Doe
Something was wrong. I felt it my bones. The second I walked into the house, leaving Antonio and Lorik behind, a shudder went down my spine. It felt cold, an icy chill following me with every step. It was like the feeling you’d get when you were little, walking in the dark, thinking there was someone behind you. You’d feel cold, but the skin on the back of your neck would suddenly flare, feeling clammy. You’d have the uncontrollable urge to move faster because the tingle on your skin was telling you there was someone behind you. But you’d be too goddamn scared to turn around and check. Instead, you’d rush down the hall, praying like hell that whatever was behind you wouldn’t catch up to you.
That was what it felt like while I walked through the halls, escorted by one of Antonio’s guards. Like I wanted to run. Like there was someone behind me, watching me, waiting to fucking pounce. I felt like a deer catching the whiff of a predator downwind.
I tried to brush it off. Maybe it was the rush of adrenaline subsiding. The thrill of my kill earlier. I’ve been on such a high for the last few hours, maybe my body was coming down hard, crashing after the rush.
Once I closed the bedroom door behind me, finally alone and able to listen to my own thoughts, I looked down at my bloodstained hands. It felt surreal, knowing I was capable of killing another human being. Not only was it easy, it felt good. Killing. Taking a life. While I stared into Renato’s eyes, witnessing the life drain out of them, it felt really good. Like a drug, spreading through my system, making me forget all about my horrid past. It was liberating. I had never felt so free in my entire life.
Jesus. Did that make me a monster? Did I finally tip over the edge? Lose all my sanity only to tumble headfirst into a darkness there was no coming back from? If so, the buzz that lingered inside my veins, the feeling of control…it was worth the fall.
I took a shower and watched the red stained water flow down the drain. The scent of ylang-ylang did nothing to mask the scent of blood. Of death. It was on me. Around me. In me. But there was power too. Strength. Confidence. I liked it. I liked the feeling of being empowered.
The name Mancuso repeated inside my head while I stood underneath the pulsating hot water. There was something familiar about the name. Something that made me unable to forget it.
“Mancuso,” I whispered, leaning my head against the shower wall, water cascading down my back. “Mancuso.”
Flashes of the night my mother died forced their way inside my head. My body trembled, my spine shuddering from the memories. I remembered what it was like when I heard those men storm into our home. Their voices. The hate that spat from their mouths while they hurt my mother. Did they mention that name? Talk about someone named Mancuso? I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t place it.
But why? Why would the name Mancuso make me think of that night? That specific night. Was there a connection? Was my subconscious trying to tell me something? Why did it feel like I suddenly had all these puzzle pieces in the palms of my hands, but had no clue where to start to piece it all together? And the better question—was this a puzzle I wanted to figure out?
Goddammit. So many questions. So many loose ends.
I heard the bedroom door slam and stood up straight. “Antonio, is that you?”
I turned off the faucet. “Antonio?”
Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed a white towel from the rail, wrapping it around myself. “Antonio?” I turned and looked straight at the mirror. I gasped with my hand in front of my mouth. There was a message—a message written on the fogged-up mirror. A message that made my heart sink to the soles of my feet.
Only you can save her.
It didn’t take me two seconds to figure it out. It was her. It was Karina.
My blood ran cold. Every fiber of my being was assaulted by fear, panic making it impossible to breathe.
As I rushed out of the bathroom, I stumbled over the towel which had slipped off my body, falling over my feet. I got up, grabbed the first dress I could find, and pulled it on. But the second I reached the door, I balked when I spotted a piece of paper stuck to the back of the door. And even with the desperation to find Karina, I hesitated. I hesitated by just looking at the paper, instead of reaching for it. Reading it.
The sound of my heartbeat echoed inside my head, the real world around me on mute. Tunnel vision cut out everything around me except the damn piece of paper.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
That was all I heard. My heart, beating like a drumroll against my ribs.
I willed myself to reach out, plucking the letter from the door. If I could, I would have taken a deep breath before reading it. But it felt like nails were being hammered into my lungs, making it impossible to breathe.
There’s a car waiting outside of the estate.
Make sure you aren’t seen.
If you don’t come, she dies.
If you don’t come alone, she dies.
If you’re followed, she dies.
Disappoint me…and she dies.
