Chapter 10
Logan
Rhett phoned, sounding out of his mind with worry. All I know is that it’s got something to do with Mia.
Did Rhett find out about Mia and me? Even if he did, I’ll face whatever’s coming. Not being able to wait for the elevator, I take the stairs two at a time up to his apartment. When I walk inside, I’m surprised to see Carter there.
“Is Mia okay?” I ask, not caring about anything else.
Rhett turns away from the window, and when I see that he’s been crying, my heart almost stops.
“What happened? Where’s Mia?”
It’s amazing how many bad scenarios can flash through your head in less than ten seconds. Anything from a car accident to Mia being missing. Every single scenario leaves my gut more twisted than the one before.
“She’s in her room,” he says, his voice raw. I’ve never seen Rhett so broken before, but I’m filled with relief, knowing that she’s here. “Josie is on the screw crew list.”
I frown, not understanding what that has to do with anything.
“We all fucked her,” Carter spits it out as if it’s leaving a bad taste in his mouth just saying the words.
“What?”
“You all had sex with Josie,” Mia says softly from where she’s standing outside the room. Her eyes are red and she’s clutching a tissue in a death grip. I can’t remember a time where she looked even half upset as she does right now.
I want to hold her and promise that everything will be okay, but before I can take a step towards her Jaxson and Marcus come in, looking worried.
“Hey, what’s up?” Marcus asks.
Mia looks at Marcus and Jaxson, then Carter. “Because you all used her she thought she could get back at you all by using me.”
I don’t like the tone of Mia’s voice and I’m still not following what she’s saying. It’s scaring the shit out of me, seeing her so upset.
I start towards her, needing to hold her, but she holds up her hand while taking deep breaths. It looks like she’s going to be sick.
“Don’t. Just don’t, Logan.” Her voice is hauntingly raw, and it’s killing me to see her like this. “Josie stole my phone so she could cut me off from everyone I loved. She pretended to be my friend, most probably so she could have a front row seat to my pain.”
She shakes her head and then she looks at Rhett. Her eyes look like crushed leaves as they drown in pain.
“You all had sex with her,” she whispers, her voice cracking over the words, like a dying fire that’s being drowned out by a storm.
Then she looks at me, and it feels as if someone is gutting me. “You had sex with Josie.” This time her voice is clear and strong, and somehow that makes it hurt more.
“I have no words to describe how used I feel. How disappointed I am.” She walks to Marcus and only then does she start to cry. “You started the list, Marcus. Because of you turning women into nothing but a list of names that were used, Josie paid a guy to sleep with me. That guy took my virginity. It might not mean anything to you, but to me …” Her voice disappears on a sob before she forces the rest out. “I feel dirty and used. I hope it was worth it.”
Marcus looks like he’s going to puke. I think we all feel that way.
I’ve never seen Mia like this. She’s always been the one to see the good in every situation. I know there’s no way of finding a sliver of good in this fucking mess, but my mind still races as it try to think of a way to make it all go away.
Mia’s phone rings and it helps to break us out of stupor.
Instead of answering it privately, she puts it on speaker.
“What do you want?” she hisses, and it sounds wrong coming from Mia.
“How does it feel?” Josie sneers.
Mia tries to say something but a sob cuts her off. She takes a few quick breaths, swallowing hard on the tears. She covers her face with her hand and seeing her fight to not break down brings life to my body. I rush over to her and take the phone out of her hand.
“How does it fucking feel?” Josie screams.
“Josie,” Marcus starts to talk.
She cuts him off, grinding the words out, “I’m not talking to you! I want to know how Mia feels. How does it feel to know that I had Logan inside me, that the guy who taught you how to kiss because he had to, willingly stuck his tongue down my throat?”
“Hurt,” Mia whispers. “I feel hurt, and used, and dirty, and sick to my stomach, and …” Her voice breaks but she pushes through, each word slaying me. “What kind of person pretends to be someone’s friend for four years? How could you do that to me? Paying Conner … you saw how much that hurt me. You need professional help, Josie. You’re insane.”
Josie laughs bitterly. “I’m insane? Princess, you haven’t seen my crazy side yet.”
The line goes dead, leaving us all rooted to the spot.
~
Rhett is standing by the front door, blocking it so Mia can’t leave. She won’t let any of us near her. After the call she stopped crying. Her fists are balled at her side with rage. I don’t know which is worse, watching Mia cry because of something we did, or watching her shut down, blocking us all out.
Jaxson walks closer to her, and she takes a step away from him. She looks like a cornered animal. I shove my hands into my hair wishing there was something I could do to make this disappear.
“Mia,” Jaxson whispers. “What can I say to make this better?”
