I wanted to pound that bastard’s face. Whoever he was, he would pay in the worst way possible.
The signs were right there in front of my eyes. I saw them. All of us saw them but we didn’t want to think the worst. We didn’t want to believe that Ayla had gone through this.
But I knew what she had been through. My cold, unfeeling, fucking heart felt it. Her pain.
Ayla’s small body was shaking violently with her cries. And as she curled herself tighter and buried her face in the pillow, my chest grew tighter. My heart ached at the sight of her looking so broken.
But apart from the searing pain filling my chest, I felt immense fury. Deep anger and resentment at the bastard who has brought tears to her eyes.
He was a dead man walking. I was going to get my hands on him soon. But not before torturing him until he would beg me for his own death. And then I would gladly send him to hell.
But at that moment, what mattered most was Ayla.
I would let my anger out later. I would spill blood later.
I couldn’t let the monster out yet. I had to rein in the need to kill.
Inching closer to her, I brought my hand forward to touch her but she flinched away and sobbed harder. She pressed herself harder into the mattress and I heard her mumbling something incoherent. Her words were lost in her cries.
“Ayla,” I whispered gently, trying to coax her.
But my next words were cut abruptly when I saw her hands moving blindly under the pillows. Her eyes were closed tightly as she searched for something, her movements frantic and almost desperate.
“No, no, no, no…please no…” she mumbled between her sobs, her chest heaving with loud hiccups as she continued to cry.
When realization dawned at what she was looking for, I quickly jumped off the bed.
The jacket. The fucking jacket.
Quickly striding toward the sofa chair, I pulled on my sweatpants and went back to bed, getting in beside Ayla. Lying down, I moved a little closer.
She didn’t open her eyes, but she went completely still as I moved closer, her muscles visibly coiling tighter in fright and tension.
“Shhh…” I soothed in a soft voice. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Jacket. I need my jacket. Please…I can’t…I need it…” She gasped through her tears.
She wasn’t getting it. Instead, she was going to have me.
This time, I was going to take away her nightmares and her pain. I was going to bring her back. And I would be the one to wipe away her tears.
Not my jacket. But me.
The blank eyes and the numb expression, I was going to change that.
I would bring my Ayla back.
Moving just a little closer, I whispered, “Ayla, open your eyes.”
At my words, she tensed. Her hands fisted and she recoiled backward, but I quickly wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her into my body. Ayla let out a sharp cry. One that was filled with fear and panic. But as soon as her body made contact with mine, she froze, her hands landing flat on my chest.
“I’m here. I’m right here, Ayla. I won’t let anything happen to you. I’m right here,” I said into her hair, my voice soft and scratchy as I fought back my tears. Placing a kiss on her temple, I let my lips linger there. “Please look at me.”
But she refused to open her eyes. Instead, she moved closer against my body and curled herself into my embrace, as if she was hiding in me. Her hands trembled on my chest and I brought a hand up, grasping hers and holding them tight against my skin.
“It’s me. Alessio. I’m here. I’m with you, Ayla, and I’m not leaving. We are going to get through this together. I’m here,” I continued in a soothing voice. “Can you feel that?” I asked, holding her hands over my wildly racing heart.
It took me some time to bring her back from the black pit and painful memories she was thrown back in again. I coaxed for hours. Ayla continued to cry, each tear breaking my heart further. I filled her ears with gentle, soft words, hoping that it would make a difference. Desperately hoping it would bring Ayla back to me again.
I didn’t know how long it had been, but then I saw a change. A slight change that made my heart leap with pure elation and intense relief.
Her sobs slowly diminished into quiet hiccups and she buried her face into my chest, resting her cheek right over our entwined hands.
Ayla let out a barely audible soft sigh and I felt her tense muscles start to loosen. She completely relaxed into my arms, letting her rigid shoulders drop with another sigh.
My arm tightened around her waist and I placed another kiss on her forehead. “You’re safe. I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”
Those words were a vow that came from within me and my cold, broken heart.
And they were a vow I would never break.
Ayla was mine. My sweet, innocent Ayla.
And I protect what’s mine, I thought, looking down at her in my arms.
Her eyes were closed and she settled against my chest. I could feel that Ayla was quickly letting go, surrendering herself to sleep, fatigue, and mental stress. Her cheeks were red and tear-streaked.
