Karis
Chapter 15
There was a chill in the night air. When Damon saw me rub my arm with my free hand, he let go and wrapped his arm around me.
“I’d offer you my jacket, but . . .”
I laughed. He was funny in a witty sort of smartass way. I liked that. I felt inadequate next to him. He was so much older, and I was certain, experienced. I was a nervous wreck walking alone with him in the dark. So, I did what I do when I get nervous. I started talking.
“Jenna says your animal spirit is a wolf. Just wanted to confirm that,” I babbled.
“Yes. My original Pack is from Italy, as you probably guessed, but I’ve spent most of my formative years in the States with the Longhorn Pack in Texas.”
“I’m very familiar with Longhorn,” I told him. “I’m a wolf too, if you didn’t know.”
He smiled down at me and seemed to relax some too. “I did know that. It was in your records, and Chase mentioned it at lunch the other day.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Would it have bothered you if I was something other than a wolf?” he asked.
“Yes, it would have,” I said honestly. “Not that I have anything against other shifters. In Alaska it’s much like here. We live communally with various shifters on our lands—polar bear, puffins, moose, and it’s never been a problem. There’s just well, expectations in my mating.”
“I understand,” he said. “Do you have brothers and sisters?” he asked.
“Um, next question.”
He laughed. “Karis, that’s like the easiest one in the books. It’s a simple yes or no.”
“It’s not for me,” I said softly, then took a deep breath. There was a bench up ahead and I stayed quiet until we reached it, then sat down first. “I was four and I got sick. My parents left me with my grandparents but took my brother and two sisters. There was an accident. No survivors.” I shrugged. “Sometimes it’s hard to even remember them and I never know how to answer that question. Do I? No, because they’re gone,” I said sadly.
He hugged me tight. “I’m so sorry, amore mio. You lost your parents too?”
I nodded into his shoulder. I hadn’t cried for them in a very long time, but I was an emotional mess and fought to hold back the tears. “My grandparents raised me.”
He took a deep breath. “I’m told my mom died during my birth. She was fully bonded to my father. I never knew either of them. I was raised by my grandparents too, until they died when I was ten. The Alpha kept me around until I was fourteen, and then sent me to the States to live with a family. They’re nice enough, but they only really wanted extra help around their farm.”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t whine. My grandparents are wonderful people and you were all alone in the world.”
His hand stroked down my back as we sat in silence for some time just holding each other.
“I don’t feel so alone now,” he whispered before pressing his lips to my forehead.
The sensation that shot through me from that brief touch was more potent than any kiss I’d experienced with Tyler.
“It’s getting cold,” I finally said, even though my body was warmed from his embrace. “I saw Sabrina at the party. We can go back to my room and talk some more if you want.”
“Okay,” he conceded, but I could feel he was having an internal struggle over the decision.
As we walked the short distance to my dorm, holding hands again, I felt I had to give him the out. “You don’t have to, you know. We’ve definitely covered plenty already tonight,” I said with a smile.
“If you want me to go, it’s okay. You can be totally honest with me, Karis.”
“Then I want you to come up and keep talking, I just don’t want you to do it if you don’t want to,” I said, not sugar-coating anything.
Just as we reached my room, Sabrina texted me saying she was staying the night at the Theta house and not to worry.
Inside the room, with the door shut, Damon looked around. “It’s very pink. I didn’t peg you for pink.”
“Ha ha, a comedian you are not,” I said, physically turning him towards the other side of the room.
“Much better,” he praised.
He walked around my side of the room checking out my stuff. It should have bothered me, but it didn’t, and that probably freaked me out more than anything. He seemed to notice his jacket peeking out from under my pillow. He picked it up and held it up with a questioning look. I snatched it from him and held it close to me.
“It helps me sleep better. You’re not getting it back unless you swap it for something else,” I told him unashamed.
I could tell that pleased him greatly.
He kicked off his shoes and settled down on my bed. I wanted to join him, but nerves made me hesitate. I shook it off and climbed up beside him anyway. We sat with our backs to the wall, side by side. I waited for the calm to wash over me from feeling him next to me and smiled when it came.
We had faced some deep stuff already and emotionally I was quickly becoming exhausted, but physically my body had never felt so alive.
“Next question?” he asked.
“Chase and your brothers think you’re suicidal. Are you?” I asked, desperately needing the answer ever since Jenna mentioned it. I knew she thought it was me that had given him such a drastic turn around, but I couldn’t continue down this path if he was. The more we got to know each other the stronger the bond would become. I could already feel it happening, so best to air all our dirty laundry now.
Damon was quiet for a bit, like he was contemplating how to answer. “I’m not suicidal, amore. Do you know why they think that?”
