MAXWELL

She looked a hot mess sitting across from me in the front seat of my rental car. I tried to convince her that I didn’t give a shit that she was wearing my sweats that were ten sizes too big, my T-shirt with no fucking bra, and the only shoes she had with her, which were stilettoes. She adamantly told me to forget it, so here we were sitting in a vacant lot of an abandoned building eating McDonalds, of all things. I hated fast food, but Heaven seemed to be enjoying her four-piece chicken nuggets and cup of water. Not exactly what I would have picked if I were hungry. She was nibbling on them so slowly, savoring each and every bite, I knew her eating that way had something to do with her past, and the sight of it was pissing me way the fuck off. Was this our destiny? Bound to be slaves to a past we couldn’t control, while the people responsible got to live it up without consequence? Did Heaven’s cousin pick away at his food at dinner time, afraid it might be his last meal? Fuck no, he ate his fill while his victim carried the burden. His time will come, one day soon. I promise that.

I’d expected the usual outcome whenever I tried a hand at being normal, that dark pull inside of my brain that demanded satisfaction. It teased me, dared me to disobey so it could mock my weakness by bringing fourth the one thing I could never ignore: my song. I’d waited for the blackness to sweep in and take me away from the eyes of the beautiful woman who withered with pleasure beneath me. She was perfectly imperfect in every way, clueless about how to use that delicate body of hers, but a fast fucking learner who had my cock begging to teach her more. Perhaps it was her innocence that created that protective shield against my demons; whatever the case, I was keeping her. She just didn’t know it yet.

“I’m supposed to report to work tomorrow morning. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

“You’re never going back there, Heaven, so get that shit outta your head. I know you take your career as a nurse very seriously and would never give up on your duties, but they’ll just have to find someone else to care for the senator.” My statement made her abandon the chicken nugget she was eating and turn to face the window. I might have overstepped my boundaries, but she’d just have to live with it. My woman, my rules.

“Mrs. Lancaster showed up at my apartment the day of the party. She had information about me, about my past and what happened with…well, you know.”

“So? Fuck her. She can afford another caregiver. You won’t be missed.” Take it easy, Max.

“It wasn’t about that, Max. She invited me to the party so I’d get closer to Jeremy. She said she no longer had a use for him, since you were home for good. She told me to…seduce him so he’d fall in love with me and leave the mansion. I was afraid of her and what she could do to me if I turned her down.” She wouldn’t look me in the eyes, and that pissed me off even more. She was lying through her fucking teeth. She wanted that cocksucker Jeremy.

“That’s why you came to the party, to fuck that sniveling little fuckwad?” So much for keeping my cool. I lost my shit, too caught up in my own ego to see that there was more to that story and Heaven was hurting. I knew full well she didn’t willingly go along with it. My mother’s track record for blackmail was well documented, but she’d reached a new low by forcing Heaven to comply.

“What does that bitch have on you that’s so bad you’d spread your legs like a two-dollar whore?” I regretted saying it the minute the words left my mouth. Why did I always have to lash out and hurt those around me? She did this; my bitch of a mother managed to get the upper hand yet again without even trying. Made we wonder how much of a fight Heaven had really put up? Or did she just go along with it because she really wanted Jeremy’s dick instead of mine?

“She threatened to tell everyone she knew that I was incompetent. She said she’d ruin me, destroy all my hard work and sacrifice…I couldn’t let her take it all away, Max. It’s all I have.”

“You agreed because of your fucking job? You have got to be kidding me, Heaven,” I roared in her direction. The boom caused her to flinch, but I was beyond caring. Of all the bullshit excuses, she chose her job as the reason to fuck that tool Jeremy. I felt like such a fucking fool, saving her from that asshole, claiming her as mine. She fucking played me, and I fell for it. I thought she was special, that she was an unexpected treasure that made returning to that hell I called home worth it. She wasn’t special; she was just like the rest of them. And as I started the car and shifted it into gear, I felt it, that need to escape the rage building inside that threatened to spill out and pull me under. The sweat on my palms and my ragged breathing were all signs of what was coming next, the memories of being violated in the dark while my mother sang to me. I managed to get us back to the hotel without killing us. The whooshing sound coming from my ears blocked out everything around me, including Heaven’s pleas. I knew what I had to do in order to bring back the peace and force those dark feelings back in their place. She was my answer. I had to make it stop before it was too late.

