Consume Me No More
“Shooter, you were young. You couldn’t have known she was in such a dark place in her mind.”
“Age doesn’t matter. She loved me. I took her every dream away without giving it a second thought.”
“Haven’t we all been selfish at that age? Everyone is. I was. It didn’t matter that Mom was sick and working two jobs to help me at college. I was chasing dreams. Tunnel vision gets us all at some point. You were focused on having a career. Very few eighteen-year-old boys know what they want to do and go after it; but you did, and she wasn’t ready to handle that. Some people can’t take change, and you were in a situation of constant change. Shooter, you can’t blame yourself for her shortcomings.”
His eyes watch me carefully. It is evident he has never talked about this with anyone. He has never allowed himself to see beyond Tracie’s words.
Deciding to be brave, I move up and brush my lips against his gently. Breathing in, I take his bottom lip between my own and suck. His hands come up my sides as he kisses me back. Passion ignites, and I want so much more from this man. Pulling away, I watch as his eyes dance with lust and an emotion I can’t read.
“Let go of her hold on you. Depression can easily consume someone. It’s the darkness you can’t escape, the silence that is so deafening. I heard you whisper to me in the night once. You know, about it. She was trapped in what she wanted and couldn’t have, not seeing the blessings she held in her hands. You’re an amazing man, Andy Jenkins, but you can’t save the world. You can’t pull someone out if they don’t grab onto the hand being extended.”
“Baby—”I cut him off with another kiss.
“You saved me when I was in the darkness. You held me how many nights, to remind me I wasn’t alone? You are my light. You are my strength when I have none left inside. When my mind was consumed by thoughts of that night, you helped me find my way out. Shep consumes me no more because of you. Let go of the hold she has on you.”
His eyes dance with a need I can’t read. Cupping his face in both of my hands, I kiss him again, deciding to hold nothing back. Our tongues tangle as I run my hands up into his hair.
Moving over him, I lay my chest to his and feel him hardening under me as his hands roam the curves of my ass. I could kiss him for a lifetime and still feel like it is not enough.
His hand comes up under my top, running along my spine. When he brings his hands up my sides, his thumbs run under the curves of my small breasts. I pause momentarily at the contact. He tenses under me, causing me to pull away.
“Baby, you okay?” he asks. His eyes are glazed over in lust, yet he is concerned for me.
“Yes. My mind went back to it…to him for a split second, that’s all. You can’t take it away. It happened, but I’m ready to move past it… with you.”
Leaning up, I remove my cami pajama top, exposing my buds to him. I have never been large, except when I was pregnant with Axel. I have always been a B cup.
Shooter’s large hands easily cover my breasts, causing me to shudder at the contact. It has been so long since I have allowed myself to relax and feel pleasure in my body again.
I drop my head down and kiss Shooter again as he squeezes my breasts, causing me to moan as my panties dampen with desire. I need this. I need him.
Rocking my hips against his erection, I seek friction. He feels so good, so large, so all consuming.
Pulling away, I tug his shirt up and over his head, wanting to feel him skin on skin. His lips get tight as I forget about his ribs. Shifting, I can tell he is uncomfortable. He has one leg off the couch and uses it to slide himself farther upright into the corner of the arm of the couch. When he does, it moves me to straddle him.
As his jean clad erection hits my sweet spot, I rock my hips as I crash my lips to his, no longer caring to be gentle. Moving, I kiss his neck, nipping at his earlobe.
His hands roam my exposed skin, snaking down to my shorts. When he cups my ass, I grind into him, wanting more as lust takes over. He kneads my ass as I continue to dry hump him, unable to stop myself from wanting more. As his fingers brush along my pussy, I moan.
“Axel,” he whispers. “What room is Axel in?”
Pulling back, I stop moving and look in Shooter’s eyes. Is he trying to kill my libido? Does he not want me? His rigid cock makes it evident he wants to fuck, but maybe it’s not me he wants.
Lifting up to sit on him, I cover my breasts with my arms, feeling my embarrassment creep up.
“My mom’s room,” I reply, not wanting to admit that I sent my son to sleep in her room because I wasn’t going to be sleeping without Shooter being home. No way am I ready to admit my feelings for him. No way can I tell him that I depend on him. Can I?
Before my mind can wander further into the depths of my insecurity, I am placed on my feet from his lap. Shooter is quickly standing and taking me by the hand to lead me to the room I have been staying in. He shuts and locks the door behind us before going over to the bed we have been sharing. He unbuttons his jeans and unzips them to give his erection more room before lying down, pulling me down beside him.
