CHAPTER SEVEN

The next few weeks between some mild morning sickness, her follow-up appointments with her surgery and O.B. doctors and beginning physical therapy, Chloe read through her sisters’ journals. She noticed that at least once a week next to one of her entries, she would draw or color something on the blank page next to it. She enjoyed looking at Sarah’s art work as much as she did reading her posts. Chloe was no artist, but even she could see how talented her sister had been. Her sketches improved rapidly over the years and by the time she made it to high school, she could draw a face that looked like a portrait.

She read every post in chronological order, feeling like she was getting to know her sister a little better every day. She also found out that in spite of not sharing an interest in art, they really did have a lot in common. They both hated carrots, they both loved the beach, and they both lay awake at night and dreamed of who they would marry and how many kids they would have. Sarah was interested in history and she hated math. Chloe was in awe of how much they were alike even though they had lived such different lives with such different people.

She got to know Trevor and Samantha better not only by visiting with them but by reading the journals. Sarah talked a lot about her parents in her writings. She had the same angst in her early teen years that other girls had:

“Daddy says I can’t date until I’m sixteen! That’s two years away! Ryan will totally find another girl to like by then!” or about Samantha she had written, “Mom doesn’t see that I’m almost a woman. She wants to buy me little girl clothes and then I feel like I have to wear them so that I don’t hurt her feelings. I’ve started taking an extra shirt in my backpack on those days and I only pray she doesn’t have to pick me up early one day and I forget to change.”

She drew a picture of Ryan. He looked like a cute kid to Chloe.

As Chloe read on, she had to wonder if both she and Sarah had subconsciously been compelled to keep the journals as a way to communicate with each other. Some of the passages she wrote seemed to be written just for her. On one of the pages where Sarah talked about going to a school dance and winning a track meet, she had written,

“Stay strong; things will get better. It might me stormy now, but the rain won’t last forever.”

It didn’t seem like Sarah had any problems at the time, but it was written when they were fifteen and Chloe remembered that being a particularly bad year for her at home. She was getting older than the old man liked his girls; so thankfully, he had cut back on the sexual abuse. But, the physical abuse grew ten-fold and that summer Marg and Daphne had gone out of town for two weeks and left her alone with him. It had been two weeks that Chloe was sure would even cause people in Hell to shudder.

She read about Sarah’s first date with a boy named Nick:

September 29, 2005

Dear Diary,

“Well as of yesterday, I am finally sixteen. Nick Statler has been asking me out for almost a year now, but Daddy wouldn’t give in. He did take us to the mall a few times and the roller rink and bowling…but he never took his eyes off of us. It wasn’t that we were going to do anything. Nick is a nice boy and he wouldn’t try anything like that but it’s still a little bit uncomfortable. I can’t believe Nick waited around this whole time. He says it’s because he likes me so much that he couldn’t walk away.

So tonight I have on my new jeans and my new B.B. shirt that Mom let me buy yesterday even though it was way out of the price range she gave me before we left the house. I think I look pretty good. Daddy had tears in his eyes when he saw me. It’s not like I’m going to the prom or something. I rolled my eyes at him, but inside I’m glad that he loves me so much. I don’t know what I would do without him or my Mom. I have to go now; Nick is here!

That night when she came home she wrote:

My date with Nick was amazing. He took me to see The Guardian. It just came out today. It had Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher in it. It was about Navy Seals. The movie was good, holding Nick’s hand was better. After the movie, we had Pizza at Fatte Albert’s and we talked and laughed and I found out that we have a lot in common. I wonder if it’s too soon to wonder if Nick might be “the one.” He’s already asked me out again, so we’ll wait and see.

On the opposite page, there was a drawing of Nick. He was definitely an upgrade from Ryan in the looks department. The sketch was in charcoal, black on white, but she had coloured his eyes a sapphire blue. He reminded Chloe of Derek.

Chloe read about Trevor taking his daughter out on the country roads and teaching her how to drive. She read about her applying to colleges and being accepted to the Rhode Island School of Design. She was ecstatic about that and although she was so happy, she had written at the bottom of the page, “You can break down a woman temporarily, but a real woman will always pick up the pieces and rebuild herself.”

“Thank you, Sarah,” Chloe spoke out loud to the room. She was really beginning to believe that although neither of them knew it, they did have some kind of connection and inner strength.

By her third week, she came to the journal that Sarah had written about meeting Derek in…Chloe was hesitant and actually put off reading it for a few days. She had gotten through Derek telling her about falling in love with Sarah. It wasn’t always easy to hear about, or think about but it was a fact and now the fact was that Derek loved her. Chloe didn’t feel guilty about that but that could be because she had yet to read it in her sister’s own words. She was sitting out on the patio, sipping a glass of iced tea. Derek and Trevor were out riding the horses and Samantha had gone into town. Chloe thought this was probably the best time she would find to do this. She opened up the journal and began to read.

August 12th, 2006

Dear Diary,

I borrowed Dad’s car today. That’s not the news; I do that all the time. Today my car was having the brakes worked on and I had to go to Rhode Island to finish some paperwork for school. I can’t believe I’m starting college in a week…Yay! I know I dedicated an entire two pages to that when I got accepted, so I’ll leave that part alone for now. What happened that was really exciting was that I met a man…Well, I didn’t really meet him, I saw him at Daddy’s office and said hello. I intend to meet him, however, and soon.

