Waiting
There’s no way this is my life. Shooter and I have fallen into an easy routine, a little too easy. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. We haven’t discussed Shep other than for Shooter to tell me I have nothing to worry about in him ever showing up somewhere I am. Secretly, I hope he is dead. I don’t want him to get anyone else or come after me.
“Tessie, it’s time to go home,” Mom interrupts my thoughts. “I’m ready to be back in my space, not living out of a few dresser drawers at Shooter’s. I know he’s good for you and Axel, but I want to have my own things again.”
Sighing, I face what I already know. “You’re right, Mom.”
I am not happy about it, but it’s not fair to ask her to continue on just for the sake of my time with Shooter. She is used to her space, her things. Routine is better for her disease. Plus, only having a few things with us, Axel is missing his toys as well. I spend the day packing all our things that have found their own homes here.
We are at my mom’s house, trying to settle in when I get a text from Shooter that he will be home late because he is going to go see Fred. I know I am wrong for not telling him earlier. Finding courage, I pick up the phone and call him.
“Hey, baby,” he greets.
“I got your message. I, ummm… We came home. Mom wanted to be back around her things, so we came back to her house.”
“You moved out without talking to me?” he questions, the hurt evident in his voice.
“It’s time, Shooter. You said we were safe.”
“Well, fuck me for thinking we had long since moved past that. Fuck me for thinking we were building something. Damn, Tessie.”
“Shooter—” I start, but he quickly interrupts.
“It’s fine, Tessie. I thought something different. I get it. I made plans with Axel to go to a dirt track race with Rex this weekend, just tell me I can still do that. I don’t want to let him down.”
“Of course you can. Shooter, this doesn’t change anything between us, only where we sleep.”
“You really think it’s that simple?”
“We invaded your life, your space, without asking. It was time to give you your house back.”
“Did I ever complain? A house is just four walls filled with shit, but you made it home for me. It wasn’t home for you, though; I get that now. Look, I gotta go. I’ll see you around, Tessie. Take care. When you do Axel’s bedtime story, he likes the voices. Give that to him for me please.”
Before I can say another word, he disconnects, leaving me in tears. I have been waiting for the other shoe to fall and here it is. Nothing good ever lasts for me.
Four days later—more importantly, four long, sleepless nights later—Shooter is on his way to pick up Axel for the races tonight. Axel hasn’t been happy since we left Shooter’s even though Shooter has called him daily. Shooter may not have much to say to me, but my son is still a priority and a part of his day. Axel has missed their evening time together and the morning race to beat me to breakfast in order to avoid oatmeal. Yesterday, I even offered him cereal, and he asked for oatmeal, saying it wasn’t the same without Shooter.
Hearing Rex pull up on his motorcycle, I smile when I look out and see Shooter is in the Challenger. I know Axel will be on the back of a bike sooner rather than later, but I am not ready to let go yet. At least I don’t have to face that battle tonight.
I step out on the front porch, wanting to see Shooter before Axel is out here with us and he can escape.
The two men who hold different pieces of me, for different reasons, are walking up to me. Rex hugs me, while Shooter actually stands back, just watching me. Nervously, I tuck my hair behind my ears.
“I’m gonna go meet Gigi and see my boy. You two need to sort your shit. He’s miserable, you look like hell, Tessie, and Axel misses the fuck outta him and the way it was. He called yesterday, asking me to fix it so y’all would be back at Shooter’s. Don’t make me be the reasonable one here; just talk, fuck, call it good, and make each other happy. Make my boy happy forever, and let’s move on. Kumbaya, happy camper bullshit. Thanks.” At that statement, he walks into my mom’s house, leaving me silently staring at the man my heart beats for.
“Andy,” I whisper.
Before I can move or react, his arms are around me as his lips crash down, claiming me in a kiss that leaves me breathing heavily.
“I’m an ass,” he says, pulling away and dropping his head into the curve of my neck.
Wrapping my arms around him, I inhale deeply. “I shoulda talked to you. I let my insecurities help me run away.”
