CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Cara
MARK WALKED INTO my house and stood uncomfortably in my living room, hands in his pockets. I closed the door and walked over to him, then decided this was a conversation best had sitting down. Mark sat down in the chair across from me and ran a hand over the back of his neck, obviously not comfortable with having this conversation.
“Why don’t you start at the beginning,” I said nervously.
“Uh, well, you know I was tortured for information. They had me hung by my wrists and they were electrocuting me. When I wouldn’t give them answers, they got mad and then even more mad when I didn’t give in to their threats..”
I swallowed convulsively and my hands shook at hearing this. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to know what he was going to say next.
“They held the prod to my dick until I passed out,” he said quickly, but he wouldn’t look at me. “I have some pretty severe burns. They’re healing and the doctor said that I should be fine, but I don’t have any feeling there. The doctor said that once the burns are healed, we’ll know more about if I’ll have any feeling.”
We sat in silence for a minute as I processed what he was telling me. “Are there any treatments?”
“There are some different things I can try, but I won’t know which ones for a few more weeks. I’m taking supplements now that are supposed to help with nerve regeneration and there are creams that can help with stimulation and herbs I can take that are supposed to help. If the nerves are damaged, they can do surgery to repair the nerves, but it’s not a guarantee. It just depends on the damage.”
“Is this why you pushed me away?”
He nodded. “It’s a lot to have to deal with.”
“But I would have been there for you. I would have helped you deal with it.”
“I know that, but do you realize what it would have meant if the surgery and all that other bullshit doesn’t work?”
I looked at him questioningly.
“It would mean no sex.”
“But there are other ways-”
“There are other ways, but I could never give you all of myself. You’d have to rely on my tongue and my hands to pleasure you. You would never feel a dick inside you again,” he sniped. He was being harsh, trying to make me understand just how bad he perceived the situation.
“I’m not saying that I wouldn’t miss your cock inside me, but your fingers and tongue more than make up for what would be lacking.”
“It’s not just that,” he said as he stood and started pacing. “When you think of your future, what do you picture? A house filled with kids? That might not happen with me. I just didn’t want to put you in the position that you would have to choose.”
“So you chose for me.”
“I did what I thought was best.”
“Why are you here now? You want to be all noble and tell me the reason you chose to leave me?”
“I came because you deserved to know the truth.”
“Well, you’ve told me. You can leave now.”
I got up and headed for the door, but when I went to open it, I looked back to see him sitting on the couch with his head hung. When he didn’t get up, I went back to the couch and sat next to him.
“Why did you really come here?”
He looked up at me with a vulnerability that I didn’t think he meant me to see.
“I came to beg for your forgiveness. To see if you could ever love me again after I told you I loved you and then kicked you out of my life. I know that I screwed up and I don’t deserve to have you back, but if you do decide that I’m worth it, I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you’re satisfied.”
“Is that all you think you’re worth? What your cock can do for me?”
“Are you saying you’d be fine being with a man who can’t even please a woman the way he’s supposed to?”
“I’m saying that I love you, limp dick and all. You’re the first person to ever see me and not judge me for the way I’ve become. You try to help me, but you don’t pity me or make me feel like I’m less. More than that, you’ve helped me to see who I really am. I want you and whatever you can give me, just don’t ask me to settle for less. You’re either all in or you’re not.
“As for your medical issues, we can work through them together. There are ways that we can be intimate without your dick. As for pleasuring you, I’m sure there’s a plethora of research out there that will give us plenty to work with. I just need to know that you trust me enough. I don’t want to wake up one morning with you gone because you’ve decided I need more. You have to trust that I’ll tell you what I need and be honest with you.”
He gripped my hand and looked up at me, his face like granite. “I promise, I will never hurt you like that again. I decided when I came out here that I would stay whether you took me back or not. I gave up my job and brought all my stuff back here. I’ll be working with Sebastian again once I finish my PT. I’m all in here, Lollipop. I won’t run away again and I won’t hide anything from you. I do need one thing from you, though.”
