Eli
I haven’t seen Quinn since she came to tell me that she’s going to marry Roy. I knew this was coming but it still hurts like hell.
I walk over to Dad and Mom’s place. I’m going to drive myself insane if I keep thinking of Quinn.
I go in through the kitchen and find Dad in front of the stove making his famous curry.
“Smells great,” I say as I take a seat at the table.
Dad has fixed this place up nicely. I’ve seen photos of what it looked like before he added two bedrooms, an extra bathroom, and the deck outside.
“You’re just in time for dinner. How are things coming along at your place?” he asks as Mom comes into the kitchen.
She presses a kiss to my cheek. When she pulls back her eyes are filled with worry.
“Are you okay?”
I shake my head and that gets both my parents attention. Dad turns off the stove and joins Mom at the table. His face goes from relaxed to serious as his eyes sweep over me.
“Quinn’s getting married,” I say, not able to hide the pain from them. Not like I can hide anything from Dad. Sometimes I wonder if he can read minds.
They both sit down and Mom takes hold of my right hand.
“Oh, Eli,” she breathes.
They knew I loved her before I realized it myself.
“Is he a good man?” Dad asks, and I know where he’s heading with this.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “No matter how much I want to hate him for taking Quinn from me, I can’t. He’s good to her.”
Dad’s eyes hold mine as he searches for something.
“He can’t take something from you that you never had, son. Once she marries that man you do the honorable thing and you back off. He deserves a fair chance with her.”
I nod because he’s right. Dad is always right. His words may hurt but they’re the truth.
“I should’ve told her while I had a chance,” I say, regretting that I let her slip through my fingers.
“Life has a funny way of working itself out, Eli,” Mom says, giving my hand a squeeze. “It might hurt right now but it’s for the best.”
“How do you know?” I ask, looking at Mom. Even in her early fifties, she’s still beautiful.
She looks to Dad and he nods, which makes me sit up straight. They only do that if they’re about to get really serious.
Ethan comes into the kitchen, breaking the conversation.
“Are you here for the food, as well?” he jokes.
He takes a seat at the table and I try to smile at my little brother but today it’s hard.
“You know me. I can never get enough of Dad’s cooking,” I joke lamely.
“What’s up?” he asks, leaning his elbows on the table. He looks from Dad to Mom before the same green eyes as Mom’s lock with mine. Ethan is the perfect mixture of Mom and Dad. He got Mom’s smile and eyes, where he got Dad’s serious features and determination. Ethan would never hesitate in telling a woman how he feels. Unlike me.
Mom leans back in her chair and a painful look tightens her features. I don’t see it often but when I do it makes me want to hurt whoever’s responsible for it.
“You might as well hear this, too, Ethan.” She wipes imaginary dust from the table before she tucks her graying hair behind her ears. “Remember I told you I was eighteen when my parents died?” she asks, a hollow sound to her always cheerful voice.
“Yeah,” I say, knowing I’m not going to like what she’s about to say.
Ethan nods as his eyes settle on Mom. The worry on his face tells me he feels the tension as well.
Mom takes a deep breath which makes Ethan reach out to her. He squeezes her shoulder.
A sad smile plays around her lips as she says, “I loved them so much. I used to spend all of my time with them. We had this thing we did on Sundays.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “After lunch, we would always go out on the boat. We would just lie in the middle of the dam and talk about silly things. Then one Sunday everything changed. I don’t know what exactly happened, but your grandparents were killed and I barely survived. Things got really bad after that.”
“Mom,” I whisper. I take her hand in both of mine as I try to wrap my head around what she’s telling me. I knew my grandparents died when mom was still young, but she never told us how.
“If your dad didn’t find me, I wouldn’t be here right now. While all those horrible things were happening, I wanted to die, to just end it all.”
She looks up at Dad and whispers, “He saved me. He gave me a future I thought I’d never be able to have.” She looks at Ethan and then me. “He gave me the two of you. Life has a way of working out, Eli. It might not feel that way right now, but trust me, it will.”
This is the most Mom has ever told us about her past. Both Mom and Dad are very secretive when it comes to the history they share.
“You’re a Jackson, Eli,” Dad says. “You’ll survive this and it will make you stronger.”
“What happened?” Ethan asks, a worried look still on his face.
I sigh and smile. “Quinn is marrying Roy Douglas. I’m just angry with myself for not telling her sooner that I love her.” I smile at Mom and Dad. “But I’m a Jackson. I’ll get over it.”
It’s hard to let go of someone if they’re in everything you see.
When I watch the sun rise, I think of her. When the sun sets, I think of her. When I go to the hardware store, I can’t help but glance at The Green Leaf even though I know she no longer works there.
When I walk through my house, I see her in every piece of furniture she helped pick. I remember exactly which tiles she helped with.
How do you forget something you love so deeply that it’s become a part of your soul?
When someone dies you get closure, you get to say goodbye. I can’t say goodbye to Quinn. I’ll run into her in town and I’ll have to pretend my heart’s not being ripped out.
She’ll wear his ring. She’ll carry his child.
I close my eyes as I try to remember the feel of her lips on mine. I only got to kiss her once. It was so quick I didn’t get to take in any of it. I didn’t know how much I would need that memory back when it happened.
He’ll hear her laughter every day. He’ll make her smile.
Fuck, how do you forget something that’s ingrained so deep inside of you that there is no beginning and no end – you’re one with that person?
She’s my sunshine. Without her there’s only darkness.