Chapter 11
Mia
I haven’t slept. I’ve been sitting on the couch trying to make sense of it all. I had to tell Logan so he’d understand why I was reacting so strongly, but I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just needed more time to think about my life, both the past and the future. I don’t want to start a relationship with this cloud hanging over our heads. Now I don’t have to worry about starting a relationship at all because Logan walked out of here making it very clear that it’s over between us before it even started.
Rhett comes out of his room, and I wait for him to make some coffee.
I let my eyes drift over his apartment, wondering what the walls would say if they could talk. How many dreams have they seen come true? How many hearts have they seen shatter to pieces.
The expensive leather couch. The huge TV that takes up half the wall. Every piece of carefully selected art. None of it matters. It’s all a mask to keep people from seeing the soul who lives here.
My eyes go back to Rhett, and I watch as he walks towards me. His stride is confident. My brother is attractive. I’ve had girls ask me for his number. Some even begged me to put in a good word for them.
To the outside word it looks like Rhett Daniels has it all. Good looks, a healthy bank balance, a closer circle of friends.
If you look deeper, you’ll see the pain he keeps hidden from the world.
The pain of failing his sister. The pain of losing his father when he needed him most. The pain of trying to find comfort in a warm body, only to feel worse once it was over.
Rhett has always been there for me, but watching him take a seat, I realize I’ve never truly been there for him.
“Morning,” he says, looking like he didn’t sleep at all either. “So, you and Logan?”
I can’t look Rhett in the eyes as I let the words fall over my lips. “No. There’s no Logan and me.”
“Seriously, Mia. Are you going to let this come between you and Logan?”
I bury my face in my hands and fight to hold back the tears. “Connor used me. He made me think I meant something and when he was done, he threw me aside like yesterday’s trash. He told every guy on the football team that I was easy. It took weeks before it stopped.”
“Before what stopped?”
“I was easy so they felt they had all the right in the world to slap my ass, to make crude remarks of how they would fuck me.”
When I hear the mug fall on the table, I get up to leave. I can’t do this. It shredded me seeing Logan’s reaction, but Rhett’s will be the end of me.
I dart to the side, but Rhett’s faster, locking me against his chest in a heartbeat. My legs give way from the ache eating at what’s left of me. Rhett lifts me up and sits down with me on his lap, holding me as I fall apart.
I don’t know if we sat like that for minutes or hours, but when I’m all cried out, all I can do is stare at nothing.
“I want yesterday back. I want to go back to when we were all living in North Carolina, and my biggest worry was not knowing how to kiss.”
“I want that too,” he whispers distraughtly.
“I want to go back to waking up on Sunday mornings, and smelling the bacon burning, as Dad tries to make us breakfast.”
Rhett starts to shake against me, and I know he’s crying.
“I want to go back to sneaking into your room in the middle of the night, because I knew you’d keep me safe from the monsters under my bed.”
“Mia,” he cries, burying his face in my hair. “I led the fucking monsters right to you.”
I hold him tightly, as he cries for not being able to protect me. I wait for him to calm a little before I go on, needing to get it all out in the open today.
“I was trying so hard to prove to myself I could make it without you, I could survive anything life threw at me, that I lost myself in the process. I can’t remember what used to make me happy before it all happened. I think that’s the hardest. Honestly, I think I dealt with Connor using me. Did it take a huge chunk out of my self-esteem? I won’t lie. It did, but I’ve worked hard to build myself back up. I’ll always be sad that I gave my virginity to an asshole, but I’m not traumatized. It’s just, I don’t know who I am, and that’s why I can’t decide what to do with the rest of my life.”
Rhett kisses my forehead and whispers, “I can’t change what happened, but will you let me show you what used to make you happy?”
I nod, feeling like I’m five again and my big brother is the only thing standing between me and the darkness.
“On one condition,” I whisper.
“Name it.”
“You’ll stop pretending around me. I see right through your bullshit act. You’re not happy, Rhett. I might be your little sister, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be there for you.”
He presses kiss to my forehead and whispers, “Fuck, you’ve grown up too fast.”