“Give me one name, Jax,” Mia snaps, clearly hanging on by a thin thread. It looks like she’s caught in a battle between feeling heartbroken and angry.
“Leigh Baxter, Josie Peterson, Paige Sanders, Jennifer Blake, Penny Wade, Jill Adams, Bethany Doss and Simone Lawless.”
Mia looks at Jaxson for the first time, and I’m surprised to see that she’s not about to rip his head off so she can spit down his throat. A tear slips down her cheek, and when she lets Jaxson hold her, I’m shocked.
She cries in my brother’s arms, and I should take comfort in the fact that she’s letting someone near her, but it fucking hurts.
When she pulls away from Jaxson she looks at Rhett, and he immediately says, “I can’t remember their names. I’m sorry, Mia. I fucked up. I was in college, dicking around. Each one of them came on to me. It didn’t matter who they were because it was mutual. I can tell you that I’ve never made a promise or indicated that it was more than just sex.”
Mia nods but she doesn’t step away from Jaxson’s side.
“I can’t say that I’m not disappointed, Rhett. I have no say over what you do and who you sleep with, it just hurts that you’re so shameless about it. Your reckless actions had a direct impact on my life. You got to fuck them, while I got fucked in return.”
Rhett slides down the wall until his ass hits the floor. He buries his head in his hands, clearly shaken by Mia’s words.
“Mia, you know I’m a fucking mess,” Marcus says, looking remorseful. “I was eighteen when I started that list, and we stopped that shit when we were done with college. Like Rhett said, it was mutual. Every single one of those girls knew what they were getting themselves into. I’m sorry that our fucking around had a backlash on you.”
A bitter chuckle bursts over her lips. “Backlash,” she whispers. “Is that what you call it?”
Not sparing Marcus another thought, her eyes swing to Carter.
“Hey, don’t look at me. You know I’ve fucked up most.”
“You’re right, Carter. I would expect something like this from you but the fact that you don’t care, that’s heartless even for you.”
Carter’s face turns to stone and I know this situation is going to go from fucked-up to fucked-sideways-with-a-pineapple, really fast.
“I’m not saying that I don’t care, Mia. I’m saying that I know I fucked up, especially where Della is concerned. But I’m not that person anymore. I have a family now.”
“I don’t want to fight with you,” Mia whispers, looking exhausted.
“No, lay it on me. I want to hear how you feel.”
“Fuck, Carter,” I snap. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”
He takes a deep breath and quickly reigns in his temper. “You’re right.”
He walks to where Mia is, and I know this is hard for him, but I won’t have him disrespecting Mia. Fuck, it’s hard for all of us.
“I’m sorry, Mia. You know you’re like a sister to me. I’d never do anything to hurt you. Not intentionally. I was a dick in college, and I’m sorry it bit you in the ass. I can’t change what happened, but I am sorry.”
Her chin quivers and she looks so sad it even melts Carter’s frozen heart.
“Mia, I love you,” he whispers as he carefully pulls her into a hug.
“Fuck, bro, you’re making me cry,” Marcus mutters, actually wiping tears from his eyes.
Jaxson is the first to laugh, and it goes a long way to easing the tension in the room.
Carter pulls back, flips Marcus off, then looks back to Mia. “Are we good?”
“Yeah,” she says, while wiping her tears away.
“Good, then I’m going home. I promised Danny that I’d read her a bedtime story tonight.”
Rhett slowly pulls himself up against the wall. It looks like he’s gone to war and lost, as he walks to Mia.
“If I could turn back time, I’d become a fucking monk for you. I can’t change what I’ve done and I know me saying I’m sorry, won’t make it all magically right. I can promise you that I’m going to make Josie pay.”
Mia lets out another bitter chuckle. “How, Rhett? We have no physical proof.”
“Let me worry about that. I’ll find a way. I promise you that her crazy ass will never get close to you again.”
Mia stares at the floor for a long while, then she starts to scroll through her contacts, which instantly has me taking a step closer to her.
“Don’t phone her, Mia. You’ll play right into her hand.”
She flicks her eyes at me. “I’m not phoning her.”
She turns her back on me and it feels like I’m watching the only door to all my dreams being nailed shut.
“Mr. Peterson? It’s Mia Daniels. You need to come to New York.”
We all watch as Mia tells Mr. Peterson everything that’s happened over the past four years. It hurts just as much hearing it now, as it did the first time.
Mr. Peterson says something, to which Mia replies, “The only way you can make this better is by coming to get your daughter. You can’t pay me to go away. If you don’t, I will go to the police. You’re not the only one with money. I’ll hire the best attorneys to destroy your name the way your daughter tried to destroy me. You have a week. I want confirmation that she’s in LA, and that you’re getting her professional help.”
She switches her phone off and throws it on the coffee table as if it’s a burning lump of coal.
