CHAPTER FOURTEEN - AMBER
I hated to leave Luke to do all the clean up by himself, but he’d all but tossed me out of the kitchen. I got the feeling that he needed some alone time, like he needed to center himself for tomorrow.
Having three notable critics in your restaurant at the same time was not a common occurrence. Maybe that was why they’d given him the heads up that they were coming. Still, it didn’t change the fact that it was a huge deal.
Tomorrow would be an all or nothing day. Either they’d be happy, and Emery’s reputation would be golden, or they’d hate it and trash the place. I would do everything in my power to make sure things went well.
It was still early, but I threw on my pajamas and started winding down for the night. That’s when I heard a knock at my door. The only person who’d be knocking was Luke. Maybe he needed a little more comforting about tomorrow. I could think of a few ways to do that.
I opened the door and Jamie was standing there. I tried to hide the disappointment on my face. Jamie didn’t seem to notice.
She held a bottle of wine in one hand and a movie in the other. “Ready for movie night?”
Shit, I had forgotten. We’d made plans a week ago. In all the excitement today, it had totally slipped my mind. “Damn, Jamie. I’m sorry. I think I’m going to call it an early night.”
“Bullshit!” Jamie exclaimed happily and walked past me into my apartment. “I only get to see you like once a week these days. Tonight, it’s wine and McConoughey.”
I shut the door and followed Jamie to the kitchen. She was already grabbing glasses out of the cabinet. I was about to tell her to leave, but a little wine was exactly what I needed to take the edge off.
“Seriously, I have a really big day tomorrow, but a glass of wine sounds pretty good.”
Jamie nodded. “Damn right. I need a drink after the stressful week I’ve had.”
I arched an eyebrow at her. “Really? At the nail salon?”
“Yeah. Cassandra was all like, ‘get off your phone. You’re using up all the internet’. And I’m like, that’s not how the internet works. Or at least, I don’t think that’s how it works. Anyway, I’ve been bored as hell.”
I shook my head and laughed. “Bored isn’t the same as stressful.”
“Pfft. For me it is.”
“You and I are very different,” I said, grinning.
“Yeah, well. At least we’ve got one thing in common.” She handed me a glass of wine. “We both love dick. Cheers.”
I took a sip, feeling it warm my insides almost instantly. I knew it wasn’t just the wine. It was impossible to be in a bad mood when Jamie was around.
She looked at me. “So, this is the part where you tell me how your week was way more stressful than mine.”
“Actually, this week was fine. It’s tomorrow I’m worried about.”
Jamie leaned forward. “Tomorrow, huh? What happens tomorrow?”
I told her about the critics.
She responded like only Jamie could. “Critics shmitics. You’re gonna blow their cocks off with your food.”
I laughed. “Well, two of them are women.”
She rolled her eyes. “How patriarchal of me. Fine. You’re gonna blow their tits off. Better?”
I shook my head and laughed. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Seriously,” she said. “You’re going to kill it tomorrow. I know you’re a bad ass in the kitchen.”
“Well, whatever happens, it’s going to be a long day for sure.”
“You’ve got this. Between you and Chef Sexy, you’ll be fine.”
“I’m not calling him that.”
“Maybe you should. He might like it. How are things going with you two, anyway?”
“Pretty awesome, actually.”
“Really? Tell me everything. Then maybe we don’t even have to watch the movie.”
We moved over to the couch and settled in. “I don’t really know where to start,” I said. “Things are just good with us. Like really good.”
“Even though you two work together?” Jamie asked, frowning. “That seems like a recipe for disaster.”
I shook my head vehemently. “Absolutely not. One more food pun and I’m kicking your ass out.”
Jamie’s mouth dropped open. “What? That wasn’t even on purpose. You know I only make dirty jokes on purpose.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“To answer your question, working together hasn’t been an issue yet. We keep things totally professional at the restaurant, like we might as well be strangers.”
“Oh, come on. You’re telling me you two never sneak off to the supply closet for a little quickie?
I shook my head. “Nope. Not a quickie, not a kiss, not even a touch.”
“Seems like a missed opportunity to me,” she said, taking a sip of wine.
“You have to understand, there’s no privacy in the restaurant. People are running around constantly, getting into everything. We’d get caught for sure.”
“That’s part of the thrill, isn’t it?”
“Not when you’re sleeping with the boss. If everyone knew, things would get complicated for the both of us. We have enough stress as it is.”
Jamie lifted her eyebrow. “Well, you know there are these new things I’ve heard about called locks. You could try that.”
“If someone needs something in the restaurant, a locked door isn’t going to stop them. They’re either going to find a way to get in or they’ll wait. It just wouldn’t work.”
Jamie shook her head sadly. “That’s a shame. So, if you keep things professional, does that mean he’s still a total ass to you at work?”
I bobbed my head back and forth. “Kind of. I mean, he’s still a perfectionist. If I mess something up, he has no problem telling me. But it’s not nearly as bad as when I first started. I think I might be a good influence on him. He’s been a little nicer to everyone these days.”
“Yeah, girl. Tame that stallion.”
I laughed. “He’s not even close to tame. But he’s not a nightmare anymore either. And when we’re spending time together outside of work, he’s so different. It’s like he can let his guard down and just be a regular guy.”
“That’s good. Sounds like you’re getting through to him.”
“I think so. I just know I like spending time with him. Still, sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I mean, because of his daughter.”
Jamie cocked her head to the side. “I thought you liked his daughter.”
“Oh, yeah. She’s a total sweetheart. I love spending time with her. It’s like, she already feels like family to me.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
I stared down into my wine glass, trying to find the right words. “Emery clearly needs a mother in her life. And I know she’s starting to kind of think of me that way. Which would be great, but I don’t know if I can be that for her.”
“Because?” Jamie prompted.
“Because I don’t know what’s going to happen with Luke and me. Things are amazing now, but I have no idea what’s going to happen a month from now. Or a year from now. And if things fall apart with Luke and I, I’d hate for Emery to be too attached to me. She’s already lost one mother. She doesn’t need to lose another.”
She nodded. “That is a problem. But I think the bigger problem is that she’s you.”
“What do you mean?”
Jamie looked at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Come on. She’s you when you were growing up. You were like her age when your father passed away. And how old were you when your mother died?”
“I was twelve.”
“Yeah, so when you look at Emery, you’re seeing a younger version of yourself. You don’t want her to go through what you went through.”
“Well, yeah. I don’t know how she can make it without a mother in her life. No child should have to grow up that way. ”
“The problem is that you’re focusing too much on your past and not enough on your future. It’s okay to be worried about how your relationship will affect her, but don’t let that ruin this thing between you and Chef Hottie before it even has a chance to start. Maybe things will work out. Maybe they won’t. But you’re setting yourself up for failure if you’re holding back.”
She made me think about the fact that I refused to stay the night at Luke’s house. That was definitely me holding back. I didn’t want Emery to wake up and see me there. It would just cement the idea that I’d be her new mother.
But the truth was that I wanted to stay over. I wanted to sleep in Luke’s arms and wake up next to him in the morning. I wanted to be there for family breakfast and hang out with Emery and to head off to the restaurant together. I wanted all of it.
Fear was holding me back. If I couldn’t find a way to overcome that fear, there was no way Luke and I could be together.
“Anyway,” Jamie said, interrupting my train of thought. “I think it’s time to forget about our own complicated bullshit for a bit and watch someone else struggle with their love life.” She held up the movie. “What do you say?”
“Sounds good to me.”