“What is it?”
He took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. “If nothing works and this is just how I’m going to be, I need you to promise me to tell me if it’s not enough. I’m not gonna lie, it would kill me to lose you, but it would be even worse it you weren’t happy but you felt you needed to stick around out of obligation.”
“Mark, I’m not promising forever. We haven’t known each other that long and we’ve had more hard times than good, but I would never leave you because of something like that.”
He shook his head at me. “No, Lollipop, that’s not what I’m saying. I know that neither of us is ready or more than what we have, but if the worst happens, I need you to be honest with yourself and me. Promise me that or this won’t go any further.”
I could see this was a promise he needed, so I nodded and gave him a kiss. “I promise. If this ever isn’t what I want, I promise to let you know.”
“Thank you.” He leaned his forehead against mine and let out a deep breath.
“What do we do now?”
“Now, I need to find a new place to live. My apartment still has my stuff, but the landlord already signed a lease with a new tenant.”
“You could stay here.”
That popped out before I had time to think about it. His face lit with surprise and a little hesitation.
“I mean, I’m not suggesting that we live together, but you could stay here until you find something more permanent.”
“That would actually be great. It’ll give me enough time to find something I really want.”
“Alright, well get your stuff and come over.”
“I came right here. All my stuff is still in my truck.”
“You came right here?” I tried to hide my grin, but it just wasn’t possible.
“I had to see you, Lollipop. I had to try to make things right before it was too late.”
He kissed me deep and wrapped me in his arms, his fingers skating down to the hem of my shirt. As he pulled it up, my nipples pebbled in anticipation. Pushing me back against the cushions, he pulled off my shirt and bit my nipple through my bra. My legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer. I noticed the lack of hardness in his pants and tried not to let it get to me, but it was difficult. This wouldn’t be the same as it usually was with us.
“Don’t think about it. This is all about you. I need to do this,” he whispered.
I relaxed into his touch and was soon flying high as his hands caressed my skin. His tongue wet circles on my skin until I was shivering and moaning. I needed so much more and he didn’t disappoint. My pants were off me moments later and his head was between my legs. Panting, I started pulling his hair as his tongue delved into my heat and his thumb rubbed my clit.
My breathing was harsh and intense and my body convulsed from the orgasm he pulled from me. As my fingers released his hair and my breathing slowed, he sat up and grinned, but that grinned turned somewhat maniacal when he threw me over his shoulder moments later and carried me to my bedroom.
After he made me come several more times, we laid in bed with his head resting on my chest. His fingers played with my belly button as I ran my fingertips up and down his back.
“Did you feel anything from that?” I asked hesitantly.
“It’s strange. Part of my body has the desired reaction. Like, my nipples get hard and my head wants it, but everything down south is numb. It’s still early though. I have to give it time.”
He sat up and kissed me. “Imagine all the things I can do to you in the meantime.” He grinned and then kissed me harshly as his fingers went in for another round.
✯✯✯✯✯
Over the next few weeks, I started going to Sean and Lillian’s to watch their daughter while Lillian was teaching. Mark went to PT every day and said he should be cleared in another few weeks. He was about eighty-five percent back, but Sebastian wouldn’t allow him to come back until he was cleared for duty by the doctors. Every night, Mark had dinner waiting for me when I got home and every night, he showed me how pleasurable things could be without the use of his cock.
Mark had also started taking me out again to work on getting my anxiety under control. So far I hadn’t passed out or thrown up, so I felt like that was progress. Last night, he took me to a fancy restaurant, which gave me added pressure because of the atmosphere. It was always worse when it would be seen as impolite to dash through a fancy restaurant. Mark got me through and though I had a few weak moments where I almost begged him to take me home, I felt better when I survived the night, knowing that every night out was a step in the right direction.
