Chapter 12
MARCUS
Things feel back to normal between Willow and me. We’ve been taking it slow like we said we would. But she’s been back in my life for a month now, and I think the timing is right for us to have our first date.
“Mr. Reed?”
Hearing my name, I get up and walk to the reception counter. The lady points down a hallway.
“You can wait in room number two. The doctor will be with you shortly.”
“Thank you.”
I finally gave in and went to see a doctor three weeks ago. Apparently, I have lead poisoning. Last week I had to endure a bunch of tests to see if there were any fragments left from the bullet that could be the cause of the lead poisoning. I’m hoping the fact that I’m meeting with the heart specialist means they know for sure what’s causing the lead poisoning, and can give me a solution.
The weight loss is becoming a problem and the headaches never stop. I’m also starting to forget little things, which worries me. I can’t get rid of the metallic taste in my mouth. I’m tired of being sick. It’s been going on way too long. That’s why I’m here right now and not telling the doctors where they can shove their professional opinions.
I walk into the room and sit down. Seconds later I’m freezing my ass off. I don’t understand why hospitals and doctor’s rooms are so fucking cold. It’s like they want to freeze the damn virus out of you.
“Mr. Reed,” an elderly man says as he comes into the room. He closes the door behind him then takes a seat across from me. “I’m Dr. Barnard. How are you feeling?”
“I’ve felt better,” I say as I watch him open a file.
There’s a few minutes silence as he looks through the pages. I stare at the family photos he has on his desk to keep myself busy.
“Right,” he says as he straightens his back. “Dr. Avery’s diagnosis is right. You have lead poisoning.”
“I’m already aware of that.” I don’t have time or patience for this.
“That’s where the problem comes in. Dr. Avery referred you to me after your tests came back.”
Dr. Barnard holds an x-ray up and points to something. I can’t see shit.
“When the bullet was removed, fragments were left behind.”
Finally, we’re getting somewhere.
“How are you going to treat it?”
He clears his throat and folds his hands in front of him.
“Mr. Reed the fragments are embedded in your heart. Looking at your file, I would not recommend surgery at this point.”
I sag with relief. Thank fuck, they’re not going to cut me open again.
“In your already weakened state, the risk would be too high.”
Wait. What?
“What risk?”
The source of my problems starts to beat faster in my chest, and I get a feeling I’m not going to like what he says next.
“Due to the already weakened state of your heart, you will not survive heart surgery.”
I stare at the man, not understanding what he’s saying.
“Repeat what you just said,” I whisper.
“Mr. Reed,” he says, giving me a sympathetic look, “to remove the fragments from where they are embedded in your heart is a high-risk operation. Your heart will stop with such a strenuous surgery. The tissue surrounding the fragments are dying. Your heart is being poisoned by the fragments. At this stage, your body is still physically able to survive the operation, but your heart is not.”
I sit frozen, unable to form words.
Finally, I manage to whisper, “My heart is dying?”
“Yes, Mr. Reed. With treatment, we will be able to prolong your life by a few weeks. I’m sorry.”
I have so many questions, but instead of asking them I can only nod as he keeps talking, while my world implodes.
∞∞∞
I flush the toilet and sag down on the floor. Resting my arms on my knees, I lean my head back against the side of the bathtub.
I’m supposed to get ready for my first date with Willow.
Today was supposed to be one of the happiest of my life.
I’m only twenty-six.
Bitter laughter burns through the taste of bile.
My heart is dying.
I’m fucking dying.
I’m dying.
It sounds surreal no matter how many times I say it.
Dr. Barnard told me today that my name has been added to the donor's list. As if I’ll fucking live long enough to be considered.
I can’t believe it.
Death caught up with me after all.
How am I going to tell Jaxson and Willow that I’m dying?
Fuck.
“Fuck!” I scream until my throat is raw and sobs start to shake my body. I drag myself into a crawling position as if I can get away from the death sentence hanging over me.
“Why?” The word rips from me as the finality starts to sink in.
When I have no more tears to cry, I drag myself up. I only make it to the hallway when it hits again – the inescapable fact – I’m dying.
I will be dead in less than a year.
That’s if I’m lucky, and so far luck hasn’t been on my side.
Months – that’s all I have left.
How am I going to tell Jaxson?
Willow.
I have to let her go. I don’t want her to see me get weaker as the poison kills me.
The bleak hopelessness sucks me dry of my will to fight. The unbearable heartache of having to let Willow go, drags me back down to my knees.
I always feared being the one left behind. I never thought I’d be the one leaving.
∞∞∞
WILLOW
Marcus has been avoiding me for a month. I’m not giving him a choice anymore. I told him I’ll be at his place after work.
After he canceled our date, I didn’t think anything of it. But he never rescheduled, and he backed out of our Saturday dinners. His messages have become curt, and that’s when he even bothers to send one.
I don’t know what went wrong. I thought we were doing well. I don’t know what brought on his sudden change of heart, but he owes me an explanation.
When I get to his apartment, I knock a few times before I give up. I can’t believe he’s not home. This is not like Marcus at all.
I sit down in front of his door. I will wait him out. There’s no way I’m leaving here without seeing him.
By the time my backside is numb from sitting on the hard floor, Marcus steps out of the elevator.
He looks so tired that I almost forget why I’m here.
He doesn’t bother saying hello as I stand up and wait for him to unlock the door.
He doesn’t open the door, so we can go in and talk. Instead, he looks at me with no emotion on his face.
“I’ve met someone else, Willow.”
Shock vibrates through me, and his callous attitude only makes it so much worse.
“I love her so we can’t see each other, even as friends.”
“You met someone. Just like that?”
I lift my chin, refusing to show him how much he’s hurting me.
