MY AUNT ARRIVED in the evening with enough food to feed the entire beach. Casseroles were put into the freezer, a crockpot full of chili heated on the counter, and the fridge was stocked with … well, everything. A chocolate sheet cake rested on the island, a small corner of frosting missing and my hand stung from where Helen swatted me with the back of her wooden spoon.
Diane burst into tears when she saw everything Helen brought. She cried harder when my aunt hugged her and told her it would be okay.
“You’re never alone when you live here,” Helen reminded her.
I stood at the counter and watched them hug and talk over on the couch. The frosting tempted me, but I rubbed my hand and bided my time. All the female emotions made me uncomfortable. I excused myself to run over to my house for a bit.
When I returned with what I needed to spend the night, Helen excused herself with a knowing look at my arms full of clothes. She double-checked Diane had her number and then kissed my cheek on her way out the door.
“What’s all that stuff?” Diane asked, blowing her nose again from all the crying.
“Staying the night. In case you need anything.”
“You don’t—”
I interrupted her, “I know I don’t have to, but I’m staying.”
“Right. Staying until I ask you to leave.”
“Glad you understand finally. I’ll sleep in the other guest room. I’d sleep on the sectional down here if it would make you more comfortable.”
“Thank you. You didn’t have to ask your aunt for all that food.”
“I didn’t. I called her this morning and told her what happened. That’s all her doing.”
“Wow. She doesn’t even know me.”
“She knows you’re important to me, which makes you important to her. It’s how things work around here.”
“Right. The island way of life.”
“We take care of our own.”
“And I fall into that?”
“You do now.”
“I’m overwhelmed. I mean, I moved here not knowing anyone to be independent and make it on my own.” She shook her head and tears welled up again in her eyes. “Instead, I’m a charity case.”
I walked over and draped my arm around her shoulder. “You are independent and strong, not a charity case.”
“I can’t even bathe myself.”
“You probably could. Not very well, and would probably make a mess, but you could.”
“Then why did I need your help in the shower?”
“Obviously you wanted me to see you naked again. I know your wicked ways.” I hugged her closer and kissed the top of her head.
“You’re making it difficult to stay mad at you.”
“Then don’t. Or do. But if you kick me out, I’m taking the cake with me. My aunt must like you to make her chocolate sheet cake.”
“No way are you taking my cake!” She turned and pushed my chest with her good hand. “And don’t think I didn’t see you steal frosting.”
I absentmindedly rubbed my hand. “If you didn’t see it, you at least would have heard the thwack of the spoon on my flesh.”
She laughed and took my hand, massaging the back with her thumb. “She’s fast with a spoon. I was impressed with her reflexes.”
“Don’t underestimate the woman. She’s put up with me and my cousins for years. Heathens, all of us.”
“You’re not so bad.”
I quirked my eyebrow.
“Don’t give me that look.” She held my hand still and interlaced our fingers.
I gazed down at our joined hands.
A small gesture, but it was a start.
We ate chocolate cake for dinner sitting on the couch. It felt rebellious and silly Diane said. A perfect reminder her life was her own, to be lived by whatever rules she wanted.
I slept in a twin bed down the hall from her room that night and the next, but she kicked me out on Sunday evening, saying I had to work and she had to figure out how to be a one-armed wonder.
The big talk didn’t take place. Part of me hoped it never would, but I knew we’d be better off if it did.
A week after the accident, she invited me over for dinner of taco casserole—one of my favorite dishes, but she didn’t know that.
She greeted me at the door, freshly showered and dressed in a blue button down and jeans. The bruise on her face had faded into a pale, greenish yellow.
“Impressive,” I said, gesturing to her clothes.
“I know. I’m thinking world domination is next on my to-do list.”
“You could probably do it. Will you be an evil overlord or a kind-hearted despot?”
Her brows pulled together while she gave her options serious consideration. “I’m thinking despot, but one who wears a tiara.” She cracked herself up over the image. “Come on in.”
I laughed at her laughing at her own joke. “Someone’s feeling better.” I pointed at her face. “That’s a lovely shade of green on you.”
She gently touched her bruise. “It’s almost gone.”
When she moved her hand, I traced the line with a light touch. “I’ve said it before, it makes you look like a kick-ass ninja. I like it.”
“Thank you.”
“For what? For liking your bruise.”
“For always making me feel beautiful. And desired.”
“I’m that obvious?”
“It’s a good thing.” She sashayed into the house ahead of me. “Don’t stop.”