Rhett places a hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “That was badass.”
“She hates her parents. It’s the best revenge I could think of.”
“Badass and clever,” Rhett says, as he gives Mia a pleading look. “Hopefully, forgiving too?”
Mia shakes her head at him but says, “I might forgive you, but I’m still angry.”
She lets him pull her into a hug, and I can almost feel the relief coming off Rhett.
“I can live with that.” When he pulls back he glares at me. “What’s this about you teaching my sister to kiss?”
Oh fuck.
“And that’s my queue to hit the road,” Marcus says. He looks at Mia, “I love you, babe. You know that right?”
“Yeah, love you too, Marcus.”
Then he looks at me. “Good luck, bro. It was nice knowing you.”
I shake my head, and I can’t help but laugh as Jaxson runs after Marcus. “Yo, wait up.”
“And then there were three of us,” I mumble to myself. I wait for Rhett to shut the front door before I say, “I love Mia.” I realize it doesn’t quite have the same ring to it after Carter and Marcus just said the same thing. “I don’t mean as a sister. I mean it in that all-consuming way. Mia’s the one I want to go to bed with, and wake up with, and do everything with. I love your sister, Rhett.”
“Shit,” Rhett says, and I’m not sure whether it’s a good shit or bad shit. “Dude, I want to say yes -” My heart fucking stops as Rhett shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips. “I swear, if that was a proposal, even I would consider saying yes, but you’re telling the wrong person how you feel. It’s not up to me.”
“Mia knows how I feel about her. I didn’t want to start a relationship without getting your blessing.”
Rhett holds out his hand to me, and for the first time tonight I manage to take a deep breath. I shake his hand, and I start to feel really emotional when I see approval in his eyes.
“I’ll leave you two to talk,” he says, then walks over to Mia. “We’ll talk some more tomorrow. I know you’re disappointed in me and I’m sorry.”
She nods, giving him a trembling smile as he presses a kiss to her forehead.
I wait until he closes the bedroom door behind him before I take a step towards Mia.
“I always thought this would be the happiest moment of my life,” she whispers, and when our eyes meet, and I see such intense pain shining from them, it cripples me. It feels like the ground is ripping open beneath my feet.
“Don’t do this,” I beg, walking right up to her. I take her face in my hands and lean down to kiss her, but she turns her head away and gives me her cheek.
Taking hold of my wrists, she pulls my hands away from her face, and whispers, “When you taught me how to kiss it was a dream come true. I had the biggest crush on you, and there you were, kissing me. Did you know that I held on to my virginity for you? I wanted you to have all my firsts.”
Tears start so silently fall over her cheeks, and when I reach for her face, she takes a step back. I close my eyes because this hurts too fucking much.
“Josie paid Connor to sleep with me. After you all left, I met him in the cafeteria. He was funny and charming. He was on the football team, and an obvious catch by the way girls threw themselves at him. He actually made me feel special. We dated for three months. I really liked him and he helped fill a small part of the gaping hole you all left in my life.”
I don’t want to hear this, but I force myself to listen.
“I gave him my virginity.” Her voice cracks just like my heart, and she clears her throat before going on, “As soon as he had his orgasm, he got up and got dressed. It was the first time I had sex. I had no idea what to do afterwards. I guessed getting dressed was the next logical step, but then he said I was only a fuck. I was just another warm hole for him to get off in. But hey, he’d be sure to tell all of the guys on the team that it only took a few dinners to get me on my flat on my back.”
I close my eyes as the pain fills every inch of me.
“You all get to say you’re sorry, and that’s it. You get to go back to your lives, but I can’t. I have to live with the memory of being used.”
I press the palms of my hands hard against my eyes, trying to breathe past the pain.
“There’s nothing I can say that will make this better.” The words burn their way up my throat and I know I’m minutes away from puking.
“I’ll tell Rhett tomorrow,” she whispers. “Logan,” she waits for me to look at her and I can’t keep the tears back any longer. “I love you. It feels like I’ve loved you all my life. It’s hard to accept that the worst thing that happened to me is because of something the best thing to happen to me did. I need time to wrap my mind around that. As much as I love you, I don’t know if I can get past that. I need time to process it all. Can you give me time?”
I suck in a breath of air, and it still feels like I’m suffocating. Slowly, I lean down and closing my eyes, I press a kiss to her trembling lips. It’s a quick kiss. A I’m-so-fucking-sorry-I-hurt-you-kiss.
When I pull back, I whisper, “I’ll never forgive myself. You deserve better than me, and I hope you find it. You’re going to make some lucky bastard very happy one day.”
I walk away from her, knowing I said the same thing after I kissed her the first time. It’s because I’m right back where I was then, with Mia being out of my reach.