CHAPTER SIX

“You need a break?” Derek asked her.

Chloe hadn’t realized she was shaking again. It had been a long time since she even allowed herself to think about the “good” Jesse she’d first met. She stopped that a long time ago. At first, when she was still with him, it was what always convinced her to stick it out. Remembering what he could be made her want to believe what he was— was only temporary. It was a way of deluding herself and there towards the end of their relationship, right before he tried to kill her, she’d stopped doing it. After that, she didn’t let herself do it because she despised him so badly that she felt by remembering all of that, she was giving him some kind of credit that he didn’t deserve. But in order to give Derek the full story, it was where she had to start.

“No,” she told him. “I’m okay.” She let her mind drift back again and she started talking. “We started dating then. He took me out to nice restaurants for dinner and we went to shows and he took me ice skating in Rockefeller center. He was so polite and cultured and respectful. He was the epitome of a perfect gentleman. We’d been dating about two months and he’d never pressured me for sex. But that night, we were at his apartment and he’d made dinner for me and we were laying on the couch together watching a movie and things just started happening.

“Jesse,” Kelly said in a breathless voice after a long, sexy kiss. Jesse had his hands underneath her shirt and he was feeling her breasts as he pushed it up to take it off of her.

“Yeah baby,” he said. His voice was deep and husky too.

“I need to tell you something before you see me naked.” His hands stopped moving and he pulled back so he could look at her face.

“You’re not a man are you?” he asked. She giggled.

“No, I’m not a man.”

“Good, then I can’t imagine anything else you could tell me that would be as ominous as it sounds.”

“I have a lot of scars on my back.” She spat it out quickly and watched his face as she said it.

“From what?” he asked.

She took a breath then and for the first time in her life she said, “I was abused as a kid.”

Jesse pushed himself up, so he was sitting up right. Then he raised her up and lay her down on his lap. She cringed as she felt him pull her shirt up slowly. She heard him take in a sharp breath and then softly begin to run his fingers across her scars. He did that for a while and then he leaned down and ran his lips over them as well. Neither of them spoke again; they just let that moment act as fuel on the already smoldering flames between them. They made love all night. It was the first time that Kelly had been touched by a man other than her father. Jesse was gentle and attentive and he kept telling her over and over how beautiful she was. When they finished, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

When they woke up later, he said, “You’re not going back there.”

“What?”

“To your father’s house. You’re not going back there.”

“But…I don’t have much money Jesse and I don’t have anywhere to go…”

“Then you can stay here. If you don’t want to live with me, I’ll rent you your own place. You’re not going back there, Kelly.”

In hindsight, that was her first clue that Jesse was controlling. It was disguised as concern, but she would find out much later that his “concern” was about her father touching her the way that from that point on was only Jesse’s right as he saw it. She couldn’t let him pay for another place, so she’d stayed with him. He had taken her shopping and bought her all new things. He wouldn’t let her pay for anything. He told her that from then on, he would take care of her. And for the first six months or so, he did a fairly good job of that.

Jesse graduated from law school and took a job with a firm that was owned by a good friend of his father’s. The firm was involved in a lot of Tort cases and Jesse started working long hours. When he came home at night, he was often so exhausted that he was irritable and would snap at Kelly about silly things. She would let it go. She didn’t want to argue with him. The past six months had been the best of her young life and she didn’t want to bite the hand that fed her. She kept the apartment spotlessly clean and she learned how to cook and made sure he had a hot meal waiting for him every night when he came home from work. Meanwhile, she continued to study hard and make straight “As” in all of her classes. She’d given up the job at the coffee shop because Jesse had asked her to, but she was okay with that, she didn’t like it anyways.

She and Jesse lived off campus, so she generally took a cab to and from school when it was dark out. Jesse didn’t like her walking alone after dark, especially when he was at work and hard to reach. This one particular night, she’d taken a cab to class and afterwards as she was waiting to hail a cab, she realized she didn’t have her purse. She knew she’d had it earlier because she’d paid the cab driver. Her wallet and phone and most importantly, her money was in there.

She went back to the classroom, but the instructor had already left and locked up. It was almost ten at night. If she walked across campus, she could probably catch the custodian…but then it would be really late. She decided she should just go home and get it in the morning. In tears, because she was frustrated with herself, she began the walk home. She was a little less than halfway there when a young man on a Vespa pulled up beside her.

