I sighed and closed my eyes as I settled in for bed. I’d been with Ryder for three weeks at his home and things were going well. He was still stubborn about doing a lot for himself, but he was at least allowing me to cook. I stuck to the few recipes I knew and varied them with spices and other flavorings. His stitches were healing nicely and the frequency of his headaches were subsiding. He was even joking around and finding the energy to go for swims in the pool out back. It was hard for me not to look at him. At the droplets of water rushing down the divots of his muscles. I’d sit at the window and watch him, making sure he didn’t hurt himself or collapse and suck in too much water.

With every passing day, he got better. His vision cleared up a little bit and he could move his neck around a little more. His hair was growing back at a rapid paced. I was actually impressed with it. It was so long I could grip it again. If I wanted to. I watched him stroke his fingers through it every now and again, making his way back to the scar. To the plate and screws that lined his skull as he relived that day. I could see it in his eyes. The unfocused stare and the way he would jolt whenever his mind pulled him from the memory.

I wanted to be able to say something to comfort him, but I knew it was useless.

I was battling my own nightmares. Sometimes I would wake up in cold sweats and have to splash water in my face. Sometimes I would hear Ryder walking out of his room in the morning and just for a second, I’d think he was Langley. I still had some of my old habits. Refusing to let Ryder make me coffee and having food prepared ahead of time in case he wanted to heat something up. There were times where I still caught myself trying to ask him if an outfit looked good on me.

If he approved of it.

But just like Ryder was healing, so was I. Those habits were slowly dying and my nightmares weren’t as frequent. But there were other habits that took their places. I slept light, in case Ryder needed me. I kept washing myself at the sink like I had for the month I was in the hospital with him. It almost felt foreign, stepping back into a shower. Or taking a bath in some jetted tub. I’d had everything ripped away from me. My freedom. My security. My safety.

Ryder.

The habits Langley had conditioned into me were replaced with habits that felt a little less… wasteful.

The only bad thing was watching Ryder throughout the day. Not that I didn’t want to be there, but I was getting a taste of what he had endured while protecting me. The feeling of constant worry and dread that something would happen? I felt it every time I heard him walking around. Or turning on water to shower. Or getting out of bed and coming down the stairs. I saw the danger in everything. Every little action and everything he picked up within his hands. He would come down the stairs and I’d see him falling and busting his plate loose from his skull. I’d hear him getting into the shower and I envisioned him stumbling and hitting his ribs against the railing. I’d watch him open the fridge to grab something and I’d imagine the food he grabbed igniting the swelling in his brain and me not catching it.

I’d see him reach for a fork and I’d imagine him passing out and falling onto it.

I had a newfound respect for what Ryder had gone through with me. For the worry he stomached and the sleepless nights he probably had to make sure he could hear me if I cried out. It was the few moments in the day where Ryder was completely silent that panicked me the most. That flooded my veins with adrenaline that blurred my vision. If I heard him, I knew he was okay. Conscious. Healing.

But if he was silent, there was always that lingering fear that I would find him on the floor. Passed out.

In a coma again and slipping away from me.

I drew in a deep breath and allowed the silent sounds of the nighttime to overcome me. It was bedtime, and I was having a tough time shutting off again. For being just outside New York City’s limits, it really was quiet. Peaceful. Tranquil. It was still hard to process that Ryder lived out here. Thrived out here. Owned the space he lived on and the massive house that surrounded us both. He really had changed. Grown up into a wonderful man.

I was lucky to be able to be around him.

A small sound wafting down the hallway caught my ear. At first, I figured it was Ryder snoring. But then it happened again. I sat up in bed and felt the silk sheets gliding across my skin, my ears trained on the sound.

But when it happened again, the sound was unmistakable.

Ryder was grunting.

Ripping the covers off my body, I went dashing down the hallway. I had no idea where the sound was coming from, but panic was flooding my veins. The grunt came again and it sounded like he was in pain. Every single scenario rushed through my mind. His head was splayed open. A rib had punctured his lung. Langley was back.

Holy shit, was Langley back?

My hands were trembling as I ran down the stairs. I stuck my head into every crevice of the downstairs until my ears locked onto another sound.

Running water.

Ryder was in the shower.

I sprinted back up the steps, gasping for air as I threw myself around the banister. How I didn’t hear the damn water in the first place was fucking beyond me. My legs were carrying me as fast as I could go as I strode down the hallway, then I rounded into his bedroom and saw his bed was empty.

Water was pouring from the shower head, and I heard the sound again.

A long, drawn out grunt.

Ryder was in trouble. I knew it. I walked over to the door and prepared myself to rip it open, but the sound that hit my ears next wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t a grunt or a whimper. A call for help or a choking sound.

It was…

“Alicia.”

My name?

I heard him panting. I heard the sounds of skin slapping skin. I furrowed my brow and planted my hand against the cracked bathroom door, and the sounds of him gasping were unmistakable.

