Ayla
When I told him I was sorry for his loss, I was afraid he would be angry.
He’d been right when he said it wasn’t my fault. But my father had killed his mother. And if my father wasn’t apologizing for his mistakes and wrongdoings, then I would. It had become my burden to carry.
I was living in Alessio’s home, depending on him, but he had no idea I was his worst enemy. I might be personally innocent, but my blood wasn’t.
I wished I could have told him the truth, but he wouldn’t understand. Nobody would, not even Lena or Maddie. They saw my family as an enemy, but what they didn’t know and wouldn’t understand was that I had become a victim and I suffered too.
I didn’t want to suffer anymore.
I wanted to be happy.
So, I couldn’t tell them the truth—not ever.
I understood what it felt like to lose someone, because I had lost my mother. I didn’t remember her, but I still mourned.
Alessio confused me. One minute he was kind, and the next he was cold and angry. I pulled his suit jacket tighter around my body. It still felt warm from his body heat.
The smell of his cologne touched my nose and I let out a sigh.
I stayed on the hill that overlooked the large back garden, beginning to relax. From where I sat, the view was stunning. The garden bloomed with various colors, each flower part of a scene that reminded me of a painting.
A huge water fountain, bigger than the one out front, dominated the landscape. It looked so serene. As I stared at the majestic beauty, a sense of peacefulness encompassed my body and I felt light.
I waited for a few more minutes, basking in the blissful surroundings, and then I stood up, feeling stronger than before. Holding Alessio’s jacket tight to my body, I made my way back to the house.
My steps were light and unhurried. I touched the soft petals of the flowers as I walked by, and smiled.
When I reached the kitchen, I walked in to find Lena and Maddie sitting by the bar, their expressions downcast. Lena looked up when I came in and quickly jumped off her stool.
I pulled her into my arms and gave her a tight hug, then stepped back and smiled nervously. “I’m sorry about your loss. And I am sorry for reacting the way I did. I had a panic attack, I…” I licked my suddenly dry lips and swallowed past the heavy lump in my throat. “I…I lost my mother too. It…makes me anxious. It was pretty emotional hearing about Alessio’s mother, and I was mourning for his loss too.”
Lena smiled sweetly, her eyes kind as she stroked my cheek. “It’s okay, honey. You must be pretty emotional after everything that’s happened. Why don’t you have lunch and then go rest, all right?”
When I nodded, she stepped away and turned to Maddie, who gave me a pitiful look.
“Maddie, call in the other maids,” Lena said. “It’s time to serve lunch. Alessio and the others will be coming down soon.”
Maddie took her phone out and quickly typed a message before putting it back in her pocket. She linked her arm through mine, pulling me toward the stool. “Are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry about that sudden meltdown.”
“No, it’s okay. Totally understandable,” she replied.
Soon, the other maids arrived in the kitchen, and each of them took something to serve on the dining room table.
It took them some time, but when they were done, the kitchen was quiet again. Lena had left, and Maddie and I were alone.
“Hungry?” she asked.
I shook my head and leaned against the stool. “Not really. Maybe I’ll eat later.”
“Okay,” she said in an adorable, childish tone, before serving a plate of food for herself. She sat down across from me and dug in. I let out a laugh when I heard her moan at the first bite.
“So good,” she said. “Damn, I didn’t know I was this hungry.”
Shaking my head, I snatched her towel from the table and threw it at her face. “Close your mouth when you eat.”
She started to chew loudly with a teasing expression on her face, then gave me a wink and stuffed another spoonful in her mouth. And then she moaned out loud.
I crossed my arms over my chest and rolled my eyes. Behind me, someone cleared their throat. My back straightened and I turned toward the sound only to find Artur leaning against the doorway.
He didn’t even spare me a look. He was only staring at Maddie, whose eyes widened when she saw him and her cheeks turned red.
She blushed and averted her eyes. I looked back at him and saw his lips tilt upward in a confident smirk.
When I saw him adjusting his pants, I looked away, embarrassed.
Artur cleared his throat and said, “Is Lena here? Alessio is looking for her.”
Maddie shook her head and continued to stare down at her plate. Her hair fell over her face, hiding her from Artur’s view, but I saw the tiny smile creeping up on her face.
“Okay then,” he said, and he left the room. Maddie looked up, her expression softening, and I heard her sigh. A dreamy sigh.
“Maddie?” I asked, my tone filled with questions. She turned toward me and bit down on her lips before letting out a small giggle. She stared at me for a few seconds before nodding, confirming my suspicions.
“You and Artur? Oh my God, Maddie. Since when?” I asked, leaning forward in anticipation.
“About six months now. I couldn’t resist him any longer, Ayla. I mean, just look at him! He’s so sexy. And God, so dreamy. He’s perfect. I just…I don’t know. I couldn’t stop myself.” She shrugged nervously. “I’m swooning, aren’t I?”
“You are,” I replied, laughing. She was so cute.
“He’s so hot, Ayla!”
Well, I couldn’t deny that. He was indeed good looking.
“And he’s good in bed. Like really good,” Maddie added, leaning closer so she could whisper. “He is a beast.”
“Maddie! I didn’t need to know that.”
“I was just telling you,” she mumbled.
We stared at each other, then smiled before bursting into a fit of giggles.
It felt good to laugh. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so free. Looking into Maddie’s smiling eyes, my laughter died down and my nose started stinging. I could feel the tears at the backs of my eyes but I didn’t let them fall.
I never realized that being happy would make me so emotional. Maybe it was because I never experienced friendship, laughter, or happiness. But Lena and Maddie showed me kindness that I never thought existed.
And I would forever be grateful for that.
Leaning forward, I touched her hand. “Thank you,” I whispered, my voice a little hoarse.
She tilted her face to the side in confusion and then asked, “What for?”
