Eli
It’s been hell keeping my distance from Quinn for the past week. Knowing that she was with Dad and Mom gave me some comfort. When Dad called to let me know that Quinn was on her way, I went and stood by the window to watch for her.
When she sat down on the steps, I had to hold myself back from rushing outside. I gave her a few minutes before I went to sit next to her.
I haven’t heard her voice in eight days, but it felt like years. When she finally spoke, it felt like a wave of relief crashing over me. When she let me hold her, my heart started beating again.
When she said that she loved me, it hurt because I know she meant it as friends. It hurt, and it made me feel like a fucking dick, because she had to bury her fiancé today. I had no right wanting more from her.
After the funeral, I called Ethan. It’s going to take some time before I can train her myself. I can feel her impatience. She needs to train now. I get a feeling that this newfound purpose of hers is all that’s keeping her together.
I hear Ethan’s truck pull up outside and go to meet him.
“Hey, thanks for doing this.”
I asked him to bring a few things over that we’ll need. He can show Quinn the basics until I’m better.
“No problem,” he says as he reaches into the back. He throws the punching bag over his shoulder. “Grab the lighter stuff. Don’t overdo it or Mom will kill me.”
We set everything up in the open space that was meant to be a dining room before I go get Quinn.
I find her in her room where she’s unpacking her stuff. Seeing her move around the room is one hell of a relief. She belongs in this house, here with me.
“Ethan is here,” I say. “He’s going to help us with the training until I’m better. Will you be okay with that?”
She hesitates for a moment, but then I see determination flash over her face.
“Are we starting now?”
“Yeah, we’ve set up some stuff in the dining room.”
“Should I change?”
I glance over the shorts and t-shirt she’s wearing. Her hair hangs loose, falling in soft blonde curls to the middle of her back.
“What you’re wearing is fine. Just tie your hair, so it doesn’t get in your face.”
“Sure.”
I watch as she quickly ties it into a ponytail.
When we get to the dining room, Ethan hands me a pair of gloves.
“Those should fit her,” he says. I’m glad when he doesn’t offer her condolences. I think she hates hearing the words.
I know she has to talk about what happened, but it’s too soon. I’ll give her a week or two to settle into some kind of routine, before I talk to her about that night.
“Let’s get these on you,” I say. “This is just for the first few days, so your hands can get used to the blows.”
She takes the gloves from me. “I can do it.”
The moment we had this morning is gone. She’s putting distance between us again and it hurts like a bitch.
Ethan puts on protective pads and comes to stand in front of her. He holds his hands up in front of his chest.
“Let’s get the first hit out of the way,” he grins. “Just hit the pad as hard as you can.”
Her eyes jump over his face and she starts to look nervous.
I go stand behind her and take hold of her right arm. Unlike earlier, she tenses under my touch. But I push through and bend her arm.
“Widen your stance so you have better balance,” I say, keeping my voice void of all the emotions I feel.
When she’s ready, I say, “Don’t think too much about it. Just hit the pads.”
She starts to throw a punch, but her arm drops to her side halfway through the swing.
“Pretend I’m Steve,” Ethan growls.
My head snaps up, but before I can respond, Quinn lunges at him with a growl. Her punches are wild and unfocused. Ethan has to move to block her blows. He starts to step back and she follows. He drops his arms and her next blow slams into his chest. He doesn’t move back or try to stop her next punch. He’s letting her get rid of the rage.
Her actions grow wilder and her growls turn to cries. Realizing that she’s losing it, I grab for her. I lock my arms around her and pull her back, which only makes a horrible scream tear from her. She fights against me, trying to get free. Her elbow connects with my side and I let go as blinding pain shoots through my body. I stagger back and sink to the floor, grabbing at my side.
“Fuck, Eli,” Ethan shouts and it makes Quinn spin around.
A look of horror drains the blood from her face and she runs from the room. I struggle to get back on my feet, and with Ethan’s help, I finally manage. Holding a hand to my side, I go after Quinn. When I get to her room, she’s struggling to take the gloves off. Her breaths are racing fast and her movements are erratic.
I walk over to her and start to help her with the gloves. She freezes and stares at my hands. When I finally get them off, she takes hold of my left hand and turns it over. It’s only then that I see the blood.
Fuck, some of the stitches must’ve pulled loose.
She grabs my shirt and yanks it up, exposing the blood-stained bandage. “We need to get you to the emergency room,” she says, her voice filled with panic.
“It’s okay,” I say to calm her down.
Her eyes dart to mine and I see every emotion she’s feeling. Her guard is totally down right now.
“How can you say that?” she seethes. “Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay again!” Her voice pitches and then she screams, “Roy is dead. Mrs. Douglas is dead. You got shot. That animal is still out there. It’s not going to be okay!”
“I know,” I say calmly. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking,”
“No one is thinking,” she continues to rage. “Roy didn’t think that he would die. Steve didn’t stop to think about the damage his cruel actions would leave behind. I didn’t think when I called you. I didn’t think what would happen to you.”