I was coming out of Daddy’s office and there were two men coming down the hall with Daddy’s receptionist towards his office. The older man smiled and I smiled back and then my eyes traveled up and locked into an incredibly beautiful pair of crystal blue ones. Those eyes were the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, and they were surrounded by thick, dark lashes. I have to use mascara to make mine look that way; it’s not fair. I had to hold my head up as I looked at him because the man was really tall, way over six feet I would have to say. He had dark hair that looked so soft I wanted to touch it and he was wearing a suit that looked like it was made for him. The suit was a gun-barrel gray color and even underneath the fine material, I could see the outline of the muscles in his arms. My mouth went dry, but I think I did okay. I smiled and said hello. That was reality. In my fantasy, I took a giant leap, landed in his arms and pressed my lips to his. Did I forget to mention those lips? He had the most amazing set of full lips that looked like they were made for kissing.

I wanted to turn around and take another look, but I was afraid he would see me and I would look like a pervert. I kept walking and I had to remind myself to breathe. I’ve honestly never seen anyone who looked like him in real life. It was as if he had walked right out of a magazine or off a movie screen. When you looked at him it was like you were looking at a perfect design that God ever created. Afterwards, I wondered if he was even real, or if my mind had conjured him up.

That night when I got home with Daddy’s car I tried to casually ask about the man. I said,

“Daddy, who was the really tall man in your office when I came by today?”

Daddy looked up from his paper and said, “Hmm…really tall? Was he bald?”

“No.”

“Did he have bushy blonde hair?”

“No.”

“A pot belly?”

I laughed. “No daddy. He was wearing a gray suit and he had another man with him…”

“Mustache?”

“No.”

“Bald spot in back?”

Laughing again because I knew Daddy was teasing me I said, “The one who looked like a model, Daddy. The man with the crystal blue eyes.”

“Oh, that one!”

“Yes, that one. Who is he?”

“He’s a client.”

“Oh…what’s his name?”

He narrowed his eyes at me then and said, “Derek Stark.”

I suddenly realized why I felt like I knew him as soon as I had laid my brown eyes on his blue ones. I had spent a lot of time in Rhode Island, getting ready for school. There was a billboard in downtown Providence that I just had to look at every time I drove by. I remember the first time I saw it; I thought that maybe I should go house hunting. I already had a dorm room and a roommate…but that man sold real estate and he was drop-dead gorgeous. I have to see him again…in person.

Chloe was smiling. She knew first-hand the impact of those crystal blue eyes and full lips. She turned the page. During this period when Sarah was getting ready to start college and move away from home, she didn’t write in the journal as much. This one skipped two weeks ahead.

August 26, 2009

Dear Diary,

I met Derek Stark today!!! He was on campus, giving a real estate seminar. I had hoped he was coming; I had seen the bulletins for it, saying that ‘representatives from Stark Real-Estate’ would be here. The announcements were all over campus for over a week. Each time I looked at one of the fliers I wondered if he would be there too. I told myself that if he was there and I saw him, that would mean that our meeting was “fate” and he was “the one.” Silliness, but he definitely was in my fantasies. I had the whole relationship, wedding and child-having imagined already. I know that I’m being silly, but Diary…you’ve never seen, or met Derek Stark.

I waited outside of the conference hall. Some might call that desperation. I call it innovation. As he and his associates started out, I walked by…casually…I hope. He and I made eye contact and that same jolt ran through me as it had the first time I saw him. I smiled…but the whole plan I had in my head of saying hello and making conversation with him, was not going to happen. I couldn’t do it. I would have been lucky to croak out a “hello.” But something happened Diary that stopped me in my tracks. Derek Stark said my name. He looked right at me. He is the most beautiful man on the planet. I was shaking all over as he said,

“Hello again, Sarah.” It was like he knew me, but not creepy or icky like it is sometimes when men you don’t know use your name. It stopped me in my tracks. I was frozen, I couldn’t move and I could hardly breathe. I heard Derek tell his colleagues to go on without him. “I’ll catch up,” he said. They left and I was still standing there like an idiot. He smiled at me again and said, “It’s really nice to see you again. We didn’t meet properly the last time, however…I’m Derek.”

“Um…yes, I know. It’s really nice to see you again too. How did you know my name?”

He smiled. This time it was a full mouth, white-teeth, knock-your-socks-off smile. I don’t know how I managed to not fall down at his feet. It was beautiful. “I asked your father about you.”

I’m not kidding, diary! He said he asked about me! This was a grown, professional, model gorgeous man and he asked about me. I didn’t even know what to say to that. I squeaked out an “Oh...um…okay.”

Then it happened, diary…the one miracle I will probably see in my lifetime. Derek Stark said, “I came to this seminar with my colleagues today because I was hoping to somehow find you. If that didn’t work, I was going to ask your father.”

I laughed. It was a giddy laugh. Was he trying to run into me? Was he going to ask Daddy? Oh, Lord! I didn’t know how much more my heart could take. “Why?” I said. That was almost as brilliant and articulate as “Oh.”

“Because since the day I saw you in your father’s office, I haven’t been able to get you off my mind.”

I nearly fainted. I don’t even remember what I said. I would be willing to bet that it was completely inarticulate and not very smart. We had coffee, diary! Tomorrow we are having lunch! Maybe the day after that we’ll go to dinner and then we’ll get married…I know, I’m being silly again, but a girl can dream.

Chloe alternated between smiling, laughing and crying as she read that entry, twice. She felt everything that Sarah must have been feeling because she’d had those same feelings herself. He was the most beautiful man on the planet…inside and out. Chloe often had the feeling herself that it was ‘fate’ that they met. She never used to believe in things like that. As a child she had been denied any magic in her life, so she had a hard time believing it existed. But there had been something about Derek right away that convinced her otherwise. It was another thing that she and her sister had in common. Reading that hadn’t made her feel guilty because she suddenly believed in her heart that he had been made and put on this earth to love both of them.