I threw her inside the room and slammed the door behind us. I was barely hanging on to my sanity. She appeared as a blur inside the darkened room, my vision too cloudy to make out her face, but I didn’t need to see her, just feel her tight pussy as she squeezed my cock. Seconds later, I had her stripped from the waist down and tossed across the bed like a sack of dirty laundry.

“Spread your fucking legs…NOW!”

“Please listen to me. It’s not what you think.” Liar.

“My fucking rules, remember? Now spread your legs and show me your cunt. Don’t make me tell you again.” I reached for my hardened cock inside my pants and froze. My vision suddenly became clear and I fell backwards. My entire body slammed into the chest of drawers pushed against the wall. I felt the first tear slide down my face, but it was soon followed by many more as I watched Heaven’s lifeless eyes as she chanted over and over again,

“I have nothing else.”

“Please don’t. I’m afraid.”

“It’s all I have.”

I crawled across the floor and gathered her in my arms from off the top of the bed, my tears blanketing her neck as I held her closely. I rocked her back and forth silently as I begged her to come back to me. She didn’t belong there, in the darkness. Neither one of us did, not anymore. We were better than the sum of our circumstances and deserved a better chance at life. Together, it was possible. Buck had always told me that when the time came, I’d be ready to take my life back and recognize the things that were most import: family, friends, and perhaps one day, love. Discovering the identity of the shadow meant shit to me now. He’d taken everything from me, and I wasn’t willing to give anymore. I’m ready, Buck, I’m ready.

“I came here to look for answers.” My voice was thick with emotion. “I’m so fucking tired of living like this, the grief, the pain; it’s cost me everything I’ve ever cared about. I thought by coming back here, I could finally be free of it all once I discovered what it all meant.”

Please come back.

“I’ve done things…with women. I can’t explain them. It’s sick and twisted, but I needed it to forget so that I could feel something, anything, just to know I was still alive. I don’t want to just exist anymore, Heaven. I’m so fucking scared.”

Please come back.

“I met Buck when I was a boy standing outside of my father’s office. He saved my life that day and didn’t even know it. Without him, I never would have survived.” I felt Heaven’s small hands encircle my back and continued to speak into her hair while holding her. Thank fuck I hadn’t ruined her with my poison like I did everyone else. Thank fuck.

“My mother would take me into the basement of the mansion inside a darkened room and force me to undress. The room had a one-way mirror, so I never knew who or what was on the other side of it, but I always knew someone was watching. If I was afraid, she would sing to me until everything was calm and peaceful, and that’s when he would come, the shadow. I never knew who he was, but he would do things, things I didn’t want, things that…hurt me. It went on for years, always in the dark, and always in that cold basement, until one night I fought back. I took a knife that Buck gave me and cut that fucker until he screamed like a bitch. I ran away and never looked back…until now. Buck was the only person who knew what happened, but I wanted you to know that it was never my choice to be this way. Please don’t hate me, Heaven.

I heard a small whimper and realized I was holding her too tightly, so I loosened my grip, not much, just enough to see her face since my confession. She was so fucking beautiful even with blotchy cheeks and red, puffy eyes. If I lost her now, it would break me. I kissed her softly on her luscious lips and savored their flavor momentarily before I forced myself to stop. I’d put her through enough; she didn’t need me pawing all over her on top of everything else I’d done.

“I never counted on meeting someone like you, but I’m so damn glad I did.” I hoped like hell she believed me, and more importantly, that she forgave me.

“I’m so sorry, Max. I didn’t want to be with Jeremy. He—”

“Shh. I know that, sweet Heaven. We’re going to be okay. Do you trust me?”

“I trust you, Max,” she answered with a light squeeze and a kiss to my chest.

We stayed that way, huddled on the floor, holding on to each other. Neither one of us said a word. The conflict inside me had long since quieted, silenced by the comfort I found in Heaven’s arms. In that moment, my life begun. Like an answer to my prayers, she saved me, and in return, I was going to save her right back.