Chapter Thirteen

Belle

The weeks passed in bliss. I didn’t think that was possible. After Mom got sick, my life had been nothing but pain and fear. The last three weeks had been anything but that. By day, we explored the island, taking in the sights and sounds of the tropical nation. Then, at night, we would have dinner, either something fancy and delectable created by Mrs. Johnson or something with local flare from Leonard.

Later, we’d retire to the playroom, and I’d test my limits. Every night seemed to bring more pleasure than the last, to bathe my body with more ecstasy.

That wasn’t to say actual negotiations weren’t happening as well. Of course, they were. We were still only meeting each other part way with sixty-five cents on the dollar. It was a mental chess game when we went into business mode, and I had to respect that Drake McManus was able to outmaneuver me when it came to facts and figures. The dossiers had been right, and there was a reason he headed probably the most profitable media management company on the planet.

We felt matched, equal, and I couldn’t remember ever feeling that way with a man before.

Tonight, he promised he had a surprise planned, something he said he’d been working to arrange for a while that had taken longer than he’d hoped. I was just glad that as we approached our final week that he’d gotten it together at all. Not that I expected gifts… I didn’t… but I loved to see joy on his face. It was a feeling I think Drake denied himself far too often. Being able to see him happy moved me, and if his preparations had come to something he wanted to show off and was proud of, then I was more than excited.

Frankly, I just wanted to take every chance I had to spend with Drake. We’d be going back to Los Angeles in a little over a week, and I didn’t know what would come after that. Would we still continue our nightly sessions? Were we a couple? Could we be considered that now? I know what we whispered to each other at night, but so far, I’d been the only one to admit I cared about him, but that was as far as I could figure out my own emotions. I knew he cared about me from his actions—the way he’d protected me, the way he shepherded me through the steps in our BDSM relationship and ensured I had the best aftercare, the tenderness he showed me on our excursions. But was that enough?

I wasn’t sure when I left the cocoon of the island that what I wanted was to be just his favored sub. No, I was beginning to realize I wanted far more than that, but there were few playboys in the Western world more infamous than Drake McManus. Was I setting myself up for disappointment? When he had other women available, would he just throw me aside?

Hell, to be crude about it, was I really just another notch on his bedpost as he got the deal he wanted?

It was this mishmash of thoughts that swirled through my head as Mrs. Johnson came in to help me pick out my outfit for the special date Drake had planned for tonight. He was as eager as a puppy to show me whatever he’d been planning, and it was cute. Everything about him was.

Mrs. Johnson eyed me speculatively as she pulled out a blue silk shift. “You seem distracted, dear. Is everything all right?”

I frowned back at her. Mrs. Johnson had become a surrogate mother on the island. While I Skyped with my family daily, even as Carol seemed to grow more bitter and resentful, Mrs. Johnson had also become quite the confidante. I’d told her everything about me and my family, about how sick Mom was and how we worried more and more even as this new treatment was hopefully supposed to really make a difference with the right timing and exposure.

She was probably worried I’d gotten bad news. I was melancholy enough today.

I shook my head and patted her hand. “I just talked to Mom this morning. She’s doing well. She’s keeping food down, looks like she already gained some weight on the new meds. I haven’t been this relieved for her in a long time.”

Mrs. Johnson nodded but then sat on the bed. “Then why do you look like your dog just died, dear? Something is bothering you. Is there anything I can do to help?”

I sighed and leaned against the wardrobe. “To be honest, I don’t know. It’s about Drake.”

Mrs. Johnson gave a knowing smile. “Isn’t it always? I swear I’ve worked for him for well over a decade and I’ve never seen him light up for any woman the way he lights up for you. He cares about you so very much, and that’s a miracle.”

Picking at my cuticles, I tried to keep the smile on my face. “I really hope so, but how do I know? He’s never said out loud that he cares about me or really likes me. I know after three weeks it’d be crazy to expect the big ‘L’ word. I don’t even know if I feel that yet.”

Although I was beginning to suspect I did love him, that it was more than just passion simmering between us.

“Drake keeps so much to himself. He’s used to bottling everything about his feelings up.”

“But I don’t know where any of this goes after this and…” I stopped, finally daring to say out loud what I hadn’t even admitted to myself. “I like him. I really like him. I want us to be more when we go home, and I’m terrified that he might not feel the same way.”

Mrs. Johnson smiled a knowing smile and passed me a light silk dress in a coral pink. “This will look best with your coloring, dear. Also, I think you more than ‘like’ him, don’t you?”

“I…”

“Your secret is safe with me,” she said, winking back at me.

“I love him, Penelope,” I said, using her first name. “I think I really do. I keep telling myself it’s just caring or being grateful he saved my life or that we have fun together, but I think I love him. Oh, God, what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” I started to pace, moving back and forth across the expanse of my bedroom. “God, what if he can never feel this way about me and it’s all just for fun?”

Mrs. Johnson stood up and then hurried across the room to hug me, holding me tight and stroking my back as I tried not to hyperventilate. “Shh, it’s all right. I think that you’ll be surprised. I know Drake, and he’s never been like this with anyone.”

“But that doesn’t make it love,” I said, my voice wavering as I pulled away from her. “It could just mean he’s having a fun time, and I’m having so much more than that. If he’s not on the same wavelength with me, if he doesn’t love me back someday, I think it’ll crush me.”

“My mother used to say that ‘the evil of the day is sufficient thereof’ and not to borrow trouble. I think you go through with tonight and see what happens. I believe that Drake will surprise you.”

I nodded and swallowed hard. I didn’t want to wipe at my eyes because I didn’t want to acknowledge that I’d been tearing up. The thought of anything changing my new normal—short as our time together had been—was almost too much to bear.

Mrs. Johnson smiled again and stroked my shoulder. “Get yourself dressed, hon, and go out there for the surprise. I think you need to have faith. I do.”

That made one of us.