“I’m nervous.”

Avi squeezed my hand. “You have no reason to be.”

I elbowed his side. “Don’t be all rational. My nerves can’t be reasoned with!”

From behind us, I heard, “Wait up!”

We both stopped and turned, seeing Yo running toward us carrying a paper grocery bag. He held the bag up as he approached. “Holla!”

I chuckled. “Holla? Do people say that anymore?”

Avi corrected me. “No, challah. The braided bread.” He said the “ch” of the word like a throaty “h.”

“See? I’m already making a fool of myself.”

Yo eyed me. “What’s the matter? You nervous?”

“Hell yes I am.”

He threw his arm around my shoulders. “Why? It’s just my parents. No biggie.”

I glanced between Avi and his cousin. “Stop trying to talk me out of my nervousness! It won’t work!”

We were headed to Shabbat dinner with Avi’s aunt and uncle, Yo, and a few neighbors. It had seemed like an okay idea when Avi steamrolled me into it, but as the day approached, my nerves grew.

His family lived in a suburb outside Baltimore. We’d parked down the street from their older, two-story brick home, and now we were walking through the front door. In my hands, I held the apple cinnamon cake I’d made that morning. Avi had said I didn’t have to bring anything, to which I rolled my eyes and asked if he had any idea who he was talking to.

“Mom! We’re here. I’ve got the challah and Laurel!” Yo called as he walked into the living room.

When we stepped inside, I was immediately hit with a cacophony of aromas. Avi had told me his aunt was making her famous brisket just for me, and I could tell from the smell I was in for a treat.

Yo and Avi ushered me through the living room, introducing me to a few people as we passed. I’d have to ask him their names later, because so far, everything and everyone was a blur.

When we reached the kitchen, we were greeted by a small, beautifully plump woman with curly hair very similar to that of her son and nephew. She completely bypassed Yo and Avi to get to me.

“Laurel! I’m so very happy to meet you, honey!”

Avi grabbed the cake from me just before I was enveloped in a hug by his aunt.

“Oh, it’s nice to hug someone who’s the same height as me!” I said.

She let go of me, smiling warmly. “I know what you mean. I’m surrounded by giants.” She gestured toward Yo. “I have no idea how I birthed this one.”

Avi leaned down and hugged her, then formally introduced us. “Laurel, this is my aunt, Irit. My uncle, Uri, is over there getting the brisket out of the oven.”

Uri waved over his shoulder. “Nice to meet you, Laurel!”

I finally had a chance to look around the expansive kitchen and I fell in love. The floors were weathered oak while the cabinets were white with glass paneling in some. There was a huge island in the middle with butcher-block counters and the stove—oh the stove. It had six burners with a gorgeous copper hood above.

“Sorry, Avi, I think I live here now. This is my dream kitchen,” I said.

“I thought our kitchen was your dream kitchen,” he said.

“It was, but now this is.”

It didn’t escape me that he said our. It also didn’t bother me. Yes, I’d paid for that house with my blood, sweat, and a helluva lot of money, but I was more than willing to share it with Avi. Since he’d lived there from almost the beginning, and he’d done so much work on it, the house really did feel like both of ours. And maybe that was crazy. Maybe it was much too fast. But it also felt more right than most of the things I’d done in my life.

“You’re welcome here anytime. I heard you’re a baker,” Irit said.

I leaned a hip against the counter. “Yeah, I am. I love to cook in general. Feeding people is my happy place.”

She looked at Avi affectionately. “Sounds like Avi found his happy place too. This guy used to clear out my fridge when he lived here in the summers. Between Josef and Avi, we never had food in the house.”

I snorted. “Some things never change, do they?”

She smiled softly. “No, they don’t. But sometimes change when you least expect it turns out to be the best.”

I had a feeling she was talking about Mara. It had to be a little weird to have me here, especially considering she was Mara’s aunt. But she showed no signs of awkwardness and she pulled me into the fold like I’d always been there.

Avi and I set the table while Irit and Uri finished getting dinner ready.

“Still nervous?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No, not anymore.”

A smile took over his face, and my chest filled with devotion. I couldn’t remember how I’d ever thought I could fight my feelings for this man, not after seeing that smile.

“We could have Shabbat at our house. Invite everybody over.”

“I like how you say ‘our house,’” I said.

“Isn’t it ours? I know I said six months, but…”

“Don’t you dare even contemplate saying anything about moving out.”