His head lifts, looking at me with sincerity in his eyes. He gently brushes his lips to mine. “I’ve been dead to the world for far too long. I went and saw Fred. You were right; he needed me. He didn’t blame me. He said she had been on and off anti-depressants for years and didn’t tell me. It was what I needed, only I came home to an empty house. You weren’t there. Axel wasn’t there. Gigi wasn’t there. I’ve never wanted to come home to someone until you. Baby, you made me alive again.”
“What do we do? I miss you, Shooter, but I can’t leave my mom alone. She’s worked hard my entire life to make my dreams come true, even if they didn’t work out how I planned. I can’t force her along for the ride of my life without considering her comfort.”
“Move in with me. I’ll add an addition to the house for her where she has her own space but is still with us,” Shooter states calmly, like this is deciding dinner.
“Andy—”
“Don’t. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve broken, I’ve rebuilt, and I’ve watched everyone around me. I’ve watched myself. I know what I want. Your mom, your boy, and you, that’s my lifeline. I’ve spent years shutting everything out so I don’t feel. I’ve spent years existing, going through the motions. Well, no more. I want to spend the rest of my days making memories with Axel. I’ve watched your body break and heal. Now, I want to watch it grow with our babies. I want your mom to spend more time living, not worrying over you, Axel, or her health. I’ll bust my ass to make sure all of you have everything you need. Move in with me, baby. Let’s live together. Breathe with me and be with me.”
Tears fill my eyes that he really wants this. Kissing him first, I then only manage to nod my head in reply.
“Okay, no kissing in front of the kids; that includes me as the overgrown child. Let’s go, loverboy. We got a race to get to. Say ‘see ya later, Mom,’” Rex says, coming out of the house with Axel beside him.
“See ya later, Momma. Shooter, let’s go, man. It’s dude time, no chicks allowed. Sorry, Mom.” I laugh at my son’s goodbye. Oh, my, Rex is already having an influence.
Shooter kisses my forehead as Axel grabs his wrist and tugs him away and towards the car.
“We’ll sort out the details tonight when I get back, baby. Wait up,” he says with a wink before getting my son settled in the back seat of his car.
As they pull away, I can’t help thinking, There goes my heart, my world, my life. Knowing he is coming home to me, knowing that we will work this out, knowing I mean as much to him as he does to me, knowing that my son adores him, and knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, he is everything I want for my future, I am finally at peace. There is no more waiting for the next bad thing. No matter what happens to me, as long as I have my son, my mom, and Shooter, I know I can get through it.
“Why are you so on edge today?” Tessie asks, not hiding her annoyance with my demeanor.
“You don’t have to go today if you don’t want to,” I remind her for the hundredth time.
“Are you gonna leave me there?” she asks, mocking me.
“You fuckin’ know better. I’m just say—”
“Just sayin’ nothing. Boomer and you go way back, and he’s earned his cut. It’s his patch party. I miss Corinne and even Purple Pussy Pamela. Doll will be there. Rex even said Caroline is coming. Shep doesn’t get to control me. We’re going to Ruthless to be at Boomer’s patch party, end of story. Now, kiss me breathless.”
And kiss her breathless, I do.
The small box in my saddlebag is calling for me to grab it and just do it. My girl deserves more than that, though. I took her mom with me to pick out the pearl engagement ring. Gigi said Tessie wouldn’t want the traditional diamond. Simple, classy, and filled with grace, the pearl ring with two ruby accents is perfect for Tessie’s delicate hand.
It took eight weeks to add the guest house to my back deck. A covered walkway that is perfect for Claire’s wheelchair is all that separates her from us. She has her own bedroom, bathroom, living area, and kitchen. There is an alarm linked to the main house so she can reach us should she need to. She gets to have her independence while still being right here with us. Her house is currently on the market.
Tessie is going back to school at the local community college this fall. With Rex now paying child support, she is still working at Brinkley’s without worrying about every penny like she was before. She hasn’t been back to Ruthless yet, until tonight. That’s where we are going for Boomer’s party.
