Alessio
“I tracked every single phone. And still nothing,” Viktor growled as his ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
I was sitting behind my table, my arms across my chest. Viktor was pacing the room like a caged animal, his anger clearly evident. Phoenix was sitting on the couch, his head back with his eyes closed. He looked completely worn out.
“I can’t fucking believe this. How is it possible that we haven’t found the fucker yet?” Viktor continued.
Phoenix mumbled, “He is good. He is very good. The fucking bastard knows how to stay hidden.”
I had to agree with that. My men had been looking for the traitor for a few days now. I had the best trackers and yet, nothing.
Moving my head left and right, I tried to ease the tense muscles there. I rubbed my forehead in frustration and leaned forward, placing my elbows on the table.
“You are right. He is definitely good. But he can’t stay hidden forever,” I said.
“But the longer we take to find him, the more damage he is causing!” Viktor retorted.
“We will find him.” Even though I appeared calm, I was anything but calm. The anger coursing inside was indescribable. I was going to make him pay. Severely. Bloodily. He was lucky that I hadn’t found him yet. He got an extra few days to live.
Phoenix opened his eyes and stared at me. His lips parted and he was about to say something but the door banged open and Nikolay came rushing in.
He was panting, his eyes wide with shock and his face twisted angrily. Everyone stared at him in surprise, including me.
Pushing my chair away, I stood up. That was the first time I ever saw Nikolay so tense. His chest heaved with each breath he took. Sweat formed on his red face, veins bulging in his forehead and neck.
“He is dead. The motherfucker is dead,” he snarled through his gasps of breath.
My forehead creased in confusion and I cocked my head to the side in question. Nikolay swallowed hard before answering my unvoiced questions.
And his answer was like a gunshot right through my heart.
“Alfredo is dead.”
“What did you say?” I asked, punctuating each word carefully.
“Alfredo is dead.”
“Fuck,” Viktor growled.
Rage built like deep water currents inside of me. It came out faster than magma but just as destructive. My body was vibrating with it.
Alfredo was dead.
He was dead and it was not me who had killed him.
I didn’t get my vengeance.
I felt empty as the rage consumed me. My skin was scorching and I grew hotter until it felt like I was suffocating. My vision blurred with my fury and all I saw was my mother’s lifeless eyes.
Muscles tensing, neck stiffening and back stretching, I roared, “Damn it!”
I leaned forward and pushed everything off the table, shards of glass flying everywhere. I kicked my chair against the wall and paced.
I was supposed to take his life! His blood should’ve been on my hands! I had to avenge my mother.
But now…
Every muscle in my body was twitching, itching, and on fire.
My hands tightened in fists, so hard, so tight that my knuckles started to hurt and my hands slowly went numb. I gripped my hair and pulled.
“He was mine to kill!” I roared before punching the wall, creating a deep hole. The drywall bent with the force and the paint came off as I pulled my bleeding fist back.
I felt a hand on my back and I swiveled around, wrapping my hand around the person’s neck. Viktor stared at me blankly, waiting for me to calm down. My fingers tightened slightly but his expression still didn’t change.
I released his neck with a snarl and pushed him away. He stumbled back, but quickly gained his footing again.
“Don’t fucking touch me. I won’t be held responsible for my actions,” I growled before taking a menacing step toward him.
Viktor straightened his back before turning toward Phoenix and Nikolay and nodding at the door. They left without a backward glance. When the door closed with a bang, I sagged against the table.
There was too much fury coursing inside of me. I had to release it before I completely lost it.
Shrugging off my suit jacket, I removed my tie and pulled at my collar to loosen it. I ran a shaky hand over my face.
Looking down at my hands, I slowly clenched them into fists, my knuckles cracking. With a frustrated sigh, I walked to the door and opened it wide.
The hallway was empty and my hard steps echoed as I walked downstairs to the gym. My sight was on the punching bags. Without a second thought, I landed a punch on the bag, my bare knuckles hitting it with a crack.
I didn’t know how long I kept at it. Punching. Kicking. Roaring in anger with each punch and kick. My knuckles were bleeding, the skin torn apart. My fingers were hurting and a crippling pain went through my hands and arms, but I kept going.
The pain. It felt good. I needed it.
I heard the door open and stopped in mid-swing. Placing my hand on the punching bag, I stopped it from knocking me down. Hissing through gritted teeth, I turned around to look at the intruder.
Viktor walked forward, his steps slow. I stared at him closely, following his movement with unflinching eyes.
When he stopped a few feet away, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Viktor took his suit jacket off and threw it on the ground before rolling the sleeves of his shirt up, showing the tattoos that covered the length of his arms.
He kept his eyes on me the whole time, and when he was done rolling his sleeves, he reached up and unbuttoned the first two buttons of his white shirt. Rolling his neck around, he took two steps forward and then stopped.