“I won’t,” I promised. Somewhere between the shock of the accident and finding out she’d be okay, a shift occurred inside me. Despite the doctor’s assurance, this felt like a second chance with her. Life didn’t give you many of those and I wasn’t going to waste it.
The house smelled of taco casserole. “My mom used to make this all the time when I was a kid.”
“I’ve never had it before.”
“I’ve got to admit when Helen made it for you, I was jealous.”
“Maybe she knew I’d share it with you. There’s no way I could eat all her food by myself in a month.”
I smiled thinking of my aunt’s meddling.
We talked about general stuff while we ate. Weather felt safe. The rain had stopped and spring bulbs broke up the continuous green of the island. Mid-May and Memorial Day lurked on the horizon and with it, June. June meant the return of Maggie. Uncertainty pushed me to ask what I’d avoided for the past months.
“Speaking of warmer weather …” I cleared my throat. “Maggie said she’d be returning first of June.”
“That’s the plan.” Her answer sounded deliberately vague.
“Right. And what does that mean for you?”
She gave me a knowing smile.
“What?” I asked. Lost.
“You finally asked me what happens next.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been waiting for you to want to know what happens in June.”
I furrowed my brow in confusion.
She leaned across the table and pushed against my eyebrows. “I haven’t told you, because you never asked.”
“Why keep it a secret?”
“I didn’t mean to. In fact, I’d planned to tell you when we were on the beach. But then everything went ass over elbows and I didn’t get the chance.”
“Ass over elbows?”
“Tits up? To shit?”
“Gotcha.” Here it was. ‘The Talk.’ “Are you leaving?”
“No.”
“No?” I asked, surprise written all over my face.
“I love that you’re surprised by this.”
“I always assumed you’d be leaving when your lease was up.”
“Right. Assumed.”
I shook my head and my brows pulled together again. My fingers found the scruff of beard at the corner of my jaw and I cocked my head to stare at her. “But you never said you were staying. All that talk of the city and how you missed it.”
“I do miss it, but it doesn’t mean I want to leave here.”
“So all of this …” I gestured between us. “… happened because of my stupid assumptions?”
“Not all of it. I take responsibility for being guarded.”
“Why guarded?”
She stared back at me, then reached over and moved my hand off my beard, pulling it to her side of the table. “You scared me. Kind of still do.” Her smile soft and shy, she laced her fingers with mine.
“Scared you? Like you believed I’d hurt you? I’d never hurt a woman.” My disgust caused me to clench her fingers.
“Not physically, never. I knew you were a big softie. But I was scared you’d hurt me. Break my heart.”
“I …” My words fell away. Break her heart? “Did I?”
“No, but you came close in the driveway. I knew you had a big wall around your heart. I could see through the chinks, and thought I’d found a way inside, but that day in the driveway when you said you’d see me around, everything closed up again.”
“I’m an asshole.”
“Stop saying that. You aren’t. You try to be, but you’re not.”
“I’m a selfish guy who doesn’t fall in love.” Half was true.
“I don’t believe you.”
“You should,” I lied.
“Have you ever been in love?” she asked.
“Once. Maybe twice. A long time ago.”
“Let me guess. Before your mom died?”
I inhaled a deep breath and glanced away before nodding.
“Not everyone leaves, John.”
“Yes, they do. At least in my life. They leave or you lose them.”
“Your aunt and uncle are still here. Donnely is still here.”
I snorted. “Donnely’s never leaving this island. Unless he runs out of women.”
“Sounds like he ran out of local women a long time ago, but you’re not Donnely. Not even close.”
“Closer than you know.”
“You’d never have a boat named The Master Baiter. There’s that. Plus, Donnely wouldn’t have shown up at the hospital. Or bought me a stuffed salmon.”
“He might’ve.” She stared at me. “Okay, he wouldn’t have.”
“See? Different type of man altogether.”
“What’s your point?”
“You’re a nice guy. One of the best men I’ve ever met.”
“Well, knowing you married an asshole, it doesn’t sound like you met a lot of half-decent guys in your life.” I scoffed and let go of her hand.
“Stop. Why can’t you accept it?” She stood up and walked around the table to my side.
Grumbling, I pushed my chair back at her instruction. She sat on my lap and draped her cast over my shoulder. My arms wrapped around her waist.
“If you’re done grumbling, do you want to know my plans?”
