Chapter 13
MARCUS
I regret telling Willow. I love having her here, but I hate seeing the heartache in her eyes.
I listen to her deep breaths as she sleeps, lying with her ear pressed to my heart. How’s it possible that I love her so much when I haven’t even kissed her properly?
Why is life so cruel? I finally find a woman I love, but I can’t have a future with her. I’ll never get to make love to her.
I don’t want to sleep and risk losing a moment with Willow, but I fight a losing battle as my eyes drift close.
∞∞∞
WILLOW
I’m woken as Marcus’ body jerks away from me.
“Summer.” The groan is filled with so much sorrow, that it makes my body move before I realize that he’s dreaming.
Marcus has a death grip on the pillow against his chest.
I shake his shoulder lightly. “Marcus, wake up. You’re dreaming.”
He darts up as if I’ve shocked him, and stumbles out of bed, still clutching the pillow to him.
I crawl out of bed, but as I reach out to him, he lunges forward. He slams into me and struggling to regain my balance, we both fall to the floor. His eyes are open wide and filled with terror as his left hand closes around my neck. I grab his wrist, and because he’s so weak, I manage to pull his hand away from me.
“I won’t let you kill her,” he hisses as he pulls back his fist. It’s clear he’s fighting something, unaware of his surroundings. I duck to the side while blocking the blow with my arm.
“Marcus,” I scream, hoping it will wake him. “It’s me, Willow.”
His breathing comes faster as he starts to blink, but I keep my guard up just in case.
“Willow,” he whispers, sounding horrified.
“It’s okay. You had a dream.”
He moves away from me and sits on the floor. Pressing his hand to the scar on his chest, his body jerks as the first cry tears through him. The sound alone breaks my heart but seeing the man I love so broken, kills a part of my soul.
I scramble to my knees and place my hand on his thigh.
“It felt so real,” he gasps.
“What felt real?” I encourage him. Maybe if he talks about the dream, it will help him calm down
“Summer,” he whispers. “When he shot her, she fell on top of me. Her cheek was right here.” He slaps his palm against the scar. “I kept staring into her eyes, wishing she would blink.”
I wrap my arms around Marcus, holding him tight. I have no words of comfort to offer him. I can’t tell him it will be okay because it won’t.
It’s only going to get worse.
∞∞∞
MARCUS
It felt so real. I could even feel Summer’s skin growing cold against my chest. The eerie stillness that settled over her body. Her lifeless eyes. It’s all too much to handle. I’m going to lose my mind long before my heart stops beating.
I can’t put Willow through that. I can’t die knowing she will be haunted by my lifeless eyes. I want her to remember my life, not my death.
I close my eyes, knowing she won’t leave without a fight. I don’t want to hurt her, but I have no choice. Watching her grieve me while I’m still alive, will be unbearable.
She comes into the room and smiles at me.
“You need to go,” I whisper. I don’t have the strength for anything more than a whisper.
“Where?”
“Willow, I don’t want you here,” I spell it out for her.
Instead of looking hurt, she glares at me.
“You’re stuck with me. I said I wouldn’t leave and I meant it.”
“Please,” I resort to begging.
Her face softens, and her eyes filled with worry.
“Why?”
“I want you to remember me alive. All I remember of Summer are her vacant eyes and how still she was. I don’t want you remembering that about me. I love you, but it’s already hard enough. There’s not much left that I can control. Give me this. I need it.”
Tears start to roll over her cheeks which makes this so much harder. She’s the last person I want to hurt.
“Come here.”
I wait for her to sit down next to me on the bed. Taking her hand, I pull her down on me.
When her ear is pressed against my chest, I whisper, “I need you to remember the sound of my beating heart.” Tears make my voice hoarse, but I push through. “I need to know that I won’t die completely. I need to be alive in your memories.”
Holding her, I let her cry against my chest. When she pulls free from my arms, she shakes her head as she wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hands.
“I’m not leaving you,” she whispers. “Let me stay with you. Let me have these last few weeks with you. I need to hold you, Marcus. I need to love you. When the time comes…” Her voice cracks and she takes a few deep breaths before she continues, “I will give you what you need when we’re out of time.”
“Promise,” I whisper.
“I promise.”