~
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Rhett asks, when we’re lying on the couch watching Twilight. He called Carter and told him he wouldn’t be going on that business trip. He then put on Twilight for us to watch. That’s the first thing he’s doing to remind me of what I used to love. It also reminds me
“I thought it didn’t matter anymore. It was in the past, and I wanted to leave it there like it was just another bad day. When I found out that it happened because of what you all did, it brought the memories back. I knew you wouldn’t understand why I was reacting like a bitch, because of the list, so I thought it would be better to tell you. I think it was a mistake to tell Logan, though.”
I can feel him looking at me, but I keep my eyes on the TV.
“Why? What did he do when you told him?”
“I told him I needed time, that the worst thing to happen to me was because of something the best thing to happen to me did. I just needed time, so I could separate the two. I know it doesn’t make any sense. Obviously, it didn’t make a lick of sense to him, because he said he’d never forgive himself and then he left.”
“If he feels half as bad as I do, then it’s going to take him some time to process what you told him,” Rhett says, as he starts to play with my hair. It’s another thing he always did when I crawled into bed with him. He used to play with my hair until I fell asleep. “From a guys’ point of view, he slept with the woman who’s responsible for what happened to you. That’s some fucked up shit to deal with.”
“I know,” I whisper, hating the thought that Logan had sex with Josie. “I think that’s what bothers me most. I personally know one of the girls he’s slept with. I keep picturing them together, and it’s awful.”
“You need to stop picturing them together. You’re going to drive yourself crazy. When the two of you get past this, then whoever he’s been with in the past doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that will matter is the present and that he’s with you. Give the guy a chance. He loves you and honestly we could all see it a mile away. You’re meant to be together. I’m surprised you’ve held out this long. And I have to say, this is not a conversation I thought I’d ever have with my baby sister. I’m not cut out for this shit.”
I chuckle, poking him in the ribs. “You’re doing pretty fine.” Needing to change the subject I ask, “What happened to Evie? Did she move here with you guys?”
Rhett stiffens, and I look up at his face. There’s a frown, and he looks upset all over again. Seems I just found the source of his pain.
“I haven’t spoken to her in a while. Last time I heard, she was up in Chicago.”
“Why? What happened? The two of you were pretty close.”
“I fucked up,” he whispers, and I can hear the regret. “Her last words to me were, it doesn’t make sense that I sleep with women who don’t care about me, but the one woman who loves me, I won’t touch.”
“Ouch,” I whisper.
“I know you agree with her. Don’t hold back now.”
I shake my head, feeling sorry for him. “Let your little sister give you some solid advice. Give the girl a chance. She loves you and honestly, any idiot could see that you love her. You’re meant to be together, so go to her and beg her forgiveness for being such an idiot.”
Rhett chuckles and squeezes me. “Wiseass.”
~
Rhett ended up spending three days with me, instead of going on his business trip.
I wake to the smell of burned bacon, and for a split-second, I’m confused, until I realize that I’m in Rhett’s guest bedroom.
I quickly brush my teeth and rush through the rest of my morning routine. Dressing in a comfortable pair of slacks and baggy t-shirt, I walk to the kitchen.
Rhett’s on a chair, busy disabling the fire alarm. I lean against the counter, thinking this moment is priceless. He’s never been able to master the art of cooking.
He doesn’t notice me until he’s done making scrambled eggs.
“Hey, you’re up,” he says, smiling proudly at the pan filled with enough eggs to feed a small country. “I made breakfast.”
“You did,” I say, watching as he prepares two plates. “You made the bacon just the way I love it.”
Our eyes meet for a moment, and when emotion threatens to overwhelm us, we take the plates to the living room. We sit on the floor and eat by the coffee table. It’s always been like this for us, no frills.
“Remember when you tried to sneak out of the house?” I say, after swallowing a forkful of eggs.
“Which one?” Rhett chuckles.
Yeah, he used to sneak out a lot, so I clarify, “The night Dad pranked you.”
He starts to nod as a huge smile spreads over his face. “Oh yeah. Shit, he got me good.” I watch as one of his favorite childhood memories plays over his face. “He almost gave me a heart attack when he popped up from behind the drivers’ seat. Did I tell you what happened afterwards?”
I shake my head. I only knew Dad hid in the car, waiting until Rhett got to the lake, before jumping out and scaring the living daylights out of him.
