Izzy
Crossing the threshold of the spa made Izzy feel like she was stepping into a dream world. Had Tanner somehow conjured up her every fantasy and brought it to life? First, a night under the stars and now this?
She had tried to maintain poise and composure as she entered the spa with Tanner’s mom, but that was practically impossible. Even the reception area oozed luxury and decadence. The plush ivory couches and soft bamboo flooring tastefully accented the teal walls and black and white oversized prints hanging on them. The scent of jasmine filled the air, and it was as if a switch was flipped and every muscle in her body had permission to relax.
Two women dressed in ivory slacks and teal polo shirts approached them, each carrying a robe in one hand and a brochure in the other. Izzy had to hold back a laugh at the realization the color scheme carried over into their clothing.
She was shoved out of her depth as the women explained various packages and services they offered and asked her what treatments she wanted that day. She raised her eyebrows and looked to her mother-in-law for guidance.
Tracy smiled at the staff helping them and threw Izzy a wink. “Everything.” She handed over Tanner’s credit card nonchalantly and followed the women into the back, beckoning Izzy to follow.
“What do you mean everything?” She whispered the question to Tracy. “That will take all day and cost a small fortune.”
Just as they reached the changing rooms, Tracy turned to her and grabbed her hand. “Honey, my son is an idiot. Truly he is. And I have no intention of selling you on him or begging you to forgive him. But for the first time since Michael handed the company over to Tanner, I’m seeing a glimpse of the guy who brought you to our house for Thanksgiving a dozen years ago.” A sly grin spread across her face. “And I think we need to enjoy every second of his guilt and have a wonderful day together.”
Izzy just stared at her for a long moment. “But what if everything goes back to the way it was?” She hadn’t dared to let herself think about that too often and certainly hadn’t voiced her concern to Tanner, but she had always felt closer to his mother than her own. And she finally found the strength to voice her fear.
Tracy Carlisle wrapped her arms around her daughter-in-law and pulled her in for a close hug, the fluffy robe falling off her arm. “Oh Izzy, honey.” She rubbed a hand up and down her back soothingly before pulling away to look in her eyes. “I can’t predict the future, Iz, all I can do is tell you I’ve never seen my son this devastated, or this motivated, in his life.”
A smile tugged at Izzy’s lips, and she wrinkled her nose. “Is it wrong that I’m just a little happy to hear that Tanner is completely devastated?”
Laughing, the older woman squeezed her shoulders again and shooed her into the changing room. “Not at all, honey, not at all.”
Six hours—and more money than she cared to admit—later, Izzy drove home, more relaxed than she’d ever been in her life. The sunlight dropping lower in the sky caught the glitter in the blue nail polish on her fingers, identical to the shade on her toes, and Izzy couldn’t help but grin.
When Tanner proposed the idea of taking forty-three days to prove himself to her, she expected lavish gifts, expensive wine and fancy dinners. She never dreamed of family nights, a picnic at Wake Forest, or a night under the stars. She certainly never dreamed Tanner would plan a “date” and then completely exclude himself from it. She cast a quick glance to the vase overflowing with roses and daisies beside her. Well, almost completely exclude.
She pulled her car into the garage and sat for just a few moments. A thought had been running through her head the entire day as she lay with a facial mask in place or having each knot in her shoulders firmly massaged.
She missed Tanner.
It was something she hadn’t allowed herself to think when his nights at the office grew later and later or his business trips increased in frequency. She’d rationalized it all because he was trying to prove he was as good as his father. As capable, as dependable, and as successful. So she’d supported him and never complained.
But she missed Tanner.
In the past two weeks, she had started to feel a glimmer of hope. The Tanner that could read her like a book, the Tanner that begged her to let him slay every dragon, the Tanner that had been gone for more than three years, was finally showing up.
She was equal parts thrilled and terrified. And she wasn’t sure she could ever touch him, kiss him, or even look at him without thoughts of her intruding.
But she still missed Tanner.
The idea started to grow and a slow smile spread across her face as she finally forced her legs into motion and walked into the house. She stopped, dumbfounded to find Tanner in the kitchen, putting dishes away.