Removing my hand from her hips, I quickly swiped away her tears before wrapping her in my arms again. She mumbled something quietly and then sighed sleepily.
“Alessio.” My name was a whisper against her lips.
And then to my utter surprise a small, barely visible smile appeared on her beautiful red lush lips. It was as if she was dreaming, her mind elsewhere.
At her peaceful and sleepy expression, the unbearable tightness in my chest slowly started to loosen until I could breathe normally again.
Placing another kiss on her temple, I left my lips there as I closed my eyes, letting myself relax against her too.
“Sleep, angel. I will watch over you,” I whispered against her skin.
In a matter of seconds, her breathing evened out, her chest moving softly and slowly up and down as she let herself go and succumb to her sleepiness.
But I didn’t sleep.
I couldn’t.
Because every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Ayla’s eyes becoming blank and her face twisting in pain. It was all I could see, and the thought of her being in this much agony drove me mad.
The rage fueled deep inside of me.
And I couldn’t wait to unleash it on the fucker who had hurt my Ayla.
***
Ayla
My head was pounding and all my muscles were aching. I felt languid as I blinked my eyes open and pressed my face harder into the pillow, trying to wrap my head around what happened yesterday.
Everything was a blur and it felt like I was missing pieces of puzzles. Rubbing my eyes, I turned around in bed to find myself alone. Alessio was already gone.
I realized I was completely naked, cold air on my bare chest, and the memories started to come back.
I couldn’t remember much after we’d started. Did Alessio notice? Had he kept going?
The thought almost choked me and a single tear fell down my cheek.
All I remembered was suddenly feeling peace as I fell asleep. Only a peaceful feeling had surrounded me.
I looked around the bed and didn’t see the jacket anywhere.
Falling back against the pillows, I cried softly when realization sank in.
Alessio…
It was him.
He had calmed me last night. He brought me back from the darkness.
I was still lost in my thoughts when the bathroom door open. My eyes widened and I sat forward in shock when Alessio came out, wearing a white unbuttoned dress shirt and black slacks.
His eyes met mine, and I saw him whisper my name. When he took a step forward, I grabbed the comforter up, hiding myself from him.
Alessio visibly swallowed hard and looked down, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did so. He took several deep breaths in and then stared up at me again. I ducked my head nervously, feeling ashamed that he had to see me in such a position last night.
I felt him coming closer and then the bed shifted under his weight. Closing my eyes tightly, my fingers tightened around the comforter.
“Here. Wear this,” Alessio said.
My nightgown was lying in front of me. I swallowed hard and trembled slightly when he knelt down, and with one hand, he pulled the comforter away, his movement gentle as he watched all my reactions carefully.
I had to stare up into his face and he quickly pulled the nightgown over my head and waited for me to put my arms through. Not once did he look away from my face. He didn’t even look down at my naked body.
Instead, he kept his eyes away, giving me respect.
Respect…something I never had in my life before. Yet Alessio was here, being gentle, sweet, and so considerate that it made my heart ache.
Keeping my eyes on his, I placed my arms through it and Alessio pulled the nightgown down the rest of my body, eventually covering my naked self from his eyes.
He slowly brought a hand up and gently moved my hair away from my face, pushing the strands behind my ears so that my face was fully visible to him. Alessio cupped my jaw and rubbed his thumb over my cheek and then under my eyes.
“Ayla,” he murmured, his eyes showing me raw emotions. I couldn’t look into his bluish eyes anymore.
I saw pain there. Anger. Desperation. Sadness. Grief. Heartbreak.
So I glanced away from his mesmerizing eyes. I looked away before I could see the disgust.
Because it should be there, shouldn’t it?
Why was he even touching me? Why was he being so sweet and gentle?
Wasn’t he disgusted by me?
Alberto’s words resonated in my ears and I closed my eyes tightly against the memories, trying to shut them out.
No man would ever want you.
Maybe he was right.
Who would want me?
Not after what Alberto has done. Not after he ruined me.
“Ayla, look at me. Don’t cast your eyes away like that.”
I shook my head and pulled away from me. “I need to use the bathroom.”
I needed to get out of there. Away from him, his sweet words and his understanding eyes.
