Izzy
“Do you want me to leave?”
Izzy dropped the washing machine lid down with a loud bang and spun around to face him. “No.” The word erupted from her mouth without any help from her brain. “No, I don’t want you to go. I-I don’t want the kids to come home without you here.”
Tanner leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb. “What about you Be-Isabelle?” His blue eyes dropped to the floor for a moment before pinning her with a beseeching stare. “Do you want me to leave?”
Did she? Her first thought was exactly what she had said. Her broken heart was screaming “no.” Her mind wasn’t quite as convinced. She opened and closed her mouth several times trying to formulate an answer.
“I don’t want to.” His words were barely above a whisper, but the note of agony made her wince. “The last thing I want right now is to leave. I want you to hit me, scream at me, or throw something, but I damn sure don’t want to leave.” His hand reached out to touch hers, but he pulled it back at the last minute, folding his arms across his broad chest instead. “But what I want doesn’t matter. What do you want? I’ll do whatever you want.”
Her lips curved, but there was no warmth in the haunted smile. “I’ve thought about throwing something at you.” Izzy sighed and rubbed her temple where the throbbing grew. “It’s really inconvenient to have you as my best friend. It’s really, really pathetic that you’ve been my entire world for so long that I don’t know if I want you to hold me or if I want to lock you out of the house.”
She snorted and shook her head. “You were, ya know? You and the kids were my entire world. Nothing made me happier than taking care of you and the kids because I thought,” she made a strangled sound in the back of her throat, “I thought you were all in just like I was. I had no clue that less than forty-eight hours away from me, from us, would be enough to make you willing to throw it all away. Tanner, you didn’t just screw up our marriage. You ruined my entire life.”
Izzy watched as Tanner’s face paled with every word she spoke. The part of her that was urging her to forgive him, let him hold her and kiss away every tear, ached at the sight. She was growing to hate that part of herself.
“You were my everything and I was…what? Easy enough to replace in two days? Pretty forgettable when some girl in a tight skirt—”
He crossed the few feet separating them and grabbed her face, cradling it between his hands. The back of her legs hit against the washing machine at the movement. His eyes were wide and tinged with panic. “No, Belle, no. Dammit, this had nothing to do with you. I did this. I screwed up. You are smart and sexy and damn near perfect. I’m a selfish, thoughtless asshole that will do anything in the world to make this right.”
Because his words left her speechless, because she didn’t have the strength to fight with him at that moment, and just because it was Tanner, when he lowered his head to touch his lips against hers, she did nothing more than melt into his kiss and his arms. This is Tanner, her heart reminded her as his mouth caressed hers. Her hands found his chest and crept up and around his shoulders.
She felt wetness against her cheek, and the ache in her soul deepened with the realization the tears were from Tanner. Her dry eyes started to fill again, and she couldn’t stop herself from pulling him closer.
This is Tanner.
And less than twenty-four hours ago he was holding someone else. Kissing someone else. Pressing every inch of the body she knew so well against someone new, someone who wasn’t her. Did he touch her the way he is touching me now?
She pushed against his shoulders and broke their kiss. She clamped her lips between her teeth and bit back the urge to say every thought that had been racing through her head. As much as she wanted to know, knowing might kill her.
“I don’t want you to leave.” She tightened her hand against his chest, gathering a fistful of his blue shirt. “But I can’t do that again either.”
Against her mind screaming at her to stop, she ran her free hand over the light brown, closely trimmed facial hair covering his square jaw. Her forehead dropped against his chest and her tears started to fall, soaking the front of his shirt. In that moment she needed nothing more than a best friend. Someone to tell her to walk away from him. Someone to tell her to forgive him because it was one mistake in twelve years. Someone to tell her what to do so she didn’t have to make this decision herself.
But because Tanner had been so busy and someone needed to take the kids to their practices, rehearsals, and recitals, her friends had fallen away.
Izzy slipped past him and stood in the laundry room doorway for a few beats. “I don’t want you to leave,” she repeated and swiped the tears off her cheeks. “But I don’t want you in bed with me tonight. I can’t be that close to you right now.”
“Right now, or forever?” He shook his head and rested a hand on the churning machine in front of him. “I know, I know I don’t have a right to ask that.”
Her eyes drifted to the small window where the sun was starting to fade. “I don’t even know if I’m going to sleep tonight, much less what’s going to happen tomorrow.” She dared to peek at Tanner. He had both hands braced on the washing machine and his head was hanging down. “Tomorrow we’ll figure out what we’re going to do.”
“I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to regret this for the rest of my life and love you long after I take my last breath.” He turned to her with a helpless expression on his face. “That’s what I’m going to do, Be-Isabelle. I’ll, um, I’ll finish this.” He waved behind him. “You can go to bed. And please try to sleep.”
She nodded and turned, climbing the stairs quickly. How could she remind him that she never slept well without him beside her? She slid between the pale yellow sheets, not bothering to take off her t-shirt and shorts. Izzy pulled his pillow flush against her chest and inhaled the cedarwood and musk scent that clung to it…and the tears started to fall again. She couldn’t possibly live without this smell and this man in her life.
