Chapter 15
Erin
I’m lying in my bed thinking about the two encounters I had with Jameson today. They’re drastically different, but they both make me smile.
However, when I got home, my parents were furious with me. I’d stammered out an explanation, but it didn’t do much to mitigate their anger. They said that for all they knew I was dead in a ditch and if I’m going to be that late to at least text them.
But I didn’t regret it. Every moment I spend with Jameson, I don’t regret. I may feel bad afterwards, but I wouldn’t erase them. I understand that now. It’s such a conundrum. I feel like all my feelings are coming from a pure place, but their physical manifestations have been… not so pure.
And now I’m having trouble falling asleep. I learned so much about Jameson tonight. He’s an avid reader who enjoys sci fi and thrillers. He actually has a Ph. D., but then he went to law school, and so he prefers not to be called Dr.
I found that weird. I thought the whole point was that everyone had to call you Dr. for the rest of your life. He possesses a strange combination of modesty and pride. He also has a much younger sister, but his relationship with his parents isn’t the best. Like mine, they’re a bit overbearing. I get the feeling he’s always tried to impress them but nothing is ever good enough. Boy, can I relate.
I turn over and lie on my side. I smile remembering how our night ended, “I can be good if you can be good.”
Maybe he was telling the truth. I believe he was, but it’s not just his self-control that could be a potential problem. The more time I spend around him, the more I can feel my resolve slipping. I told Pastor Nichols I’m not going to sleep with Jameson and I’m going to stick to that plan. I think, anyway.
***
The next day, I’m sitting at my desk and Monique drops off some more folders for me to deliver to the top floor.
“Could you get someone else to deliver these?”
I think I’m the only one who has to make these deliveries. I feel like my coworkers are picking up on this and some of them are giving me dirty looks. It’s almost as if they know what’s up with Jameson and me, but maybe I’m being paranoid.
“Usually, I’d have mixed up who takes up deliveries for the top floor, but both Mr. Sanchez and Mr. Reed requested that you deliver anything that has to go upstairs,” Monique tells me.
Huh? I expected Mr. Reed to be involved, but Mr. Sanchez?
“I was just as confused.” Monique must’ve seen my surprise. “You must’ve made an impression on both of them.”
She shrugs and is on her way. And it looks like I’ll have to face all the partners again.
“Look at you, little brown noser,” Claude jokes from his station next to mine. “Already getting in tight with two partners.”
I laugh, trying to hide the fact that I’m blushing. If only he knew how tight.
“Hey,” I hear a semi-familiar voice say, as Carolina Abbott walks up to us. She’s new here and works for Garrett Mack. Presumably she’s the one that he was talking to when I walked into her office. “Maybe you guys can help me with the filing system? I’m feeling a little confused.”
“Oh don’t be silly,” I tell her, swiveling my chair around so that my shoulders are facing her. “You really came by to give me a massage.”
Carolina and I became fast friends, even though Claude told me that at first she thought I was stuck up. (“Well, she wasn’t wrong,” he’d added. “But I explained you just put up a rough front at first but once you know you can trust someone, you’re sweet as pie.”)
Carolina began massaging my neck. She has the strongest hands ever and she “pays” me for my office gossip by giving me massages. I’ve already told her what Claude had told me about this being Sugar Daddy Central and all the legal assistants or associates hooking up with the bosses. Of course, I didn’t mention a word about Jameson and me, as that would hardly be appropriate.
“Don’t you be silly,” Claude quickly chimes in. “Carolina came to give us some new gossip. How goes it with the hunky Garrett Mack?”
“Oh, stop it,” Carolina says, but she’s blushing, like I was trying not to earlier.
“We know there’s some dirt there and we’re going to dig it up,” Claude says.
I take comfort in the fact that I’m not the only one likely engaging in office shenanigans. Or, to have engaged in them, I remind myself, remembering to use the past tense, because that was in the past, behind me. I decide to make it my goal to help Carolina’s budding romance with Garrett, which should help me take my mind off my own issues.
“How come everyone knows what’s going on with every partner in this firm except for Jim Reed?” Claude asks.
The hives break out on my neck again and I’m hoping Carolina doesn’t notice as she’s massaging me. My hair literally stands on end while I wait to hear what they say next.
“Isn’t he just really private about his stuff?” Carolina asks. “He keeps it all on lockdown?”
“Yeah,” Claude answers. “But I know he has to be up to no good at least half the time. I give him props for managing to keep it all a secret, though. That must take some skill.”
We all laugh, and I feel relieved that they aren’t onto me. They know Jim is with someone, probably lots of someones, but they hadn’t thought it could be me. I get a knot in my stomach, wondering just how many “someones” Jim is with, in addition to me.
Stop thinking like that, I tell myself. You have no claim over him. You were only with him once, and you’re the one who keeps saying you don’t want to do it again.
But suddenly, I feel an overwhelming desire to go see him. Just then, Madilyn Marks comes down the hall, causing Carolina to quickly take her hands off of me.
“There you are, Carolina,” she says, smiling. “I was wondering if you could help my legal assistant with some work if you aren’t busy helping Mr. Mack right now.”
She looks over to where Carolina had just dropped her hands from my shoulders, obviously inferring that she had plenty of free time.
“Of course,” Carolina says. “I was just coming to see how I could help, actually.”
Madilyn smiles, and ever since I started working here I have to admit I like her combination of sweet mixed with strong. She’s spunky, and firm, yet also kind. She’s the kind of woman I would like to strive to be.
She has her shit together, having made her way through law school and as a rising star associate here at the firm. Plus, she even managed to snag Asher Marks— whom Claude had said was quite a playboy before he met her— and have a baby. She really does have it all together, and I admire that.
My mom was always a stay at home helicopter mom, and while I appreciate all the things she’s done for me, I didn’t have many role models in the career area. While I don’t think I want to be a lawyer like Madilyn, I want to have her qualities and traits no matter what I end up doing for a living.
As Carolina and Madilyn walk away, I remind myself to stop having a girl crush and start heading to see Jameson as I was originally planning to do. It’s amazing how much I live in my head; I swear more happens there than in real life.
“Gotta go drop off these files,” I tell Claude, who waves his fingers at me as he answers the phone.
“Tootaloo, Brown Noser,” he whispers under his breath.
I roll my eyes but can’t help but laugh. Good old Claude. Working here is actually quite fun, thanks to him. Not to mention, thanks to my sexy boss.
I go upstairs and to Jameson’s office. I knock at bit nervously on the door and I get the usual, “Come in.”
But when I enter, he’s on the phone and motions for me to place the folder on his desk. I move slowly, expecting him to want to have another talk with me, but it looks like he’s completely occupied with his phone call.
I leave disappointed. I couldn’t believe I had gone from not even wanting to have to deliver anything to Jameson, to being let down because he didn’t talk to me.
Do I even know what I want? Is my brain even a functioning organ at this point? I go back to my desk and find myself feeling sullen for the rest of the day. Which is ridiculous. I mean, I wanted this. Well, I didn’t want it, but I knew it was what needed to happen. I’m getting my way, so what do I have to be mad about?
Other than the fact that every time I’m around Jameson, my pussy still gets soaking wet. Other than the fact that I just want him to take me, right here, right now, any way he wants me. And other than the fact that he has the gall to listen to me when I say “no.”