My legs wanted to give way under me. I was fucking waiting for someone to wake me up so I could stop living this goddamn nightmare. Tears stung the back of my eyes, my chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. Whimpering, crying while still clutching the piece of paper, I struggled to think straight. I always knew this day would come. I knew he’d find me, force me to go back to him. And I always thought I’d rather die than go back to him. I’d rather be in the clutches of death than in the hands of that madman. He knew it. Vadik knew I’d rather be dead than back with him. That was why he took her. That was why he took Karina instead of coming straight for me. He knew. He fucking knew me better than I knew myself.
It scared me. It scared me to the core knowing Vadik had a direct line to my mind. And he was right. He was so right. There was no question. I had to go to him if I wanted to save the only friend I’d ever had. Determined, yet scared as fuck, I yanked open the door before gasping and swallowing a breath when I saw the body of the security guard who had escorted me earlier. His throat was cut, the laminated floors stained by the blood that pooled around him. The metallic stench assaulted my nostrils and forced bile up my throat. Funny how the scent of my victim’s blood didn’t make me want to hurl. Maybe I wasn’t a monster after all.
Lightly, I stepped over the dead body then rushed to Karina’s room. Her door was open, and even though I knew she wouldn’t be there, I did a quick sweep of her room. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but when I caught sight of her phone stuck between the pillows on her bed, I picked it up.
I swiped across the screen and saw the bubble image of Lorik’s face on the side of the screen. When I clicked on it, it opened a series of messages sent between Lorik and Karina. The last message she sent him was an image of a black heart. It was the time that got me. It was sent a mere ten minutes ago, which meant she couldn’t have been far.
I had to go. I had to get off the estate, find the car the piece of paper referred to. Maybe Karina would be there too.
With a racing heart and a mind rushing with trepidation, I ran out of Karina’s room and down the stairs. My will to save my friend was the only thing that drove me to put one foot in front of the other.
Just as I reached the bottom, I stopped. Antonio’s office door was on the other side, voices coming from the room. The door was slightly open, and I had to figure out a way to get past without anyone noticing.
Slowly, step by step, I tiptoed across the floor. The closer I came, the clearer I heard them talking.
“She deserves to know.” It sounded like Dante.
“Not a chance. She’s been through enough.”
“Mancuso is dead?” There’s that name was again.
“Yes. I killed him myself.” I heard the hate in Antonio’s voice. “There was no way I could have let the fucker live after what he’s done to her.”
To who?
“So, this is what the message on the body meant.”
Jesus. What message? And what body?
“Yes.” Antonio’s voice was low, yet hard. “But I don’t give a shit how many bodies pile up at our doorstep with fucking messages carved into them, she cannot find out about this. Do you understand me? Doe can never know the truth.”
What were they talking about? What truth?
Shit. There wasn’t time for me to figure this out now. I needed to move if I didn’t want to get caught.
I eased past the door, holding my breath, my shoulders tense. My heart was beating so damn fast, I started to feel a little lightheaded.
The second I reached the other side of Antonio’s office door, I let out a breath and darted down the hall as quickly and silently as possible. It was probably insane and stupid of me to run toward the devil I had spent my whole life trying to get rid of. But there was no question in my mind that I would risk my life for Karina. I would risk being back in hell if it meant saving anyone of the Valentis.
My feet carried me as fast as they could, my heart pounding, my pulse racing. I reached the door, but the second I opened it, it triggered an alarm. But I was so desperate to get out, I didn’t stop. I didn’t hesitate…not until I heard his voice.
“Doe.”
I didn’t turn. I couldn’t. If I had to look at his face—into his eyes—my resolve would crumble. I would crumble.
“Doe. What are you doing?”
A tear slipped down my cheek as I closed my eyes.
“Doe?”
“Don’t,” I warned. “We both knew this day would come.”
“What are you talking about?” By the sound of his voice, I knew he was moving closer. All I could do was inch forward, little by little.
I turned my head, glancing to the side. “He’s here, Antonio. He came for me.”
Silence.
I turned slightly. “It’s Vadik, Antonio. He’s here.”
“I know.”
More tears.
“I know he’s here. But you listen to me, and you listen good.” He took another step closer. “I am not letting you go. I’m not letting the fucker come near you, do you understand?”
With a heavy heart, I closed my eyes and reached for my necklace. Antonio was a strong, stubborn man. There was no way he would let me go. He would stop me, no matter the cost. It was something I couldn’t risk.
