Chapter Twenty-Two
Caroline
I walked into my hotel room and fell backward onto my bed. A smile was plastered across my face as I looked up at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe how well the meeting went, and I was just as surprised as Harrison was that I retained all of that information. It was intimidating at first, but once Harrison broke the ice between everyone, things seemed to flow naturally. I reached for my phone and called Meghan.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Megz.”
“Hey, Caroline. You sound like you are doing much better.”
“Yeah, I am. I mean, I have my moments, but for the most part, I am doing a little better.”
“That is good.”
“So, I was thinking about hanging out with you later today.”
She paused. “Um, Caroline? You do know that I am not in Arizona anymore, right?”
I chuckled. “Yes, silly, I know. I am in California on business and I have a free day tomorrow. I was thinking of hooking up with you to see how you were doing and things like that, you know? Catch up a little bit.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, sure! You just let me know what time and where. Do you need me to pick you up?”
“Um,” I said, bashfully, “no. I can meet you there. Harrison’s driver will take me wherever I need to go.”
“Harrison? Wow. Oh, that reminds me, we have to talk about some things regarding you and Harrison. I heard some news from the ASU campus.”
I shook my head, knowing exactly what she was going to talk to me about. A part of me didn’t want to visit her because of that reason alone, but it wasn’t her fault. She just wanted to get to the bottom of it, and I knew that. “Yeah,” I said, hesitantly, “alright. We can talk about it, and I already know what it is.”
“Caroline, have you–”
“We will talk tomorrow, alright? About everything. Let’s say around 5 pm.”
“Alright. Five pm and then after that, you are spilling the beans!”
“Fine.”
“OK. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I hung up the phone, and just like that, my euphoria had been sucked away. Harrison wanted to take me out to eat to celebrate closing the deal, and I was all for it until now. As much as I wanted to believe that everything was OK between us, I couldn’t shake the fact that everything looked wrong. The timing that we hooked up with each other. The way that it happened. The way that I treated Johnathan in the process. It was so much going on, and a lot of it didn’t make sense. I didn’t know where Harrison expected our relationship to go, but from here, it didn’t seem like it was going anywhere far.
Just then, Harrison called my phone. I watched it ring in my hands a few times before I convinced myself to answer it. “Hello?”
“Hey, Caroline. Um, is everything alright?”
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My smile had faded and the joy I had just minutes ago was lost like a needle in a haystack. I didn’t want to tell him the truth, though. There was no point in ruining both of our moods. “Yes. Everything is fine. What’s up?”
“I was thinking that we could head to dinner a little early. Is that alright with you?”
I wanted to tell him no, but I couldn’t find the words in my heart. “Yes, that is fine. I’ll meet you downstairs, alright?”
“Alright, Caroline.”
I hung up the phone, and I knew that he could sense something was wrong with me. He had the ability to pick up on things, and it was never hard to do since I wore my heart on my sleeve and it lived inside my voice. I sighed, grabbed my purse, then headed downstairs. Since I had gotten to California, I had gotten a couple texts from Johnathan. He was still upset about how everything happened between us, and I felt bad for not telling him how I felt about him up-front, but that was my issue. I didn’t know how to let people down because I was afraid of hurting their feelings. I hated to be seen as the one who brought pain to another person, but I felt that moment was approaching again with Harrison.
When I got downstairs, he was waiting inside the car. His driver stood by the door, ready to open it as soon as I stepped outside. He smiled, then opened the door for me. Harrison had a bouquet of roses and a teddy bear ready to hand to me as soon as I got inside. “Aww, thank you, Harrison,” I said as I took the things from his hand.
“You deserve much more than that, and you will receive it. The work you did today deserves a bonus, so don’t be surprised if you see a little extra in your first check. This was a big contract, Caroline, and I am happy that you were able to help me close it. That means the world to me.”
I inhaled the scent of the roses. It danced in my nose and, just for a moment, it made me forget about the complications that rested between me and him. As the driver pulled out, they came rushing back to the forefront of my mind. I didn’t want this to turn into another situation with Johnathan, especially since I cared about Harrison much more. I had no idea what to do, and the fact that Harrison was so charming didn’t make anything easier for me.
