Rowan

It had been one year to the day when I saw Tessa again, this time in London. I was speaking to my mother, Camryn, and a woman from a well-known fashion magazine when she walked through the doors of the convention center. My breath caught at the sight of her, or maybe it was an exhale, because for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. Her brown hair was down in long, shiny waves that I longed to run my hands through. The form-fitting plum dress hugged all her curves, which didn’t even hint at her having had a baby.

Baby.

My breath caught for an entirely different reason, and I looked behind her, around her, but she was alone.

Not wanting to alert my mother or Camryn of her arrival, I tore my gaze from her and joined the conversation again. I kept my eyes on Camryn’s profile. She was in a good mood, the way she often was in this setting, when my attention was mostly on her. It was the only time my attention was ever on her. Over the last two years, the seed of animosity I felt for her had grown into a damn rainforest.

Camryn could pretend all she wanted, but she was as miserable as I was. She reminded me of it every night as she drowned in her wine or when she was leaving to spend the night at her boyfriend’s apartment on Madison. She’d rekindled her relationship with him recently, stating that she couldn’t bear the sight of me or the new beard I’d grown.

“You’re letting yourself go,” she’d said. “You’re letting yourself go because of that stupid bitch.”

That was after she tried everything she could think of to make me react to the fact that she was having an affair. From sending pictures of them together to showing up at restaurants with him where she knew I’d be hosting meetings. We hadn’t exactly stated terms that we couldn’t sleep with other people while we were married, so technically, she wasn’t violating the agreement we had and she wasn’t overly obvious about the affair in public.

I lifted my gaze and scanned the room, finding Tessa again. Her back was facing me, but the woman she was talking to had her full attention. Whatever Tessa was saying must have been worth listening to. I wanted so badly to know what it was. To trade places with that lady and have a moment alone with Tessa. One moment was all I needed. One moment to beg for forgiveness. To ask if we could remain friends. We’d remained friends after we broke up and left for college, and until Hawthorne Industries took over her family’s company, we’d been fine. Yes, this was different. We’d slept together and broke up because I was getting married, but we could still be friends. People remained friends all the time. Why couldn’t we? The thought of seeing her with another man flashed through my mind once more, and I knew why I couldn’t completely pull it off. Seeing her with someone else would kill me.

The next three hours were spent in and out of conference rooms and shows. My mother checked out after the second one, leaving Camryn and me behind to attend the rest of the conference.

“I’m going to go find a bar,” she said after the second demonstration.

“I’ll be here until it ends.” I looked down at my pamphlet. The next presentation was aimed at giving companies run by women in third world countries a chance to get their fabrics out there, and I actually wanted to hear her pitch.

She sighed. “Haven’t we seen enough fabric for one weekend?”

“No.”

“Come on, let’s skip the rest. You can get the details from the pamphlet if you want to contact anyone.” She put her hand on my forearm and looked up at me, her lips forming a smirk as her eyes twinkled. “I’ll make it worthwhile.”

I raised an eyebrow. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t had sex in a long time. Too long. The thought of touching this woman was revolting to me. “I’ll call you when I’m finished. We can have dinner with my mother.”

“Okay.” She shrugged a bony shoulder before leaning in and kissing me.

I broke away before she could deepen the kiss and turned, not waiting for her to walk away before I went into the next room. It was set up classroom style, with small tables that sat two people. I took a seat and listened to the pitch, but my head wasn’t completely in it. I kept looking around, waiting, wondering if I’d spot Tessa again. It wasn’t until it was over that I saw her off to the right, sitting on her own. I headed that way, heart pounding in my chest. She lifted her head as if sensing my presence, her eyes widening when she saw me.

“Is this seat taken?”

She shook her head, still looking at me as if she wasn’t sure whether I was really in front of her. I undid the button of my suit and sat beside her.

“You look well.”

“You too,” she whispered, blinking and tearing her eyes away from me. I still saw the tears gathering on her lashes.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Everything.”

“Specifically, what are you apologizing for?”

My heart stopped beating for a second when she met my gaze. “I hurt you. I didn’t want to.”

“Are you saying that because you regret the decision you made?”

“Every day for the last two years.”

“I’m not ready to forgive you.”

“That’s fair.” I exhaled, wondering if I should bring up the fact that I saw her while she was pregnant, saw her boyfriend. Instead, I asked, “Are you happy?”

“I am.” She turned a slow but genuine smile in my direction. It was the smile I had always chased, the one she gave Sam so freely but had kept from me for years. It was so beautiful that it made me jolt every time I saw it. “Very happy.”

So, I did the right thing letting you go, I wanted to say. I did the right thing by letting you walk away from me and right into his arms. I couldn’t, though, because my voice was suddenly stuck beneath a boulder in my throat. I put my hand over hers on the table and squeezed it. She let me. Then I stood and walked away, letting her bask in her happiness. I owed her that much.