“You do what you want. You do what feels right. Do not doubt your instinct. That’s what you said. Those were your words.”
“Fuck what I said. Right now, you listen to me.”
I shook my head. “No. Right now I’m doing what feels right.”
“No!” he shouted. “Stop this. Don’t you dare fucking do this.”
The click sounded, and I gripped the blade in my hand before turning around. I knew looking at him would make this so much harder than it already was. Staring into the eyes of the man I loved with all my heart. We were such a perfect fit. Both of us broken, wicked, equally fucked. We were like two wrongs making a right. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the universe had thrown us together so the rest of the world could see how much beauty could come from a lifetime of wrongs.
Antonio gave a step toward me, but I pressed the blade against my wrist. He stilled. “Doe. What the fuck are you doing?”
Dante and Lorik both rushed up behind him, but they stopped abruptly when they saw me with a blade against my wrist.
“I have to go to him.” Tears were pouring down my cheeks, my heart breaking more and more with each passing second I stared into Antonio’s eyes. “Please trust me. Just trust me.”
He shook his head. “I’m not letting you go.”
I let out a sob. “You have to, Antonio. You have no choice.” I pressed the blade deeper against my skin. “By the time you manage to reach me, I would have sliced my wrist. You can try to save me, stop me from doing what I need to do. But I promise you, if you don’t let me go tonight, I will kill myself. Whether it be now, tomorrow, or in a year’s time. I will take my own life because there is no way I’d be able to live with myself if I don’t do this.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dark eyes turned black, his face pale, shoulders slumped forward.
For the first time since I laid eyes on Antonio, he seemed defeated. Like a man who had run out of options. A desperate man.
“You listen to me, Doe. There isn’t a chance in hell I’m letting you out of my sight. Now put down the goddamn blade and let us figure this out together.”
He inched forward, and I pierced my skin with the tip of the blade, making him stop dead in his tracks.
“What in the name of Jesus Christ are you doing, Doe?”
The words burned the tip of my tongue. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say the words and tell him I was doing this to save his sister—my friend. But I couldn’t. The risk was too great, and it was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. No one knew Vadik the way I did. His promises, his threats, were never empty.
Antonio inched back, holding up his hands. “Okay. Okay. Just don’t…don’t hurt yourself. Please.”
I’d never heard such tenderness in his voice before. There was no trace of the hardened mafia boss I had grown to love. And in his eyes, even with the night sky, I could see the worry, the fear, and most of all…the helplessness. It tore my heart in two doing this to him. But I had to rewire my brain. Rather than thinking of me doing this to him, I had to think that I was doing this for him. For everyone I held dear.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Antonio nodded, as if he understood. As if he saw the turmoil churning inside me. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like an entire lifetime passed between us. He understood. And one simple act, the nod of his head, gave me the permission I needed to put every ounce of strength I had into what was to come.
I bit my bottom lip, tears falling freely down my cheeks. It wasn’t just my heart that was hurting. My soul was in agony as well because I knew…I knew this would probably be the last time I ever saw Antonio.
One step back. And another. And another. I kept on moving farther and farther away from him, every molecule of my being screaming at me to go back to him. Begging me to stay. To run to him and let him wrap his arms around me. But it wasn’t in the stars for us. Deep down, I knew this. I knew I would never have the happily ever after every girl dreamed about.
“I love you,” I said, a half-smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. “I love you with all my heart.” And then I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, tears spilling from my soul. Farther and farther I ran from the man I loved, right to the man I despised the most.
I heard nothing but the sound of my heart breaking. The pain was so intense, it overshadowed all the fear. All the terror of returning to the hell I knew awaited me.
When I reached the tall, black steel gate, I wasn’t surprised to find it open. He nodded. Antonio nodded. It was his way of letting me do what I needed to do.
As I ran out the gates, I spotted the black SUV and rushed straight to it. Just as I reached the car, the door opened from the inside, and I slipped in.
For some reason, I expected to see Karina in the car, prepared myself to give her the world’s biggest goddamn hug ever. But she wasn’t there. Instead, I turned, only to stare into the crystal blue eyes of the devil himself.
“Vadik.” His name left my mouth with nothing more than a breath.
“My dear Nessuno.” His lips curved. “Finally, you’re back where you belong.”
He leaned across the seat, and I still tried to fight…until it went dark.