I tense when I wake up with a body plastered to mine. It’s a habit that’s going to be difficult to break. But I’ll have to get used to sharing a bed because I’m pretty sure that’s what boyfriends do. Boyfriend. I still can’t believe I’m someone’s boyfriend, and he’s mine. Not just someone, a sexy, smart, amazing man like Hendrix.

I roll over and find him looking at me through sleepy, half-lidded eyes. A smile tips the corner of Hendrix’s lips, and my heart skips a few beats. I reach up and run the tips of my fingers along his lips and across his jaw.

“Did you sleep okay?” he asks.

“I would’ve slept better if Tank didn’t snore so loud.”

“I heard that,” Tank gripes from the adjacent bed. “You’re lucky I even agreed to let you stay in our room.”

“He’s grumpy when he first wakes up,” I whisper to Hendrix, and we both laugh.

“He’s always grumpy. You should see him after he films a scene, you’d think fucking that hard would mellow him out, but it doesn’t seem to help.”

“I can still hear you,” Tank grumbles again, and Hendrix and I laugh like teenage girls at a sleepover.

By the time we get ourselves together, I can hear my stomach starting to growl, but there’s one thing that was weighing on my mind last night as I was falling asleep that I need to get an answer to.

“You want to go check out that continental breakfast before we have to catch our flight in a few hours?”

Hendrix and I had an argument before bed when he insisted on covering the cost of switching my flight, so I could fly back with them. He said I’ll have to get used to him sharing his money with me if we’re a couple. Fat chance. I guess that’s an argument for another day.

“In a minute, I have to ask you something first.”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Why did you want to quit filming scenes? Was it just because you thought you would have to in order for us to get serious?”

“In a way it was because of you, but not because I thought you’d give me an ultimatum or anything.”

“Why then?”

“Because I didn’t want to do it anymore when I had someone like you to come home to. Plus, it’s not like I was going to do it forever. I’d already reduced the number of scenes and was doing more of the creative work; I can see a future behind the camera. This is what I want, and falling for you gave me a little push to finally go after it.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, and then I press my lips against Hendrix’s stubbly chin. “That’s all I needed to know. I would never make you choose. I want you to do what makes you happy, always.”

“And that’s why I chose you.”

His words send a shiver down my spine. I don’t understand how he can feel this way about me, but I’m going to do my damndest to earn it.

“Breakfast?”

Hendrix nods and stretches, yawning loudly.

I get out of bed wearing the boxers I went to sleep in, and Hendrix gives my ass a hard smack.

“Can the two of you either stop flirting or at least start fucking so I have something interesting to watch?” Tank complains.

“I’ve never fucked with an audience, could be fun,” I tease Hendrix.

“Sorry, babe, I’m retired. I’ll only be fucking behind closed doors from now on...although I’ll still make exceptions for swimming pools in Vegas and glory holes.” Hendrix winks, and my belly quivers. This is love, right? It sure as hell feels like love.

* * *

“Do you want the window seat or do you prefer aisle?” Hendrix asks as he takes my bag from me and puts it into the overhead compartment.

“Aisle please. I never got over that damn Twilight Zone episode with the creature on the wing of the plane.”

“Oh yeah, that was a freaky one. Thanks for the reminder, now I’m going to have to avoid looking out the window, too.”

We settle into our seats and all the other Ballsy Boys claim their seats around us as well. Brewer and Tank end up in an argument over an armrest that I swear nearly comes to blows before Bear breaks them up and sits between them.

“You ever think those two should just fuck out whatever their issue is with each other?” I whisper to Hendrix, and he snorts a laugh.

The flight is uneventful and when we land and start to deplane, I find myself reaching to twine my fingers with Hendrix’s. Maybe holding hands isn’t as pointless as I always thought. It is nice to have a small physical connection for no reason other than the pleasure of contact.

“Do you have anything you need to do tonight, or can I take you on a proper date now that you’re my boyfriend?” Hendrix asks as he pulls me close and nibbles along a pulse point, causing heat to flare in the pit of my stomach and a pleasant warmth to settle in my chest.

“A date sounds nice.” My voice comes out a little shaky, and I’m sure Hendrix can hear it, but he doesn’t call me out on it.

“Great. I’ll drop you at home to get showered, changed, whatever. Then I’ll pick you up in a few hours, because baby I’m going to wine and dine you.”

“Then sixty-nine me?”

“We’ll see how the night goes,” he winks and presses a kiss to my lips. “I wouldn’t want you to think I’m easy, putting out on a first date and all.”

“Don’t you dare tease. Before yesterday evening, I’ve had nothing but my hand for days,” I complain.

“Poor thing,” Hendrix teases.

It takes about forty minutes to get to my place from the airport, which isn’t bad considering LA traffic. I lean over the center console to give Hendrix one last parting kiss, my pulse spiking with each small contact. I hope love isn’t always this gross. I’m smiling way too much for my own taste...but maybe I don’t hate it so much.

