I shouldn’t have expected anything else. Alessio was a mob boss, a king. Ruthless. Cold. Heartless. Unlovable. He didn’t care what people thought of him.
Men like him behaved exactly like that. I had the experience firsthand, and I should have known, but for stupid reasons I thought maybe he was different.
Clearly, he wasn’t.
When I got downstairs, Maddie emerged from a closet beside the kitchen. Her hair was ruffled, her dress crooked, and she had a well-satisfied look on her face.
When she saw me, she winked and then walked into the kitchen. Artur came out after her, and stared at her ass as she walked away.
“Men,” I muttered to myself.
I looked down as I walked past him, not wanting to see his lustful eyes.
“Hey, Ayla,” he said.
I nodded but didn’t turn around. “Good morning.”
In the kitchen, Maddie leaned against the counter, a glass of orange juice in her hand. She sipped it, a small smirk playing across her lips.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.
“You look flushed. Out of breath.” Maddie set her glass down.
I crossed my arms across my chest and shook my head. “I’m fine. What are you talking about?”
She laughed. Entwining our arms together, she led me out of the kitchen. “You aren’t going to tell me, hmm?”
“I don’t understand, Maddie.”
“Stop playing with me! Did he kiss you? Did he do more than kiss you?”
My eyes widened in shock when I realized what she was talking about. Letting out a gasp, I pulled my arm away. “Why would you think that?”
She didn’t answer but laughed instead at my expression. Maddie brought her hand up and pinched me on the cheek. “You’re so cute.”
I glared at her, but wasn’t sure it came across the way I intended. I had been living separately from emotion. As the thought ran through my mind, I felt myself shutting down.
I felt happy here, but I was scared, because I had learned the hard way that happiness can be taken from you in a second.
I was waiting for whatever happiness I’d found here to be taken from me.
The moment when I would return to my cold room, chained to my bed, waiting for Alberto.
Someone squeezed my arm. “Where did you go?” Maddie asked.
“Nowhere,” I replied, forcing a tight smile and linking our arms together again. She was leading me toward the maids’ quarters. She pushed the door open and we walked inside the cozy living room. It smelled sweet, like roses. Only a select few of the maids actually lived in the mansion. It was big and beautifully modeled, the total opposite of how the maids’ quarters looked in my father’s estate. Maddie didn’t live in the maids’ quarters. She had her own room upstairs, same as Lena. But she enjoyed the large flat screen TV in the maids’ quarters.
Maddie pulled me to the couch. She folded her legs beneath her and leaned against the couch sideways, facing me. “So? C’mon. I need all the juicy details,” she demanded, her eyes twinkling merrily.
I shook my head. “Maddie, nothing happened. Seriously.”
“Liar.”
“Maddie—”
“Tell me!”
“Fine! Some woman was giving him a…a…”
Her eyes widened in shock. “What? What was she doing?”
“She was giving him a…you know.” God, this was so embarrassing.
“Giving him what?” Her mouth twisted with amusement.
“You know…”
“Huh?” she said, feigning confusion.
Throwing my hands in the air in exasperation, I spoke through gritted. “A…a blowjob!”
As soon as the words crossed my lips, Maddie threw her head back and barked out a laugh. She held her stomach, laughing hysterically.
Sinking in the couch, I closed my eyes. I didn’t find it funny.
“Oh my God, babe. You are so cute,” she said through her laughter.
“And you are so mean.”
“But you still love me.” Her laughter had finally calmed down, but she still wore her gorgeous, sweet smile.
I shrugged. She was right. I still loved her. She was my only friend.
“So, that woman. What happened?” she asked. Maddie moved closer to me, her eyes wide as she stared at me expectantly.
“Nothing happened. I walked in and saw them. When he was done, he ordered her to leave. I left the protein on the coffee table and walked away without giving him a chance to say anything.”
“You walked away? Why do I find that so hard to believe?”
“Okay, fine. I ran away,” I mumbled.
“So he just finished right in front of you. No decency whatsoever to stop and apologize?”
I shook my head mutely. Did she really expect him to stop? He was the most infuriating and unpredictable man on the planet. No way was he going to stop his extracurricular activities and act decent. He didn’t have time for decency, or privacy for that matter.
“Damn, he really is infuriating,” Maddie said. “Who was she? I mean, how did she look?”
“I don’t remember much. I was really embarrassed and shocked so didn’t pay any attention to her. But she had blonde hair and she was tall. Lean. She was gorgeous.”
“Ah. It’s Nina. She’s always coming for more. Doesn’t matter that Alessio treats her like garbage after he’s done. I wouldn’t say it’s his fault, though. He has his rules and he lets the women know before they get involved. No attachment, just fucking and then they leave. But they still want to get involved.” She rolled her eyes.
Why would they let themselves be treated like that—by their own free will?
I never had a choice.
I was bound and beaten into submission. No matter how much I begged, I never had a choice, so I had to accept my reality. But other women could have better lives and a loving relationship.
Maddie’s attention was on the TV.
“Maddie,” I said.
“What is it?”
“Why do women accept such behavior…when they have a choice?”
