If I’d known Camryn did that with the sketch I kept inside my wallet I would have . . . I didn’t know what I would have done. I’d already married her when those pictures were taken. I couldn’t have divorced her because of an email. Even if I had known about Miles back then, I couldn’t say with certainty I would have divorced her.

I had needed time. I had needed the moment I saw Tessa, pregnant with what I thought was another man’s baby, to set in motion what became years of sorrow and loneliness. Years in which I kicked myself continuously for not at least verbally acknowledging the feelings I had for her. I needed that pain to give me the perspective to really understand that there hadn’t been another way. Sitting here, I knew that the man I was four years ago had done the right thing, because without my doing that, I wouldn’t know what I know today. I wouldn’t have grown or changed or altered my direction.

I cleared the table while she sat in the living room Skyping with the guys she worked with. I did the dishes and drank my wine in the kitchen. When I went by Tessa’s apartment and Joan told me she was here, she gave me permission to take the guest room and make myself at home. Freddie mentioned a movie theatre room in the basement. I didn’t want to move too far away from Tessa, still feeling like we still had a lot of ground to cover, but I didn’t want to distract her either. As if sensing this, she glanced over her shoulder, her hair coming undone from the messy ponytail she had it in. She looked so sexy like that, face slightly flushed from the wine, wild hair, sweats and an old T-shirt. On particularly lonely nights, I envisioned her walking into my living room looking like that and plopping down onto the couch beside me, picking up where we left off like I hadn’t broken her heart and sent her away. Maybe we’d do more than just talk, but ultimately, it was the idea of having her near that made the dream so spectacular. She hit a key on the computer.

“You can check the place out if you want while I finish this,” she said. “There’s a guest room over there.” She pointed. “You can check out the basement. Your call.”

“I’m fine.”

She looked at her computer again, clicked a key, and spoke. After another minute, she glanced over at me again. “Is this the only leather you have?”

I pushed off the counter and walked over to her as she muted her side of the conversation. “Am I allowed near the sketches?”

“I guess you’ll have to see them at some point.”

I bit back a smile.

“Stop smiling.” She scowled.

I lost the battle and laughed. “Sorry.”

“Do you have any more leathers or not?”

“What color?”

“Blue. Preferably royal.”

I reached for the book and looked at the spine. “I have another volume of blues. Do you want something attention-grabbing or tame? Is this for the hotel? Did you settle on a theme?”

“The leather is for a car project, but I just settled on a theme for the hotel as well. I’m waiting for Seth and Tommy to catch up.”

I glanced at the screen to find both the guys staring at her expectantly and nodded toward it. She turned back, unmuting herself. “I’m so sorry guys,” she said. “Anything?”

“I’m sending my file for the car over in the comments,” Tommy said. Tessa clicked and grinned.

“Oh, I like the second one a lot.”

I moved and sat on the other side of the couch so I had a better view but was still off camera. Tommy made a face.

“Who are you with?”

“None of your business,” she snapped. “Focus.”

“Okay. What do you like about the second one?”

“It actually looks like a rocket. Do we know for sure they’re letting us choose the exterior color of the car too?”

“Positive,” Seth said. “We can even take out parts if we want.”

“They’re crazy,” Tessa said, clicking on something else on the computer. “I’m sending over my sketch of the seats. Bear in mind that it’s super-duper rough, but I think it would look cool on bucket seats like these.”

I watched her drag a file and drop it in the same little window. I couldn’t make it out, but both guys made impressed faces and sounds.

“Damn, this is rough?” Seth chuckled.

The other guy grinned. “Fuck. I’d hate to upload one of my rough files. After seeing the Spring Collection dresses and now this?”

The three of them laughed and even though I couldn’t see the file, I felt myself smile.

“Guys, this is serious. I’m freaking the fuck out. We have two presentations in a week. Let’s move on to the hotel.”

“Are we going with the Moroccan theme?” one of them asked.

“I don’t know. I think that theme would be great in the lounge area,” Tessa said. “The more I think about the furniture and ambiance, the more I think we should stick to sleek in the lobby. Something New York themed since the other cities have city themes. Whites and grays. Maybe incorporate something about Lady Liberty? We need to think about things that make people think New York.”

“That’ll be easy,” one of the guys said. “You want to draw it or you want me to?”

Seth cleared his throat. “We’ll do it. You look like you need a break.”

“Is that your way of saying I look like shit?” she asked, scrubbing her face with her hands.

“No.”

“You do look tired,” the other guy offered.

