- GARRETT -
June, 2012
“Come on, bro, it’s my birthday. You have to come,” Hunter said.
I knew what going out with him and his friends would entail. It’d happened a lot over the last year.
It’d been ten months of rarely going out because I knew I’d run into Blair.
On the times I did go, my façade of being one hundred percent straight was so over the top, I wondered if anybody else knew I was overcompensating. Blair definitely knew it with every frown he threw my way.
Since the night we’d kissed, I’d practically become Houdini. I could make myself disappear in three seconds flat whenever he turned up. I pretended our night together never happened. That one night didn’t exist to me.
“Come on, even Cole got Reece to let him out for the night,” Hunter said. Cole was Hunter’s only married friend, and I was pretty sure they were only married because they had a kid. Most times I didn’t even know if they liked each other.
“Fine, Ryan, but there better be alcohol and women.” Ugh. Could I be any more of a lying douche right now?
“Some models I met on set last week are coming out.”
“Female this time? Last time you said that, they were all male.” Not that I was as upset as I was letting on. Even though it’d been strictly women before and since Blair, that didn’t stop me checking out other guys. In fact, my lingering eyes had become worse because of Blair.
Damn him.
“Female, I promise. And now that my work here is done, I’m going to jump in the shower.” Hunter headed down the hall of our small apartment.
Knowing I was going to see Blair turned my body on high alert. It had a habit of doing that—yet another reason I tried to avoid him at all costs. The last time we all went out, I drank so much Hunter had to pick me up from the drunk tank at the police station. The memories of getting arrested were hazy. All I remembered was every time Blair pinned me with his stare, I went to the bar and got another drink.
Just the thought of him brought back the memory of him trapped between me and the front door of my old house.
That night haunted me, and I swore my dick was possessed.
As I stared down at my half-hard cock, I groaned and wondered if I’d have time to rub one out before Hunter got out of the shower. My hand got as far as unzipping my jeans when there was a knock at the front door.
With a sigh, I zipped my fly back up and answered it.
“Rhodes.” My voice was emotionless—something I’d perfected doing over the last ten months or so.
Blair rolled his eyes. “Erikson.”
I walked away from him and into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of scotch off the top of the fridge.
“I was told to be here at eight,” Blair said from the doorway to the kitchen. “Guess I wasn’t late enough for you to avoid me, huh?”
I looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was already nine. I didn’t respond, just poured my glass and downed it in one go.
“Are you going to share?”
Silently, I took down another glass from the shelf and poured him a drink.
“Thanks. I guess,” he mumbled into his glass. “Are you ever going to look me in the eye again? It was almost a year ago.”
I forced my eyes to meet his, and suddenly I was frozen, locked in his gaze that seemed full of pity. I hated that look. Pity was the last thing I needed.
“Shower’s free,” Hunter said, making me jump and take a step back. He came around the corner in his boxers, wearing a towel on his head. “What, started drinking without me? I’ll catch up while you’re in the shower.”
“Whatever,” I mumbled, tossing back another drink and handing the glass to Hunter as I walked out.
After my long—and extremely cold—shower, I walked into my room to find Blair sitting on the edge of my bed. He was staring at his phone, tapping away on the screen. He didn’t even lift his head as I walked by him.
“You lost?” I grumbled, gripping tighter onto my towel that was wrapped around my waist.
He cocked his head to the side. “Not as lost as you.”
“You going to get all philosophical now?”
He stood and took three steps closer to me. “I’m offering you a do-over. Seeing as I so kindly refused to hook up with you—”
I scoffed. “Kindly?”
“I did it for you, jackass,” he said, flicking the side of my head.
“Dude, did you seriously just flick me?”
He ignored me. “You shut me out, so I don’t even know how or if you’ve been dealing with what happened between us.”
I averted my gaze. I didn’t need this. “Nothing happened between us.”
“Right. Well, I just moved into my own apartment. If you still need convincing that you’re not entirely straight, you could come home with me tonight.”
“Where’s Hunter?” I hated that my eyes darted to the door and I was worried about him walking in.
