- GARRETT -
What the fuck was I doing?
I’d never pulled the cocky asshole act with Blair. I never had to. So why was I doing it now? Because he had a girlfriend?
A fucking girlfriend. I knew I was the one who told him to move on, but did he have to do it so fast?
After running into Jeremy, I vowed to pretend to be straight for the rest of my life. He was the reminder I needed of why I couldn’t have what I wanted. The life I created for myself back then was what I needed to do to survive high school and uni. Then, once I was in the big bad world, I was used to hiding. Coming out would throw everything upside down. I’d been lying to my friends and family for over a decade. There was no way around that. And the longer time went on, the harder it was for me to tell the people I loved that I was living a complete lie.
It didn’t take long to realise I couldn’t do it to myself. I couldn’t pretend to be straight. It wasn’t who I was. Not anymore.
Begging Blair for forgiveness was the first step in what I needed to do. And then Hunter dropped the bombshell on me that he’d met Blair’s new girlfriend. It’d been two months since we split. Two fucking months was all it took for him to get over me.
I still wasn’t over him. Not even close.
When I found out about Blair, I went back to how I was the year before—appearing straight to everyone except for the guys I met on that dating app. A few of them held potential for more, though none of them understood me like Blair did. They didn’t understand how I couldn’t be out when I had supportive people in my life and absolutely no reason to be closeted. They weren’t pushy about it but curious, and I wasn’t willing to lay my demons on the table for them.
When I was with Blair, it was as if he knew when he needed to shut up, when he needed to back off, and when he needed to push me to face my emotional shit. Somehow, he always knew what I needed from him and when. And he gave it without hesitation. He was the only one who understood me.
Then I told him to fuck off.
I hung around the bar and downed drink after drink, trying to numb the incessant need to be close to Blair.
Knowing his relationship wasn’t doing so well was no excuse to hit on him—or be an ass—but I really fucking missed him.
I knew I should’ve left. It was what I’d done every other time I’d seen him this past year. And the year before that. And the year before that one.
It was no wonder he hated me. Hell, I hated me. I hated the person I was years ago when I let that shit happen to Jeremy. I hated the person I’d become, hiding who I was because I was afraid. Afraid of what, I still hadn’t worked out. Society, not being accepted, losing the people closest to me … My reflex was to hide that part of me and protect myself. I’d been doing it for twelve years, and I didn’t know how to stop.
Why was I here torturing us? And why wasn’t I walking away?
By the time I went back to the table—about six drinks later—I figured I was drunk enough to pretend that I wasn’t fantasising about the guy sitting across from me.
My plan worked too. I put on a smile and talked to my brother’s friends about nothing in particular.
Gage and I continued our usual smack talk while Blair and Spencer were carrying their own conversation.
I kept drinking because even though I was distracted with conversation, my gaze always went back to Blair. Half the time, he was staring at me too.
Why couldn’t we get our shit together? And by we, I meant me.
Just as I thought that, one of the reasons walked through the door with a girl on each side of her.
Of course, I didn’t know who she was because I’d never met her, but I figured it out when Spencer nudged Blair, and he swore and jumped out of the seat to rush over to the three girls who entered.
“Is that—”
“His girlfriend?” Spencer finished for me. “Yup. You haven’t met her yet?”
I shook my head. “As I said earlier, busy year.”
“At least she brought friends with her,” Spencer said. “Hot ones.”
“Yeah. Great.” I tried to hide the sarcasm, but I doubted I was successful.
I watched as Blair said something I couldn’t hear and gestured wildly with his hand. His girlfriend scowled, turned to her friends, and pointed over to us in the booth.
The two girls reached the table and introduced themselves as Claire and Amy.
“I’m Spence, this is Gage, and that’s Garrett,” Spencer said, pointing as he went.
Both girls turned their heads at my name. They eyed me with knowing curiosity, and that’s when I knew. That’s when I figured out why Blair was so high strung, and why I’d never met his girlfriend on the few occasions I’d seen him over the last year.
He told his girlfriend about us.
My heart plummeted into my stomach.
“Excuse me,” I said as politely as I could manage and slid out of the booth.
I didn’t care if they were in the middle of an argument. I walked right up to Blair and whatever-her-name-was, catching the end of Blair’s sentence. “… told you not to come.”
“But—” Her eyes went wide when she caught sight of me standing behind her boyfriend.
“Blair. Outside. Now,” I ordered.
“Bloody hell,” Blair muttered and turned to face me. “I don’t care what issue you have this time. I don’t have the energy to deal with you.” He turned back to his girlfriend. “Or you. I told you to trust me, but you couldn’t even do that.”