I shrugged, and I knew he could feel it even though we weren’t looking at each other. “I’ve heard a little. Will you tell me?”
He took a deep breath. “I haven’t been my best here at the ARC. I had a lot of fun. I slept around. I didn’t care about much. I wasn’t even sure what path my life was going to take, still don’t really. But my roommate, Matt Williams, kept me in line. He didn’t put up with my shit when I was moody. He was my wingman when we were out partying. He was a really great guy, the best. And he died last spring.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said but then shut my mouth so he could continue talking.
“I wanted to be mad at Chase. Matt died in the battle against the big cats when Jenna’s dad declared war over their mating. But it wasn’t Chase’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimes shitty things just happen. Still, I had all this anger and grief and nowhere to direct it. I drank a lot, and even then, I didn’t have suicidal thoughts, but I understand why they would think I did. I drank so much one night that I didn’t wake up for three days. Chase found me. He thought I was dead. It was really bad, Karis.”
“That’s why you don’t drink?” I asked.
“Yeah. I promised them I wouldn’t touch the stuff for the next year, and I haven’t. Anyway, the school year ended, and everyone left. They thought I’d gone home for the summer, but I stayed here. I didn’t want to go back to Longhorn and work, so I took a job waiting tables in town instead. I spent a lot of the summer alone. Too much, if you ask the guys. My wolf and I both fell into depression. And then he started battling for dominance when Tyler showed up. I’ve been struggling to control him, like he’s growing stronger, which is weird because we’ve always been in perfect synch.”
“Jenna thinks that’s all my fault.”
He laughed. “Yeah, it is. I’ve pretty much pieced together every instance and think I’ve plotted your path to my madness.”
I smacked him. “I didn’t even know you existed.”
“But my wolf sure knew you.”
The way he said it made me warm inside. The dress I was still wearing had become uncomfortable and I was ready for pajamas.
“Do you mind if I change and get out of this dress?” I asked.
“Not at all. Wish I’d thought to bring something.”
I scooted off the bed and went to my drawer to pull out a pair of PJs. I started to pull my shirt over my head when Damon stopped me.
“Karis, what are you doing?”
I looked at him in confusion. “Changing.”
“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”
I looked up and saw the hunger in his eyes. It brought the butterflies in my stomach to full flight. Then I laughed.
“You’re a wolf shifter. Don’t tell me you’ve never been around other shifters. Pack run? Anything? Nudity is not a big deal.”
“I agree,” he said. “But I also don’t talk about shit like this with anyone, especially not a girl I’m interested in. You’re different, and I’m trying to behave and do right by you here. Seeing you naked right now is not gonna help things if you still just want to talk and get to know each other tonight.”
I blushed furious. “Oh,” was all I could muster. I straightened my top and grabbed my clothes. “I’ll be right back then.” I hesitated at the door, unable to stop myself from asking even knowing it was a bad idea. “Damon? If I were just some other girl, how would tonight have been different?”
He stared at me for a moment. I could sense his wolf close to the surface. It was like seeing the predator within him. “We’d have never left my bed. Kind of hard to talk with my head buried between your legs.”
Heat pooled in my lower stomach and I instantly felt like I’d just wet myself. I saw him sniff the air, smelling my arousal, and grin. I turned with shaky hands and left the room quickly.
My face was flushed when I looked in the mirror of the bathroom and the blood was still pulsating through my body. I didn’t know if it was the mating call or just Damon, but I’d never wanted anyone or anything as badly as I wanted him.
I’d never been with a guy in that way. Heck, it wasn’t that long ago I’d had my first kiss. It wasn’t that I hadn’t thought about sex, I’d just never even come close to the opportunity to really think about it. I was thinking now.
Damon was my mate. If we kept seeing each other, it was inevitably going to happen. That would likely increase our bond significantly. Was I ready for that? How would I even know?
I changed and splashed cold water on my face, forgetting I was still wearing makeup. I scrubbed my face clean, then looked in the mirror critically. Oh well, this is me. Take it or leave it, I guess.
I headed back to the room, trying to look more certain than I felt. He was laying on my bed, stretched out in nothing but boxers and an undershirt. I gulped, and then joined him. The moment our bodies aligned, and I rested my head on his shoulder, all my fears and concerns disappeared. He wrapped one arm around me and kissed my forehead sending shocking bolts of electricity through my body once again.
I took a deep breath. “Next question?” I squeaked out.
He chuckled. “Um, what’s your favorite color?”
“Blue. Yours?”
“Green. Favorite type of music?”
The questions went back and forth for hours as we learned everything we could about each other, both the deep stuff and the simple things that just make a person who they are. The longer we talked, the more I liked Damon Rossi.
Sometime in the wee hours of morning, I fell asleep in his arms.