He loves me.

Troy loves me.

It’s all I can think of when we make our way inside, together, our hands linked. My heart is doing some weird dance inside my chest, like a disco inferno, only better.

He loves me.

He can’t say it yet, but the fact that he flew in from LA to tell me he wants to be with me says enough. I mean, that must have cost him a good portion of his savings, and from what I can gather, he didn’t have much of a reserve to begin with. It’s the best declaration of love I could have ever dreamed of receiving from him.

The words will come, that I am certain of. It’ll take time, but one day, he’ll have the courage to say them. And when he does, I’ll be ready with mine.

We join the other boys, and they all smile at me with happiness, knowing how much it means to me to have Troy with me.

“They’re coming up on our category,” Bear whispers, and I focus on what’s happening on the small stage they’ve set up in the front of this huge hotel ballroom.

The yearly Porn Awards are a biggie, even if most categories are more or less exclusively aimed at straight porn. Gay porn is rapidly growing in popularity, as women are discovering it. They tend to find it way more attractive than straight porn. Duh. If I were a straight woman, I’d prefer watching two men to a man and a woman. I mean, tits are really not that interesting if you’re not attracted to women.

“To announce the winner in our next category, please welcome Big Boss!”

I smile as I applaud the tall man entering the stage. Big Boss is like the granddaddy of gay porn, one of the first stars in the genre. He’s long since retired, enjoying life with his three partners. Yes, you heard me correctly: the man is in an actual foursome. Good for him. I’ve seen a documentary about him and his men, and I swear, they’re all crazy in love with each other.

“I am beyond pleased to announce the winner in the next category: Best Gay Porn Production,” Big Boss says in his deep, low voice. “I am truly proud to see this genre develop, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the high-quality productions that have been released this year. We’ve come a long way since grainy, hand-shot videos in basements, and I couldn’t be prouder. The winner of this year’s Best Gay Porn Production is…”

I squeeze Troy’s hand as Big Boss opens the envelope in his hand and slowly pulls out the card. His face breaks open in a huge smile, and I hold my breath. “Ballsy Boys with Extortion! Congratulations!”

We won. Holy mother of all, we won. And not only that, we won with the video I helped produce. Adrenaline floods my veins, and I turn around to kiss Troy with so much force he staggers back before holding on to me. Before I can break off the kiss myself, I’m pulled away from him by Brewer, and we all hug and kiss and let out more than a few undignified whoops.

Bear makes his way to the front, and we all link arms as we watch him accept the award, his face beaming in a way I’ve never seen before. Then Big Boss steps back, and Bear takes the mic.

“A big thanks to the organizers and members of the Porn Awards for recognizing our hard work to create something beautiful that we’re truly proud of. As Big Boss said, we’ve come a long way in gay porn, and I am grateful that our desire to produce high quality porn has been valued by this organization. I’m exceptionally proud that Extortion won, but I would be dishonest if I accepted this award as if it were my accomplishment alone. First and foremost, this story was the creative concept of my assistant creative director, Rebel, who built on my idea and made it ten times better.”

Troy sends me a proud look that reaches deep inside me. He’s so proud of me, and it makes me feel like I could fly. He sees me, the real me, both Rebel and Hendrix—and he loves me.

“But the video would not have been this good without the terrific acting and hard work of Campy, Heart, and Tank. So, I dedicate this award to my Ballsy Boys.”

He holds it up, and we cheer, whistling our approval. When he arrives at our group with the award, another round of hugs and cheers and kisses follows. Hell, even Tank and Brewer hug, before they realize what they are doing and shoot each other a scowling glare to make up for it.

The after-party is exactly what you would expect from an event like this, with male and female strippers holding a lap dance competition, a drag queen fashion show, and a leather and fetish expo in one of the other ballrooms, including all kinds of demonstrations.

“That looks cool,” Troy says, and before I realize it, he’s dragged me into the expo.

“Excuse me, you were joking about that dildo of my cock, right?” I check.

He laughs. “Somehow, I think a dildo will be about the tamest thing we’ll find here.”

He’s right. Seriously, I’m a fucking porn star, but some of what they show here has me paling and my stomach rolling uncomfortably.

“What the hell is that?” Troy whispers, pointing toward a big contraption that looks like a torture device, with big leather straps and spikes everywhere.

Before I can say anything, the salesman has spotted me, and his eyes light up in recognition. Oh, fuck.

“Rebel!” he says excitedly and hurries over to shake my hand. “I’m so happy to meet you in person! I’m your biggest fan!”

“It’s nice to meet you, too” —I squint to read his nametag— “Donald.”

“Can I interest you in a demonstration of one of our products? I’ve got great cock rings and spreaders as well as brand new ball gags, the best on the market. And of course, we have a wide range of leather products for your pleasure, ranging from whips and floggers to all kinds of restraints.”

Troy is fighting hard to suppress his laughter, and I can feel his body shake with the effort. He knows how I feel about shit like this. I mean, to each his own, but this kind of stuff is a big no for me. I like my sex in all positions, and I don’t mind a little rough, but other than that, I’m as vanilla as it gets.

“I’m not really an adventurous type, sexually speaking.” I try to discourage Donald politely, but he won’t budge.

“Psh, nonsense. A hot gay porn star like you, of course, you like a little kink.”

Troy gives him a manly slap on the back. “You’re absolutely right, Donald. Rebel should live a little, experiment, right?”

Donald nods enthusiastically and starts a lengthy discourse on whatever the fuck he’s trying to sell me. Troy turns away from us, and I know he’s laughing his ass off, the fucker. I will so get him for this.

“You know what,” I say sweetly, “I’ll take a ball gag and a pair of handcuffs, please.”

“Excellent!” Donald beams and quickly grabs them for me. “Promise me to give us a shout out in a video if you like them!”

Troy turns to face me, looking distinctly less amused now.

“I will after I’ve tested them thoroughly.”

Troy narrows his eyes. “You wouldn’t dare,” he hisses.

I waggle my eyebrows. “Keep provoking me and you’ll find out.”

We walk around the rest of the expo, but Troy is a lot less cocksure, and I can’t suppress a grin. For all his bravura, he’s as much averse to that kinky shit as I am. Still, watching all the sexual toys has me hard as a rock, and as soon as we’ve reached the end of the expo, I drag Troy into a more or less empty hallway.

“What—”

My mouth is on his before he can even utter another word, and within seconds, I have him moaning into my mouth and thrusting against me. I back him against the wall and dig in deep, pressing myself against him everywhere. The bag drops out of my hand onto the floor.

“Mmm,” I groan, dragging my mouth finally away from his. “I missed you. I missed this.”

His eyes find mine, quick breaths coming past his swollen lips. “Me too,” he says, and I know that’s as good as another declaration of love.

“Wanna head back to my hotel? If we go now, we can get a quickie in before Tank shows up.”

He nods immediately. Hand in hand, we walk back to the lobby. In one of the ballrooms, we pass Tank, and I tap him on the shoulder.

“Please give us at least an hour?” I ask, and I’m rewarded with one of his rare smiles as he nods. “Thank you. Here, you can use this on Brewer the next time he pisses you off.”

He looks in the plastic bag and laughs even harder. He’s truly a beautiful man when he smiles like this, and I quickly kiss his cheek. “Thanks, Tank.”

Tank gives us a couple of hours before coming into the room, and by that time, we’re both sated, already dozing in each other’s arms. Best day of my life.

He loves me.

Troy loves me.