She placed the remote control on her lap and turned to face me. “I don’t know, Ayla. Maybe they want the same thing? Maybe they don’t want a relationship. Maybe that’s what works for them. It’s their choice. But you know, even if you are the fuck buddy of a heartless mob boss, you are still under his protection. Which means money, a somewhat lavish life, and nobody messes with you.”
“Hmmm.” I was trying to understand, but still couldn’t make sense of it.
“Forget that,” Maddie said, then gave my knee a slap to bring my attention back to her.
“What?”
“Well, how did you feel when you saw him with that woman? Were you jealous?” She winked.
Her question surprised me. “Jealous? Why would I be jealous?”
I didn’t even know what jealousy felt like because I never had a chance to be jealous. When emotions are the last thing in your life, you eventually forget what it means to feel something.
“C’mon, Ayla. I can see something between you and Alessio. The way he looks at you…” She fanned her face with her hands. “So hot! He literally eye-fucks you all the time!”
“Maddie!” I clapped my hand over her mouth. She had no control. I felt something wet on my palm and snatched my hand away when I realized she had licked me. “Eww.”
“You are the one who placed your hand on my mouth while I was talking. Rude much?” She crossed her arms over her chest, a grin on her face. “So, do you feel something for him? Were you even a tiny little bit jealous?”
“I don’t know, Maddie. How does jealousy feel?” As soon as the words were out, I bent my head down in shame. I sounded so pathetic.
You are pathetic, bitch. A pathetic whore. That’s what you are. Useless. Alberto’s voice rang through my head. I hated his voice. It never left me. No matter how much I tried to block him, he always came back.
I felt a comforting hand on my knee and knew it was Maddie. She never questioned me when I asked something stupid.
She believed I had been living off the streets for some time, so she pitied me. I felt thankful that she didn’t ask questions, because I had no answers.
“Well, I would describe jealousy as a wave. It comes crashing in your heart with so many mixed feelings. Anger and sadness. Most of the time, it’s not the best feeling, but it hurts. You feel it right here,” she said, placing her hand over her heart. “It hurts. Your chest grows tight and it feels like you can’t breathe. Sometimes you might feel like crying. Or anger to the point of violence. Like punching someone in the face. I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but it’s pretty overwhelming.”
Placing my hand over my heart, I looked down at my chest. “I don’t know. I didn’t feel anything like that. I was confused, shocked, and disgusted. I wasn’t jealous.”
“You weren’t?” I heard disappointment in her voice, and I looked up.
“I don’t think so. Why would I be jealous?”
“I don’t know. I thought maybe you felt something for him. I mean, the air is practically crackling between the two of you.”
I couldn’t feel. That was an absolute no. I couldn’t let myself get attached or feel love, especially not for a man like Alessio.
Getting emotionally attached meant heartbreak. I had learned not to trust men. I couldn’t. Because Alberto’s evil smile was forever etched in my memory, ruining me for any other man.
“There’s so much sexual tension between you two. Don’t even think of lying. It’s so there,” she continued, not noticing that I had shut down. “Do you feel anything for him?” She sounded far away. “Ayla?”
I blinked a couple of times and realized she was shaking me. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“Are you okay?”
I stood up on shaky legs. “I don’t feel so well. I think I’ll go rest for a little while and then come back when it’s time to serve lunch.”
When she gave me a slow nod, I forced a smile before walking away.
I felt confused. I didn’t know what to feel or how I felt. With my heart racing slightly, I went to my room feeling completely drained.
But when I arrived there, my eyes widened and I froze.
“Ayla,” he said.
Alessio was sitting on my sofa, his ankle crossed over the opposite knee. He leaned back against the seat with ease, looking like he belonged there.
“You know, one thing I totally despise is when I’m talking to someone and they don’t pay attention. You turned your back to me while I was talking earlier. That’s very rude, kitten,” he drawled in a lazy manner.
When he called me that, it made my heart squeeze.
And I absolutely hated it.
My stupid treacherous heart.
I didn’t know what it was about Alessio, but I was curious about him. I was still scared. But under all the layers of fear, he intrigued me.
He was angry one minute but gentle the next. So many mixed signals, and they were all tugging at my broken heart.
It made me mad that I didn’t understand, and I hated him for that. For making me feel.
“Come here,” he ordered, crooking his finger.
I didn’t move.
He sighed loudly and shook his head, a small smirk playing across his lips. Alessio slowly stood, taking all his time by fixing his suit before he walked toward me. No, he stalked. His steps were long, powerful, and confident.
“You know, I hate repeating myself, but for you, I find that I don’t mind,” he said. He stopped right in front of me, crowding my space like he always did. But this time, I had a fair advantage.
I wasn’t blocked from behind, so I quickly took a step back, putting some distance between us. But then he took a step forward.
He never gives up, does he?
I took another step back. And as expected, he took another forward.
“Are we going to keep doing this? It’s boring, kitten. Let’s find something more interesting to do. What do you think?” he asked, his eyes twinkling deviously.
I shook my head, my hair falling in front of my face as I took another step back but this time I froze when I came in contact with the door.