“Shit. Alicia.”

I knew that tone of voice, and the pieces slowly started falling into place. The grunting. The panting. The slapping skin I could hear. The growling of my name and the way his voice made me shiver. I stood there, unable to move as I listened to the sounds speed up. My hand was shaking against the door and I felt heat rising up my body.

I’d caught Ryder in a very intimate moment, and I wasn’t sure what to do.

If I moved, I could risk being heard. Then he would know I was here and creepily listening to him beat off in the shower. But if I stayed and waited him out, I risked looking like an even bigger creep by electing to stay there and listen. I slid my hand from the door and straightened my back, but his voice was pulling me in. Luring me into the forbidden territory during a moment that wasn’t meant for an audience.

But the words dropping from his lips made me quake.

“Alicia. Fuck. So tight for me. Your body. So beautiful.”

I smiled lightly at his words as I reached for the door.

I was going to pull it closed and go back to bed, but my hand came up and hit the doorknob. The sound ricocheted throughout the damn bathroom and I grimaced at the pain. It was blinding. It brought tears to my eyes. I bit down onto my lower lip to keep from crying out, but a whimper still escaped. There was no hiding it now. Ryder knew I was there. I gripped my hand against my chest and massaged the ache, watching as the door swung open.

The bathroom was filled with steam and the water was running on hot. The mist felt good against my skin, and I closed my eyes and inhaled. It had been weeks since I’d taken a decent hot shower, and suddenly my body was gravitating towards the feeling of it. Like I had lost control of my body, I stepped into the bathroom and allowed myself to be covered in the hot steam.

I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror, seeing the frosted glass of the shower reflected in it. I could see the outline of Ryder’s naked body, and it was clear enough for me to see him turned towards the mirror himself. I felt my blood run cold as I cradled my hand against my chest, and my eyes dropped to the bottom of the mirror.

It was clear Ryder was still holding onto his cock, and heat flooded between my legs.

He was still panting. Trying to catch his breath. My cheeks blushed furiously and I had no idea how the hell I was going to talk myself out of this. My hand was aching and my body was relaxing with the hot steam from the shower. Ryder’s naked body was poised towards me and I knew he was watching me the way I was watching him. Two passing people in the night who came together by unsuspecting circumstances, and now neither of them had the gall to make the first move.

I knew where I wanted to be.

The question was, did he want me there too?

“Are you okay?” Ryder asked.

I let out the breath I was holding and dropped my hand to my side.

“Yeah,” I said breathlessly.

“You hit your hand pretty good.”

“I um… I was trying to close your bathroom door? The steam was seeping into your room.”

“Was it?”

I shivered at the rumble of his voice.

“No, it wasn’t,” I said.

Ryder chuckled, and I swore the sound alone blinded me with white hot passion. My eyes fluttered closed and I imagined his lips against my neck. His naked body pressed against mine. I imagined those same water droplets trickling down his chest. His abs. His cock. Falling off its leaking tip as it rose for my body.

I needed to get out of there.

I needed to leave.

“I’m so sorry,” I said breathlessly. “I heard you grunting and thought you were in pain and by the time I realized what was going on I’d hit my hand and the door flew open.”

I closed my eyes and gathered myself before I turned on my heels.

“Let me get out of here,” I said. “A hot shower actually sounds nice.”

“Have you not taken one today?”

“I haven’t taken one since we got back from the hospital.”

I heard his feet pad along the shower before the glass shook. I looked up and saw his hands planted firmly into the frosted glass. He smoothed the steam away and I could see his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes and his thick dark hair dripping with streams of water.

I felt my nipples puckering at his sight.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “Just got used to washing in the sink.”

A heavy silence hung between both of us as I watched him nod his head.

“Maybe you should change that. You know, since we’re home.”

Home.

What I wouldn’t give to call a place like what he had ‘home’.

“Then I’ll go do that,” I said breathlessly.

“I didn’t say you had to do it alone.”

I froze in my spot as I heard him inch the door open. My chest was flushing with heat and a rush of steam beat down upon my back. My hands were trembling at my sides as the sound of the water called to me. I could hear it beating down on Ryder’s skin. Coating him in a beautiful sheen my eyes had beheld multiple times over the course of the past three weeks. I closed my eyes and swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the scratching of my own selfish wants at the back of my head.

“Get in with me, Alicia.”

I whimpered at the sound of his voice.

I slowly turned around and his body came into view. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever laid my eyes on. Steam was rising from his shoulders and his eyes were locked onto mine. I could see the water trickling down his shoulders and dropping down his chest. My eyes followed them down to his chiseled abs, taking in their washboard physique before following the deadly trail. The pads of muscles at his hips were dented with lines that led straight to a stiff cock I could see begging for release.

I felt myself slipping. Giving into the primal urges rising up within my body.

This was it.

The moment of no return.

And if I had it my way, I was never coming back.