“Sure,” I mumbled into her hair. I felt defensive and cranky, but a warmth had begun to spread out from my chest from the same spot the nettle sting hurt a few weeks ago.
“Will you stop growling, please?”
“I’m not growling.”
She pivoted back and stared me in the eye.
“Fine. I’ll stop growling.” I growled and showed my teeth.
This brought out her laughter and a groan. “You can’t make me laugh. Bruised rib, remember?”
“Sorry.” I loosened my grip around her waist.
“Okay, plans. First, I’m staying on the island.”
“When did you decide this?”
A blush bloomed in her cheeks. “Can I plead the fifth?”
“No. When?”
A deep breath and a pause preceded her answer. “March.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “When in March?”
“Late March.”
Dates and places filtered through my memory. An image of the two of us sitting on our own tiny island above the water of Deception Pass came into focus.
“Deceptions Past?”
She nodded and the blush deepened.
“Why then?”
Rather than answer, she tucked her head under my chin and curled into me.
“Diane?”
A soft sigh escaped when she exhaled. “I knew then.”
My own breath paused and I felt my heart rate increase. I wondered if she could hear it. Or feel it as it attempted to beat its way out of my chest.
“Knew what?”
“I knew. I knew my marriage was truly over after reading Kip’s letter. I knew a whole, big beautiful world existed out there, which I didn’t know about because I’d always followed others in my life.” She paused and took a breath. “And I knew I was falling in love with you.”
I exhaled, but didn’t speak.
“It’s okay if you didn’t feel the same. Or don’t. That’s another thing I figured out.”
“What?” I whispered.
“I knew it didn’t matter. I would be okay.”
“How?” I continued to respond in single syllables while I processed her words. She fell in love with me. In March.
“It was okay because I could fall in love. After Kip and the pain I went through, I had lost any faith I’d ever be able to fall in love again. You showed me I could.”
“I did?” Two syllables. I made progress.
“You did. At the time I wasn’t sure you knew how to fall or would ever be ready. Or would let yourself. I came to the decision to not live in the land of maybe or should. I’d be in the moment with you. Wherever that led, I’d be open to it. And I decided I’d stay. Maybe not forever, but I knew I wouldn’t be going back to New York.”
I lifted my hand and stroked her hair where it fell over her shoulder.
“Mmm, that’s nice.” Her breath sounded out like a purr. Curled up in my lap, she felt solid and warm in my arms. Whatever happened next or outside this bubble, we had this.
“I—”
“Don’t feel you need to say anything. Knowing is what matters.”
I needed to say something. Something to honor what she said.
Before I could speak, she continued, “Everything that followed after was easy. Falling was impossibly easy, like floating in salt water. I gave into it and fell. I never once believed I would sink.”
I felt myself drowning in her words. Each sentence poured over me, stealing my breath while I attempted to keep my head above the flood of emotions. She lay herself bare to me. I discovered myself in an uncharted place.
“I never brought up emotions or expectations with you. I had none. Or so I told myself. Until the beach. My carefully constructed tower of bowling balls toppled over when you shut me out. But it also showed me the truth.”
I swallowed and asked, “What truth?”
“Loving and being loved feed each other. You can love without reciprocation, but being in love requires two. And you weren’t there with me. Or you were, but I couldn’t find you over the huge wall you built around yourself.”
My ego told me to defend myself. I didn’t have a wall. Being independent wasn’t a bad thing. I stayed silent rather than lie to her.
“So I let you go.”
“I wondered why you didn’t call me.”
“No you didn’t. You knew.”
Caught again, I nodded.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. I stroked her hair and she played with the button on the cuff of my shirt.
“That’s the why of my staying. Simple. I have a job, a car, or had a car, and hope life gets better.”
“You have me.”
Once again she leaned back and stared into my eyes. I got lost in hers and the truth in them.
“You do. I’m not going anywhere.”
She repeated the words I’d said to her since the accident. “Not until I ask you to leave?”
“Pretty much. I’m not good at the other stuff, but I’m a man of action.”
She smiled at me and leaned forward until less than an inch separated our lips. Her eyes swam in my blurred vision until I closed mine. When our lips touched, I felt everything my mind failed to form into words. No doubt in my mind what I felt for Diane. If I couldn’t tell her, I could show her.
I pushed the chair back from the table and stood up, lifting her in my arms, careful not to hurt her arm or rib.
“Oh,” she said. “What are you doing?”
“Making love to you.”
With that I carried her up the stairs to bed.