“Well, there I was, literally shaking in my boots while waiting for Dad to lay into me. Instead of telling me that I was grounded for life, you know what he did?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer, going on with the story. “He threw his arm around my shoulders and walked to the bonfire with me. If I wasn’t that scared, I would’ve laughed my ass of. The guys scrambled to hide the beer and cigarettes. Marcus actually swallowed his.” Rhett starts to laugh, as if he was there again. “He sat there in this huge cloud of smoke. Dad handed him a beer, telling him to put out the fire.”
Rhett’s laughter dies down, as a nostalgic look settles on his face.
“He sat there with us, as if he was one of the guys. He told us stories of all the times he got in trouble as a kid. You know, we didn’t even think of the beer. Not because Dad was there, but because we were having fun just chilling with him. On the way home, I asked him why he wasn’t angry that I snuck out. He told me he wasn’t happy that I tried to hide it from him, but that he understood that it was a part of growing up. He also said, he wasn’t happy that we’d somehow organized beer and cigarettes, and that he’d rather have us do it in front of him than behind his back. He wanted to show me that I could come to him with anything, that I could trust him.”
Rhett looks down at his half-eaten plate of food.
“He taught us the value of trust. It’s because of Dad that we turned out to be such a close group of friends.”
I blink as my eyes start to sting, and quickly take a sip of water.
“We had the best parents,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” Rhett says, reaching over the table for my hand. He squeezes it tightly. “And I have the best sister.”
I help Rhett clean up, then decide to go for a double pole dancing class. I’ve skipped the past few days, so I need the exercise. When I get to the studio, Beth’s not there, but Nancy assures me it’s okay if I use one of the rooms. There aren’t a lot of women here this early in day, and I find that I actually it much more than the hectic vibe at night.
For the first thirty minutes, I practice everything I’ve been taught, before I try out some new moves of my own. My mind drifts to Logan as my body keeps moving.
Am I going to give up on my dream of being with him?
“No, never,” whispers my heart.
“Hell no, not after you tortured me for years fantasizing over him,” grumbles my head.
Logan’s not the type to suffer in silence for long, and I’m not one to hold grudges. It’s just who we are. I’ll give him a few more day, before talking to him. I’m sure we can move past the epic glitch that’s Josie.
Speaking of the devil, as I take a break to drink some water, my phone beeps. It’s an incoming message. When I see that it’s from Mr. Peterson, I quickly open it.
Dear Mia,
Please accept my sincere apology for my daughter’s behavior. She’s always been a little unstable, but have never harmed anyone. What she did to you opened our eyes to how serious her problem truly is. She’s been committed to Tranquil Paths. I’ve attached a copy of her admission to the clinic.
If there is anything I can do to make up for the pain my daughter has caused you, please do not hesitate to tell me.
Jeff Peterson.
I open the attachment and the first thing I notice is that she was admitted the day after I phoned her father. I feel better knowing he took my call seriously, and that she’ll get help. Most importantly, I feel a sense of relief knowing that she’s on the other side of the country and far away from me.
I’m unable to mourn the loss of my friendship, but maybe it’s because there never were a friendship to begin with. It was all lies, and I can’t be sad because the lies are gone.
Spending the last few days with Rhett has given me a new perspective in life.
Troubles don’t cross your path so you have a reason to pity yourself, blame the world, and become bitter. Troubles are opportunities to learn, to grow stronger, and to move on to the next stage of your life.
Logan is the next stage of my life.
~
It’s the beginning of a new week and also my first day at Indie Ink. Sitting in the car next to Rhett, I can’t keep my leg from jumping up and down.
“Don’t be nervous,” Rhett says, as he turns into the parking area.
“Easy for you to say. What if the people don’t like me? What if they think I only got the job because you’re my brother?”
He parks his BMW in a reserved spot before turning to me. “First of all, you shouldn’t care what people think. Secondly, you got the job because you own shares in Indie Ink. You don’t need to work, but seeing as you have no idea what you want to do, I suggested the reception position. When you’re ready to step up, we can all sit together and decide which department you’ll be able to work with.”
“What? Like run a department?”
“Yeah, don’t you want to?”
“Hell no. I’m happy with being on reception. I don’t want to be responsible for people.”
“Then be on reception. My point is that you’re one of the bosses, no one will fuck with you.”
