Rylan
We’ve walked for four blocks in total silence.
It’s just us and the moonlight – much like it was after our very first date.
It’s ironic really, that we’ve found ourselves out here again, only this time we’re so far from strangers it’s almost laughable.
She might not know everything there is to know about me yet, but right now, in this moment, I feel like I’ve seen every part of her soul.
Of course, I knew Violet painted.
I also knew she liked to keep her work to herself.
I’ve been dying to see even a glimpse of the magic she creates behind that door, but nothing could have possibly prepared me for what I saw tonight.
I’m under no illusion that me viewing her work was anything other than terrifying for her, but I had to do it.
There’s this invisible barrier between us that’s growing higher with each passing day we don’t talk about our secrets.
On her side, it’s her heart, her scars, her insecurities, and who knows what else.
On mine, it’s the secret I’m keeping from her, it’s my grief, my anger and my pain.
But that’s about to change. Right now.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
Her grip on my hand tightens and I feel terrible for my choice of wording.
I can’t even imagine the things that might be going through her head right now, but instead of addressing all the things that I’m not holding back, I’m just going to come out with the thing that I have kept from her.
“You know our blind date?” I question her, and I see her nod out of the corner of my eye. “I didn’t realise right away… but that wasn’t the first time I’d ever seen you.”
She stops walking and pulls me to a stop with her.
I’m expecting questions, confusion, and disbelief maybe… what I’m not expecting is for her to whisper the two words she does.
“I know.”
She’s looking down at her feet and I don’t like it. Violet is the embodiment of the saying ‘eyes are the windows to the soul’. Her eyes can conceal nothing, and I need to see them right now so I know we’re okay.
I reach for her chin and tip it up so she can’t hide from me any longer.
“You remember me?” I murmur. “From outside your hospital room?”
She nods, and I see her eyes begin to well up. “I recognised you the minute I saw you.”
Suddenly it all makes sense. The panic attack she had on our first date – it was because she recognised me as the man from outside her window.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
She shrugs and the tears start to fall. “Why didn’t you?”
I know what she means, and she’s right – her reasons for not speaking up are probably the same as mine have been.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain to her that she was a lifeline for me. That seeing her wake up gave me hope that maybe everything in the world wasn’t so bad after all.
I’ve never told her about my sister, but I know I need to tell her now.
I want a life with Violet, and you can’t build a life upon a mountain of secrets.
“You looked so lost,” she whispers into the darkness.
“I’ve never been as lost as I was in those hours, Violet, and for some reason, you stopped me from falling apart.”
“I don’t understand…”
“I’m not sure I do either.” I shake my head as I try to make sense of something that truly can’t be explained.
“I didn’t just happen to pass by your room, I’d been watching you for a while.”
Confusion is written all over her face, and I don’t blame her.
“I was in the ICU for....” My voice cracks, and I suck in a deep breath in an attempt to regain my composure. “For my sister.”
She squeezes my hand again and rubs her thumb gently up and down the side of mine.
The small contact and comfort she gives me is enough for me to find the strength to go on.
“Her name was Daisy, and she died… there was a car crash… she fell asleep at the wheel after a twelve-hour shift and ran herself off the road.”
Violet gasps and her hand flies up to cover her mouth. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Rylan, you never told me…”
“And then I saw you lying there and I couldn’t stay away. My sister was dead, and I was drawn to you, I needed you to wake up and be okay. I had no idea what was wrong with you, but I could feel your struggle, Violet, and the moment you woke up and looked at me… I guess I felt hope again.”
“I’ve never seen a person look the way you looked.” Her voice sounds like sandpaper.
“You were the light for me, I was surrounded by darkness and you were what helped me see through it.”
It feels like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders. I’ve told Violet my truths, my secrets… and she’s not mad at me for keeping it from her… she’s still here and she loves me.
“I saw it in your eyes tonight – that same look.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “One of the nurses… she talked about Daisy today. It all hit me again… and then I came home to you, and you saved me, just like that first time.”
“You saved me too, Rylan…” She goes to say something further, but I see the moment she catches herself. “Seeing you there, it did the same thing for me. You gave me hope too.”
There’s more – I can tell that she’s holding something back from me, what, I have no idea, but I have a feeling that it’s vitally important and I’m suddenly desperate to know.
“I need you to talk to me, Violet, please.” I grasp her other hand in mine and tug her close. I know I’m begging, but I don’t care – this is a pivotal moment for us, I’ve never felt a sense of urgency like I do here and now.
Her expression flickers between brave and ready, to frightened and wary.
She opens her mouth to speak, finally, and I brace myself for whatever it is she’s about to tell me, but right at that moment, my cell phone rings in my pocket.
I drop my head forward in defeat, resting my forehead against hers.
It’s my emergency ringtone and I know what that means – one of my patients is in labour.
I’m needed there, but I know on a deep level that I’m needed here just as much, if not more.
“You’d better get that.”
She’s looking down at my pocket as I stand unmoving.
I’m terrified that if I let this moment slip by right now that I’ll never get it back.
She must sense my fear because she pulls her head back and looks at me, really looks at me.
“We can talk when you get back.”
“You promise?” My voice is gruff and unsure, but I know I don’t have another option.
I can’t leave my patient and we both know it.
She pushes up to her tippy toes and kisses the side of my mouth. “Answer the damn phone, Rylan; you’ll wake up all the neighbours.”
She looks different; her face is serene – peaceful, as though maybe she’s come to accept something in the same way I have.
She’s also right; if I leave this phone ringing much longer there’s going to be trouble.
I take the call and as I suspected I’m needed in the delivery ward immediately.
There’s no time for any more talking, but as I back out of the driveway I see Violet in the window. She blows me a kiss and I fall even deeper in love with her.
I know in that instant that it doesn’t matter what she tells me, I know it’s only going to make me love her more.
I snap my gloves into place as I use my back to push open the door of the delivery suite.
“How are we doing in here, Luce?”
“Oh, thank God you’re here,” Emmett calls from his spot next to the bed.
Lucy has his hand in a death grip and I almost laugh – almost. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that women in labour do not tend to take jokes well.
I grab her chart from the maternity nurse and flick through the notes.
“Seriously, man, you gotta give her something, she’s gone crazy.”
“She’s in labour, Emmett,” I reply calmly at the same moment that Lucy screams at him.
“I’m in freakin’ labour, you big dumb idiot!”
I hear Kristie, the nurse, try to muffle a laugh and I make the mistake of meeting her eyes.
I’m doing my best, I really am, but the look on Emmett’s face right now is priceless.
“You had better not be laughing at me, Rylan Wilder, or so help me God… urrrrggggghhhhhhhhh.” Another contraction cuts off her threat.
“We’re getting close now, Lucy.”
I glance at my watch and make note of the time.
“How about I promise no more laughing, Emmett promises no more being a big dumb idiot, and we get that baby out of there, alright?”
She looks up at me for the first time and I see that she’s all bark and no bite.
Lucy looks terrified.
“You’ve got this, I’m right here,” I reassure her.
Emmett wipes a cool flannel across her face, and I can see that despite his wife’s anger towards him, he is in fact doing a great job.
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
“You can do this, baby, I’m right here with you.” He kisses her forehead and I smile.
These two really are great together. They’re going to make incredible parents.
“I want Violet.” Lucy whimpers as another contraction builds. “Oh my God!” she cries as it hits full force. “I want Violet right now!”