Chapter Ten
Mason
Three days old
“Mason?”
I jolted awake, my heart pounding out of my chest.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But the baby is up, I thought you’d want to feed her.”
I blinked my eyes a few times, taking in my surroundings. Oh yeah, I was in the hospital.
And my parents were dead.
I’d been sleeping in this glider next to my sister for two days now. Nurses had come and gone. But Payton had pretty much been living at the hospital with me. She’d work, and then run home to shower and get us food. Then she’d be back. She was like an angel. And I had no idea how I would have made it these last couple of days without her.
I sat forward and peered into the tiny clear tray. It was empty. “Where is she?”
“She’s right here. I went ahead and changed her for you.”
“Thanks.”
Payton had done so much for the baby, and for me. Over the last two days she’d taught me how to change her, bathe her, clean her umbilical cord, and make her a bottle. I’d held her to my bare chest and sang to her. We were becoming one hell of a team, her and me. And Payton. I think the baby knew I had no idea what I was doing, so she was going easy on me.
“She’s a hungry little girl today.” Payton tapped the baby’s tiny pointed chin with her finger. “Aren’t you?”
I held out my arms, smiling as I took the baby from Payton and put the bottle to her little baby lips. “Here you go.” She started eating right away, holding onto my finger like she always did.
“She doesn’t do that with the other nurses, you know? I’ve seen them feed her a few times and the only time she reaches for a finger is when you do it.”
Was she trying to make me melt into a pile of goo on the floor?
She leaned against the countertop to my left, watching me feed the cutest baby in the world with a small smile on her face. “Have you decided on her name yet? I saw that list you have going on your phone.”
When Child Services came by they told me she needed a name before she left the hospital. They made me sign a bunch of forms too. My dad and M Kat had a will and as soon as they found out they were pregnant they made sure that if anything ever happened to them the baby would be mine. They never told me that. Or maybe they had and I’d thought they were doing it as a nice gesture.
Losing both your parents in one night is not something you ever think will happen to you. I was flattered that they thought of me, thought that I was worthy of this baby. Capable of raising her. I thought they were crazy as hell, but I was flattered nonetheless. “I was thinking about Katherine, Katie, after M Kat.”
“I think that would be perfect, Mace.” Payton reached down and ran her hand over the baby’s soft head. I knew it was soft because I did the same thing, all the time. “Does Katie have a middle name?”
Picking her first name was easy. It was her middle name that had given me trouble at first. I had scrolled through my phone looking at list after list of baby names, trying to pick something that M Kat would have liked. In the end, I went with something my dad would have enjoyed. “James.”
Payton cocked her head to the side. “Is James a family name too?”
I had to chuckle. “Nope. James as in James Dean.” I stroked her cheek with one of my free fingers. “Katherine James Cadence.” My baby sister. My responsibility. My whole world.
“The song you sang that night at the pier. “Rock On.” You said it was your dad’s favorite, right?” Payton’s smile grew and she handed me a burp rag.
“You remember that?” I couldn’t help but mirror her grin. It warmed me a little that she’d remembered my dad’s favorite song. “You replay that night over and over in your mind don’t you?” I winked. Then sobered because I had no right to be flirty right now. No right to laugh or make jokes. My parents were dead. My sister was an orphan.
She rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. Every night, like clockwork.” She stepped one aisle over, checking the vitals of a baby boy that was much teenier than the one in my arms. “Katie gets to go home today, friend. She’s gained a few ounces. She’s eating. The pediatrician gave you the all clear.”
I took a deep shaky breath, looking down at my sister. “Well, kiddo, looks like shit just got real.” I wrinkled my nose. “Guess I should stop saying shit, huh?” I was talking to Katie, but I heard Payton laugh and couldn’t help but enjoy the sound. I felt guilty again for feeling an emotion like joy. “What the hell am I supposed to do now, Payton? I need to talk to my label, our managers. I need to plan two fucking funerals. I need…” I hung my head, suddenly overwhelmed and completely heartbroken.
“I told you, Mace. You be here for her, and I’ll be here for you.” She was sitting on the edge of my chair now and rubbing my back. “I already talked to the hospital. I took two weeks worth of vacation, starting tomorrow. As soon as I get off tonight, I’ll pack a bag and head to the ranch.”
I looked up, unshed tears clouding my vision. “Really?”
She nodded. “I’m here.”
I laid my head against her side and breathed in her sweet scent. “I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you for this, Payton.”
“We’re friends, Mason. No thanks necessary. Kate was my…” She paused when her voice cracked with emotion. “I’m right here with you.”
I’d spent the past two days in the hospital room with my phone turned off. I had shut the world out. But today we were going home, going back to a home that would feel empty. Feel haunted. It was going to be hard and it was going to hurt like hell. And I had no one else. I needed Payton more than I needed oxygen right now.
I didn’t know the first thing about taking care of an infant by myself. I’d never planned a funeral. I’d never done anything a grown man should know how to do. I wasn’t the right choice for Katie’s guardian.
I was the only choice and that made me sad for her.
She deserved better.