Today was Mark’s big day. We were going to the urologist to discuss his options and whether or not surgery was recommended. I wanted to go with Mark so that I knew exactly what he would be dealing with. I think that he was a little uncomfortable with it, but I explained to him that I might have questions and I should be there if we were in this together.
Walking into the office, I held tightly to Mark’s hand and prayed that we would hear good news. Tension was thick in the air as we waited for what felt like a half hour, but was more like five minutes. When they finally called us back, Mark glanced at me with apprehension. I smiled at him and followed the nurse back to the room. After asking some questions, she instructed Mark to put on the cloth gown provided and sit on the exam table. He gave me the signal to turn around, but I just let my eyes wander over his body appreciatively with every piece of clothing that came off. I wanted him to know that I was still attracted to him.
“Stop staring at me. I’m here to have my dick looked at. That’s hardly sexy.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, you’re not wearing any clothes. What’s not to like?”
He rolled his eyes at me and put his gown on. I got a great view of his ass as he sat down on the exam table and it was delicious. The tattoo on his back was absolutely beautiful in the bright light of the room.
The doctor entered the room a few minutes later and began asking Mark questions about how much he could feel and then asked him to lie back for the exam. Lifting the sheet, he started to probe his groin.
“Anything there?”
“No.”
“What about here?”
“A little. I can feel it, but it’s only partial feeling.”
The doctor nodded and continued to examine him, asking more questions as he went.
“Alright, you can sit up now.”
Mark did and we both sat there, anxiously waiting for what the doctor would say.
“Well, it seems that the feeling is still there, we just have to help it along. You’ve been taking the supplements and that seems to be helping. You definitely have more feeling than when you were in the hospital. I have a cream I’d like you to try before we consider surgery. It helps to stimulate the nerves and hopefully will get things going again.”
“But how do I stimulate the nerves if I don’t have an erection?” Mark asked.
“Well, I’d like to prescribe you with some Viagra. See Viagra doesn’t get you in the mood, it helps blood flow in the right direction to give you an erection. Once you have an erection, you can use the cream to basically massage the nerves. The point isn’t to give you an orgasm but start getting things moving again. If that doesn’t work, we’ll consider surgery. There are also herbs that you can take that have shown to help activate the nerves in the penis. I would recommend this approach first and we’ll see how it goes.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
He typed some notes on the computer and asked us about what pharmacy we’d like to use. Mark, being the strong man that he is, didn’t want anyone in town to know he needed Viagra and asked for it to be sent out of town. The doctor just smiled and continued with his orders.
“Here’s my card. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.”
He smiled and left the room, leaving me very optimistic. I grinned at Mark as he got dressed.
“What are you so smiley about?”
“I get to massage your penis.” I bit my lip as I tried not to laugh. He rolled his eyes, but a grin split his lips.
“Let’s just hope I can feel it, otherwise it’s just a good show with no finale.”
✯✯✯✯✯
That night, Mark didn’t want to try the viagra. He said he was too nervous and wasn’t ready to try yet. I waited excitedly for the next night, knowing that nothing may happen, but I wanted to get started just the same. I went to Sean’s house and pretended everything was normal, but I couldn’t hide my eagerness to leave as soon as Lillian was home from work. I hadn’t confided any of this to her because I was sure Mark wouldn’t want everyone knowing what was going on with his cock.
When I got home, Mark was just getting out of the shower and had a towel wrapped around his waist as he strode into the kitchen.
“How was PT today?” I asked him as he came up to me and gave me a kiss.
“Good. I think I’m about ready to get back to work. I need to call Sebastian and set up a time to go through the field tests.”
“That’s good. I’m sure you’re eager to get back to work after all this time lazing around.”
“Hey, I make you dinner every night and I clean up the house.”
“As you should, like a good house boyfriend,” I said as I patted his cheek. I turned back to the stove and started preparing dinner.
“House boyfriend, huh?”
“You know, like housewife? Only, you’re not a girl and we’re not married.”
I was cooking ground beef on the stove and when he didn’t say anything I turned to him. He was staring at me while he was thinking about something and I couldn’t make out his expression.