I reach a hand out to her when I realize that she feels guilty over what happened. She blames herself and that’s just wrong. Before I can touch her, she steps away from me.
“You didn’t think, Eli. You put yourself in danger because of me and not for one minute did you think what it would do to me if I lost you.”
She takes a few breaths and finally a tear rolls over her cheek. She needs to freak out. She needs to scream and break down so she can let it out.
She looks up at me and her voice quivers as she says, “I didn’t think how unfair I was being to Roy. I was going to marry him. I was going to tie him down to a life with me, while I still loved you.”
She turns away from me as I try to make sense of her words.
“Ethan should take you to the emergency room,” she whispers, and I know she’s done talking for now.
I’m not sure if we made any progress. I’m not sure of anything right now.
After I get back from the emergency room, Mom and Dad come over to check on me.
“Are you okay?” Mom asks as she hugs me gently.
“Yeah, three of the stitches came loose, but they fixed it. There’s nothing to worry about.”
She looks up at me. “I’ll always worry about you and Ethan.” She kisses my cheek, and says, “I’m going to go check on Quinn.”
Dad waits for Mom to leave the living room, before he sits down on the couch with me. He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. For a long time, he just stares down at his hands, before he looks at me.
“Remember when I first taught you how to shoot a gun?”
“Yeah,” I say, leaning back into the cushion.
“You told me you were scared,” he says. “Do you remember what I said to you that day?’
I nod. I remember every moment I’ve spent with Dad. “You said everybody has one fear.”
“I told you my fear was that I wouldn’t be able to protect you,” he reminds me. I place a hand on his shoulder, now knowing where he’s going with this. “When he shot you, fuck, Eli, I can’t describe to you what I felt. Facing your biggest fear is no easy task. I’ve been in some pretty tough situations before, but I’ve never felt so powerless in my life like I did while I had to watch you bleed out.”
“But I’m okay now,” I try to comfort him.
He shakes his head and looks down at his hands again. “Twice in my life I’ve had the people I love bleed out under my hands.”
“Twice?” I ask.
“Your mother got shot.” The words shudder through me and I sit back up. I try to catch his eyes, but for the first time in my life he won’t look up.
A tear escapes his eye and he roughly wipes it away.
“Before you and Ethan came along, your mother and I had our own demons to fight. We never told you any of this because we were hoping you’d never be in such a bad place that you would need to know.”
“Know what, Dad?”
“I wasn’t a handy man all my life. There was a time where people used to come to me when they were all out of options. I was the person who went into the middle of a shit storm to rescue their loved ones. Your mother was kidnapped and I was contacted to go get her.”
My mouth drops open with shock. “Mom was kidnapped? Who? Why?”
“Because people fucked up and she had to pay. It’s been almost thirty years and I still remember what she looked like when I found her. The smell. The blood.” He looks at me and I see the rage burning in his eyes. “I still feel the anger.”
“Blood?” I whisper. I’m not sure I want to know all of it.
“They beat her so badly.” His voice cracks over the words and this time when a tear rolls down his cheek, he doesn’t stop it. He takes a deep breath and manages to regain control over his emotions. “She stayed with me for a while, but shit happened and she ran away. I found her a day before they came for her.”
He looks at me and says, “She did exactly what you did. She didn’t think for one moment that she was placing her life in danger. She went after the fucker who was hurting a friend of hers and he shot her before I could get to her. We got her to the hospital in time, but -”
He places his hand on mine and squeezes it.
“I still see her blood on my hands. I still see your blood on my hands. Your wounds may heal, but it’s the scars inside that never go away.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I start to say, but he stops me with a shake of his head.
“Let me finish. I’m proud of you, Eli. You saved Quinn. I would’ve done the same for your mother a million times. I understand why you took the bullet for her. The father in me wants to hide you from the world so nothing can touch you, but the man in me understands.”
I nod and force a smile to my lips. “Thanks, Dad. That means a lot.”
“I told you that you might meet someone who will need your help. Quinn is that person. You need to be stronger than her now. I know your biggest fear is not being able to protect her.”
I let out a heavy sigh because Dad is right. Last week my biggest fear was losing her. After that night, I now dread the day where she needs me and I can’t be there for her.
“The only way to overcome a fear is to face it head-on. Teach her how to protect herself like I taught you.”
“I would’ve died if you hadn’t taught me all those things,” I whisper, finally understanding why Dad is telling me all of this. I was able to remain calm because Dad showed me how. I was able to fight and buy us time, because I knew how.
Dad’s biggest fear is not being able to protect us, so he showed us all how to protect ourselves.
“Her biggest fear is losing you because she blames herself for placing you in a dangerous situation. Only you can help her deal with that fear.”
He gives my shoulder a squeeze as Mom comes back into the living room with Quinn. I can see they’ve both been crying. Thank God for my parents. I wouldn’t know how to deal with all of this if it weren’t for them.
“We’re in the mood for pizza. Is there a specific one you guys want?”
“Anything will taste good, Mom.”