I scrunch my nose, not liking being called a boss. I’m so not leader material. I’m more of a nurturing soul and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
“Let’s go,” Rhett says, getting out of the car.
When we walk around the corner, I come to a sudden stop, but Rhett keeps on walking. I watch him take his place next to Carter, and it feels like I swallowed a watermelon. The guys are all lined up, just like they did my first year of high school and the night of my prom.
Already knowing the drill, I walk closer, thankful there’s no one here to witness this emotional moment. I’m most likely going to end up ugly crying and ruining my make-up. It’s not a pretty sight, but I won’t give it up for the world.
I stop in front of Rhett and scowl up at him, but I can’t keep the smile off my face for long.
“I’m proud of you, Mia,” he says, and instantly I feel the sting of tears behind my eyes, but swallow them back, knowing there are four more guys waiting for their turn. “You’re so much stronger than I will ever be. I’m lucky to have a little sister like you to look up to.”
Oh shit, that’s all it takes to set off the waterworks.
“Thanks for ruining my make up,” I tease, as I press a kiss to his cheek and hug him. “You’ll always be my hero,” I whisper in his ear, so the others can’t hear.
I let go and take a step over to Carter. The smooth move makes him smile.
“When you started your senior year, Dad sat me down and told me I should always look out for my sister. You were a daughter to him. I’ve done a shitty job of looking out for you, but I promise that if anyone ever fucks with you again, I’ll obliterate them from this planet.”
I press a kiss to Carter’s cheek and hug him. “I love you, Carter.” His arms tighten around me, and only then I realize how much he needed to hear those words from me. We never were the kind to talk about our emotions. Actions were what matter most, and they still are.
I slide over to Marcus, and he immediately pulls me into a hug.
“I’m sorry, Mia.” His words sound like they carry the weight of the world.
I’m surprised by how emotional he is. Marcus has never been the emotional one in the group. He was actually the ruthless one, cold and callous.
“The few days I still have left on this planet, I’ll spend making it up to you.”
Shocked, I want to draw back and ask what he means, but he holds me tighter. “Only you know. I’ll talk to you later.”
I can’t bring myself to let him go. I hug him with every bit of strength I have, and whisper, “I love you. I love you. I love you. You’ll tell me later, and we’ll fix whatever’s wrong.”
He lets me go and walks away. It kills me to let him go. I have no idea what’s going on with him. Worry gnaws at my insides. I’ll go to his office during my lunch hour and find out what’s wrong.
I ignore the looks from the others, who must be wondering what’s going on as I step over to Jaxson.
When I look up, and I see the tears in his eyes, I know that he knows what’s wrong with Marcus. He hugs me and whispers, “I’m on top of it. I won’t let my best friend die without a fight.”
The words shudder through me. Die?
There must be a mistake. Yes, it’s just a huge mistake. I say it over and over, trying to convince myself that everything can be fixed. I nod into his shoulder to show him that I heard what he said.
“You’re going to kick ass today.”
I nod again and press a kiss to his cheek. “Love you, Jax.”
I take a deep breath and step over to Logan. When I’m in front of him, my hands start to tremble. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’d say to him when I saw him again, and now that I’m here, my well-practiced words disappears like a fart in the wind.
“Let’s give them a moment,” I hear Rhett say.
I watch them get in the elevator and wait for the doors to close before I look up.
“How are you holding up?” he asks, his eyes searching my face.
“Besides being a crying mess because of you all, I’m actually doing okay. I spent the last few days with Rhett. I needed it and I think in a way he needed it, too.”
The corner of his mouth twitches, as if he was about to smile but just couldn’t.
I start to ramble, just wanting to get it all out. “I know you said I’d be better off with some lucky bastard, but I want you to be that lucky bastard. Rhett helped me make sense of the mess in my head, and I want you to know that I don’t blame you, or any of you, for what happened. I dealt with it. I was upset because I couldn’t remember what I used to like until I saw you. You made my heart skip a beat back then, and it was so good to feel it again. You made tingles race over my skin, and it felt amazing. I had a huge crush on you, and when I saw you, I realized that the crush had turned into love. I’ve never felt wanted and loved by man, until last week. When you hold me I feel loved. When you look at me like that, I feel wanted. I’m not giving up on us, Logan.”
I take a deep breath, hoping what I said made sense, or at least some of what I said.