“How do you know it was a vape pen?” I ask Katie.
“Oh, all right, it was mine and you seem to know that,” she says, cutting through the bullshit.
I admire that about her. It’s another Ruby-like trait.
“And I shouldn’t have left it there,” she admits. “I must have gotten a bit too… medicated… and forgotten.”
“Medicated?”
“Yeah. I have a weed card.”
“A weed card?”
“Mr. Sanchez,” she sighs, as if explaining something to a kindergartner. “I have a medical marijuana card. For health conditions.”
“For what health conditions?”
This is a new one. I wasn’t expecting this.
“Actually, Mr. Sanchez, I don’t have to tell you. But since you’re so curious, anxiety and ADHD. I’ve consulted with a weed attorney who tells me it’s really no different than if I’m on Prozac for depression or Xanax for anxiety, or a host of other prescriptions for a bunch of other conditions.”
I just look at her, stunned. She sounds like more of a lawyer than some of the actual lawyers I employ.
“And honestly,” she continues, “Would you rather me be unable to focus or calm down all day while I’m here at work? Or have to quit or get fired because I can’t function well enough to do my job based on my disability? My attorney says that when viewed that way, most employers would rather their employees medicate than the alternatives…”
“You’ve consulted with a… okay, never mind,” I tell her. “I didn’t mean to ask about your medical conditions or medications. That’s private, of course.”
Oh shit.
I’ve probably violated HIPAA.
Then I realize I have no idea how any of this will be viewed. HIPAA is a Federal law and medicinal marijuana is still illegal federally.
Still. It’s not a battle I want to fight in court. Especially not with super liberal judges like Baez taking over the bench these days.
“Katie, I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I didn’t mean to imply…”
“It’s fine,” she says. “I won’t sue you. Just don’t fire me.”
“You really can’t be hitting your vape pen in the filing room though.”
As soon as I say it I realize what a fucking hypocrite I am. I’m expecting her to say that she’s heard I hit more than that in there. But if she’s heard about that little rendezvous, she doesn’t say anything.
Instead, she says, “Vaping.”
“What?”
“I can’t be vaping in the filing room. There’s no need to say ‘hitting my vape pen,’ Mr. Sanchez. It’s redundant. You can just say ‘vaping.’”
“Okay. Got it,” I tell her.
If this is what Jim has to put up with when Katie proofreads his documents, I feel bad for the guy.
“You can’t be vaping in the filing room, Katie. Is there any place you can… medicate… in your own space? On your own time? Like the other legal assistants do when they go outside and take smoke breaks?”
She smiles.
“Sure, Mr. Sanchez. I’ll figure it out. Just don’t fire me. And get Ruby back. And I won’t sue you.”
“I would love to get Ruby back,” I tell her. In every fucking sense of the word. “But I don’t even know where she is.”
“You can’t find her?” she asks. “You lost Ruby?”
“I’ve tried to find her but I guess she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.”
“That can’t be true. Ruby was a little into you. A little too into you. I had to talk her out of being that into you. It’s not good for a sweet girl like that to get caught up with a player like you.”
I stare at her.
Player?
So, that’s what they think about me around here.
Well, I guess it’s fucking true. At least it was true. Before I met Ruby. And she rocked my fucking world and turned it all the way upside down.
Just like I’ve been turning her upside down on my desk and in the filing room. Just like I want to keep turning her upside down, if she’ll let me.
“Oh, I know you think she’s edgy and alternative and stuff like that,” Katie continues. “And she alludes to some kind of bad ass past. But underneath she’s a good girl. Very sweet and innocent. You can’t go breaking her heart.”
“That’s not at all what I intend to do,” I tell her. “I just don’t know where she is. If I could find out, I would definitely go get her.”
“Mr. Sanchez, I know you didn’t become one of the founding partners of one of the best law firms in the country by not using your noggin,” she says.
The nerve of this girl. Lecturing me like she’s twice my age instead of the other way around. But she does have a point.
“Put on your thinking cap and go find Ruby, Mr. Sanchez.”
“I will, Katie. You have a good day. Remember to vape in your own time.”
“I’ll vape in my own time,” she agrees, getting up to leave. “And you go find Ruby and get her back.”
I plan to, Katie. And I plan to have her on her back as soon as I find her.