“Where’s Hunter? You said you were here for him,” she said.
“Rhodes,” I growled.
“One crazy person at a time, please!” Blair said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “Jess, go sit with your friends, and I’ll be over in a minute. Garrett, outside.” He followed me out. “I didn’t know she was coming. I told her not to—”
“She knows about us?” I turned on him.
He looked down at his feet. “I was wasted when I met her, and I didn’t think I was going to see her again, so I spilled everything.”
“So you fucking outed me?”
“If I’d known she’d become a thing, I wouldn’t have named you specifically, and for that I’m sorry, but she has the right to know my past history—”
“You know she told her friends, right? Those two girls in there know I’m gay before my own brother does.”
“What? She wouldn’t have done that. I told her—”
I huffed a humourless laugh. “I guess this is payback, huh? Karma at its finest. I out Jeremy and fuck up his life, you out me and do the same.” I never did tell him what happened with Jeremy, but his lack of surprise didn’t shock me. He would’ve known it had to be something bad.
“Fuck. I didn’t think she’d …We have issues because of you. I guess she asked her friends for advice, even though I specifically told her you weren’t out.” He shook his head. “I really am sorry. It’s the worst thing to do to some—shit, I didn’t mean that.”
I pursed my lips and nodded. “Yeah, well, I probably shouldn’t hang around. No doubt Spence and Gage know about me now. Won’t be long before my brother’s calling me about it, right?”
“I’ll go talk to them.”
I shook my head. “Why do you even care?”
“Did you seriously just say that to me, asshole? I’m the only person who’s ever cared about you. The only one to see through that bullshit exterior. And the only one who keeps getting screwed over because I don’t have the ability to say no to you.”
“You did a good job of it in there. Tell me, how long were we broken up before you met Jess? Because it seemed pretty fucking fast.”
“We weren’t even together!”
“So that makes it better to be fucking someone else two months after I made the biggest mistake of my life and walked away from you?”
“What?” he croaked.
“I freaked out. I’m Garrett-fucking-Erikson. It’s what I do. When I went to apologise, you were already dating her. What was I meant to think? I didn’t mean anything to you. I was just some ass.”
“Bull-fucking-shit that’s all you were.”
“Didn’t seem to take you too long to move on.”
“You know why I’m with Jess? You know why we’ve been together for so long? Because she’s the only thing in this world that makes me forget about you.”
A small voice sounded from behind us. “That’s all I am to you? A distraction from who you actually want?”
Blair’s face drained of colour as he turned to face her. “Jess,” he said in his soothing voice I knew so well. “That came out wrong. I didn’t mean it how it sounded.”
“How is that open for interpretation?” she asked.
“He’s telling the truth, honey.” Why my mouth decided to defend him and reassure her was beyond me. “Blair and I have our issues, but they have nothing to do with you, okay? He was just telling me how much he loves you.”
Blair visibly flinched, although I didn’t know why.
Jess huffed. “Well, now I know you’re lying. Blair hasn’t once told me he loves me.” She turned to him. “I guess I know why now, huh?”
“Jess—”
She shook her head and walked off. There was a moment where I thought Blair was going to stay. That he was going to pick me. He only paused for three seconds before he chased after her.
I watched him leave. Then I realised I wasn’t nearly drunk enough to deal with that.
After going back inside and downing a few more drinks at the bar, I figured I needed to face the girls at the table and find out what they’d said to my brother’s friends.
Maybe this was what I needed—someone to take the decision out of my hands.
I was borderline shit-faced when I stumbled back to the table.
“Where’ve you been?” Spencer asked.
“At the bar. Uh, after I witnessed Blair and Jess have a fight. That wasn’t fun.” I eyed the girls. “Umm … I don’t think either of them are coming back. She stormed off, and he chased her.”
I didn’t know what I was expecting. For the girls to glare at me? To announce to the table that it was my fault? Instead, I saw sympathy in their eyes. I wanted to tell them I didn’t deserve it, but it was clear they hadn’t outed me like I thought they would, so I kept my mouth shut.
“Well, while they sort their shit out, we should drink,” one of them said.
I’d already forgotten their names.
“And dance,” the other said.
“Lead the way, ladies.” Spencer climbed out of the booth with them.
“I’m good here.” I threw back the drink in my hand.
“Me too,” Gage said.
Spencer gave us a nod and walked off with the girls.
After some silence, Gage said quietly, “They didn’t out you.”
My eyes snapped to his. “Huh?”
“You and Blair. The girls didn’t tell us anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re all twitchy.”