Blair waved me off. “Please, he’s doing his hair, so you know we have at least half an hour.”
I managed to crack a smile at that.
“You don’t have to say yes, Garrett, but I figured if you’re going to ignore me anyway, I may as well get what I wanted last year but deprived myself of because I thought it was the right thing to do.”
“I heard you have a girlfriend now.” My voice was gruff. When Hunter told me Blair was seeing someone, it hurt way more than I expected it to.
He shook his head and stepped closer, close enough for me to smell his aftershave, and dammit, he smelled good. The woodsy scent smelled how he tasted, and suddenly I was transported back to a year ago, where I wanted to pin him against a wall.
“She told me she doesn’t do anal, so I broke up with her.”
My eyes widened, and the spell was broken. “You what?”
He burst into laughter. “Oh my God, I’m joking. What kind of asshole do you think I am? We only dated a month. She was a nice girl”—he shrugged—“just not going to be the mother of my kids.”
Kids. “You’re twenty-three years old, why are you thinking about kids?”
“I’m not. I just mean she wasn’t the one.”
“So you’re flipping to the other side of the coin again now you’re free? Wasting time with cock until you find the right va—”
“Don’t be an ass to push me away. If you don’t want to hook up, fine. I’m a big boy and can handle rejection. But don’t stand there slurring bi-phobic shit at me to get me to back off.”
“Geez,” I said, holding one hand up in surrender while the other clutched the towel tighter. “I get it. I’m sorry. But that doesn’t mean you’re not on the rebound.”
“You didn’t seem to care about that last time. What’s changed?”
Only the fact I’ve thought about you for ten months.
“I’ll think about it,” I rasped out. “Now leave so I can get dressed.”
He took a step forward and ran his hand down my chest, stopping at my abs. “I guess you should get dressed.”
One touch and my dick was hard. Blair was out the door before I had a chance to do anything about it.
***
After Cole turned up at the apartment, we called a cab and met up with Hunter’s other friends, Spencer and Gage, on the main strip. From there, we went to one of the smaller clubs that refused to play anything but EDM. I groaned in complaint as the bass immediately tried to pound a hole in my brain. How my brother liked this crap was beyond me. My eyes squinted and fought against the strobe lights.
“Not your scene?” Blair asked, walking in next to me.
“I’m only twenty-seven, and I feel too old for this shit.”
He laughed, but I couldn’t hear it because the music was so frickin’ loud. Oh, God, I really am old.
“Let’s go get a table.” He nudged me with his arm to get me to head towards the tables and chairs that lined the walls.
I made a point of not sitting next to him—something he found amusing because when I risked a glance in his direction, he was trying not to grin.
It was less than a minute before I couldn’t sit there any longer, knowing his eyes were on me. Heading to the bar, I ordered a round of shots for the table, plus two extra that I downed before heading back to the group. The line was long, so I was gone for almost fifteen minutes by the time I reached them.
Miraculously, somehow, the only spare seat when I got back was next to Blair.
Fuck.
The area was tight, so when I sat down, my leg brushed against his. Even though there were two layers of clothing between us, the slight connection had me on edge.
I reached for another shot and threw it back to dull my senses.
Blair leaned in. “Just so you know, I don’t fool around with drunk guys. It’s up to you what you do next.” The club was loud, so no one would’ve heard, but it didn’t stop my eyes from darting around the table. No one was paying attention.
My hand hesitated mid-air as it went for a shot and fell back to my lap instead. I didn’t have to turn my head to know Blair was smiling. I hadn’t decided what I was going to do yet, but I wasn’t ready to dismiss the offer completely.
I yelled at Cole across the table for a different type of distraction. “So, how’s Cody? He’s like two … three now, isn’t he?”
Cole nodded. “Cody’s awesome!” he yelled back before taking a shot. He shook his head and screwed up his face. “Don’t let me have any more of those.”
I nodded but knew full well Cole would drink more of them. It was Cole. I think he loved alcohol more than Reece, his wife.
“And married life?” I asked.
His eyes met mine. “Cody’s awesome,” he repeated.