We arrived at a restaurant just off the coast. The warm breeze blew through my hair as I walked to the front door of the building. Harrison grabbed me by the hand before I could enter. He pulled me to the side, then shoved his hands into his pocket. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? I know something is up because you have barely said a word since you got into the car. Have I done something to upset you?”
I folded my arms over my chest as my hair fluttered in the wind. Making eye contact with him right now was not an option. “No, I’m fine, Harrison.” I knew he didn’t believe me. The silence rested between us as the water crashed into the shore. A flock of seagulls sounded off as they flew across the water. Another breeze blew gently against my body as I finally looked in his direction. His gaze was fixed tightly upon me, waiting for the truth to spill from my lips. I sighed. “It’s just… Johnathan.”
“Him again?”
“Yes. I mean, he texted me a few times since I’ve been here and… I just… I’m thinking about what he has told everyone. I know I told you that I wasn’t going to worry about it, but that was out of anger. I don’t want to be seen as something I am not.” I wiped the tears from my eyes before they had the chance to cascade down my cheek. “I mean, I like you, Harrison, I really do. I just don’t like the ugly looks I am going to get once people know about us.”
He stood silently for a few moments before he spoke again. “What if it is all in your imagination?”
“Huh?”
“What if they way you think people are going to respond is just your imagination? You are not enrolled at ASU anymore, and Sarah is,” he looked to the right as if he was sifting through his words to find the right way to say it. “And Sarah has moved on from there as well, so this may not be as big of a deal as you are making it out to be.”
“Harrison, you don’t understand. You’ve never been to college, and I still hang around some of the people that went there. I don’t want them thinking negatively about me. I don’t want people whispering as soon as I come around. Like I am some kind of… I don’t know… father-stealer or something.”
“Father-stealer?”
I stomped my foot into the ground, “I don’t know, Harrison. How do you explain what I am? I started semi-dating you when Sarah died. We started sleeping together after Sarah died. I don’t think anyone has come up with a term for me yet. I’m sure this is something brand spanking new.” I folded my arms across my chest as a few couples walked past us to enter the restaurant. I hated the web that I got myself tangled in, and it seemed as if it wasn’t going to get any easier from here on out.
“Well. At least you will be known as an innovator.” I narrowed my eyes in his direction as he cracked a smile. “I am sorry, that was bad timing.” He pulled my closer to him. I resisted, but then gave into his will and rested in his arms. “Some may see you as that, but that is just some. Others may see you as someone who has fallen in love in the midst of peculiar circumstances.”
“Love?” I looked into his eyes. “Is that what this is? Love?”
He smiled. “I will say this – you cannot control who you fall in love with, or when you fall in love with them. As far as what this is? I can’t say, but I know it is something there. I am upset that that guy Johnathan is contacting you with nonsense. I wish that you would let me take care of him, but I won’t push that envelope. You just have to block him out. Block his number. Do something of that nature because he could potentially become a block between you and a future that you’ve always wanted.”
I knew that he was referring to himself. A few more patrons walked past us and entered the restaurant. I took a deep breath, then exhaled into the warm breeze. “Alright. I get it. Let’s get inside though. I know you are hungry.”
“First, I want to make sure that you are alright.” He held the sides of my face. “Are you?”
“Yes, Harrison. I’m good. I mean, I will be good. I just need to get these thoughts out of my mind, and after that, I am sure I will be OK.”
His eyebrows lifted to his forehead. “OK. I will trust that you’ll be alright, and if you are not, you know I have a sixth sense about those things.”
I kissed him on his cheek, grabbed his hand, and followed him into the restaurant. He did all he could to completely cheer me up throughout the night, and as much as I tried to snap out of my funk, I couldn’t. The idea that I was involved in some type of forbidden love made me want to throw up. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. Why I had to find a man that I’ve wanted my whole life right after my best friend died. Why did he have to be her father? It was all too confusing for me, and I had wished that I never allowed myself to fall into this situation. He spoke as I halfheartedly listened to him tell me how he took care of Sarah and turned a $5,000 investment into a million-dollar company. I was interested, but my mind was too bogged down to give him the attention he needed. I just wanted to go back to my room. I had things that I needed to clear up in my heart, and I wasn’t sure if that involved Harrison.