Aiden
I hadn't let her spend another night at my house. Waking up alone was too difficult to do. I wanted to be the type of man who could rest on lust alone, but it was a lie. We had messed around a bit in my office off and on, but hadn't had sex since that first night.
A large part of me wanted to tell her that I would simply help her with her finances because I cared about her, and because I wanted to see her succeed more than anything. She was brilliant and had quickly stolen the hearts and attention of most of the staff in the neurology ward, mine included.
I glanced up from my desk as Peter filled up the door to my office.
"You doing okay? I heard you had a rough time in the operating room this morning." He walked in as I motioned him to do so.
"Yes. I guess." I got up and walked around him, closing the door. We'd been together for all of my career, and I needed advice. I was starting to feel the burden of falling in love with Elizabeth, and wanted to move from lust to love with her, but that would require sacrifice from one of us. I couldn't be her mentor and have her as my woman. It wasn't accepted, not even for me.
Peter sat down into the chair in front of my desk and crossed his legs as he watched me. "Well, as long as this isn't about you packing up and leaving me, I'm good with talking about anything you need to get off your chest. We've been friends for a long time."
"Friends. Is that what we are?" I had to know where I stood before I started the conversation about Elizabeth. No one knew how I felt about her, least of all her. I'd done a damn good job of keeping myself in check, though it was impossible when she was on her knees in front of me or sitting in my lap as I ran my hands over every part of her. Love was so incredibly present in those moments that it left me aching for something more than the future I'd planned and set in motion.
"Absolutely. Do you feel differently? Have I done something to upset you?" Peter's words were filled with concern, but his expression remained calm.
"No. Not at all." I dropped down in my chair and let out a long sigh. "Do you remember the story you told me about you and Martha?"
"About us falling in love and having to keep it a secret?" He chuckled as a smile lifted his lips. "You old dog. You're in love with Elizabeth, aren't you?"
"What? How did you know that?" I sat up and pressed my hands to the desk in front of me. If Peter knew, and we barely saw each other, then maybe I hadn't been as sly as I thought.
"How could I not know? You watch her with this deep adoration every time I'm around the two of you. Others might think that it's simply pride in your pupil, but I've known you for the last ten years, Aiden. You were my pupil. You're in love with the girl, and it's killing you. Isn't it?" He brushed something from his slacks and let a comfortable silence fall between us.
I nodded as he glanced up. "Yes. I thought maybe I could just let it go, forget about it, forget about her, but I can't. I've never wanted to give anyone the world, or share my own, but I do with her."
"And what about her? Is she in love with you?"
"I don't know. I think so, but I stay as far away from the emotional side of our relationship as I can." I groaned softly and glanced up at the ceiling. "Give me my options. I need to know if there’s any hope for us without having to turn our worlds upside down."
"The hospital rules are quite specific, Aiden, but let me read them over again." He stood. "You need to try to get a hold of yourself. You cracking up and turning into a bear in the middle of the operating room isn't going to fly, and you know it. You're known for your calmness and professionalism. Don't let that change. It's not worth love, or anything else."
I nodded but didn't respond. He had no clue what Elizabeth's attention meant to me. Everyone could pretend to understand, should I share my truth, but it would be a lie. I had very few friends. And I had been fine with that up until she showed up in my hospital.
A page called out over the speakers above me, saving me from the torrent of emotion that wrecked my insides.
"Dr. Crawford. You're needed in E.R. Stat."
I jumped up and grabbed my phone, tucking it into the back of my scrubs and jogging toward the E.R. I passed up Peter and gave him a quick 'thanks' as I moved toward the action. Hopefully it would help me settle myself and find my center again. I wasn't going to last more than another week as Elizabeth's mentor, her friend, or her lover. I wanted far too much from her, and it was unfair to both of us.
Something had to give.