“Yeah, it was… sudden.”
I nod slowly. There’s nothing I can say. Marcus deserves to be happy, it just won’t be me making him happy.
“Okay. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
His eyes meet mine, and for a moment I see my heartache reflecting in his eyes.
“I wanted to make sure,” he says.
“If you’re sure then there’s nothing I can say,” I whisper, unable to hide the ache spreading through me. “I hope she makes you happy, Marcus.”
I feel like a zombie when I start to walk away. I expected a fight, but not that. Not hearing Marcus is in love with someone else.
“Willow,” he calls after me.
I stop, and as the first tear falls, I keep my back to him.
“Thank you. I know my words will mean nothing now, but maybe one day you’ll remember them.”
I grind my teeth and turn to face him one last time. The tears roll silently over my cheeks, and I take slow breaths so I won’t start sobbing.
“When you give your heart to a man, make sure he deserves it. You are an amazing woman.”
A tear sneaks down his cheek which breaks down the last of my control.
I cover the sob with my hand, and as I turn around, he says, “I love you. I’ll miss you so much.”
I run for the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. I just need to get away from the man who broke my heart for the second time.
∞∞∞
“You’ve been wallowing in self-pity for two months now,” Evie says. “Come home, Willow. Nothing is keeping you there. Leave the dead-end job.”
She’s right. I should just pack up and go home.
“I’ll have to give notice first,” I mumble.
“Give notice then. We can be roommates again. You don’t even have to look for a new place to stay.”
Evie actually sounds excited.
“Okay,” I sigh. “I’ll give notice on the first.”
“You bet your ass you will. I swear I’ll hitch a ride to New York if you don’t.”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I’m going to go sleep this miserable mood away.”
“Night, my friend.”
I lie back on my bed wondering why my life has turned out the way it has.
My phone starts to buzz, and I frown as I look at the screen. I thought it’s probably Evie, but seeing Marcus’ name makes me fumble as I try to answer the call.
“Marcus?” I can’t keep the surprise from my voice. Never in a million years did I think he would phone me.
Did he break up with the woman?
Even if he did, it doesn’t mean anything.
“Willow, it’s Mia. I’m Rhett’s little sister and a friend of Marcus. He asked me to phone.”
A friend of Marcus?
Crap, is Marcus dating Rhett’s sister?
“Is he okay?” It’s really all I want to know. She better not be calling to invite me to their engagement. I’m seriously going to lose my mind then.
“Can you come over to his place so we can talk?”
“Now?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
I glare at the phone. I swear if she invites me face to face I’m going to punch her.
On the drive over, I start to worry. Maybe something happened to Marcus. He wouldn’t let his girlfriend invite me to their engagement.
I rush up the stairs, not sure what’s waiting for me. When I knock on the door, I try to prepare myself for whatever Mia wants to talk about.
The door opens, and a stunning woman smiles at me. Damn, I can see why he fell for her.
“Hi, Willow. I’m Mia,” she says, giving me space to walk inside.
I only want to hear if Marcus is okay so I can leave.
“Hi, Mia. Is Marcus okay?”
She takes a deep breath which makes a cold shiver crawl down my spine.
No. Something happened to Marcus.
“Willow, when you see him, you might be a little shocked.”
Oh, my God. It’s bad. I can see it on her face.
I want to block my ears from whatever she’s about to say, but all I can do is stand and listen.
“He’s very sick, and if you need a minute to prepare yourself, I’ll understand. He’s lost a lot of weight, and he’s exhausted, but he can’t wait to see you.”
If he’s here, it can’t be that bad. Right?
“He’s in his bedroom. Do you want to see him?”
I nod, not sure what to expect. When Mia takes my hand, my heart drops to my feet.
It must be bad if she’s offering me support just to see him.
A million things race through my mind as we walk to his room. It smells different.
Shit, it feels different.
I walk into his room, and my eyes immediately go to his bed.
Oh, my God.
What happened to him? It’s only been two months. He’s a skeleton.
“Hey, babe,” he whispers. “Surprise.”
I force my feet to move forward so I can sit next to him before my legs give way.
He’s so pale.
I take in his frail state, and without hearing the words, I know what it means.
The man I love is dying.
That’s why he pushed me away.
The realization shudders through me. Marcus didn’t want me to see this.
All the heartache from the last two months fades away as a more profound ache takes root inside of me. It leaves a devastating path of regret and grief.
All the time we’ve wasted that we could’ve had together.
I lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. Feeling how cold they are beneath mine makes fear bleed through my soul.
I have to be brave for Marcus. No matter how hard it will be.
I pull back and whisper, “You know I hate surprises.”
My words make him smile, and I make a silent promise to make him laugh as much as possible.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” he whispers. “I have something to tell you, but before I do, you need to know that I love you. I don’t want you to pity me.”
A sob escapes my lips. I don’t want to hear the words out loud.
Don’t say it.
Please.
“My heart is dying.”
I close my eyes so he won’t see my pain. It rips through me with cruel claws and merciless blows.
Please let this be a bad dream.
“They missed fragments when they removed the bullet,” he whispers. I lean closer so I can hear him. “It’s embedded in my heart, and because of the lead poisoning my heart is too weak to survive an operation.”
Raw pain swallows me whole.
“Have you seen other doctors?” I whisper.
“I have. I’m dying, Willow.”
The ache is so intense that I struggle to breathe past it. I frame his face with my hands and lean closer.
Be strong, Willow.
Be strong for the man you love.
“I’m here now. I love you, and I’m not leaving your side, even if you become an ass again.”
“When I do become an ass, please remember that I love you. I fucking love you with every beat of my heart.”
I bury my face in his neck and cry for the unfairness of it all.