He chuckled and ran a hand over his smooth hair. “I won’t. I don’t want to. Being with you feels like home.”

From across the table, with a stack of plates in my arms, I said, “I told you not to say romantic things to me when I can’t kiss you.”

He prowled around the table, his eyes on mine, and stood in front of me in two blinks. In another blink, he’d taken the plates from me and set them down. And then his hand was on the back of my neck and his lips were claiming mine. It wasn’t a deep kiss, but it was full of sweetness. Our tongues touched for just a moment, but it was mostly lips and sharing breath.

Avi pressed his forehead to mine. “You can always kiss me, lovely.”

“Awww, if you two aren’t the cutest thing I ever saw!”

I turned sheepishly to see one of the older neighbors I’d met briefly standing at the threshold of the dining room, holding her hands over her heart. “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just passing through.” She beamed at both of us as she went into the kitchen. I knew Avi’s aunt was about to get an earful.

“I can’t believe I just made out with you at your aunt’s house.”

Avi pulled me closer and bent to whisper in my ear. “No one will ever keep me from you. I will kiss you when I want to. And my aunt doesn’t give a fuck, Laurel. She’s happy for us.”

“Still, let’s try to keep the tongue to a minimum.”

He chuckled. “Okay, whatever you say.”

Irit stuck her head into the dining room. “We’re going to light the candles. I need Laurel!”

I looked at Avi. “Are you coming?”

“Nope. The women light the candles.”

I startled. “And they want me to help?”

He pushed me toward the kitchen. “Yeah, it’s no big deal. Just watch.”

Irit and the two women I’d met earlier stood around the kitchen island. In front of them were four thick, white candles.

The women parted, letting me stand between them. Irit explained their candles were mostly a tradition rather than sticking strictly with religious rules. Technically, they should have been lit well before sunset, but that had come and gone.

“We’re lighting the candles to bring light and warmth into a world that is sometimes cold and dark. And we’re bringing peace into our homes,” explained Irit.

Then the women said a prayer in Hebrew. The language was unfamiliar to my ears, but I found it to be melodic and really quite beautiful. I could see myself doing this on Fridays. Who didn’t want to see more peace and warmth in the world?

Dinner was a boisterous affair. Dishes were passed, jokes were told, and songs were sung—all of which were in Hebrew, but I enjoyed just listening.

“So, Laurel, Avi told me you just threw a baby shower for your friend,” Irit said.

I wiped my mouth with my napkin and nodded. “Yes. My friend Rachel is due with her first in about a month. I somehow got roped into co-hosting a shower for her. Thank god for Avi, or there wouldn’t have been any favors or sandwiches.”

The baby shower had turned out adorably. Rachel got a million gifts, all of which she stashed in Frannie’s spare bedroom because she was superstitious about setting up the baby’s room before he was born. It was crazy to think Rachel and Joe would be parents soon. I still hadn’t quite wrapped my head around it.

“My Avi is a real catch,” Irit said.

I squeezed his thigh under the table, and he caught my hand. “I know he is.”

Besides the spurts of Hebrew, Avi’s family dinner reminded me of my own family. There was teasing, but most of it was good-natured and the love was apparent.

At the end of the evening, my apple cake had been demolished, and I’d been invited back for the next week. After more hugs from everyone, Avi and I finally headed home.

Ours hands rested on the console, loosely intertwined. We were both quiet in the dark of the car, the low hum of the radio the only sound. It didn’t feel necessary to rehash the evening. We both were there. We both felt how natural and easy it all was. And I thought, we both could see how things could be down the road if we didn’t make a crazy sharp turn off our path.

At home, we hung up our coats and went up to my room. He’d started keeping some of his clothes upstairs and I kept some of mine downstairs—not my suits, obviously. His basement closet was not up to their standards.

Neither of us bothered with pajamas. We fell onto each other as soon as our clothing had been discarded. I’d never felt closer to another human being in my life. Our experiences had worn our edges in different ways, but his jagged parts fit perfectly against my smoother ones, and my hardened areas sank into his softness. Our pieces worked together in a way I thought neither of us could have expected.

Avi kissed down my body, rubbing his lips and nose over my skin. When he reached between my thighs, he spread me wide and licked the length of me. My hands cradled his head as he sucked and laved at my folds. The room was so quiet, the only sounds were the wetness of my body and his colliding.