He turned and pinned her with the smile that still curled her toes. “Hey, sweetheart. How was your day?”
She dropped her purse on the island and stood a few feet away from him, leaning her back against the counter. “It was…” She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling and searched for the right words. “Amazing. I don’t know how you manage to give me things I don’t even know I want.”
Tanner closed the overhead cabinet and folded his arms across his chest. He lifted one shoulder. “I’m paying attention now, Belle.” He shook his head and looked at the floor. “I know I wasn’t for a long time, but I am now.”
“I, um, I wanted to talk to you.” She looked around, suddenly realizing the house was exceptionally quiet. “Where are the kids?”
He chuckled and propped his hip on the counter. “Asleep. We spent the entire afternoon at my parents’ house. In the pool, riding the horses, cleaning the stalls—”
Izzy held up a hand. “Ava and Noah? They cleaned the stalls?”
Tanner shrugged again with a mischievous smile. “They helped. And after all that, they were happy to go to bed early.”
She pushed off the island and took a couple of steps closer to him. “I miss you.”
His hands fell to his sides, and he took a step toward her, so close they were nearly touching. “I’m right here, sweetheart.”
Her gaze fell and she saw the muscles in his hand twitch. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, but she knew he wasn’t going to make the first move. She met his stare and laced her fingers with his.
“I know and I…” She bit her bottom lip. The nerves overwhelming her at the prospect of asking a simple question were ridiculous. He was her first love. Her husband. The one person on the earth who knew every part of her better than she did, and she really was going to ask him this? Izzy took a deep breath. “I wanted to know if you’d like to…sleep with me tonight? I-I don’t m-mean like that. I’m not ready for that. I-I just—”
“One condition.” He cut her off and held up a finger.
She couldn’t resist grinning at him. “That business degree rears its ugly head again. Okay, Mr. MBA, what’s your counter offer?”
He lifted their joined hands and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. “That I get to hold you.”
***
The soft click of the door latch echoed like a gun shot in Izzy’s head, and she couldn’t help but jump.
He left.
Her mind replayed their fight over and over as she stared at the closed door. He yelled at her and then he left.
The tears began to fall, and she felt like the air had been sucked from her lungs. She stumbled over to the couch and fell into it, gasping for air. They fought. He left. They were over. This was how relationships ended.
Over. The word repeated in her mind like a broken record. She clapped her hands over her ears to try to avoid hearing the single word.
A new thought popped into her brain that caused her barely beating heart to suddenly race. Where was she going to go? She’d only gotten student loans to cover tuition and books. Even if she had the money, there were no available dorms. She couldn’t possibly ask her dad. That bridge was burned. There was no way her mother could afford the thousands needed to get her own apartment.
She couldn’t avoid the hysterical laughter that bubbled up. Tanner promised to take care of her. Begged her to trust him and take a chance on him. And now she was going to be homeless.
At least she wouldn’t have to worry about packing the cookware if she was homeless.
Izzy felt like she was going to throw up. She felt like she was going insane. She felt like her world had just spun into another orbit.
Three deep breaths later, she finally found the strength to stand, square her shoulders, and dry her tears. What had she always told Tanner? She could take care of herself. Even if that meant doing it with a broken heart and living in her car for the next two months while she finished school. She would take care of herself.
She stared at the closet and chewed on her bottom lip. There was no way she could fit all her clothes into the two suitcases she owned. Her gaze fell on the black dress Tanner had bought for her birthday and suddenly her cheeks were wet again. She swiped at them angrily. She couldn’t afford to cry. She needed to pack and leave before Tanner came back. If he came back.
She shook her head to dispel the avalanche of thoughts that followed. Where was he? Would he come back tonight? She gulped back the threatening sobs. Would he even miss her when he did?
There wasn’t time to think about that. She had to figure out what to do with her clothes. Garbage bags. Whatever didn’t fit in the suitcases would go in garbage bags. She barked out a hollow laugh. A homeless bag lady. Perfect. Her father would be so proud.
Izzy began stuffing clothes from the closet in bags, carefully avoiding the black dress. That would definitely be staying. She moved to the dresser and began to fill the suitcases with the clothes she wore most often, hoping to keep them relatively wrinkle free.