“Ayla—” I shook my head again.
“Alessio, please,” I begged this time, my voice hoarse with tears. He sighed, letting my jaw go. I quickly got off the bed and walked out of his room on shaky legs.
As soon as I was in mine, I closed the door and went straight into my bathroom, swiping my tears on the way.
I didn’t look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I kept my eyes away from it as I brushed my teeth and washed my face, removing the evidence of my crying.
After changing into my uniform, I mechanically combed my hair, feeling strange and weak. After so long I have had a break down. I almost forgot how it felt.
I was so lost in my happiness that I had forgotten the painful truth I’d been hiding from Alessio and everyone else.
I was still the enemy’s daughter. Alberto’s fiancée. I was an Abandonato.
Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I leaned against the sink as a new wave of tears assaulted me. I was in too deep and now it was impossible to go back now
Even if I tried to forget what I had with Alessio…I couldn’t forget. The memories were etched deep inside my heart and soul.
His touches. His gentle caresses. His soft and then possessive kisses. His sweet words. His enthralling bluish-steel eyes. Our moments together…I couldn’t forget.
Because I felt it. Every day. Every minute. Every second. I felt it deep inside my soul.
The tears ran down my cheeks and I brought a hand up to my mouth, covering the sob that threatened to come out.
Instead of escaping, I ended up trapping myself.
I cried for the gruesome memories that continued to assault my mind. And then I cried for the dreams and the future that I desperately wanted to hold on…but they seemed impossible.
After my tears had dried out, I stood up and washed my face again. I quickly braided my hair into a French braid and then stepped out into the bathroom.
But my steps faltered and I froze at the sight of Alessio pacing my room.
He must have heard me because he quickly swiveled around toward me, his shoulders dropping in relief. “You were taking so long. I got worried,” he said. He took a step toward me but stopped when I moved back. “Ayla?” His brow furrowed. “Don’t do this, Ayla.”
“Please go,” I whispered brokenly.
He shook his head and took a step toward me again. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Alessio, leave. Please. I don’t want you here.”
“No.”
Growing frustrated at his stubbornness, my head snapped up and I stared into his eyes. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” I screamed.
“I’m not leaving you alone like this. I didn’t leave you last night and I’m not leaving you now.”
“Alessio…please…don’t do this. I can’t do this now.”
Instead of caving in to my begging, he walked forward, stopping right in front of me. Alessio wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. “I’m not letting you go.”
My hands instinctively came up and I grasped his shirt tightly. “Why do you keep doing this?” I sobbed.
“Because I can’t have you go back into that dark place. I need you here with me,” he replied gently. He bent down, wrapping an arm around my waist and then behind my legs before pulling me up, cradling me into his chest.
I placed my head on his shoulder as he carried me to my bed. Alessio sat down, keeping me into his warm and protective embrace as he settled me sideways on his lap.
“Ayla, talk to me,” he said after a few minutes of silence. When I didn’t answer, he sighed, his arm tightening around me. “Please.”
“What do you want me to say, Alessio?” I whispered tiredly, keeping my face buried in his neck.
“Anything. Just talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”
“What do you want to know? You already know the truth, but if you want me to say it, I’ll say it. I was raped, Alessio. There. I was raped,” I said bitterly, harshly pulling away. I struggled, but his hold was tight.
He cupped my cheeks in the palms of his hands, tilting my head up to face him. “Ayla, do you know how strong you are? You are the strongest woman I have ever met. Your strength shines brighter than anyone else.”
“Alessio…” Never in a million years would I have thought that Alessio Ivanshov would utter such words to me. He gave me hope.
“I don’t know exactly what happened, and I’m not going to push you for more. You can tell me when you are ready. I will wait,” he said. “But please don’t shut me out. Don’t run away from me.”
We were both silent for a few seconds. He placed a kiss on my forehead, letting his lips linger there. “I didn’t expect you to say anything, but now that you have said it, please tell me who the fuck hurt you, so I can kill the motherfucker.”
I stared into his eyes.
They glinted with fury and such ferocious intensity that it took my breath away. I also saw the hurt and pain there.
But what surprised me most was that I didn’t see disgust. He didn’t look at me as if he hated me.
Remembering his question, I shook my head. His eyes lost the light there and he sighed. I couldn’t tell him.