“Ah. Gotcha.”
Hunter came back to the table—I hadn’t even realised he was gone. On his heels were girls. Models. I groaned quietly to myself.
“Heard that,” Blair muttered with a laugh.
Here we go. I knew I was seen as a manwhore, and it was easy for me to play the part, but I didn’t want to go there tonight. I’d been doing it since high school, and I was tired. So damn tired.
I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t using the women I slept with; I was truly trying to find the one. A huge part of me—whether it was in denial or wasn’t willing to admit the truth— believed there’d be a woman out there who could give me everything.
The realist in me reminded me I was practically salivating over the fact I was almost sitting in Blair’s lap.
He patted my knee and stood. “Looks like you all need a drink, and it’s my shout.”
Cue asshole womanising behaviour.
“Ladies,” I said, standing.
“This is my brother, Garrett,” Hunter said.
I put on my panty-dropping smile. “I’ll go help Blair with your drinks. The more you drink, the more charming I am.”
The girls did that girly giggle thing that was probably fake, but Hunter looked at me as if I’d grown two heads. Normally, I would’ve honed in on a girl and gotten to work. I pretended I didn’t notice his strange look and headed for the bar.
“You okay?” Blair asked when I stepped up beside him.
“I don’t want to be on tonight. Too much effort.”
“Then don’t be. No one will think less of you if you don’t hit on a woman, you know.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mumbled.
“We’ll stay for one drink, one dance, and then we’ll get out of here.”
That was when I was meant to say no. That was the moment to walk away, go back to the group of models, and take one of them home. But I didn’t. My head nodded without my permission, and then after a long-ass wait, I helped Blair carry two trays of shots back to the table.
I allowed myself one more drink—which earned a cocked eyebrow from Blair—and then grabbed the closest girl and dragged her onto the dance floor. Apparently, I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible.
“Olivia,” the girl yelled in my ear.
I nodded, and she took that as an invitation to start grinding against me.
My gaze found Blair’s, and I had to quickly look away. His hands were in his pockets, and he was scowling. Not that I could blame him.
There wasn’t anywhere I could look without seeming suspicious, but every time I looked down at Olivia, she stared up at me with lustful, kiss-me eyes.
All I needed to do was wait out the song. Of course, then the bass reverberated through me, and it reminded me I was in a dance club, and the song was never going to end.
Blair ended up joining us on the dance floor with some other girl.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I leaned in to talk in Olivia’s ear. “Need the restroom. I’ll be right back.”
She nodded and turned to dance with her friend and Blair, but I wasn’t surprised when I got to the bathroom—which I didn’t actually need to use—that not a minute later, Blair came in after me.
He checked the two stalls to make sure they were empty before he approached me and leaned against the bench where the basins were.
“What do you want, Garrett?” His voice was soft and sympathetic.
“Am I meant to know the answer to that?”
He smiled. “No. But I fear you think you have to know the answer to that. I invited you over because I thought you wanted it, but I can tell you’re freaking out. It was supposed to be a casual, no pressure thing. If you want to go back out there and make out with that model, then go do that. You can hook up with whoever you want to. I just want you to know that you don’t have to shut me out.”
He made my head hurt. I was messed up and sure as shit wasn’t good enough for him. My voice croaked as I managed to ask him “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you even bothering? Not a shocking revelation here, but I have issues.”
Blair leaned forward and pressed against me. His hands cradled the back of my head, forcing me to look him in the eye. “This past year, I’ve seen the struggle in your eyes, and it reminded me of all the tragedies that could’ve easily been prevented had any of those people had someone to turn to.”
“I’m not suicidal, for fuck’s sake.” I tried to pull my head back, but he held it tighter.
“Are you telling me you’ve dealt with all the shit from last year? All that avoiding me, the unhealthy binge drinking, all those girls you took home … was it because you wanted it? It had nothing to do with proving a point?”
I swallowed hard.
“Didn’t think so. All you have to do is realise what you want. Not what society wants, not what your brother or your parents want, but what you want. What do you want, Garrett?”
I swallowed hard and rasped, “You. I want you.”