“We don’t have to do this, baby. Anytime you want to stop, we will. I’m not going to have you moaning or calling out my name where your son could walk out and find us, though.”
Fuck! Will I ever learn to think? I let my hormones run wild and didn’t give a second thought to who could come out to the living room and find us.
Sensing my change in thought, Shooter’s lips crash into mine, sending shivers through my body. Needing more, I reach my hand down his pants and into his boxers.
He is thick and long when I wrap my hand around him and slide down his length. He kisses me harder as his hands slide my pajama bottoms and panties down. His pre-cum moistens the head, and I use it to lubricate my hand and continue to slowly stroke him, imagining how good he will feel stretching me.
As his fingers reach my exposed pussy, he teases my trimmed, narrow line of pubic hair, causing me to buck, wanting more contact from him. He cups my pussy with the palm of his hand and uses his fingers to tease circles on the muscles on the sides of my juncture, causing my wetness to trickle out.
I can take no more of his teasing as I rock into his hand. I whimper in need as I continue to slowly stroke him.
He pulls out of my grip and breaks our kiss. Then he drags his nose along my jaw as he breathes on my neck, making me tremble. My body is on fire for this man, all of my senses working in overdrive.
His fingers slip between my pussy lips, rubbing circles over my clit as I cry out for more. He licks my erect nipple and blows on it, sending more sensations through me. Then one finger slowly and delicately slides in me, and for a moment, my body tenses at the invasion. For a split second, my mind tries to go back there.
“Breathe, baby. Inhale,” Shooter softly instructs, bringing me back to the here and now.
I run my hands through his hair before bringing his head back down on my breast. Taking my cue, he takes my nipple in his mouth as his tongue circles before he sucks. He begins to slide his finger out of me, but I clinch down with my inner muscles, silently begging him not to stop. He slides back in me and then out, coating my pussy in my own liquid as he continues to slowly tease me.
“Relax, Tessie. No rushing.”
He trails kisses down my stomach then kisses his way down my legs. Making his way back up, he kisses the inside of my thighs before his mouth descends upon my pussy lips. He licks as he inserts two fingers inside me, stretching me, prepping me, and sending me over the edge as my body ignites under his mouth and touch.
He continues to lick and suck while he moves his hands to massage my ass while I ride the few aftershocks of my orgasm.
“Shooter, I want you.”
His head comes up and he kisses his way back up to my neck before stopping to look at me.
“Baby, I don’t have a condom in here, and I’m not sure your mom wants to see me like this.”
“I have an IUD, and I’m clean. I’ve been checked,” I spit out, not caring about how desperate this makes me sound.
“I’m clean, too. Are you sure?”
Reaching between us, I grab his cock, feeling his pulse run through it. I bite my bottom lip and nod.
Rolling to his back, Shooter lifts me over him. “With my ribs, you gotta do the work now, baby. You wanna stop, we stop. No questions, no hard feelings. You’re in control, Tessie. Take what you want.” He spreads his arms out, lying under me as my own personal toy to do with as I please.
Leaning down, I kiss him, tasting myself on his tongue and driving me wild.
Reaching between us, I rub his cock along my pussy, moaning at the contact. After I slide his dick in me, I sit up to allow my body to adjust to his size. I have never felt so full in my life. My heart wants to burst out of my chest as I join together with the man who has captured my soul.
Slowly, I begin to move up and down over him, steadying myself by holding onto his hips.
“You. Are. So. Beautiful,” Shooter says as he watches me ride him.
Tucking my hair behind my ears, I feel nerves build up in me. Nothing has ever felt so good inside me before, but I am holding back because the emotions I have for this man are overwhelming me.
His hands come up to my hips and still me. “Never be nervous with me, baby. Inhale, Tessie. Breathe. Let go, baby. Let go and be with me.” His words calm me, the way he knows me, knows what I need.
Dropping my mouth to his, I begin to move again, kissing him as I grind, causing my breasts to rub against his chest, sending more sensations through me. He rocks up to meet me, and we both pick up our pace as our need for each other becomes too much to deny. Unable to focus on kissing him, I pull back as my orgasm builds.
“Annnndddyyyy,” I cry out, as my inner walls clamp down around him and my climax overtakes me.
I am still going through the aftershocks as he continues to pump into me, holding me steady while he finds his own release.