Viktor pushed his legs apart, shoulder wide. He cracked his knuckles before pointing at me and then moving his finger to his chest. “Come at me,” he ordered, his voice cold and hard.
My eyes widened slightly and fury surged through me. With a deafening roar, my feet lurched forward. A red mist of anger clouded my vision as I made the first strike.
We fought. Punched. Kicked. Scrambling around like animals. Viktor didn’t go easy on me. He retaliated. We both fought for power, each of us letting our anger out.
I saw his fist moving toward my face and I quickly dodged it before punching him in the gut. Viktor groaned in pain and went down to his knees, holding his stomach. I didn’t let him go. Pushing him down, I continued my assault. He still fought back.
When I noticed him growing weaker, I pushed him away from me. Viktor laid on his back on the ground, his hands over his chest as he gasped for breath.
Sinking down on my ass, I sat beside him. Licking my lips, I tasted my blood.
“Better?” Viktor gasped, turning his face toward me. He stared at me through swollen eyes and I shook my head.
“Not even close.” My whole body was sensitive and aching, but still, I couldn’t get rid of the rage.
“Shit. I don’t think I can move,” he groaned and then winced in pain. Viktor pulled his head back and bellowed at the top of his lungs.
“Nikolay!”
The door opened and he came in.
“It’s your turn,” Viktor said, his lips turning up in a small smirk.
Nikolay nodded and then took his suit jacket off. After rolling his sleeves the same way Viktor had, he braced himself and gave me a nod. I didn’t wait for another signal. Letting the rage take hold, I rushed forward.
Before I could punch him, Nikolay moved out of the way and landed a punch on my shoulder instead.
It pissed me off more.
Shifting to my side, I kicked him in the leg. He stumbled back but quickly gained his footing and then he was rushing toward me again. We kept going like that, back and forth, teeth clashing together in anger as we reveled in our fury. When Nikolay was done, Phoenix took his place. Adrenaline kept me going. Artur was next.
My body eventually started to weaken and I could barely land a punch. After Artur fell to the ground beside Viktor, Phoenix, and Nikolay, I sank to the ground too and laid there, staring at the ceiling.
These men had my back. They were my brothers, not by blood but by choice.
“Alessio,” Viktor started, but I quickly cut him off.
“Don’t. Just don’t say anything.” I struggled to sit up, then sighed before running my aching hand through my sweaty hair.
Rolling my neck around, I winced at the pain and then stood up on shaky legs. I nodded at them and I walked out of the gym.
The fury inside of me, the beast, the monster inside me was finally calm. But for how long? How long before I lost it again?
I went straight upstairs. But instead of going into my bedroom, I walked to the room beside it, the one between my room and Ayla’s. Pushing the door open, I turned on the lights.
My gaze went to the large piano in the corner of the room. My heart stuttered in pain at the sight of it and my stomach twisted painfully.
I made my way to the piano. As I neared it, my heart ached and my eyes started to burn. I stopped in front of the piano and slowly brought my fingers up, pressing softly over the keys.
I couldn’t stop the memories that came crashing around me.
A loud bang jostled me awake and my eyes went wide with fear. “Mommy?” I called. I felt her hands on me and she pulled me out of the bed. The lights were on and as I blinked the sleepiness away, I heard another bang. I flinched when I heard screams.
“Mommy, what’s happening?” I asked, my voice filled with fright.
She knelt down in front of me and my eyes widened at the sight of terror on my mommy’s face. My stomach dropped and my lungs squeezed together.
“Mommy,” I whispered.
“Alessio, listen to me carefully. I want you to hide under the bed. Okay?” she started, her voice small and shaky. “No matter what happens or what you see or hear, you don’t come out. Do you understand?” Mommy grabbed my shoulders and shook me gently. I nodded but didn’t understand what was going on.
The fear on her face made me scared. My mommy was never scared. She was always laughing and smiling. I had never seen my mommy like that. Her small body was shaking and I saw tears in her eyes. She ran her hands up and down my body and pulled me to her chest.
She peppered my face with kisses and then pulled back. “Mommy, what about you? Why am I hiding under the bed?” I asked.
“Alessio. Don’t ask me questions, okay? Please, baby, just listen to Mommy. Hide under the bed and don’t come out. Not until Papa, Lena, or Isaak come looking for you,” Mommy said urgently.
But why?
I was about to ask again, but she shook her head and a tear escaped the corner of her eye. “Please, my baby. Promise Mommy that you won’t come out,” she begged.
I quickly promised and she cried. Pulling me to her chest again, she whispered in my ear, “I love you. I love you so much, my sweet boy. Never forget that.”
We pulled apart when another bang was heard from outside the room. The sounds were nearer. I shivered in fear and Mommy’s eyes went wide with horror.