“W-what?” My heart thumped hard in my chest, making it feel like a sledgehammer against my rib cage.
He smiled. “Don’t worry. I doubt Spence suspects anything. I have finely tuned gaydar. Just ask my dads.”
“You what …?”
He laughed. “That was a joke … the gaydar thing, not the dads thing. That part’s true. Are you telling me I totally misread this situation?”
My mouth gaped open.
“I’m going to take that silence as I hit the nail on the head.”
“How did you—”
“You two aren’t subtle. At least, I don’t think you are. You remind me of my dads. We’re from a small town, and it’s full of people who aren’t the most accepting. My dads always acted differently in public. They were affectionate at home, but in town they’d act like you and Blair. Like you’re forcing yourselves to stay away from each other even though you don’t want to.”
“How did … you … and … what? Your dads?” I wasn’t making a coherent sentence, but I was drunk so I thought I made total sense.
“What, you want the whole story?” He sighed. “Well, my mother was an Aussie, my father American. I was born here, but Mum passed away when I was young, and I can’t even remember her. Dad moved us back to Virginia after she died so we could be with his family. He met up with his best friend from school and kinda, sorta, fell in love with him, I guess. They both raised me.”
“Was it hard? Growing up with two dads?” I asked.
“Yeah, it was, but they’re awesome and the best parents I could ask for. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but there was no way I was growing up without being bullied over the fact I had two dads. I got into fights a lot.” He smirked. “The world’s getting better, but there are some assholes out there. Probably always will be, unfortunately. It shouldn’t be that way.”
“Yeah. True.”
“How long have you and Blair—”
I shook my head. “We’re not. Not anymore.” When he looked at me sceptically, I added, “It’s complicated.”
He smiled. “That’s what they all say.”
“You’re not going to say anything to anyone—”
“Not my story to tell. But if you ever need anyone to talk to …”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
“And that’s enough mushy bonding shit for me. I’m going to go seeing as Hunter’s already bailed. Never been big on the clubbing scene.”
“Fair enough.”
“Not to seem all preachy, but you should think about going home too. You look wasted.”
I waved him off. I think our conversation sobered me right up.
He climbed out of the booth. “Take care, Garrett.”
“You too.”
He went to walk away but turned back at the last second. “Are you happy at your firm?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you seriously headhunting me right now?”
“We’re looking for people, and my uncle will give me a raise if I pull in someone like you.”
“I’ll think about setting something up. I might be interested in a meeting.” The assholes I worked with were still assholes. At least in a new firm, there’d be Pip and Gage there. “I’d certainly class up the joint, that’s for sure.”
With a wide smile, he left, and I was at the table alone. I realised Gage may’ve been right about being drunk, after all. The whole bar was spinning. Or maybe it was just my head.
Spencer and the girls were on the dance floor, so I went to say goodbye. Before I could cross the bar to get to them though, some guy grabbed one of the girls around the waist and pulled her to him.
It was obvious she didn’t like it or want it, and Spencer shoved the guy to get him to back off.
That’s when two of the guys’ friends jumped in.
Shit.
I rushed to get in there, gently pushing the girls aside as I tried to break up Spencer and the guy attempting to mangle his face. The two friends grabbed me, and then suddenly we were in an all-out bar brawl.
Someone punched me in the face—I wasn’t sure who—but I knew I’d have a black eye in the morning. Luckily, the alcohol dulled the pain.
I managed to get a few swings in, but I wasn’t sure I did any damage. Three on two wasn’t the best odds.
Before I knew it, bouncers were breaking us up and cops were entering the bar. Being on the main strip, the cops arrived less than a minute after the brawl broke out.
My eye was swelling shut when they cuffed me and dragged me outside. Spencer was with me and so was one of the three other guys.
Not that long ago, the bar would’ve kicked us out and told us to go home, but the city had become stricter in regards to bar fights since there’d been countless attacks when people had ended up in a coma or had been killed in recent years.
We were marched down Main Street, getting wolf-whistled and hollered at by onlookers.
“Thanks for having my back, bro,” Spencer said, when we were escorted into the police station and told to sit until we could be taken to be processed.
“If I knew this was how it was going to go, you would’ve been on your own. This isn’t my first offence, you know.” I’d been in the drunk tank before—the last time Blair rattled me.
Spencer sighed. “How long is this going to take, seeing as you’re the expert criminal and all?”
“We’re not getting outta here until morning. Sorry.”
He groaned. I agreed with the sentiment.
Spending the rest of the night in jail, I had a lot of time to think, and I came to one giant conclusion. I was too old for this shit.