Alessio laughed and came closer again until his body was pressing mine into the door. “See what happens when you try to escape?” He made a tsk sound, shaking his head with fake pity.
He leaned forward until his face was next to my right ear. His breath tickled my ear and the tiny hairs on my neck stood up straight. A shudder went through my body and I brought my hand up to his chest to push him away but instead, Alessio held my hand there, trapping me to him.
“But I’m loving this chase,” he said into my neck. His voice caused me to freeze and I gasped. Alessio pulled away just enough to look into my eyes.
“Did you like what you saw?” he asked, smirking.
My eyes widened at the question and my heart dropped to my stomach. What kind of question was that? He was horrible.
“Let me go,” I tried to say, but it sounded more like I was gurgling.
“Do you really want me to, kitten?” Alessio asked gruffly.
I nodded mutely because I didn’t want to embarrass myself more than I already had.
“Say it, then.”
“Let me…” But I never had a chance to finish my sentence.
Before the words were even out, Alessio slammed his lips against mine. Taking them possessively, roughly. He pushed me harder against the door and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me upward so that he had better access to my lips.
His rough kisses sent my senses into a chaotic overdrive. My mind went numb and I hung limply in his arms. Without thinking, my lips moved hesitantly over his, while he continued to devour mine. I felt hot. Too hot. I was burning.
I felt his hand on my thigh and he slowly hitched my dress up. When his hand came in contact with my bare thigh, I tore my lips away from his.
What was I doing? How could I behave in such a vulgar manner? How could I let a man like him affect me this way?
Our loud breathing filled the room. My chest heaved with each breath. Staring at his blue eyes, I trembled at the smoldering look he gave me.
I swallowed hard. Get yourself together, Ayla. Don’t let him affect you.
I grasped the hand that was still touching my thigh and pushed it away from me. His eyes widened slightly in shock at my bold action and he raised an eyebrow in surprise.
“Don’t touch me. I’m not like…those women,” I said through my heavy breathing as I gasped each word.
“Like who?” he asked, sounding amused. He knew very well what I meant but as always, he loved torturing the answer out of me.
“Like that woman. I’m not like her. Don’t treat me…like one,” I squeaked, pushing at his chest again, but he was unmoving.
“You mean, you are not a whore?” he asked, his voice hard.
I flinched at the word and closed my eyes tightly as painful memories assailed me.
Look at her. Broken down, lying on the floor, our come dripping from her. Exactly like a whore.
That’s what you are, Ayla. Never forget it. You hear me?
I felt a hand on my cheek. My mind was reeling as I was brought back into the present. I hated that word. Alberto called me that more than he said my name.
“Ayla, I never said you were one,” I heard Alessio saying. His voice was surprisingly soft. “If I thought you were a whore, then I would have sent you to one of my prostitution rings. But I didn’t, did I?”
I never said you were one.
His words kept repeating over and over in my head. He didn’t think I was a whore. He didn’t call me such cruel words.
My heart stuttered when his thumb caressed my cheek. “Okay?”
I didn’t answer.
He sighed and then slid his hand down until it rested at the base of my neck. “Fine, I won’t touch you,” he declared, moving his hand away from my neck.
I was shocked at his admission and stared at him suspiciously.
“I won’t touch you. Not until you ask me to,” he clarified, slightly bending his knees so that we were at eye level.
Well, that wouldn’t happen. Ever. Which meant he would never touch me. My muscles relaxed in relief, but I was still filled with suspicion.
For now, I would take him at his word.
“Okay?”
I nodded and then swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. Were we done? I hoped we were, because if he kept playing with my mind like that, I would break down. And I couldn’t let that happen.
I nodded again.
A small laugh rumbled from his chest. He moved against me, and that was when I realized his body was still plastered against mine.
I looked down and then back up at his face. He was staring at me amusingly. Clearing my throat, I tried to push him again and this time he slightly moved away. But he was still crowding my space, still trapping me against the door with his body.
“You…you said you wouldn’t touch me,” I stammered. Closing my mouth with a snap, I took a deep breath in and then continued. “But you are touching me right now.”
“Am I?”
Was that even a question? His body was practically covering mine.
“You are,” I said.
“Okay, then.” Alessio stepped away from me and glided his fingers through his hair, ruffling it in the process.
He was about to say something but his phone rang. His forehead creased in frustration and he quickly pulled his phone from his pocket. With his eyes still on me, he answered the call.
“Yeah?” He was silent for a few seconds. “Okay. I’m coming,” he said, his voice cold and deadly. Alessio put his phone away and walked toward me. I quickly stepped away from the door to give him access. I kept my head down, refusing to look at him.
I heard the door open but there was no sound of it closing. Confused, I was about to turn around when I felt a hot breath at the back of my neck. My body froze in panic. When I heard Alessio’s voice, my muscles slightly relaxed.
“I won’t touch you. Not until you beg me to.”
His words made me tense. And my heartbeat quickened.
With that, I heard him walk away again and the door closed behind him.
Bringing a shaky hand to my chest, I breathed deeply.
Beg him?
Scoffing at his assumption, I walked over to my bed and laid down on my back. That was never going to happen.