes me, she gives me a double take. “Oh, shit! Chris! Gimme a second, okay!?”

“All right,” I grumble, eyeing the door swinging open to the kitchen to see if Janelle’s there. She’s probably not. I’m pissed, but I can feel myself starting to calm down now that I know she’s probably not here and it doesn’t matter that I have no idea what I was going to say to her anyway.

“You lookin’ for Janelle?” Carla says from behind me. I turn around and see her smiling at me with a shit-eating grin. It must be obvious how nervous I am, and I can tell she loves it.

“Yeah, she working tonight?”

“Nah, she’s got the evening off. At home with her boy.”

Her boy.

There it is again. That doubt – that suggestion that maybe I have a son. I push the thought out of my mind.

“All right, thanks,” I say, turning away. If Janelle’s not here, I don’t need to be here. If she’s at home, then that’s where I’m going.

“Gonna go talk to her?” Carla asks, stopping me in my tracks. I turn around to face her. What’s this chick want?

“I mean…yeah,” I mutter, ready to be out of here.

“She likes ya,” Carla smiles. “But you did her dirty, boy.”

My mouth opens, but I can’t find the words to speak. I mean – she’s not wrong, but I don’t know how to explain things to her. I wasn’t even sure what I was gonna say to Janelle let alone Carla who I’ve never said more than two words to.

“Hope you’ve got some apology ready,” Carla adds. She must be able to see I’m feeling vulnerable right now.

“Yeah,” I say. “Something like that.”

Enough is enough. It’s time to go. I turn around and shove the door open with my foot and step outside. As I walk to my car, I start going over things I could say to Janelle. None of them really seem right. But I have to say something. I have to try. All I can hope is that she understands and forgives me.