Violet
“Hello?”
My voice comes out breathless and rushed as I answer my phone.
I know it’s him on the other end of the line, and that knowledge makes my heart beat frantically against my rib cage, like it’s trying to make its escape.
“Hey, Violet, it’s Rylan...”
“You called,” I reply stupidly, because frankly, I’d convinced myself that he wasn’t going to.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t?”
I shrug before realising he can’t actually see the action.
I really am terrible at this dating thing.
“I wasn’t sure, but I hoped you would...” More truths – they seem to just fall from my lips where he’s concerned.
“I like that.” I can hear the smile in his voice.
I’m lying on my back across my bed, my legs dangling off the side, and I feel the way I imagine the teenage girl in movies does when she’s talking to the captain of the football team.
My heart is racing and there’s butterflies going crazy in my stomach.
“Well I like that you called,” I reply lamely.
He laughs lightly down the phone.
Neither of us seems to know what to say, and this is beyond awkward, but there’s still nowhere I’d rather be than here, with him on the other end of the phone.
“I had a really good time last night.”
“I heard.” I giggle.
Lucy and Emmett are an unstoppable force of nature. There was never any way that Rylan was going to be able to escape unscathed.
He laughs again, louder this time and it makes my smile grow wider. “Emmett isn’t really one for personal boundaries, is he?”
“Pffft.” I snigger. “You think he’s bad, you should hear what I’ve been dealing with since I walked in the door last night. Lucy’s been asking every five minutes if you’ve called me yet.”
“You’ll have to tell her I’m sorry for keeping her waiting, I ended up at work all day.”
“I’ll be sure to pass that on.” I laugh. “So did you have any deliveries today?”
“Not today… actually I didn’t really need to be at work, but you’ll probably learn that taking time away from the hospital isn’t something I’m very good at.”
I bite down on my lip, my smile so wide I’m a little afraid my face might split in half.
He’s just implied that I will get to know him better, and whether or not he intended for it to come across that way or not, it’s how I’ve taken it.
“You think I’ll get to learn about you?”
“I hope so, Violet. I plan on learning a lot about you.” His voice sounds hoarse, and there’s a sincerity there that I can’t possibly deny.
I can understand in this moment why people are so eager to date and to fall in love. This feeling of excitement and euphoria is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
For the first time in a long time, I welcome it; I think that maybe I might finally feel ready to put myself out there.
Rylan is like no one I’ve ever met before, and he’s a far cry from the guys I’ve been turned down by in the past.
He’s mature, kind and gentle. He’s not some silly little boy, he’s a man.
“What are you doing right now?”
I glance at the clock next to my bed. It’s seven on Saturday evening, and my plans consist of nothing at all, as do most of my Saturday nights.
“I’m lying on my bed, with not a thing on the agenda.”
There’s silence for a moment, and when he speaks I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Do you want to go for a walk with me?”
I don’t even have to think about it, I’ve never heard a better idea in my life.
“This is my favourite spot. I’ve seen a lot of places, but nothing comes close to this.”
He’s right, this is a beautiful sight.
We’re up on a clifftop along the coast, and considering it was only a half-hour walk up here, I don’t know how I’ve never done it before.
I’m a little short of breath, and while it’s frustrating, it’s nothing out of the ordinary for me.
The sun is beginning to lower in the sky; soon it’ll set. The ocean is calm and glistening, and the clean waves are crashing against the sandy shore.
The smell of the sea air is so relaxing; I close my eyes for a moment and just breathe it in.
That’s one positive about coming so close to death – you learn to appreciate the little things.
I’m not sure I would have ever stopped to smell the flowers, or lie in the long grass, or chat with strangers if not for the condition I’ve lived with for twenty-five years.
I don’t take a single moment for granted anymore, and I certainly wouldn’t dream of taking this particular tick of the clock for anything other than the miracle it is.
I breathe deeply and take a second to acknowledge just how lucky I am to be here, alive and well, and when I open my eyes, Rylan’s looking at me with a stare that asks so many questions, but at the same time, understands so much.
“It’s sort of sobering up here, isn’t it?”
I nod my head and look out at the horizon. “I’ve never felt so small or insignificant.”
Out here in the cool evening air, with no one else around, is so refreshing. It makes me realise what a little part of the universe I really am.
In my world, everything is always about me and my health, my good days and my bad ones; it’s all about my heart.
But not out here… out here I’m just a woman looking at the sea.
Most people wouldn’t like the idea of being a no one, but for the most part I’d be happy to be of little significance.
All my life I’ve felt like some type of experiment. No one ever knew what to expect from one day to the next and it was always a case of trying something out and then waiting to see what happened.
It’s been one big high-risk game of trial and error, where the ideal outcome is that I live, and in the worst case – I die.
“There’s some serious thinking going on in that head of yours.”
He startles me; for a moment I forgot he was right here next to me.
I can feel the weight of his stare on me again and I can’t help but marvel at the fact that when faced with such an incredible view, he’s still choosing to look at me instead.
“I’ve got a lot to think about,” I say as I turn to face him.
“Anything I can help you with?”
His smile is so sweet and genuine I seriously consider taking him up on his offer.
I could tell him. I could open my mouth and let the words all fall out. It’s not that I don’t trust him with the information, but I can’t bring myself to taint this picture-perfect moment.
The golden sun is sinking out of view behind him and I don’t want to ruin this small lapse in time.
“I think one day you might be able to.”
He smiles at me and looks down at his shoes before meeting my eyes again.
I’m learning this is how he reacts when I give him an answer that he likes – one that really speaks to his soul.
“Violet?” he says quietly as he looks out at the ocean.
“Yeah?”
“You could never be insignificant.”
He reaches for me and as the sun disappears from sight, I’m left standing in the dim light with my hand held in his.