She scoffed at herself. She was losing her home, any possessions she couldn’t fit in her car, and more important than either of those things, she was losing Tanner. And she was worried about her clothes.
“What the hell are you doing?”
She hadn’t heard the door or his footsteps. The shock from hearing his voice made her drop the stack of shirts she was valiantly trying to fit into the first suitcase. “I-I’m s-sorry. I was h-h-hoping to be done b-before you got back.” The stupid tears began to collect at the corners of her eyes and she cursed each one, not wanting to show Tanner how much leaving hurt.
He stalked across the room, picked up the shirts from the floor, and put them back in the dresser. “It’s a damn good thing you weren’t. I’m too tired to spend the whole night chasing you down and bringing you back.” Tanner folded his arms and leaned his back against the doorframe. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Izzy waved a hand around the room helplessly. “I-I can’t afford to stay here on my own.”
His gaze narrowed. “Who said anything about you staying here on your own?”
She rubbed her first two fingers up and down her temple and shook her head. She couldn’t understand a word he was saying, and she certainly couldn’t keep looking at him. Her heart was ripped to shreds and he was standing here like they were having a perfectly normal conversation about…what? Becoming roommates?
Her stomach lurched at the thought of sharing an apartment with Tanner and seeing him bring home a parade of different girls. Hearing their screams coming from their bedroom—no, his bedroom. She really was going to throw up.
Her chin quivered and she gave up holding back the tears. “Tanner, there is no way I can become your roommate after…everything. We-this-us…” She sighed as the tears streaked down her face. “It makes sense that I’m the one that leaves. I promise I’ll be gone soon.”
In three large strides, he crossed the room and gathered her in his arms. If she thought her heart was broken before, now it was shattered. A goodbye hug? Is that something people did? Her parents certainly hadn’t parted amicably. There was only screaming and bitterness. Did normal couples end their relationships like this?
She couldn’t stop her arms from encircling his neck or her tears from soaking the shoulder of his shirt. Tanner wasn’t just her boyfriend. He was her best friend. Losing him meant losing so much more than a first love.
When his hands gripped her sides and pushed her away, she felt gutted. Broken. “Sweetheart, we had an argument.” His voice was soft and soothing. “This doesn’t change a damn thing and it sure as hell doesn’t mean you leave. The only thing that happens right now is I apologize for being a complete and total asshole and beg you to forgive me. But nobody leaves.”
Izzy froze. That’s not how it worked. Was it? Her parents fought, her dad left. That’s how it happened, right? You didn’t yell at someone you loved. You didn’t fight with someone you wanted to spend your life with. Fighting meant you were over…didn’t it?
“You said you don’t know why we’re together,” she stuttered out between hiccups.
Tanner winced. “That’s where the apologizing for being an asshole thing comes in, sweetheart. I sure as hell know why I’m with you. You are smart and strong and the sexiest damn thing on two legs. I have no clue why the hell you put up with me, though.” He sighed and tightened his grip on her waist. “I don’t have an excuse for anything I said or did. I was worried, I was tired, and I couldn’t think clearly. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
Disbelief swept through her, followed closely by hope. “W-we’re not over?”
The color drained from his face. He pulled her tight against his body, lifting her feet off the ground. “No. Hell no. We aren’t over. We are a forever thing, sweetheart. Unless you can’t forgive me for being a sorry son of a—”
Izzy grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him deeply. Her chest swelled and her not-so-shattered heart finally started beating again.
Tanner lowered her down slowly, not breaking the kiss until her feet reached the floor. “Belle, I can’t promise we will never fight again and I can’t promise I’ll never act like a total prick again, but I promise you that a fight doesn’t mean we’re over. It doesn’t mean anyone leaves.”
She nodded rapidly and struggled to find the words she needed to say. “It’s just…I just…” She heaved a sigh and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing a cheek to his chest. “I don’t ever remember my parents fighting until the day my dad left and I-I just thought…”
He hooked a finger under her chin. “We aren’t and never will be your parents, sweetheart. That I can definitely promise.”