HAVEN

We found a small motel about twelve miles outside of town with parking directly outside each of the rooms. The place was a dump, and we probably would have driven right past if it weren’t for the small neon sign that flashed “Motel” that we spotted from the road. My body felt so worn down; any place with a bed was good enough for me. I wasn’t complaining. Max paid for the room and helped me inside once I’d secured the blanket around my freezing body. The temperature was mild with very little wind, but I couldn’t stop the tremble that I felt deep inside my bones. As a nurse, I recognized the symptoms for what they were: a mild case of shock mixed with anxiety over what happened with Jeremy in that mansion. I didn’t want to think about any of that, not the little boy alone in that room or what almost happened if Max hadn’t saved me from that twisted fuck and his sick desires.

“Let’s get you a hot bath and some clean clothes. I know this isn’t the Four Seasons, but the bathroom is clean and there are plenty of towels.”

I sat on the edge of the king-sized bed, while Max turned on all the lights, checked the windows, and secured each lock. He went into the bathroom, and I heard the faucet come on just before he re-entered the room I was sitting in. He was right about one thing: I was a big pile of hot mess and hated every minute that he had to see me like this. I deserved his contempt, not his kindness. As much as I wanted to blame Jeremy or even Mrs. Lancaster, everything that happened was no one’s fault but my own. I was a dirty whore, just like Richard had told me I always would be. Nursing would never be enough to erase that fact. Max wasted his time saving me from the inevitable, but I was grateful nonetheless.

“You don’t have to be nice to me, Max. I know how much you must hate me.” I couldn’t look at him. My face was cloaked in shame and embarrassment.

“Hate is the last fucking thing I feel for you, Heaven, but you’re in no condition to discuss that right now, and neither am I. It’s been a long night. The warm water will make you fell a hell of a lot better than you do right now, so let’s go.” Stiffly, I followed his command.

My one-man pity party would just have to wait. Max helped me stand from the bed and gave me a gentle push toward the bathroom, removing the blanket from around my arms. I barely had enough strength to raise my head and see his handsome face while I walked the green mile inside and pushed the door closed. One look at my reflection in the mirror, and I crumbled to the floor in a heap of overwhelming relief that I’d survived. Dried patches of yellow throw up matched the tint of my pale skin, clumpy, smeared eyeliner along with tangled bird nest hair and voilà, first place winner of the Beatle Juice impersonation competition. I let loose an ear-piercing wail that was years in the making, for the boy, for myself, and for my family who was no longer with me. Max was there in a flash. He burst through the door, shut off the water, and swept me up in his arms before the first round of tears started to fall.

“Shhh, it’s alright I got you, baby. Hold on to me.”

He was down on the floor with me, and I clung to him with both my arms and legs. Max was my anchor; his unyielding strength held me to this earth and prevented me from floating away. I had the best cry of my life sitting down on that cold floor, and when it was finally over, I didn’t want to let go of the handsome man who held me. It had been so long since I’d relied on anyone other than myself. That cherished feeling was so euphoric and addicting I wanted to keep it for just a little while longer.

“I’m so sorry, Max. I never meant for any of this to happen. Everything just went crazy, and I couldn’t make it stop.” My words were muffled, since my face was buried in his warm neck. I felt an icky sensation from the tears mixed with snot as it painted a thin layer across my face. It was the best place on Earth, and I never wanted to leave.

“I know it wasn’t your fault, Heaven. Don’t blame yourself for the actions of that cocksucker Jeremy. Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed where it’s nice and warm, yeah?”

“I don’t wanna get up. It’s nice down here. Can we just stay like this for the next week or so?” He chuckled in my hair and patted my back as a sign that the hug fest was over and it was time to move my ass.

“Too bad, ‘cause you stink like shit and this floor is hard as fuck, dirty girl.”

After all the shit I went through tonight, Max somehow managed to make me smile and giggle like a fool as we stood from the floor together. He left me alone inside the bathroom so I could bathe on my own. I almost broke down and begged him to stay. I felt safer with Max, stronger, as If nothing and no one could hurt me. The idea of him seeing me naked didn’t stir my normal feelings of panic. Instead, I felt a warmth deep within my belly that begged for attention. I was aroused, my clit was swollen and throbbed to be touched. Perhaps it was the adrenalin or the feel of Max’s hard body when I’d wrapped my arms around him. Whatever the reason for this sudden awakening, I had to get it under control. Max was part of the elite and could never be mine.