***
Tanner kissed her deeply. “You are required to be at every game from now until forever.” He punctuated each word with another kiss, and Izzy couldn’t help but laugh. “That was the best I’ve ever played. You’re my good luck charm. I’m dead serious, sweetheart. My family? Jinxes. Every last one of ’em. They’re only allowed to come to my last game of the season.”
Her fingers dove into his hair, still damp from a quick shower in the locker room after the game. “You were great tonight. And there is a little bit of an ego rush to know the handsome quarterback is my boyfriend.”
His blue eyes sparkled and he tugged at her waist, pulling her tighter against him and pointedly ignoring the other players slapping his back as they passed. “Handsome? Why sugar, you’re gonna give me a big head talkin’ like that.” He embellished his drawl and made her laugh more.
Izzy stepped back and linked her hand with his, turning to the parking lot and dragging him with her. “Come on, MVP, dinner’s on me. You’ve got to be starving. I’ll even drive so you can rest.”
“Damn straight I’m hungry. I’m nearly emaciated.” Tanner lifted his shirt and ran their joined hands over his muscular midsection. Izzy let out a small gasp at the contact, and Tanner grinned at her. “Did ya say something, Belle?”
Relief flooded through her when they reached her car. She shook her head and pulled her hand away, pretending to dig in her purse for her keys. “Nope. Where do you want to go for dinner?”
He plucked the keys out of her grasp and unlocked the driver’s door, opening it for her. Before she got in, he grabbed her hand, slid the keys into her palm, and turned her to face him with only the door separating them. “What are you hungry for, Belle?” His voice deepened with passion, and he lowered his head to brush his lips across hers before trailing down her neck.
All logical thought and sense of where they were standing fled. He affected her in a way no one before him ever had. It was thrilling. It was terrifying. If she didn’t watch out, she’d wind up falling in love with him.
Finally able to calm her breathing enough to speak, she swallowed deeply and hoped her voice wouldn’t give away any of her thoughts. “Tacos.”
His lips immediately stilled at the single word. After a few beats he started laughing and stepped back. He waved her into the car and shut her door before crossing around the front and falling into the passenger’s seat. “You’re pretty damn cute, ya know that, Belle?”
A blush crept up her neck as she guided the car carefully away from the stadium. “And you are a terrible passenger for distracting me.”
But throughout the short drive to the all-night taco place, and while he easily devoured six tacos by himself in record time, the idea of falling in love with Tanner kept echoing through her mind. Was that what it was called when you found it adorable that he could sit there for several minutes, oblivious to the spot of taco sauce on his cheek? Was love what made her stomach fill with butterflies every time she heard him call her Belle? Or the warm feeling that spread through her when he kept looking up in the stands during the game to make sure she was still there?
They had only been dating for a month. She shook her head and pulled into her parking spot. It wasn’t possible that she loved him.
“You really should let me take you back to your dorm.” She chewed on her bottom lip. His head was leaning against the headrest and his eyes were closed. He looked exhausted.
Tanner shook his head, not moving it from the seat or opening his eyes. “Nope, I can walk back. And there’s no way I’m letting my girl walk to her dorm in the dark alone.”
Izzy snorted and rolled her eyes. “All I have to do is manage a treacherous fifty feet from my car to the door. In a nearly straight line. You, on the other hand, will have to go clear to the other side of the campus. Besides, your girl is from New York. She can take care of herself.”
He rotated his head slightly, popped one eye open, and offered her a lazy grin. “I know and that makes you hotter.” He lifted their joined hands to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand. “But you don’t have to anymore.”
Just like always, he held open her door and made sure her car was locked before handing her back the keys. He held her hand tightly in his until they reached her dorm. “Thanks for dinner, Belle.” He turned her to face him and locked his arms around her waist.
“D-do you want to come in? I-I don’t m-mean like that. I’m not ready for that. I-I just…” She slid her arms up to his shoulders and fought the urge to bury her hot face in his chest. “I don’t want to say goodbye yet.”
Tanner brushed his lips across hers, took the keys from her hand, and unlocked the door. He lifted one eyebrow and grinned. “One condition.”
She rolled her eyes and pulled out of his grasp long enough to walk into her room and close the door behind them. “So that business major of yours rears its ugly head again. Go on, let’s hear the counter offer.”
He collapsed on her bed and stretched his long body out, cuddling her memory foam pillow. “Geez, Belle, even your pillow is amazing. Okay, counter offer.” He propped himself up on one elbow and patted the small space beside him. “I stay for a while as long as I get to hold you.”
Izzy laid down next to him, running a hand down his cheek. “Just lay here? All night?”
“Just lay here,” he confirmed. “For as long as you want.”
She captured her bottom lip between her teeth. She wanted him next to her tonight, all night, and preferably every night to come. But there was no way she’d say that out loud. “All night.”
He heaved a dramatic sigh and pulled her even closer, tucking her head under his chin. “Fine, but you’re gonna owe me for this, Belle.”
“Oh really?” she questioned with a soft kiss against the cotton material of his shirt. “For giving you the gift of my single room and amazing pillow for the night?”
“For getting me used to having you in my arms all night. It’s going to ruin me for sleep for the rest of my life.”
His last words ended on a mumble, and Izzy was incredibly grateful when he began snoring just a few moments later. She didn’t want to have to admit the impact his words had on her. And she certainly couldn’t admit to feeling exactly the same way.