***
Belle
Mrs. Johnson held my hand when they drew the blood at the doctor’s office. I wished Drake was here with me. I wanted him to be. I’d waited for twenty extra minutes this morning at our hotel, thinking that he’d finally come back from drinking or wherever he’d spent the night. It certainly hadn’t been with me. I didn’t think that it was with another woman. We’d been together close to three years and exclusive that entire time. Besides, part of me would rather he’d been out even fucking another woman than that he was still going to deliberately stand up this appointment, that he was going to leave me and his child.
I knew Drake had his hang-ups. I loved him through them, but I didn’t ever think that his issues could keep us from forming a family together.
There were things in my past, too, that I wasn’t sure of, but I was ready to take this next step, to be the best mother I could for the child. Why couldn’t he do the same?
After a blood test had confirmed that I was pregnant, the doctor had arranged for me to get an ultrasound in her office. Penelope helped me get undressed and slip into a blue polka-dotted hospital gown. Maybe I should have noticed even earlier about the pregnancy. I’d gained almost ten pounds in the last two months, but I thought it was part of graduation stress and overeating while defending my thesis. It honestly hadn’t occurred to me while on the pill that I’d accidentally let my guard down a bit, that I could be pregnant. In hindsight, though, everything fit together, made perfect sense.
Penelope had stepped out to check in with the nurses, since I’d been left lying there for a while, waiting for anyone to come check in on me. I was starting to get cold. When the door creaked open, I turned my head, expecting it to be her. Instead, my heart hammered hard in my chest when I saw it was Drake. He was disheveled, had five o’clock stubble, and his collar was mussed. But he’d come bearing “I’m sorry gifts.” In one hand, he held a bouquet of balloons, and in the other, he was carrying a giant, overstuffed toy raccoon. It was the silliest and the weirdest stuffed animal I’d ever seen.
I loved it immediately.
I tried to sit up, but he held up his hands and then set the gifts on the floor.
“Don’t.”
“I’m about maybe twelve weeks along, not a beach ball,” I said, leaping off the bed and into his arms. He spun me around and kissed me long and hard, his tongue dancing with my own, tempting me in a way that so was not appropriate in a hospital suite. “You really came!”
He nodded and sat beside me as I resumed my seat on the exam table. Taking my hand, he said, “You can thank Penelope for that. She gave me the most epic ass kicking of a lifetime, everything I deserved.”
“I bet!”
“I was scared, Belle. I know that I shouldn’t be, that I’m this tough guy and ex-soldier. Beating people up…” He paused before continuing, “Even killing people, you can get used to.”
Swallowing hard, I nodded. I had no illusions about his past. “I know.”
“But I don’t want to mess up someone’s life, let alone a kid I love and made. I want them to have everything, and part of me still thinks—will always think—that there’s some guy out there who will be a million times better for you and the baby than I am.”
“I don’t think that could ever be true,” I said, leaning forward and kissing him.
“Maybe.”
“Definitely.”
“But,” he continued. “Penelope talked with me and told me straight and she’s right. As scared as I am that I might mess this up, the last thing I want is to live in a world where I never see a little girl with your blue eyes growing up. I couldn’t bear to mess her up, but I couldn’t bear to be without her or you either.”
I squeezed his forearm, appreciating the sleeve of tattoos peeking out from his t-shirt’s sleeve. My soldier, my Marine, that was Drake. “The only way you could mess this up is if you weren’t here. We’d both never make it without you.”
“I hope so,” he said, kissing me back. “But if anything ever happens… if I’m not good at this… I’ll understand.”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, and I wiped at them. “I think you’re off to a good start. Is that a raccoon?”
“What?” he said, breaking away from me long enough to pick up the stuffed toy. “They’re a popular pet in Japan and mascot. I thought the stuffed kind was probably way more baby friendly than a pet.”
“We are not giving our daughter a pet raccoon.”
“Yet,” he said, winking at me.
I was about to continue the argument when the doctor came in with the ultrasound cart trailing behind her. She gave each of us a brisk nod and then gestured to her nurse. The younger girl went to work rubbing the gel over the wand and then prepping me for the procedure. When it was all prepared, the nurses nodded back to the doctor and said something fast in Japanese.
The doctor looked between us and smiled. “You’re the father then.”
Drake paused for a second, looking at me. I took his hand and squeezed it, and then he smiled at the doc. “I am.”
“Good, then we’re sorry we started without you.”
“That’s okay. I’m all about making up for lost time,” he replied, squeezing my hand back.
“This might be a bit cold, Ms. Fontaine.”
“Mrs. McManus,” Drake corrected. “We’re getting married as soon as we’re home from the vacation.”
The doctor smiled a little more broadly. “Fine, Mrs. McManus, this might be a bit chilly but I assure you that’s normal.”
She slid the wand over me and I turned to the 3D ultrasound. Watching it floored me and left me in tears. The baby’s face popped into view first, then the body and legs. She was even sucking on her little thumb. Then the wand passed lower and I frowned, not sure what I was seeing.
“Doctor?” I asked.
“You look to be almost thirteen weeks, Mrs. McManus. Congratulations to both of you,” the doctor said, looking between us. “You have a son.”
Drake’s face brightened, and he swept me up in a hug. Then he grimaced, realizing now he had gel on him, too. “Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to do that.”
The doc laughed. “I’ve seen that one before, too. Megumi and I will get the photos printed out and update your chart. Take all the time you need.” With that, both women hurried out the door.
Drake’s expression was wide and open, so filled with wonder, and easily the most at peace I’d ever seen it. He helped me to my feet and, it seemed, reluctantly helped me dress as well. When I was more or less ready to follow him back to the reception desk, he pulled me into an embrace and kissed me, a move that curled my toes.
“We have a son.”
I nodded and bit my lower lip. “This doesn’t change your plans, does it?”
He blinked at me, genuinely confused. “Huh?”
“Well, Dad, I know you were thinking of a beautiful little girl with bright blue eyes. Instead, I think we might be getting a handful of a son with black wavy curls who will be beating the girls away with a stick.”
Drake groaned. “Oh, shit, I hope that karma’s not real. I was hell on my parents as a teenager.”
I laughed and kissed him again. “Good thing we have fifteen years to prepare.”
“And the rest of our lives to enjoy it.”