She didn’t just look tired. She looked worn out, which only got worse the longer the call ran. Eventually, despite their combined insanity, they reached an agreement on the theme and what each aspect of the design would entail. Personally, I thought they were way in over their heads, but if they could pull both projects off and they were using our fabrics, I’d be thrilled. When her meeting ended, she sighed and leaned back. I wanted to sit behind her, spread my legs so she was between them, and reach down to massage the knots out of her back. Something told me she would probably punch me if I tried.

“Can I see what you showed them?”

She lifted her gaze briefly and clicked on her computer. I moved to sit beside her on the floor, my left arm touching her right. Even that made my pulse spike. She opened a sketch of a car seat, which was already shaded in with the blue she was looking for. It was rich and colorful and made me think of the women in Colombia with their amazing fabrics and leathers and their refusal to cooperate with a man-owned company. I’d decided long ago that I wouldn’t involve Camryn in any of that, but Tessa? I’d trust her with anything.

“I know where we can get your fabric.”

“You don’t have it?”

“Not the perfect one for this.” Not in leather and definitely not in that rich royal blue.

“If it’s that perfect, I’m surprised you haven’t bought the entire company yet.”

I felt my lips tug. “Not for lack of trying. It’s owned by a Colombian woman who refuses to sell to a man.”

This made her laugh. “You’re kidding.”

“Not kidding. Trust me, I’ve tried many times.”

“Why not send a female employee?”

“I don’t have one that fits the bill.”

“Well, I can’t go to Colombia,” she said. “I have to finish this presentation by next week.”

“She’s in Miami right now,” I said. “And I can set up a meeting, if she can’t come up here, we can take one day, two tops. I can get you the swatches. You don’t have to have the fabric for the presentation, you just need it in time for the actual manufacturing.”

“Do you think she will go for that?”

“It can’t hurt to reach out.” With that, she nodded in agreement. We looked at each other for a long moment. The air seemed to shift between us. I put my hand over hers between us on the floor. “There’s something else I want to talk to you about.”

She licked her lips. It was that simple action that made me realize how much I longed for her. She made me long for things that hadn’t even crossed my mind since she left, like leaning in and brushing my lips against hers. Would she let me or turn me away? Could we kiss and talk later? Could I stop at just one kiss? Doubtful. I’d waited too long to have her. I’d dreamed too often of her skin, her lips, her touch.

“We can’t,” she whispered, reading my thoughts.

“I’m desperate for you.”

“You’re married.”

“Only on paper.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s the truth and you know it.”

“It doesn’t make it mean any less.”

I nodded my understanding. When it was the other way around and I thought she was with Cody Maverick, I hadn’t wanted to be the Mariah in the situation either.

I changed directions.

“I went to see my dad yesterday.”

“Oh?”

“It had been at least a year since I last saw him.”

“How’d it go?”

“It went well. Strange, but well. We had a good talk.”

“I’m glad.” She gave me a small smile, her eyes closing. She looked so exhausted so I gambled and put an arm around her, pulling her against my side and fully expecting her to fight me. Instead, she laid her head on my chest and exhaled. My heart felt like it would pound straight out of my chest. “This doesn’t mean anything.”

To me, it meant everything. I held her in place when she tried to shimmy away. “Just, please, Tessa. Just this.”

She stopped moving and yawned. “You can’t just barge into our lives like a hurricane. I don’t have a personal FEMA to take care of me and Miles when you decide you’ve had enough of us.”

“You think I could ever get enough of you?”

I felt her stiffen. I wasn’t going to take the words back. I knew what she was thinking. I could practically feel her thoughts punching me. I deserved it. I’d own up to it, but in the end, it wouldn’t matter, because I was still going to get her.

“Do you really think I’d be that horrible of a father?” I heard myself whisper after a long, silent moment.

“I think you’d be an amazing father.”

“I would never take him away from you, Tessa. I need you to believe that.” I stroked her hair. “Everything I said the other day . . . I was angry, and while I think it’ll take me a little while to fully get over my anger, that little boy . . .” I exhaled, shaking my head as I smiled against her head. “Being around him makes me upset that I’ve missed so many things.”

“I recorded them,” she whispered. I pulled back, cupping her face and tilting it so she’d look at me. “Every holiday, every birthday, every milestone. I know it isn’t the same and it doesn’t change the fact that I kept him from you, but I thought that someday you may want to see those things.” When she blinked, tears rolled down her face. “I’m sorry that I’m so selfish, but he’s my best friend. He’s everything. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to let go of him for weekends at a time.”

I pulled her over to kiss the top of her head. “We’ll figure it out.”

I didn’t bother mentioning that I wasn’t planning to take him away for weekends at a time because I was going to do everything in my power to marry this girl. I’d have to work twice as hard to get out of the situation I was in, but I’d do it.