“What?”
“Is that something you want?”
“What’s that?”
“Marriage.”
I shrugged. “Someday, but not right this minute.”
“Is it something you would consider with a guy like me?”
I put my hand on my hip and frowned at him in confusion.
“And what kind of guy is that? A sexy man with a body built like a Greek god that can melt my panties with a smile?”
“A man with a dangerous job that could get me killed or, well, you already know some of the other scenarios. Would you be up for something like that, Lollipop?”
“Maybe someday.”
“I’m not saying that I’m ready either. I was just wondering where we might be taking this,” he said as he stalked toward me.
“I think it’s safe to say that we could definitely be taking it that direction.”
He pulled me against his body and gave me a hard kiss on the mouth. Reaching behind me, he turned the stove off and swept me off my feet.
“I’m interested in eating something else right now.”
“Wait. You’ve been having all the fun lately. Tonight, I want this to be about you.”
“Lollipop, you may not believe this yet, but me eating you is about me. I know you enjoy it, but I enjoy it just as much and I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t.”
“As admirable as that is, I want to try out our new toys and see what happens.”
He set me down with a sigh. “You realize that nothing may happen.”
“I know, but we’ll never know until we try.”
I pulled him back to the bedroom and pushed him down on the bed. “How about this, you take your pill and while we’re waiting for it to kick in, you can eat me?”
“That sounds a lot better than what you initially suggested.”
I grabbed his pills and some water and then laid down on the bed next to him. He crawled over me and placed kisses all over my face and sucked on my neck. His hands explored my body, pinching my breasts and running his fingers down my body. When he thrust two fingers inside me, I gasped and tried to imagine it was his cock instead of his fingers. I did miss him more than I wanted to admit, but I could never tell him that without making him feel worse than he already did.
After a while of him kissing me all over, I started to feel a hardness against my belly. I moaned as he pressed himself against me over and over.
“Can you feel that?” I asked. He looked into my eyes and shook his head. He made me come several times, as if to prove to me that he could still do it without his cock. I screamed and writhed under his touch until I felt like I would black out. I had to pull his hand away when the sensations became too much. Then, as he usually did, he crawled down my body and lapped up the juices that oozed from my body.
I laid there breathing heavily and he laid next to me staring at the ceiling. When my breathing was finally under control, I went to the bathroom and grabbed the cream the doctor had prescribed. I straddled Mark’s legs and squirted some cream into my palm. After rubbing it into my palms, I looked into Mark’s eyes and waited for approval. He nodded, but he looked apprehensive.
I gently took him in my hand, not knowing if he would have any sensitive areas that I needed to avoid. I watched his eyes for any reaction, but he gave none.
“Do you feel that?”
“I can feel pressure.”
I used my hands to massage his groin area and the base of his cock, working my hands in an upward motion to try to stimulate the nerves. After ten minutes, Mark closed his eyes and his jaw clenched. I thought maybe it was a sign that he could feel something, but then he opened his eyes and glared at me.
“That’s enough. Get off.”
I was so taken aback by his abruptness that I didn’t move right away. He picked me up and practically threw me on the bed next to him, then stalked off to the bathroom. I waited a few minutes and then decided that if we were really in this together, I needed to get him to talk to me. I knocked on the door and then opened it. Mark was sitting on the toilet with his head in his hands, his cock still sticking up.
“I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”
“It’s okay. I understand that this is rough on you. If it helps to lash out, then do it. I can take it.”
“You don’t deserve that.”
I was silent, not knowing what else to say.
“I could feel the pressure, but there was nothing else.”
“We just have to keep trying. The doctor said that it could take some time to stimulate the nerves. Plus, you just started taking the herbs.”
“I know, but damn it sucks to see my cock standing up and feel nothing.”
“We’ll just take it one day at a time.”
He reached out for my hand and I placed mine in his. He squeezed and then pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my belly and then rested his head against it.
“I love you, Lollipop.”