CHAPTER TWENTY THREE - LUKE
Two Weeks Later
A few weeks had gone by since Amber left. I tried not to think about her, but being in the kitchen always brought her to mind. I kept expecting to turn around and see her there, poised over the hot stove, whipping up something delicious.
But that wasn’t going to happen ever again. All I had left of her were bittersweet memories.
It was my own damn fault for pushing her away. I consoled myself with the fact that it had been the right thing to do, but that didn’t make me miss her any less. It didn’t quiet the dull ache in my chest every time I thought about her. I wanted her in my bed, in my house, in my life.
I knew I should hire someone to replace her in the kitchen, but every time I started looking at applications, I couldn’t focus. Nobody could replace Amber. No one could fill the void she left. So, I kept putting it off for a later day.
That left Danny to pick up the slack. I swear, having Amber around spoiled him. He was turning out terrible food. I had to be extra careful when checking his plates.
He brought up an order of chicken. I poked it with my finger. Here we go again.
I grabbed the plate off the pass and brought it over to Danny. “Fucking hell, Danny. Are you trying to make someone sick?”
He clenched his jaw. This was becoming a common occurrence in the kitchen again. “Is it undercooked?” he asked.
“Touch it,” I commanded. “You tell me.”
He tested it with his finger. “It feels done to me.”
“Amazing. After working here all these years, you still can’t tell if chicken is done just by touching it. It’s like you’re doing this on purpose just to piss me off. Is that it? Is that what’s going on?”
“No, Chef. I thought it was done.”
I yanked the breast off the plate and ripped it open. The inside was pink and cold. “Does this look done to you?”
“No, Chef.”
“No. This chicken is so raw it’s still trying to cross the road. Make it again.”
I stormed back to the pass, so angry I could spit. Then I heard a man call my name. I spun around. “What?”
Colton was standing by the door to the kitchen. “Bad time?”
My anger dulled to mere frustration. “What are you doing in town? Did you finally decide to come beg me for a job?”
He grinned. “Please. If I needed a job, I’d work somewhere nicer than this. Like Denny’s.”
That actually made me laugh. It felt like forever since I’d laughed. “Let’s go to my office.”
We sat across from each other and I leaned back. “Seriously, what are you doing here?”
“I met a girl the last time I was in town. I came up for a visit. I’m taking off today so I figured I stop in and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
He shrugged. “I heard Amber’s working at a new place.”
“Have you talked to her?” I asked, a little too interested.
“Nah. But everyone’s been talking about her these days.”
I nodded. “Yeah. She’s a big deal now.”
“Come on, Luke. What happened?” He gave me a knowing look.
“What do you mean? Nothing. She got a job offer and she took it.”
He made an annoyed sound. “Don’t treat me like I’m one of your crew. I know you. And I saw you two together, remember? She wouldn’t just pack up and leave.”
I suddenly felt so fucking tired. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, I’ve got time. And I know you don’t have any other friends besides me. So, talk.”
I couldn’t argue with that. The closest I’d come to talking about what happened was my conversation with Emery, and I couldn’t go into details with her. “Fine. Like I said, she got a job offer to be head chef. And not for a small place like mine. We’re talking big time.”
“Right, I know that much.”
“Of course, she said no. But she wasn’t thinking with her head, you know. She was thinking with her heart.”
Colton cocked his head in surprise. “I never took you for the romantic type.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Do you want to hear the damn story or not?”
“All right. Go on,” he barked at me.
“I know she turned them down because of me. She didn’t want to leave me. Not when things were going so well for us.”
“And what’s wrong with that?”
“Everything. This was her chance at making it big. At making a name for herself. Hell, you’ve been hearing about her down in California. No one’s talking about me down there.”
“Ehh, you’d be surprised,” Colton said. “All the real chefs I talk to know who you are.”
“Well, anyway. It was the perfect job for her. They’re paying her way more than I ever could. And she’s already getting rave reviews. Mark my words, she’ll have a Michelin star by the end of the year.”
“But you said she turned them down.”
“She did. But I knew she was making a mistake. And look, things were great between us, but there’s no telling what would happen down the line. I didn’t want her to look back on this chance and regret not taking it. So, I helped her make the decision.”
He groaned and shook his head. “Do I even want to know what you did?”
“I broke things off with her.”
“Mother tap-dancing Fucker, Luke. Are you allergic to happiness or something?”
“I had to end things. She never would have taken the job if we were still together.”
“You don’t know that. You could have tried making it work.”
“I thought about it a lot. Amber’s going to be the real deal. She’s going to cook all over the world, own multiple restaurants. Hell, she’ll probably have her own TV show. She was never gonna stick around here. And honestly, I couldn’t go through that again. I couldn’t let Emery go through that again.”
Colton nodded somberly. “I get that. I do. But look, man, you gotta take a risk sometimes. Yeah, maybe Amber and you wouldn’t work out. But maybe you would. You shouldn’t throw a woman like Amber away just because you’re scared.”
“It wasn’t just that. I don’t want to hold her back. I wanted her to have everything she ever wanted and more.”
“Luke, you dumb dildo, did you ever stop and think that what she wanted was you? You’re the one who assumes she wants fame and fortune, but did she ever tell you that? I mean, she turned the job down. That was her telling you what she wanted.”
I shook my head. “She was making a mistake.”
Colton jabbed a finger in my direction. “You don’t get to decide that. It was her choice to make. You’re so used to being in control all the time. You just had to control this fucking situation, too.”
“You might be right,” I said, pausing to consider it. “Still, with everything that happened with Jen—”
“Fuck that noise. I get it. She screwed up your life when she left. Don’t let her screw it up again. Don’t let her keep screwing it up. Look, it’s simple. Do you still want to be with Amber? Don’t think about it. Just answer.”
“Yes, of course.”
“Then get on the phone right now and start apologizing like you’ve never apologized before. Get down on your knees and beg if you have to. Buy her the biggest goddamn bouquet of roses you can find. There’s still a chance she’ll forgive you.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face. “It’s really not that simple. I didn’t tell you everything. When I broke things off with her, I wanted to make sure she knew we were done. So, I told her something unforgivable.”
“Oh, man, you’re fucking killing me here. What did you say?”
“Well, when they offered her the job, they also offered to pay off the restaurant’s debts for me if she’d agree to work for them. Like a gesture of good faith for taking my chef. So, I told her I wanted her to take the job so I could get the money.”
Colton sat back on the couch, shaking his head in wonder. “I don’t even know what to say to that. Dude, if you needed money, you could have come to me.”
“I didn’t take the damn money, you idiot. I just told her I wanted it so she’d hate me.”
“Man, when you fuck things up, you really fuck them up.”
“I guess so. Anyway, there’s no coming back from it. All I can do is hope she’s happy now.”
Colton nodded. “You’re probably right. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. If that’s what you want, anyway.” He got up from the couch with a grunt. “Well, it’s time for me to head off. Think about what I said. And maybe give me a call the next time you’re gonna make some huge, life-altering decision like this. Just so you can talk it out loud and hear how stupid you sound.”
I stood up. “Yeah, well fuck you, too,” I said and gave him a quick hug.