I didn’t want this dream to end now. I wanted to continue living in this world.
“Ayla—”
“Please don’t ask me about him. I don’t want to talk about him. Please, Alessio.”
He stared into my eyes for a second before reluctantly nodding. “Okay. When you are ready.”
I placed my head on his shoulder again and closed my eyes as his arms wrapped around my waist again. We were both silent for some time. Only our breathing could be heard and I felt his heart pounding under my hand as I laid it on his chest.
We were both content, holding each other in silence.
“Alessio.”
“Yes?”
“Do you think of me differently now? Because of what happened?” My voice was quiet, just a whisper as I uttered the words. My hands were shaking.
Alessio’s arm tightened around me and he placed a kiss on my head. He pulled away, forcing me to bring my head up from his shoulder. Our eyes met. Blue to green. The world stilled for a moment and he was all I could see.
Palming my cheeks, he gave me a small smile. “No. Not a chance, Ayla. That thought never even came to my mind. What happened wasn’t your fault. Rape is never justified. You are a victim and that bastard deserves to die.”
Leaning his forehead against mine, he continued in the same soft voice. “Yes. I do think of you differently. But not the way you are thinking. Now, I think you are strong. You have endured this, yet you are still here, fighting. That’s all that matters. What has happened to you would never change my mind about you. Never.” Placing a kiss on my nose, he smiled. “I don’t think anything could ever change how I feel about you.”
My cheeks felt wet and that was when I realized that I was crying again. Sniffling, I brought a hand up and cupped his cheek.
He smiled a little wider. I rubbed my thumb over the dimple on his cheek, my tears running down my face.
“I’m no good for you, Alessio,” I whispered. “I’m not worthy of you.”
My heart clenched at my words.
“Ayla, no!” Alessio said, his eyes widening.
Smiling sadly, I rubbed my fingers softly over his cheek. “It’s the truth. You are too good. Too accepting. You are a good man with a kind heart, but I’m not good for you.”
Because I’m not who you think I am, I continued in my head.
“Stop,” he scolded, shaking his head furiously. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“I’m not the one for you. You think you know the whole truth, but you don’t.” I continued, my fingers tracing his eyebrows and then his forehead. “I wish I could be someone else. I wish I didn’t have the past I had. You and I…we can’t ever be one.”
He closed his eyes tightly, his body slightly shaking with the force of his emotions. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“You would hate me if you knew my truth,” I whispered. The words flew out of my mouth, my heart shattering in the process.
“What happened to you was not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t matter to me. All I want is you,” he confessed, pressing his lips ever so gently on mine.
If only he knew the whole truth. He wouldn’t be saying those words to me.
“I will only hurt you in the end, Alessio,” I murmured against his lips.
“I’ll take my chances,” he fired back.
“Alessio—”
He cut me off with a bruising kiss. Closing my eyes, I absorbed his kiss as my lips moved against his.
Slightly pulling away, his fingers tightened on my braid. “It’s me who isn’t worthy of you, Ayla. I have blood on my hands. I have killed so many people that I have lost count. I’m a monster, Ayla. I’m not a good man. But you…you are perfect. You are an angel.”
I gasped at his words and slowly opened my eyes.
“You have it in reverse. Whatever you said, it’s the opposite,” he continued.
“I’m fire. I will only burn you in the end,” I murmured against his lips.
He smiled. “The fire is raging, then. I don’t know if I’ll burn in the end or not. But I don’t want to give up on us. If I burn, then I will go with a smile, knowing that I had this little moment with you. Even if it was a little while.”
“Don’t do this, Alessio.”
He kissed me again. I couldn’t reject him. I was weak against his words. They were words that I wanted to hear…that I desperately needed, so I hung on even when I knew I shouldn’t.
I couldn’t push him away. I pulled him toward me, kissing him back with the same fervor. We kissed away all the pain as our hearts came together as one, the pull between us too strong to fight.
This intangible connection…I felt it deep inside my soul.
“I’m not giving up on you, Ayla. So, don’t give up on us either,” he murmured before claiming my lips again.
And in this very moment, I was thankful that I had gotten in his car.
For he had restored my shattered heart and broken soul.
Alessio had breathed new life into me.