The vote was taken at the last sermon. Boomer is a fully patched brother to the Hellions MC now. Tripp also informed us that the Desert Ghosts have been dealing with some interclub turmoil, but received our message loud and clear.
Thorn apparently doesn’t want any further problems and has given his word there will be no retaliation from them. He understands why we had to have Shep. As for his brother’s behavior, he has no answer for us.
While we will never be affiliated with the Desert Ghosts again—they are forever our enemy—at least we don’t have to worry about war for the time being. Tripp expects them to toe the line and warned Thorn that, if even one of them crosses into our territory, we will put every single one of them in the ground.
Pulling up to Ruthless, I don’t want to climb off my bike. Having Tessie wrap her arms around me, her thighs pressed firmly against me as the gravel slides under us, is a calm I have never known. Feeling her breathing behind me, the wind blowing around us, I am truly alive again. My heart beats for her.
She climbs off, and I can’t help pulling her in close to me. She is straddling my leg as I sit on my bike in front of the place that brought her pain.
Bringing my hands behind her neck, I squeeze and bring her forehead against mine. “We can leave. Go for a ride. Baby, you don’t have to—”
“Shut up, kiss me, and then let’s go congratulate your brother,” she whispers.
Kissing her, I get lost in us, forgetting everything until the whistles sound around us. Pulling away, I run my thumb over her bottom lip.
“I love you, Tessie,” I breathe out, needing her to know, needing her to hear me say the words before she walks back inside this place.
She smiles at me, her eyes dancing with love, security, and life. She is okay. She is strength in a small package. She is perseverance. No matter what is thrown at her, she will fight through it. That is my ol’ lady.
“I love you, Andy,” she whispers back to me as I climb off my bike.
I squeeze her clammy, shaking hand as we cross the threshold. Getting her to the bar, I nod to Corinne to come over. I sit on the stool, positioning Tessie between my legs with her back to my chest.
“Inhale, baby. Blow out the breath. This is your family. Every patched brother in here will die for you before we allow harm to come to you. I’m sorry, baby; so sorry for what happened to you. I’m with you now, and he’s gone. You are a survivor. You fought to live, and you won, baby. You won for you. You won for your mom. You won for Axel. And, baby, you won for me. Breathe, Tessie, and tonight, live for everything you have overcome.”
She relaxes into me and the shaking stops. Kissing her neck, I keep my arms wrapped around her as she talks briefly to Corinne about work and life.
Taking a pull off the beer Corinne sat in front of me, I relax for the first time tonight. Across the room, I see Boomer and give him a chin lift. I am not moving and dragging her deeper into this bar, which would be closer to the room. He makes his way over with Pamela hanging off one shoulder like an extra appendage.
“Hey, brother,” I greet my long-time friend.
“So, you made it for real, then? She’s your ol’ lady more than just as words now?” Boomer questions, not holding anything back.
“It’s always been more than just words,” I admit, also holding nothing back.
“Good for you. There isn’t another man more deserving of happiness than you,” Boomer says before squeezing Pamela’s ass as she sucks on his neck, most likely marking my brother.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. Sliding off the bar stool, I take Tessie by the hand and guide her outside so I can take the call.
“Jenkins,” I answer, not recognizing the number.
“Shooter, it’s Young. How’s the weather? Is it hot?” My old teammate, Lucas Young, replies, letting me know he needs to make sure I have some privacy. He fell off the grid a few years back and none of us have heard from him. The last update was that he took a contracted team job. I am curious as to why he would contact me now.
“I’m warm at the moment. What’s happenin’, stranger?” I reply, letting him know my answers will be limited, yet I can listen.
“Need a contact for a motorcycle club in South Florida. A trustworthy, walk both sides of the line type of contact.”
“Hammer,” I answer simply. Hammer will either help him or find someone who can.
“Roger.” With that one word, the call is disconnected.
Good to know he is alive. We all have our own paths to follow.
Looking at my ol’ lady, I know what I need to do.
“Take a ride with me, baby?” I ask, not wanting to take her back in the bar.