My belly tightened, and so did my chest, then I let go. I was falling, falling through the night sky. Streamers of stars passed behind my eyelids as I flew by them. And Avi held me through it, his tongue pressed to my clit, his hands gripping my hips. When I landed, he caught me and held me down with his body over mine.

He kissed my stomach and hips and licked my nipples as he moved his way up me. His length nestled in my folds, softly rocking against me, his body curling around mine, and I was completely enveloped in him.

We didn’t talk. He didn’t say dirty things to me. He just slowly slid inside me while his hot breath played on my neck. My back arched, and I let out a soft mewl when he was fully seated. Nothing, nothing, had ever felt as good as this.

He moved slowly, each stroke long and deep. His eyes stayed on mine when he wasn’t kissing me. His expression was reverent, but also full of surprise, as if he hadn’t been expecting this.

I couldn’t keep my hands still. I wanted to touch every part of him. My fingers tangled in his hair, then skated down his shoulders and over his arms. Then I touched his chest, feeling the muscles ripple as he held himself up on his elbows. I traced my fingertips up his neck and jaw, then feathered them across his lips.

And the whole time, our eyes stayed connected.

This was the first time in my life I would have been willing to call having sex making love. The pleasure was incredible, as always, but this was more than that. We were connected on a different level. I felt that universal energy tethering us together, flowing back and forth between us.

Avi bent down to kiss my neck, and he stayed there, murmuring in Hebrew, while he stroked me faster, and I squeezed him tighter. I didn’t want this to end, but I couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

An orgasm took over me, and my arms and legs wrapped around his, holding him close while I arched against him, needing, wanting, taking more. And he followed me, taking everything, and then giving it back. I was full of Avi everywhere: between my legs, my heart, and my life. He made me feel greedy, though, because I only wanted more.

He rolled us over so I was laying on top of him. He was still inside me, slowly softening.

We’d never been this quiet together, but it felt right to lie there and listen to his heartbeat. I pressed my ear to his chest and listened to the rhythm change, gradually slowing. It was intimate, listening to my lover’s heart, the one I’d made beat faster, and then slow into a comfortable thump-thump while he held me in his arms.

“I love you.”

I jerked my head up to see Avi smiling down at me. “I love you too,” I said without hesitation.

I’d fallen and landed right alongside Avi. I didn’t need to think about it, I just knew. If he hadn’t said it first, I would have. There was no doubt in my mind I loved him, and that I was loved by him. I tried not to think about how I didn’t deserve him and just revel in the fact that I had him.

He brushed my hair from my face. “I know, my lovely. I can feel it.”

“Good. I want you to. I always want you to know I love you, without any doubt.”

He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. “Thank you, Laurel.”

I cupped his cheeks until he opened his eyes. “You don’t have to thank me, Avi. That’s just how I need to love you.”

He shook his head back and forth on the pillow. “You are such a beautiful person. I can’t believe I get to have you.”

“So, you’ve decided my pattern matches yours?”

“No, it doesn’t. It clashes in the most fucking ridiculous ways. I think that is why we work. I had someone who matched me, but it wasn’t what I needed. I need you, with your loud colors and zebra stripes to go with my earth tones and plaid.”

I snorted. “That is the craziest analogy I’ve ever heard, but I completely understand it. We go together because we’re different.”

He held my face in his big, gentle hands. “I love you.”

My face was overtaken with a smile. Probably the biggest, goofiest smile I’d ever smiled. “I love you, too. Let me say it first next time.”

He smiled back at me, and I saw Heaven. “You have to be quicker then. I say what I want, when I want to.”

“Are you steamrolling me with your love?”

Avi chuckled quietly. “Yes, and I think you like it.”

I pressed my nose to his so our eyes were inches apart. There was a subtle light brown ring around Avi’s irises. It was only noticeable close up like this. But then, so many things were like that. You had to really look to see the hidden beauty.

“I do like it. I like you, and I like us,” I said. “This is the moment.”

“What moment?”

“That I’d freeze with my mutant power. I want to stop time and walk around, seeing this from every angle.”

“Ah, my love, you don’t need mutant powers for that. This is only one moment of millions. Just wait.”

He hugged me tight, and I laid my head back on his chest and listened to his heartbeat again as he fell asleep. In my own heart, I captured this moment. I didn’t have mutant powers, but I wanted to always remember what it felt like to listen to the rhythm of Avi’s peaceful, beautiful heart.