Dropping my head to his neck, I lie there with him still inside me as we both try to steady our breathing.
“Thank you, Shooter. That was… that was just… beautiful,” I stammer out.
“You’re what’s beautiful, baby.”
The sunlight shining through the curtains wakes me. Finding myself tangled with Tessie is heaven. After a shower spent consumed in one another, we fell asleep with her in my arms. No nightmares plagued either of us. The sound of her even breathing keeps me from moving. I don’t want to wake her, so I relax and treasure the moment.
The good things are made to push us through the bad. During all those deployments, the good would be what my team clung to in order to get through the mission at hand. Memories of Tracie would push me through. She had a smile that would light up a room. I would think of times she had really smiled, like our proms, high school football game parties, just going out four wheelin’, or her watching me work at her dad’s garage.
Her dad. I haven’t spoken to him since the day of her funeral. Would he see things the way Tessie says they are? That I couldn’t save her when she wouldn’t even reach for the hand I was holding out?
The sounds of little feet coming down the hall draw me back into reality. The strongest woman I have ever known is lying in my arms, in my house, and her son is definitely looking for me to make certain he gets to eat some sugary cereal rather than the oatmeal his mom is sure to try to feed him. We have a deal.
Since he usually is on the cot and I always end up in here holding his mom, finding me in here won’t be a surprise to him. Usually, I snake my way gently out from under Tessie and feed Axel the breakfast of his choice before she wakes up. However, today may be oatmeal day because there is no way I am giving up even one second of her being in my arms this morning. I need to know she doesn’t regret last night.
Some mornings, she wakes before us, and some mornings, she ends up getting up alone. Today, she will not wake up alone. She’s not a barfly or a random hookup. She won’t wake up alone after we shared a night together. I know she had that in her past, and I refuse to give her that in her future.
Axel knocks on the bedroom door even though it is unlocked. He has never knocked before. Granted, that was at his house and he didn’t know I was there. Tessie really has raised him with manners. As much as I would love to have her naked in my arms all day long, I am glad we both got dressed after our shower so Axel can freely come in.
I don’t know how Tessie feels about us or what she wants for her son.
“Come in, buddy,” I call out.
Tessie wakes up and, forgetting about my ribs, pushes off me, causing me to grunt in discomfort. After yesterday and then the activities of last night, I am a little more sore than usual.
“Sorry, Andy,” she whispers.
Andy, huh? It has a nice ring to it coming out of her mouth. I smile as I think of her calling out my name just hours ago.
Axel comes and jumps on the bed between us.
“Shooter, can you make my breakfast?”
“No—” Tessie starts to answer at the same time I do.
“Sure, but how about we cook something for your momma and Gigi?”
Tessie looks at me with a smile on her face, knowing I am on the oatmeal prevention task force.
Axel is bouncing in excitement.
“Momma loves pancakes. Can we make those?”
Getting out of bed, I stand and stretch slowly, careful of pulling my midsection. My chest tightens at the sight of Tessie lying in bed with Axel sitting beside her, both of them smiling up at me. This is a happiness I have never felt before. More than happiness, this is true long lasting contentment. Happiness is an emotion that comes and goes, contentment is real inner peace. I could be completely satisfied waking up to these two every morning for the rest of my life.
“Let’s go, buddy,” I say to Axel as I lean over and kiss his mom on the forehead before we head to the kitchen.
“We gotta get fruit, Shooter,” Axel states firmly when we start pulling out the pancake mix and pans.
“What’s in the fridge?” I question, not having a clue.
Tessie wasn’t in my house two hours before we had to go to the grocery store because apparently, beer, bread, and peanut butter were not balanced food groups to feed her family. Being a bachelor, those are common staples in my pantry.
“Momma says, if I’m gonna eat the sugary syrup, I gotta eat fruit. Otherwise, I’m gonna make my tummy grumpy. She says we gotta give it as much of the good as we feed it the bad.”
“Well, she’s right. You gotta keep everything in life balanced. The good shit—I mean, stuff takes care of the times we gotta go through the bad.”
“You’re the good stuff, Shooter. You balance us out, ya know.”
“Nah, Axel, you and your mom and Gigi, y’all are the best parts of my days. That’s the good stuff, knowing I get to come home to that.”
A thought hits me. How much longer will I get to come home to them? After Tripp talks to Thorn, the threat may be eliminated. What then? Will Tessie move out?