I didn’t waste a lot of time soaking and playing with bubbles. I washed my ass and got the hell outta there, anxious to get back to Max. I didn’t want to be alone. I wrapped a fluffy towel around my body and exited the bathroom just in time to see him returning from outside carrying clean clothing and some sort of heavy bag.

“My suitcase was still in the rental, so I bought you some clean clothes to put on. They’re too big, but at least they’re better than a towel.”

“Thank you, Max, I appreciate that.” I reached for the clothing and smiled when I heard a faint groan coming from his chest for the third time since meeting him. He caught my response and shook his head like an innocent school boy caught stealing the teacher’s apple.

“What? It’s not my fault you’re fucking beautiful.”

“Do you really think I’m beautiful, Max?” He stepped closer, so I raised my eyes to meet his, which were burning with desire. I shivered and held on tighter to the towel that was wrapped around me, afraid he would notice my nipples growing taunt.

“You, my sweet Heaven, are so fucking beautiful I have to fight myself to keep from kissing you, since I know that’s the last fucking thing you want from a guy like me.”

“I never said I didn’t want it, Max.” His sensual voice had me teetering back and forth like a toddler learning how to walk for the very first time. In many ways, I was a small child, new to the ways of romantic passion. Only this time, I was a willing participant who chose to give in to her feelings instead of being forced to fake them.

“No? Once I kiss you, I’m gonna want more. Like candy, I won’t stop at eating just one. Are you sure you want that, Heaven?” Fuck yeah, I want that…and more.

Running away was the furthest thing from my mind. I needed this, proof positive once and for all that I wasn’t a freak. I wanted to feel the touch of a man without the painful reminders of what happened before, that I was a woman with needs who could have them fulfilled without being made to feel like a whore. Most of all, I wanted to feel safe, safe in the arms of the man who’d proved more than once that I was worth risking his own freedom for, even when that meant going against his own family. I responded to his macho proclamation by attacking him like a three-hundred-pound linebacker playing in the Super Bowl. I missed his lips entirely then dove back in for a second pass. My mouth landed on his high cheekbones. I remembered that the tongue should be involved somewhere, so I opened up as wide as I could and sucked, carefully holding in my drool. You got this, Haven, keep licking.

“Baby, wait, wait…slow down. We need to practice your technique. How long has it been since you’ve been kissed?” Fuck. Fuck. Don’t cry, don’t cry.

“I…I’ve never been kissed before, Max.” He sucked in a huge breath of air and took a few steps away from me. I felt the chill of his rejection and wrapped my arms around my waist to settle it.

“Are you a virgin, Heaven? I know you’re younger than I am, but…”

“I’m not a virgin, okay, Max…I just…Let’s just forget this whole thing, okay? No harm, no foul.”

“Then you want to explain to me how a sexy-as-fuck woman in her twenties has never been kissed? Please tell me this is some sort of sick joke and you’re just fucking with me?”

“It’s not a joke, Max. What woman in her right mind would joke about something like that?”

I was so embarrassed I wanted to crawl into a ditch and bury myself with dirt. I wasn’t ready to drag him into my fucked-up life, kicking and screaming every step of the way. It was a big mistake on my part to think I could do this and pretend I was a real woman for just one night. Max could have any woman he wanted. Hell, I’d witnessed it personally in a public restroom. He didn’t need someone like me; he had so many better options.

“You know what? You were right. This isn’t the right time to talk about…to talk. I’m tired, it’s been a long night, and I’m sure you could use a shower.” I turned away so he couldn’t see the mist that was forming in my eyes and climbed into the cold bed.

“I’ll give you that play, Heaven, but just this once. You have until I’m finished in the shower to get your shit together, then I want an answer to my question,” he barked.

“Really, Max, it’s not that serious. I was just kidding…”

I tried to laugh it off, but the damage was already done. He was shaking his head no to whatever lie I tried to invent; anything was better than the truth. The last thing I remembered seeing was the flex of his muscles on his retreating back as he grabbed his bag and closed himself inside the bathroom. My goose was definitely cooked.