“Just…thank you for being my friend,” I said, not wanting to elaborate. I realized I had just made my first friend at the age of twenty-three.
How pathetic was my life?
Looking down, I tried to hide my tears. But when Maddie squeezed my hand, I looked up again. She smiled. “You don’t have to thank me for that, Ayla.”
I gave her hand a squeeze and then leaned back. That was how we spent the next few hours. We talked, laughed, and joked. When the house started to quiet down and all activities ceased, we realized it was close to sunset.
“Oh my God,” Maddie gasped. “I’m so sorry, Ayla. You were supposed to rest and I lost track of time.” She stood and wiped the counter clean.
“Hey, it’s okay. I had fun. I enjoy talking to you.”
“Still. You should go rest now or I’ll never hear the end of it from Mom,” she said, rolling her eyes in exaggeration.
“Well, you are right about that.” Laughingly, I gave her a quick hug and she pushed me toward the door.
“Go. Go. Go.”
When I got to my bedroom, I closed the door softly behind me. Without even removing my dress, I jumped in bed and cuddled under the warm, soft comforter.
Even though I had fun with Maddie, I was very tired. Now that I was in bed, my body felt heavy and languid. Sighing happily, I turned toward my window. The curtains were open and I had the perfect view of the sunset.
I watched the sun go down behind the back garden. I watched as the sky changed colors from red to orange and then with a mixture of light purple. The magnificent beauty took my breath away.
This could make such a beautiful painting. I could already imagine the large canvas smeared with alluring colors, creating a soft and peaceful landscape.
As the sky turned dark, my eyes started to get heavy. I yawned and blinked drowsily. Darkness surrounded me as I succumbed to my fatigue.
“Shhhh. Don’t make any noise,” he said harshly, clasping his hand over my mouth as I struggled against him. “Don’t move. It’ll be over quick. You won’t even feel anything.”
I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I fought against him but it was no use. He was unmovable.
No. No. Please no.
He brought his hand down my bare legs and slowly hitched my nightshirt up. He spread my legs open with his knees and settled between my thighs.
Sobbing, I continued to struggle but it had no effect on him. When he reached my underwear, he ripped it open without a second thought, baring me to him.
“You are mine! Mine! It’s about time I take you,” he hissed angrily. I heard his zipper open and I tried to move my legs together, but his knees stopped me.
His hand stayed on my mouth, stopping any sound from escaping. He moved over me and then I felt him near my entrance. I wanted to scream.
“It’ll be over soon, love,” he said into my neck, placing wet kisses along the length, biting hard and torturing the skin with his teeth.
I went numb and stopped struggling. When he noticed me going limp, he laughed in my ears. The fear that I felt was indescribable. I didn’t just feel it. I could smell it. It was all around me. My heart beat hard against my chest. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks.
When I felt him push inside of me, my heart cracked into a million pieces. Pain. So much pain. I was blinded by pain. It felt like I was bleeding from the inside. My skin burned and my whole body spasmed violently. All I felt was deep agony. I cried out against his palm and to my horror I found myself paralyzed and unable to move.
Pushing deeper inside of me, he growled.
“Fuck. You are so tight. Made for me. I own you.”
His loud pants filled my ears and that was all I could hear. It hurt so bad. Everything hurt. My body. My head. My heart. My soul.
When he stopped moving, I didn’t feel anything. My body felt numb. Crippled with pain and fear. Pulling out of me, he removed his hand and placed his palms on the mattress on either side of my face. He leaned over me and smiled.
“Happy sweet sixteen, love.”
I would never forget that smile. It was forever etched in my memory.
I woke up trying to scream and shot up straight in bed, covered in sweat. I breathed heavily, my heart pounding hard against my ribcage. The veins in my neck throbbed and my head ached.
I felt hot. Too hot. I was burning and my body shook violently with silent tremors. I could barely breathe. Quickly scrambling off the bed, I stood and paced the room.
Unsteady with dizziness, everything around me blurred. My ears were making a strange stinging noise and then everything was muted.
“A nightmare. It was just a nightmare, Ayla. Just a nightmare,” I told myself.
But it wasn’t just a nightmare.
It was my reality. My truth. Images flashed through my head all at once and I fell to my knees. It was too much. I closed my eyes against the blast of agony that went through my body.
Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed. The pressure built in my chest and my stomach heaved. I felt empty inside.
My tears were never-ending and I began to gag. My whole body shook as I bent forward and dry-heaved. I laid down on the floor, curling into myself as I continued to weep.
I thought I ran away from my past, but it followed me. Even though I was no longer in Alberto’s trap, he still held the strings.
I just wished for once that I could live without fear. Just once, I wanted to be absolutely free.
I wanted to scream. Rage at the unfairness bestowed upon me. But I couldn’t.
I wanted to forget, but I was stupid to believe that I could be happy. My reality would always follow in the end.
My weeping turned to jerky breaths as exhaustion overcame me. Opening my burning eyes, the first thing that I saw was Alessio’s suit jacket on my sofa chair.
Without thinking, I crawled toward the sofa and grabbed the jacket. I buried my face in the fabric and cried silently.
When my tears and hiccups finally died down, I slumped against the sofa and took a deep breath, and once again I could smell Alessio’s cologne. I began to relax.
I didn’t know why or how, but his smell calmed me. I breathed into Alessio’s jacket. Other than his cologne, I could smell him. And that was enough to make me feel safe again.
All I wanted was peace and even if it was for a little while, I had found it. I didn’t question it. I didn’t want to. I just accepted it.
Lying down on the floor beside the sofa, I curled into a ball and pulled Alessio’s jacket close to my chest and buried my face in it.
That was how I felt asleep again.
This time my sleep was free from nightmares and Alberto’s evil grin.
All I felt was peace.