“Hey, Kelly!” It was a guy named Rob from her Sociology class.

“Hi, Rob.”

“Why are you out here walking so late alone?”

Kelly told him what happened with her purse and that she wasn’t sure if Jesse would be home to pay the cab when she got there, so she’d decided to walk.

“I have an extra helmet for my girlfriend. Do you want a ride?”

Kelly looked at the Vespa. She’d never been on one, but it actually kind of looked like fun. More fun than walking in the city at night.

“Sure, if you don’t mind,” she’d said.

“Hop on.”

Rob gave her the helmet and she slid on behind him. She loved the way the air felt against her face and by the time they got to her and Jesse’s apartment, she felt invigorated. That was until she slid off and saw Jesse standing next to his car looking at her. He must have just gotten home and he didn’t look happy. Not really understanding the look was directed at her then, Kelly had said, “I’m a dork and I left my purse in class. Rob was kind enough to give me a ride.”

Jesse was glaring at her. He turned his glare on Rob then and Rob said, “I better get. See you, Kelly.”

“Bye Rob thanks.”

He took off like someone was chasing him and when Kelly turned back to Jesse, she could see why. The look he had on his face at that moment was actually frightening.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she said. In a voice she hardly recognized and language she didn’t understand Jesse said, “Get the fuck in the apartment, bitch.”

She looked around, not processing that he could be talking to her that way. “What?”

“Are you fucking deaf…or just stupid?” he said through gritted teeth. “I said; get your skanky ass into the apartment, now!”

“Why are you talking to me like this?”

Jesse looked around and once he saw that no one was in the parking lot, he struck his first blow. With his open palm, he slapped her hard on the back of her head. The blow propelled her forward and almost threw her into the brick wall. The smack had hurt, a lot…but she was more hurt, and confused by the fact that he’d actually hit her. She’d been through similar with her father enough times though to know she would probably be better off if she just did as she was told. She rubbed the back of her head and started up the stairs. Jesse was behind her and she could smell the alcohol on him. He hadn’t been at work all this time, obviously. She was about halfway up when she felt him push her. She stumbled and reached out to catch herself with her hands, striking her chin on one of the steps.

“Hurry the fuck up!” he told her.

She scrambled to her feet and hurried to the apartment. She didn’t have her keys, so she had to wait for him to unlock the door. When he did, she felt him put his hand on the back of her neck and shove her inside. She flew into the coffee table and fell to the floor.

“Jesse…What?”

“Shut up, cunt! How fucking dare you make a fool out of me by having your piece of shit lover drop you off at my home.”

“My lover? No, oh no, Jesse! He’s just a guy from my class. I barely know him…”

“Lying cunt!” he said as his foot landed flush in the center of the soft part of her belly.

She was shocked and in pain and she wasn’t sure what to do. She never fought back with her father. She took her beatings because if she didn’t, it would only get worse. But this was Jesse…her savior. “Jesse, please let me explain,” she said. He reached down and grabbed her by her hair. He used it to drag her into the bedroom. When they got there, he picked her up by it and held her face at an unnatural and painful angle in front of the mirror.

“You see that face?” she didn’t answer, so he tapped her head into the mirror and said, “Do you see it, bitch?” She nodded. It felt like her hair was being ripped out along with chunks of her scalp. She was having a hard time getting her breath. “I own it. I own everything that’s attached to it. It’s average at best, but it’s mine, bought and paid for. If I ever catch you with another man again, I will fucking kill you and him both. Do you understand me?” She nodded again and he slammed her face back into the mirror, this time shattering it. “Answer me!”

“Yes, I understand you, Jesse. I’m sorry.” Before she knew what was happening, he turned and tossed her like a ragdoll onto the bed.

“Take off your clothes,” he said.

She was stunned for a second. Did he really expect her to have sex with him now? He was stripping off his clothes and realized she was still lying there, wide-eyed, looking at him. He had his belt in his hand and he walked over to her and raised it. She tried to roll away and he caught her across the tops of her thighs. It felt like the leather had cut into her flesh. It was another feeling she was all too familiar with. In little more than a whisper, he said, “Take off your fucking clothes you worthless whore.” Kelly took off her clothes.

It was three hours later before Jesse was finished with her and finally fell asleep. She somehow made her way to the bathroom, practically crawling. She stood under the shower and scrubbed herself for close to an hour. What the hell had she gotten herself into?