She pushed me toward the bed and stood up. “Go, my baby. Don’t come out. Don’t make any noise. No matter what? Do you hear me?” Mommy whispered, her voice filled with tears as she pushed me under the high bed.
I felt sick and my throat started to close up. So I just nodded. She gave me a final look before pulling the sheet down and separating us.
My heart thumped wildly in my chest and I sucked in a deep breath a couple of times but I couldn’t. My heart was hurting. I was confused. And I was scared.
I heard the door open and it crashed against the wall with a loud noise. I jumped slightly and brought my knees closer to my chest as I lay under the bed. I tried to peek under the comforter and saw my mommy’s feet.
When I heard a strange and unfamiliar voice, my hands grew cold and my heart twisted.
“Maria. How lovely to see you again.”
“Alfredo,” Mommy replied, her voice hard.
“I’m surprised Lyov left you unprotected.”
“Why are you here?” Mommy asked in the same scary tone. That was the first time I ever heard my mommy talk that way.
“You know exactly why I am here, sweet Maria.”
Mommy screamed and I flinched. No. He was hurting her. The bad man was hurting my mommy. My eyes widened when I saw my mommy falling to the ground. Her face hit the ground and her big round belly was pushed hard against it. Mommy grabbed her stomach as she yelled in pain.
Holding her stomach, she cried out.
No. Princess! My mind screamed.
The bad man was hurting princess too. I couldn’t take it. I promised I would protect both Mommy and princess. I was about to move from under the bed when Mommy opened her eyes and made direct contact with mine. Tears were falling down her cheeks and she slightly shook her head. It was so small that I almost missed it but it was there.
And her eyes were begging me not to come out.
My nose tingled and my cheeks were wet. I realized that I was crying.
Mommy gave me a final look and then turned around while she still held her stomach. “Please, don’t do this. I beg you. Have mercy.”
A laugh boomed around the room and the man knelt down. I tried to see his face. It was hard but I got a tiny glimpse of it.
I hated him at first sight. How dare he? He hurt my mommy and princess.
“I can show you mercy if you agree to come with me. Be my whore and then maybe I could show you mercy.”
I didn’t understand what he meant but I felt relief. He said he wasn’t going to hurt my mommy. Oh, thank God.
Mommy’s eyes widened and she scrunched up her face in disgust. “Never,” she spat. “I will never allow another man to touch my body. I only belong to Lyov. I would rather die than have you touch me.”
No! I wanted to scream. Don’t say that, Mommy. Please, Mommy, do what he says. He won’t hurt you. I wanted to beg.
The man grunted. “Is that your final decision?”
Mommy didn’t answer but she kept her cold, unflinching eyes on the man.
“Well, okay then,” he said.
And then he was pointing a gun at my mommy’s forehead.
Oh, no! No! Please no!
“Why are you doing this?” Mommy whispered, her voice breaking.
“Don’t you know, Maria? The best way to bring a man down is by his weakness. And you, my sweet, are Lyov’s weakness.”
And with that, a loud bang filled the room.
I closed my eyes tightly and my heart rammed against my ribcage. Pulling my knees closer to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them. Burying my face in between my knees, I tried to hold in my cry. I promised. I promised I wouldn’t make a sound.
I couldn’t break the promise I made to Mommy.
My heart was hurting so bad and my body slowly started to go numb. I couldn’t feel anything. After counting to ten, I lifted my head up and slowly opened my eyes.
What I saw took my breath away. I felt dizzy and my eyes blurred with tears as they fell down my cheeks in a never ending flow.
My mommy’s head had rolled toward me and her face was covered in blood. Her eyes were open and staring directly at me. But instead of seeing the warm, sweet, and loving gaze that she always gave me, her bluish-steel colored eyes were lifeless.
My heart pounded. No. No. No. No.
My mommy. This couldn’t be happening.
Mommy.
Mommy.
I wanted to scream. But nothing came out.
My lips parted and a silent scream came out. I gasped and shook violently. Holding my knees close together, I buried my face in them again, crying silently.
As I cried, I thought about how I never got a chance to say ‘I love you’ back.
I fell down on my knees. The memories played over and over again in my head. I was suffocating and I brought my hands up to my throat, rubbing up and down forcefully.
My stomach cramped as I gasped for air. The pressure in my heart was painful. My lungs squeezed tightly together and I pressed a hand to my burning chest, trying hard to alleviate the pain. But nothing worked.
It never worked.
My pain was constant.
I had lived with it for twenty-two years. I should have been accustomed to it by now, but every time, it was worse. The pain never ceased. I was chained to my past.
Holding the side of the piano, I laid my head on it as the tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them. They fell freely and I squeezed my burning eyes tightly.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. So sorry,” I whispered through a broken voice.