* * *

I’m embarrassed by how much time it took me to settle on what to wear on our date tonight. To be fair, this is my first date, and I didn’t want to be a dweeb who overdresses, but I also didn’t want to be a dick who underdresses either. I ended up settling on an emerald green polo and a nice pair of jeans that hug my ass just right. And I spent a little extra time styling my hair.

When Hendrix buzzes my apartment, my stomach flutters with nervous excitement. With a deep breath, I pull open the door and try not to jump all over my boyfriend standing in the doorway looking all sexy in a tight red t-shirt that clings to his muscles in all the right ways, and a pair of worn jeans that I swear I can see the bulge of his dick through if I catch it at just the right angle. And then there’s the way he’s smiling at me... It’s a little too much and exactly the way I always hoped someone would look at me.

“Ready to go?” Hendrix asks as he looks me up and down and then licks his lips.

“Keep looking at me like that, and we won’t be going anywhere except my bed.”

“Can’t have that.” Hendrix grabs my arm and yanks me out of my apartment, pulling the door closed behind me. “There, now we’re safe from sex interrupting our first date.”

“Spoilsport,” I complain.

Hendrix takes me to a seafood restaurant downtown that I’ve never been to, due to it being massively out of my price range. But he waves me off when I comment about this place being way too expensive.

“Let me do something nice; I have enough money. You can treat next time and take me anywhere you want.”

“Hello and welcome,” a cute little twink host greets us when we enter. His eyes fall to our joined hands, and he smiles at both of us, not bothering to hide the serious I’d love to be the meat in your masc sandwich vibe.

And, like with the dancer in Vegas, an odd, hot jealousy snakes through my veins. My grip on Hendrix’s hand tightens. We’re lead to our table, and before he leaves, twink cutie fixes Hendrix with a sultry look.

“Please, let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, we will,” Hendrix replies politely while I bite back a growl.

“What was that guy’s problem? It’s obvious we’re together,” I grumble as soon as he’s gone.

“Huh?” Hendrix cocks his head in confusion, and then understanding dawns in his eyes. “Were you jealous he was flirting?”

“Psh, no,” I scoff, reaching for the menu to hide my face before it can give me away.

“You totally are. That’s so cute; I love it.”

“It’s not cute,” I argue. “And, it doesn’t even make sense. Why am I jealous of strippers and hosts, but I can jerk off to videos of you fucking and getting fucked?”

“You were jealous when I got that lap dance in Vegas?”

“That’s not the point.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, but I like hearing that you’re a little jealous. I like that you didn’t mind me doing porn, but I think part of me needed to hear that you wouldn’t be cool with me messing around with whoever.”

Just the thought of Hendrix with some random dude at a club, in his apartment, anywhere other than in the studio has my blood boiling. “Yeah, really not cool with that at all. But, I still don’t understand why the porn doesn’t bother me. The porn is still fucking hot.”

“Because porn isn’t the same thing as sex I’m choosing to have. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed doing porn, but there was no emotion or anything there. Does that make sense?”

“It does. Just to be clear, being boyfriends means we’re exclusive now, right?” I check, keeping my tone carefully regulated so I don’t sound too needy.

“It better, because I’m pretty sure I’ll break the fingers of any guy I catch touching you. Don’t get me wrong, if you ever wanted to pick up a third for a night or something, I’d be up for discussing that, but I definitely don’t want either of us with anyone else.”

“Good,” I breathe a sigh of relief.

Our waiter appears, and we both order and then fall into comfortable conversation while we wait.

“Can I ask you something I’ve been wondering about?” Hendrix asks, looking slightly nervous.

“Sure.”

“Have you ever thought about looking for your parents?”

I freeze with my glass of water halfway to my lips.

“Why would I do that?”

“To get some answers and maybe some closure?”

My hand shakes a bit as I set my glass back down.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Hendrix presses.

“Because I don’t want to,” I snap.

“That’s not a reason.”

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.” I shake my head and move my silverware around fruitlessly. “I don’t see what looking for them would accomplish. I’m supposed to take time out of my full life to look for people who probably have a bunch of new kids they never wanted to give up?”

Hendrix’s expression softens, and he immediately gets up to come around to my side of the table. He sits beside me and puts an arm around me. I didn’t realize I was trembling until he starts to soothe me with his touch.

“Listen to me, nothing you did caused them to give you up. Even if they did have kids after you that they decided to keep, that is not a reflection on you. Do you understand?”

I nod. “I’m afraid.”

“I know. I won’t push you to do anything you don’t want to do. But if you do want to find them to try to get some closure, I’d be happy to help you, and I’ll be with you the entire way. It’s your call. Okay?”

“‘Kay. Thank you.” I kiss his shoulder, and then he gets up to go back around to his side of the table. “I’m not a date expert or anything, but are we doing this wrong? I doubt discussions about insecurities and arguments about emotional demons are normal first date fare.”

“You’re right. Let’s back it up a bit,” Hendrix agrees. “So, tell me Tony, what do you do for a living?”

“Are you pretending like you’re a date who forgot my name? Because that’s worse than the other stuff,” I laugh.

“You’re right; this is a failure of a first date. The company is good though.” Hendrix bumps his knee against mine under the table and I smile.

“Yeah, the company is good,” I agree.